Seriously need your advice...

[borealis]

Hey guys.

I just met a new girl and I have been out with her 5 times so far. Today, I have tons of questions in my head and I hope you guys can help me. This might be a long post but there are things you need to know to understand my situation.

I will try to make my background story short.. First of all, I am 25 years old and I never had a girlfriend before. I never even kissed a girl. This mainly due because of low confidence, self-esteem and extreme shyness. In the last year, I have made big progress in improving my confidence, thanks to my friends and a new job that really helped me getting more confidence around people. Because of health problems, I haven't completed high school but by some miracle, the company I worked for hired me because of my computer skills but still, the fact that I do not have a diploma really don't help with my self-esteem.

And then, something incredible happened...

I received a message on facebook by a girl who works with one of my girl friends. She wrote me a big paragraph saying that it might sound weird, but she saw me a couple of times at work and she had a good feeling about me and wanted to meet me for a drink. I was shocked, because it never happened to me before...

Anyways, we met at a pub and we talked for a while. We laughed and had a good time, gave her goodbye kiss on the cheeks and she told me that she would like to see me again.

Second date

She then asked me out to see a comedy show. She probably had the idea because we talked a lot about comedy on our first "date". Everything went well again, I paid her entry, she paid me a drink. We had lots of fun and we were starting to go along well together. Gave her goodbye kiss on the cheeks again. But this time, I texted her that I really liked going out with her and that she is very pretty and she replied by saying that she really enjoyed going out with me as well and that it would be hard not to enjoy being with me.

Third date

The next day, it was Valentine's day. So I wrote her something funny like "what is a single cute girl like you do on valentine's day?". She replied giggling and told me some friends were at home with her. And then, she asked me out once again. This time, she took my idea and asked me to go ice skating with her.

So we went ice staking. I was too nervous to even try and hold hands with her, but we really had a blast. We then went to eat at a restaurant where we talked for hours. I was starting to get into her and she was smiling to me a lot. Then, we walked together to the subway and she probably saw I was too nervous to do something, so she put her arms around me and we walked with arms around each other. I finally went for the kiss before leaving and I could tell she was really waiting for me to make a move.

Fourth date
The 4th date, I asked her out this time to the habs game (nhl hockey) and she was really excited. I really was too nervous again to do anything, until the second period where I couldn't hold myself anymore, so I put my arms around her and she started caressing my thigh with her fingers. We've then hold hands together all game long and when walking back to the subway. We kissed again and hugged. She texted me that she loved her evening and that she likes being with me and that time flies by too fast when I am with her. I told her that I was feeling the same way and that I feel great around her.

Fifth date

She was going out with friends Saturday to see a Ballet but she texted me anyways. She asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with her this night. We went to see Lincoln. Again, I don't know why but I was too shy to try anything.. But this time, she took the lead and basically sat so close to me that I wrapped my arm around her. She then put her head on my shoulder and stayed into this position for the entire movie. We were playing with each other's hands and fingers, caressing and hugging. She went in for two kisses and at the end of the movie, we stayed until the end of the credits just holding each other. And then, we made out for a few minutes.

I walked her to the subway, holding hands with her and before leaving, we made out again. We were having a hard time letting go, still going in for more kisses and hugs. She then texted me again, saying that she could have spent all night long on my shoulder. She then texted me that she would think about me going to sleep.

Now what?

This all sounds like a miracle to me... A random girl asks me out, which never happened before, and she expresses the desire to see me again each time. I am extremely happy and I am really starting to like this girl. I think she is into me, with all she's done and told me. What do you think?

Again, my low confidence is hitting me right now.. This girl is stunningly beautiful, intelligent, has much better studies and me and is probably making the double of my salary. She is actually an assistant director for tv shows while I work as a simple computer agent for the same company.

This girl is also 4 years older then me (she will turn 30 in a few months and I will turn 26) and has had much more experience than me. She traveled a lot with friends around the world, and I haven't done anything. She is in shape and runs and train a lot while I do not have a lot of endurance physically. I still live with my mother and do not have that much money while she has a brand new condo, new card and seem to make a lot of money. What will her friends think about me when I meet them? What will she think of my friends when she meets them?

It is probably my bad conscience speaking, but I am a bit "scared" right now. Even though I am certain she likes me for what I am, I still have a lot of negative thoughts about myself.

I also do not know what to do next... I am running out of ideas, but the sure thing is, I really like this girl.

What should I do next and, do you think she is into me?

Thanks and sorry for the wall of text and my bad English (not my primary language)

 

[borealis]

Do a date back at your place and go for sex. Im a little worried about how aggressive she is, but that's beside the point. She's physically attracted to you so be confident and enjoy the free experience. My first two gfs were a lot like this, they forced me out of my shell.

Thanks man. I have no idea how our paths crossed, but I am really enjoying this right now.


I live with my mother in a small apartment, I don't really want to bring her back to my place haha!

Why do you say she is aggressive? I didn't write all the details to make it shorter, but all I can tell you is that she's done everything to make me comfortable. I am pretty sure she understood that I am a very shy and nervous guy. She smiles at me a lot, she is very very soft and never did anything rush me.

Yesterday though, she saw that I wasn't doing anything, so this time, she actually started it all. But the other times, it was me even though I did take some time... haha

 

[borealis]

Just a little update... She texted me she can't wait to see me again tonight... I asked her out Tuesday

 

[Sonny Knight]

I hope you made the date a movie night at her place

you can't be spend time and money on a b!tch and not get any *ussy for it

 

[DonJuanabe]

You need to walk her back to her place - she WILL invite you in and you need initiate getting physical with her - lots of foreplay and then sex. YOU NEED TO or you stand a chance of losing her.

 

[Mike32ct]

After not having gf for so long, it is normal to doubt yourself when a girl expresses interest in you. But you have to get rid of those doubts. This is very important.

She chose YOU. You ARE enough for her. Have fun.

Yes, definitely invite her to watch a movie alone. Then make a move. You need to go a lot farther than making out or at least try to.

30 yo women are very horny.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Okay, dude, listen up.

You are going to get a lot of guys saying to you to "man up" and make a move already. They are half-right. If you delay too long, you'll come off as a wuss and her interest will plummet. In fact, for many a rubric, you've already come off as a wuss; this rubric being from the perspective of guys who are accustomed to the typical modern day woman, who expect guys to be in control, lead, and be assertive with their sexual desires.

Most of the time, this perspective is right on.

However, the girl you are describing is comfortable with being assertive, has been patient with your lack of leading skills, demonstrated a VERY HIGH interest level, and expresses continued desire to continue to see you.

But here's where you are blowing it, or are about to.

Your post asked, basically, "Do you think she's really interested??"

WTF man? She is waaay into you.... so far. You probably could have easily banged her already. Lots of guys on here would already have with a babe showing this type of interest.

You are in. Quit worrying about it and start to lead.

You will blow it if you do not take her offers and give her what she wants. She wants you to be her guy. She wants you to get more sexual (trust me on that). She sees you as a good candidate for boyfriend and the fact that she still sees you and says she wants to more with enthusiasm means you need to take her up on it if you like her like you say.

Take it to the next level and do it unapologetically. Don't have a conversation with her about it.

If you delay, if you don't show you know how to get sexual with a girl, if you constantly wait for her to move it forward, she'll eventually get bored with you and frustrated and move on.

Not having your own place can be a hurdle, but not something that can't be over come. Don't try to get her naked in your car, but make out harder and feel her up... let her know you can touch a woman.

Does she know you live with your mom? You are gonna have to get her to know that and get back to her place. She'll probably get the hint if you tell her the fact and when you get a chance to feel her up suggest you go back to her place.... she'll might even do it first.

Better yet, plan a date where you meet her at her place and go walking from there. When you get back, if have a ready excuse to some inside (watch a movie, a bite to eat, a drink, or even having to go to the bathroom). It'll be on.

Anyway, your story sounds like how a lot of people think a relationship should start in some ideal world. Two people meet, they drop a lot of social pretensions, and either, the male or female, act on their actual liking of another person and pursue tying to get to know them without barriers, acts, head games, etc. It reads like two honest people actually liking each other and going on that alone.

Perfect. Good for you.

But now you really do need to move things forward. You have to show SOME damn balls, confidence, and sexuality. You can't let her do all the work.

She's ready. She wants you and wants you to do it.

 

[borealis]

Thanks everyone for your advice, it is very appreciated.

I can't really walk her home as we live pretty far away from each other. I have to take the subway and then a bus to go home while she has 35mins of subway to go home. However, I think it is a question of time before she invites me home, and then, I do think I will need to try and take it to the next step.

I can tell you she is a very down to earth woman and she's been doing everything to make me comfortable and not to rush me.

Also, she is not a gold digger. She always pay for something after I pay something for her. When we went to a bring your wine restaurant, she actually gave me money to pay her part for the wine.

5 dates seems kind of fast for me to rush it and try to have sex with her don't you think? Is it not okay to take my time?

Thanks again!

 

[Trump]

- This girl is also 4 years older then me (she will turn 30 in a few months
- has had much more experience than me.
- She traveled a lot with friends around the world
- She is in shape and runs and train a lot
- she has a brand new condo, new card and seem to make a lot of money.

Guys usually don't like confident mature women in their 30s, who make good money, have more connections and are more well known than they are, its a blow to their self esteem. She knows you don't care about about this and is not going to let go.

When a girl has done so well for herself in her 30s, it's tough for her get in a relationship or even have sex. Guys got turned off by it, they get depressed, they get angry, they get moody, their job and status is tied to their manhood. You however don't care and she loves it.

It's funny, they way you are describing this girl, I probably couldn't have sex with her no matter how good looking she was. I need to know the girl is under me, otherwise the sex is no fun and I am turned off.

 

[Mike32ct]

5 dates seems kind of fast for me to rush it and try to have sex with her don't you think? Is it not okay to take my time?

Thanks again!

Great question. It's not that you must have sex with her on the next date. But you must try to slowly escalate during that date and see how far you can reasonably go without being pushy.

Right now, you two have cuddled and made out. Great.

Maybe this time, while making out, rub your hands gently along her body. Maybe kiss her neck. Then try to get her shirt (and bra if you can) off. Lick her nipples.

If you only get that far, fine. But if all is going well, take her pants off and see if you can rub her p@$$y or even finger her.

Maybe you just get oral and/or you finger her, and she stops you from going all the way. That's ok.

Just escalate and still be smooth and a gentleman and see how far you go. She will politely stop you if she isn't ready to go all the way. But the important part is to try.

All that is important is that you are moving forward and showing her you aren't afraid of intimacy.

None of us can tell you exactly how far she wants to go on the next date. You have to find that point in a playful seductive way by making a move and seeing how far it goes.

 

[Mike32ct]

Our concern is she might get bored or frustrated if you don't go beyond making out. It isn't so much that you must have sex by date x.

Although she may be wanting sex. You can only find out by escalating.

Good luck.

 

[borealis]

Great question. It's not that you must have sex with her on the next date. But you must try to slowly escalate during that date and see how far you can reasonably go without being pushy.

Right now, you two have cuddled and made out. Great.

Maybe this time, while making out, rub your hands gently along her body. Maybe kiss her neck. Then try to get her shirt (and bra if you can) off. Lick her nipples.

If you only get that far, fine. But if all is going well, take her pants off and see if you can rub her p@$$y or even finger her.

Maybe you just get oral and/or you finger her, and she stops you from going all the way. That's ok.

Just escalate and still be smooth and a gentleman and see how far you go. She will politely stop you if she isn't ready to go all the way. But the important part is to try.

All that is important is that you are moving forward and showing her you aren't afraid of intimacy.

None of us can tell you exactly how far she wants to go on the next date. You have to find that point in a playful seductive way by making a move and seeing how far it goes.

Thanks for the great advice.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Oh man - your situation mirrors mine right now!

Okay, so first off, what Trump said is correct: women who are older and more successful than most of their male counterparts often have trouble keeping a man due to HIS insecurities. If she's making oogles of money and has more connections, it can hit at a guy's self-esteem. This, however, is GREAT news for you. Why? Because she's not going to be the type of girl that cares about how much you're making or who you know. A woman's main objective in life is to find love, and she has to be able to find someone that's able to deal with her and her situation, whether she's a poor beggar or a rich chick. So, if she sees you as someone who's able to deal with her being in a better position than you, she'll happily date you.

Secondly, remember: she reached out to YOU. Girls don't reach out to guys they're not trying to date/bang/do whatever with. There is no "what if" in this scenario - she didn't reach out to you just so she'd have another male friend hanging around.

Third: I know the majority of the guys on this board will say "you need to have sex with her right now!!" Don't believe the lie. The first girl I had sex with, I made her wait 3 months before we went all the way, and she was still crushing on me hard. When women like you, they will actually go at YOUR pace. And rushing into sex isn't all it's cracked up to be - you really need time to get to know a woman before you sleep with her 'cause it only gets more intense after that. You need to find out if your goals are the same; if she's relatively sane; who her friends are; what she likes to do for fun... and so on and so on.

Now, with all of that said... when you ARE ready to sleep with her ('cause I can guarantee you she's already down for it), the easiest thing to do is to set up a date at her place that starts in the afternoon (that way you won't have to worry about your Mom inquiring about you not coming home that night). Something that's worked for me is setting up a simple cooking date: call her up and say "hey, so for our next date, how about I come to your place and we cook/bake something together?" Yes, this idea sound simple as shiznit, but if she's down for the get down she'll say "yes" to it.

In fact, you can even test this out by giving her the option of two dates: a "home" date or a "go out" date. Like: "So, for our next date, we can either go to (insert random activity) or I could come to your place and we could cook/bake something together and watch a movie and chill out."

Assuming she says "yes" to the in-home date, set it up for 1 or 2 PM in the afternoon. That gives you time to cook, flirt, possibly watch a movie, and escalate into the bedroom. And FYI: don't worry about her catching on to what you're trying to do. "Dinner and a movie at home" is universal code for "We're going to have sex" and most women know it. But, being indirect like this is also how women communicate, and it's what allows them to give an excuse to their girlfriends later when she says "it just suddenly happened." Trust, she will have known what she was doing, but you have to give them the built-in excuse they need to go the distance with you.

Hope this helps!

 

[fuko2007]

Well first off congrats man!. This girl is really into you. Ive been in a smiliar place before where the girl was more educated and had a much better job than me. If you think about it like that you will get scared and uneasy. But if she truely likes you and it sounds that way she probabially already knows these things about you and just likes you for who you are. Money ,cars,condos,etc are all materialistic items. Anyone can have them, but sounds like there is more than that between the two of you. Yall have a common bond wich is the first bulding block of a relationship.

So my advice to you is dont worry about running out of things to do. Just go walk around and enjoy eachother company. Have fun, but dont go overboard with expressing all your feelings to her this early in the game. Sounds like she is well connected with hers and likes shareing them with you so let her go first then you follow up. But i wish you the best of luck bud and im glad this happend for you. Life has a strange way of throwing things at you. Atleast you cought something good. Again best wishes for you and her, hope everything works out in your favor

Fuko2007

 

[Sandow]

Ok, you're in. The next date needs to be a movie night at either your place or hers. Should you sleep with her after 5 dates? In my opinion, 5 is plenty. In fact I think they did a survey and most girls said after 3 dates they would sleep with their partner.

That's not to say you need to... but I would tease her with a lot of foreplay until she can't take it anymore and has to fvck. If you don't feel comfortable sleeping with her, then tease the shyt of her with lots of foreplay. Btw, when a girl commits to a movie date, it's pretty much settled. You got her.

Yes it's great she's really interested, but DO NOT PUT YOUR GUARD DOWN. Do not supplicate, do not give in. Continue to be a challenge, have her keep working for you, do not be a doormat. I cannot stress this enough.

this is a minor detail, but do not give her an option when setting up the date. Always tell her what you want to do. If she can't do it, then simply suggest another option.

 

[borealis]

wow seriously thanks for the advice guys, this is so helpful!

 

[Mike32ct]

Sandow's advice is excellent.

Get her really turned on via foreplay.

She will either want sex that night or she will think about you and masturbate after you leave and want it next time.

Either one is good.

 

[AlphaGhost]

OP, Make a move before its too late. Your probably extremely shy because this girl is making all the moves and it seems like your a virgin. Look past that, you have established a weak frame with this girl already and by the way she is with you you can tell she is experienced. She is doing all the things that a normal guy would automatically go for sex.

You don't want to pedalize ever! Which is what your doing now, but since you have no experience, guess you gotta go thru it once

 

[GotED?]

I personally think you are giving her TOO MUCH attention and already done AFC-like behaviors. From reading the way you played it from the beginning, you have already PEDESTALED her and she is enjoying you meeting her in HER FRAME.

Yes, read that right. You have no frame at all, because she is in control of this association with you. She is enjoying it as well, trust me. She is probably a more masculinized woman - she may not show it too much right now at the beginning, but I can bet you she picked you because she knows you are easy to control like a puppet and will lick her wounds.

What wounds? She's probably been dumped heavily by some alpha ex-boyfriend. Women who has been heavily damaged by a break-up will usually 'date down' to heal and lick her wounds. I am not putting a pin in your balloon and popping it, but find out if she's recently broken up or even has been divorced (divorced women have extremely low self-esteem).

She's got you eating out of her hands. Do you like that? Wait until further down the road. She will be your worst nightmare when you find your own manhood and realize you have zero frame with her.

Good luck.

Exodus

 

[borealis]

We were going out yesterday and after dinner, she told me she wanted to invite me to her place Thursday for the evening and to sleep at her place if I wanted to. She offered me to drop me off at work in the morning. She also talked about doing some things in the future together and she seem to want to talk about me and her with her colleagues (that I happen to know).

Sounds like she is REALLY into me..