The_Reaper
Senior Don Juan
I will try to put in only the relevant details and keep it as readable and direct as I can.
I'm 20. I'm in 3rd year in college, very busy and dedicated to study.
Last term I went to Sweden on a study-abroad program, where I met a girl. She's 23, a student, and from Uraine. I didn't know then, but she was at the stage of her life where she was ready to find a husband. In her culture, she should be married or engaged by now, apparently. If I had known this, I would have told her verbally and clearly that I would not be getting married to her, as ridiculous as that even sounds as I write it.
We lived in the same accommodation building, became a couple, spent most of each day with each other, slept the in same bed at night. The relationship was easygoing and fun. We never discussed what would happen with us when I would have to return to Ireland. One night, however - stupidly perhaps - I told her that I would miss her when I was gone. She ended up crying, because it implied our relationship would end. 4 months later, I had to return to my home to continue my studies. She cried when we said godbye and it was very emotional - but I had told her that I would fly back to see her before I started back in college. I did.
I spent 2 weeks with her on my visit back, and had a very enjoyable time with her. When the time came for me to go home again, we knew that both of us would be very busy with college and would not be able to see each other for many months (5 months minimum). I told her that when we have some time free, we will both visit London for a week, where we can stay in my uncle's house. She was very emotional and upset when we waved goodbye at the train station, and so was I. I fought very hard to hold back the tears and just managed (the last time we said goodbye I admit I cried the second she was out of sight).
My point in saying this is that we both connect and are very close. She told me she loves me. I told her I love her too. I do. But it?s likely that I am setting her up for heartbreak.
This is my first proper relationship - my first time to live with a girl and really be part of her life, and her in mine.
I have many dreams in my life, and I want to be the best kind of person I can be. I am a newbie to many things and I want to continually grow and experience more of life before I settle with a girl. My girlfriend has hinted extremely strongly that she wants me to eventually propose to her. I cannot do this, I am too young, inexperienced, and future-focussed.
Please comment on this situation and give me some advice, I would appreciate it so much. Reps. I don't want to hurt her. Specifically, I think I need to email her and tell her, tactfully, that I am not going to propose to her, that marriage is nowhere near my horizon or possible for me for many, many years. How should I go about phrasing this or doing this? I think she wants more from me than I can give her, and I don?t want to string her along.
(One last point: a guy is in love with her and hates me, continually disrespecting me to her, and has told her to leave me, specifically he told her repeatedly that our relationship is not going to last. I?m sure he would be delighted and smug if I broke up with her, and would ?console? her while explaining what a bastard I am. This bothers me.)
Thank you in advance.
I'm 20. I'm in 3rd year in college, very busy and dedicated to study.
Last term I went to Sweden on a study-abroad program, where I met a girl. She's 23, a student, and from Uraine. I didn't know then, but she was at the stage of her life where she was ready to find a husband. In her culture, she should be married or engaged by now, apparently. If I had known this, I would have told her verbally and clearly that I would not be getting married to her, as ridiculous as that even sounds as I write it.
We lived in the same accommodation building, became a couple, spent most of each day with each other, slept the in same bed at night. The relationship was easygoing and fun. We never discussed what would happen with us when I would have to return to Ireland. One night, however - stupidly perhaps - I told her that I would miss her when I was gone. She ended up crying, because it implied our relationship would end. 4 months later, I had to return to my home to continue my studies. She cried when we said godbye and it was very emotional - but I had told her that I would fly back to see her before I started back in college. I did.
I spent 2 weeks with her on my visit back, and had a very enjoyable time with her. When the time came for me to go home again, we knew that both of us would be very busy with college and would not be able to see each other for many months (5 months minimum). I told her that when we have some time free, we will both visit London for a week, where we can stay in my uncle's house. She was very emotional and upset when we waved goodbye at the train station, and so was I. I fought very hard to hold back the tears and just managed (the last time we said goodbye I admit I cried the second she was out of sight).
My point in saying this is that we both connect and are very close. She told me she loves me. I told her I love her too. I do. But it?s likely that I am setting her up for heartbreak.
This is my first proper relationship - my first time to live with a girl and really be part of her life, and her in mine.
I have many dreams in my life, and I want to be the best kind of person I can be. I am a newbie to many things and I want to continually grow and experience more of life before I settle with a girl. My girlfriend has hinted extremely strongly that she wants me to eventually propose to her. I cannot do this, I am too young, inexperienced, and future-focussed.
Please comment on this situation and give me some advice, I would appreciate it so much. Reps. I don't want to hurt her. Specifically, I think I need to email her and tell her, tactfully, that I am not going to propose to her, that marriage is nowhere near my horizon or possible for me for many, many years. How should I go about phrasing this or doing this? I think she wants more from me than I can give her, and I don?t want to string her along.
(One last point: a guy is in love with her and hates me, continually disrespecting me to her, and has told her to leave me, specifically he told her repeatedly that our relationship is not going to last. I?m sure he would be delighted and smug if I broke up with her, and would ?console? her while explaining what a bastard I am. This bothers me.)
Thank you in advance.