I'm going to try to be breif here so I wont lose everyones interest to hopefully get the most advice/opinions....
About a month or so ago I wen't back on steroids something ive done a bunch of times never had a problem with any rage or anything but I was never in a relationship at thoes times. However, my gf of 3.5 years was on vacation for two weeks and when she came back I was just in a plain old ****ty mood, partly from being stressed out from work, no sex for 2 weeks, and the roids to add. I more or less turned everything into an argument over the course of the week. I became violent not to the point of hitting her but I threw a glass in my own apartment in the opposite direction from her or walked out of the room where she was and punched my wall. Now im not justifying it, since thoes acts cause fear to anyone albeit not done directly to her.. Well to sum it up I was controlling...
I got off the stuff but before I could even even attempt to change the way things were going she broke up with me told me she couldn't deal with the way I was, even after I told her about the juice... Anyways ive tried to get over it and whatnot tried other chicks and stuff just not doing it. I really dont think it is oneitis... More or less she made up for my flaws and I her, basically I took a perfect relationship and ruined it.
She refuses to give me a second chance out of fear that I might do something of that nature again coupled with atleast in my own opinion she knows now that after she told her family and friends as to what happened they have nothing but negative thoughts towards me. This is creating a major roadblock in general... Ive tried giving her space over this past month but feel too much time causes a hardening of the heart... More or less we were a few months away from becoming engaged albeit a 3+year long engagment while I finish out the rest of my career aspirations we were at such a point of maturity.
What would you guys/gals do in my case.... I have thrown around a few ideas dunno if any are good... Beg for a second chance? dunno how good that one is might lose respect for me then.... (well even more)... Ask her to not go back to the way things were but possibly see each other just on a shear platonic/innitial dating aspect where im confident that I know through that she will see the love we do have as she admits and that I would never hurt me while leaving the option open for her to see whomever she wants just the confidence in myself she will chooose me over anyone else. Or thirdly and I guess kinda a last resort before begging, to ask out of respect for the relationship and the both of us for the time that was put in to give me one full day of us spending time together like we did all the time and for her to make a decision then as to give me a chance or not....
I just hate this whole what-if thing going on in my head.... it was a major mistake on my part ruined basically the one thing I was 100% confident in that I was making a right decision on and just dont want to go thru everything with that in the back of my head... Like I know if hey I failed im this type of controlling person and thats not right for her ide give up and say I need some1 else but that doesnt seem to be the case...
Any suggestions, comment, criticsm welcome thanks....
About a month or so ago I wen't back on steroids something ive done a bunch of times never had a problem with any rage or anything but I was never in a relationship at thoes times. However, my gf of 3.5 years was on vacation for two weeks and when she came back I was just in a plain old ****ty mood, partly from being stressed out from work, no sex for 2 weeks, and the roids to add. I more or less turned everything into an argument over the course of the week. I became violent not to the point of hitting her but I threw a glass in my own apartment in the opposite direction from her or walked out of the room where she was and punched my wall. Now im not justifying it, since thoes acts cause fear to anyone albeit not done directly to her.. Well to sum it up I was controlling...
I got off the stuff but before I could even even attempt to change the way things were going she broke up with me told me she couldn't deal with the way I was, even after I told her about the juice... Anyways ive tried to get over it and whatnot tried other chicks and stuff just not doing it. I really dont think it is oneitis... More or less she made up for my flaws and I her, basically I took a perfect relationship and ruined it.
She refuses to give me a second chance out of fear that I might do something of that nature again coupled with atleast in my own opinion she knows now that after she told her family and friends as to what happened they have nothing but negative thoughts towards me. This is creating a major roadblock in general... Ive tried giving her space over this past month but feel too much time causes a hardening of the heart... More or less we were a few months away from becoming engaged albeit a 3+year long engagment while I finish out the rest of my career aspirations we were at such a point of maturity.
What would you guys/gals do in my case.... I have thrown around a few ideas dunno if any are good... Beg for a second chance? dunno how good that one is might lose respect for me then.... (well even more)... Ask her to not go back to the way things were but possibly see each other just on a shear platonic/innitial dating aspect where im confident that I know through that she will see the love we do have as she admits and that I would never hurt me while leaving the option open for her to see whomever she wants just the confidence in myself she will chooose me over anyone else. Or thirdly and I guess kinda a last resort before begging, to ask out of respect for the relationship and the both of us for the time that was put in to give me one full day of us spending time together like we did all the time and for her to make a decision then as to give me a chance or not....
I just hate this whole what-if thing going on in my head.... it was a major mistake on my part ruined basically the one thing I was 100% confident in that I was making a right decision on and just dont want to go thru everything with that in the back of my head... Like I know if hey I failed im this type of controlling person and thats not right for her ide give up and say I need some1 else but that doesnt seem to be the case...
Any suggestions, comment, criticsm welcome thanks....