Serious inner-game issues - please help

[black horse]

Guys i seriously need help as regards to meeting women in bars. Most of my friends have girlfriends and whenever i go out sarging with them they are usually the ones that do the approaching while i'm left standing around the bar like a choad.

I''m 5,9, good looking and muscular and i have always though i would have no trouble attracting women with my appearance alone. Was i ever wrong, i realized a bad my inner game is now, i have always put women on a pedestal and didn't think i would have a good chance with a beautiful girl. I just got back from a **** night out on the town with my mate. He's actually really good with women, and i feel that i really let him down tonight by spending most of my time holding up the wall and checking out all the hot girls having fun.

I have been going through an identity crisis for so long, and at this stage of my life i'm so pissed off that i'm getting zero lays and making very few approaching. yea its been over a year since i got laid. Thats a really long time as far as i'm concerned. After i got home from a bad night i had a chat with my room mate and asked him why i am doing so bad with women and why he thinks i won't approach. He said i need to change my limiting beliefs about myself and start having standards on what i will or will not accept from women as well as having a clear idea of the type of women i want to attract.

When my mates ask me why i am afraid to approach i usually tell them its because i cannot think of anything interesting to talk about. I'm always looking for excuse as to why girls will not like me.

Here are a list of thoughts that constantly go through my head:

* I don't feel like talking to women
* Women don't want to talk to me
* i'm boring
* they won't like me
* they won't feel comfortable around me
* I don't know what to say to women
* she will be a *****
* I'm too serious
* I intimidate women
* I scare women away from me
* I blush a lot when talking to women
* I'm get nervous when talking to women
* I feel like a lost sheep
* I look scary to women, including men
* I act dumb around women
* I'm too sensitive
* I don't have any money to take her out
* I won't know how to attract her
* I don't feel worthy enough to talk to her
* I face hurts from smiling
* My smile doesn't look genuine when talking to people, esp women
* I don't feel horny
* My mind is blank
* I don't try to get a girl


I also feel like i don't know who i am anymore, what i want in a girl. It feels like my whole entire confidence in myself couldn't get any worse than it already is. I still head out most nights to bars with my mates but i rarely ever approach. My mates still like me for who i am so they won't put me under pressure to approach.

Please be honest, why am i feeling like this? Is this normal?

Hope you guys can help...

 

[Prodigy746]

Maybe you are not a bar person. Me, personally i cant stand bars. I would much rather approach in the books store, mall, school, or club than in a bar. I also dont like the kind of girls that go to bars. IMO most girls in the bars are attention *****s or major sluts.

Have you tried drinking a bit to loosen up? Sometimes that helps. What you are experiencing is approach anxiety.. and i think part of the reason you feel that way is because you are not comfortable in the bar.

 

[Vice]

IMO most girls in the bars are attention *****s or major sluts.

I second that.

I like the sl*ts part though.

Bars are also great places to practice socializing.

Now, if only I could practice what I just wrote.

 

[black horse]

Maybe you are not a bar person. Me, personally i cant stand bars. I would much rather approach in the books store, mall, school, or club than in a bar. I also dont like the kind of girls that go to bars. IMO most girls in the bars are attention *****s or major sluts.

Have you tried drinking a bit to loosen up? Sometimes that helps. What you are experiencing is approach anxiety.. and i think part of the reason you feel that way is because you are not comfortable in the bar.

I have recently decided to give up drinking alcohol altogether, because i get a bit out of control whenever i drink. I actually do like bars better but i feel even more anxiety in bars when i'm sober. its just a matter of getting use to it i suppose. But when i do approach i freeze up after saying hello or hi. **** alcohol, guys just use it as a crutch to give them confidence to approach.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Alright first thing I want to say is that the problem that you are having right now is not unresolvable. Everyone that posts on this site was just like you at one point in time. The problem that you are having is with your mindset, primarily about yourself. You aren't putting women on a pedestal; you are putting yourself underneath them. It seems to you like you are raising them up when you are just lowering your opinion of yourself.

Signing up on this forum is a great way to learn how to reassess yourself and gain confidence in who you are, but it is only a step.

When my mates ask me why i am afraid to approach i usually tell them its because i cannot think of anything interesting to talk about. I'm always looking for excuse as to why girls will not like me.

This I think is the primary excuse used by men when not approaching a girl they find attractive. But this is a lie. You are not failing your approach because you don't know what to say; you're failing your approach because you're letting your fear get the best of you, and that fear is rationalized by yourself making excuses such as this one. Know how I know this? Because my primary introduction to girls at bars is just sitting down, giving them a big goofy smile and saying "Hi I'm JLay87. What's your name?" See? I didn't need anything to talk about. And that's the truth. You don't need anything to talk about to approach women, especially in a bar.

EDIT: Just wanted to throw in a funny little anecdote. I always wanted to see what a girl would do if I just introduced myself and didn't say anything afterward. Well one night me and my buddy were pretty wasted so I decided to do it. I called her over to our table, smiled, put my hand out and said "Hey I'm JLay87". Then I just continued to smile. It was pretty awkward/hilarious. Guess what she did. SHE JUST WALKED AWAY. That's the WORST thing that can happen to you. I do see her pretty regularly now because we go to the same bars but whenever I see her I always kinda start laughing and it's an inside joke between me and my friend now. I kind of want to approach her and act like tha tnever happened to see how it goes haha.

So you have to accept that the problem isn't with not knowing what to say, but rather with your fear getting the best of you. Once you accept this you can move on to dealing with that fear and trying to overcome it instead of rationalizing it and accepting it as a part of you (because it's not a part of you).

Now, let's go through your list:

* I don't feel like talking to women I really want to talk to women but I'm too scared to so if I act like I don't want to then I can hide from my fear.
* Women don't want to talk to me I'm not worthy of being loved, and I am not attractive
* i'm boring I don't have any interest in myself
* they won't like me I don't like me; why would they?
* they won't feel comfortable around me I'm not comfortable with myself
* I don't know what to say to women I'm too scared to approach so I can excuse that by setting up artificial roadblocks
* she will be a ***** (SO WHAT?!)

And so on. All of these thoughts are manifestations of how you view yourself, and based on these it is very clear that you have a very poor perception of yourself. If you don't have luck with women it is because you are not comfortable with yourself and don't respect yourself, and other people can sense that on you. Once you learn to respect yourself others will sense that and be attracted to you.

Now it sounds like you don't even know yourself, and this is a big problem. One cannot give oneself respect if one does not even know oneself. So you have to figure out who you are and what you want in this world. What are your hobbies? What are your passions? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your career ambitions? What do you want in a woman? Who do you want to be? How do you want your life to turn out?

You don't have to answer all of these questions with a definite answer, but you should at least have a pretty good idea on all of them. If you don't then think it over a lot. And write it all down. Write it down. Yes, write it down. It will help. Trust me.

As for your issue with women, you can start working on that right away. You can start by approaching women. Do you know why you're in the position right now? It's because you put yourself there and you continuously choose to be there. Why, though? If you're so miserable then why would you want to still be in the same position? It's because you've let your fear of approaching women overcome you to the point where you think that it's better to sit and be in misery alone than to go out and do something about it, because fear is f*cking hard to overcome and it's much easier to sit and do nothing about it. But remember, where you're at in life mentally is your choice and your fault.

Next time you go out with your buddies you need to approach at least one woman. I don't give a f*ck what you say to her. Just do it. And while you're out with your buddies and when you find a girl that you think you want to approach I want you to start walking towards her within the first 3 seconds of thinking she is attractive. I don't care if you don't have absolutely anything to say. Your problem is the approach itself; you can figure out what to say later. You'll find that you have something to say by the time you get up to her, anyways.

Also, when you see this girl, I want you to think in your head "Do I want to continue to be like this for the rest of my life or am I going to do something about it?

Your life is in your hands. You have the power to change it, but you have to work for it.

A few questions:
1. Do you work out?
2. What is your diet like?
3. How often do you j/o?
4. When was the last time you tried talking to a girl that was a complete stranger to you? How did it go?

 

[r0cky]

Read this:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=169167

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Read my signature. What, do you think you're going to get a bunch of chances to live your life over? This is it, pal. Sack up and do what your DNA is screaming at you to do. At some point you just have to step over the edge and do it and not care what happens. You're in your prime now, you don't have time to hold up the wall anymore. Live your life. Seize the day. Who dares, wins.

 

[black horse]

Thanks for your comments guys, JLay great post. This has opened my eyes and make me realize how much i have been holding back what i truly deserve. I have been a bit depressed over the past couple of months and i felt like giving up completely. I had been spending more of my time on the internet instead of on improving myself and my life in general. I have been constantly putting myself down (unconsciously) and not allowing myself the pleasure of meeting women. I found myself creating so many negative scenarios as to why no girl will find me attractive because i give off such a negative and dull vibe. I had so many girls come up to me telling me to smile, but when i smiled it came across really fake and made me feel even worse.

The good news is after reading your article i have decided i will not continue to live the rest of my life in fear and will begin building my confidence and social skills with women.

So you have to figure out who you are and what you want in this world. What are your hobbies? What are your passions? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your career ambitions? What do you want in a woman? Who do you want to be? How do you want your life to turn out?

I have already wrote down all the answers to the above questions on who and what i want out of life. I gave a detailed description of my hobbies, passions,strengths and weaknesses, and feel alot better about myself. I realized i was going through i bad patch and just let myself go without bothering to care for myself anymore.

If you don't have luck with women it is because you are not comfortable with yourself and don't respect yourself and other people can sense that on you. Once you learn to respect yourself others will sense that and be attracted to you.

This makes alot of sense to me, its no wonder women didn't want to talk to me and whenever they did try to talk to me, they were sorry they approached in the first place. I really need to work hard on myself so that i don't fall back into the same trap of low-self esteem again.

A few questions:
1. Do you work out?
2. What is your diet like?
3. How often do you j/o?
4. When was the last time you tried talking to a girl that was a complete stranger to you? How did it go?

I use to work out 4-5 days per week. I had stopped working out as often as before and now only work out 1 day per week. I have lost the motivation so i am gonna try and get back into it as soon as possible.

My diet is pretty good, i'm pretty good at avoiding junk food, my current weight is 80kgs which i'm quite happy with.

The last time i talked to a girl was 3 days ago, i approached her in the smoking area of a bar and said, "hi how are you"...and introduced myself. She seemed interested at first but then i started to feel awkward and nervous so she make an excuse that she had to meet her friend so she left. My biggest sticking point is feeling comfortable talking to women and been able to transition from saying hello to where you from, etc. All the generic questions that lead to boring conversation... Any advice on transitioning to keep the conversation interesting much appreciated.


Thanks again for all your comments and support.

 

[flint]

Hey man, I'd like to say first off that I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. And I'm no Don Juan yet myself, I'm working on this part of my life too, I just started my journal a couple of weeks ago so I know exactly where you are. The only difference is my limiting belief was regarding my height, but it doesn't matter because it's always something.

The first thing I would say to you is that I already give you props. Seriously, I do. Most people walk through life, whether it's women, their career, or just having a boring/terrible life in general and just think that other people have it lucky. If they stink with women they'll say "Boohoo I'm not good looking". Or if they don't have a great job or they aren't popular they'll blame it on the fact that they weren't born rich or something like that.

I'd say almost 90% of people in the world live their life this way. There's a very small percentage of people like yourself who decide to get proactive with their life, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Just the fact that you've come here (I see you've only made 3 posts so you're new) in my mind earns a degree of respect from me. You realize things aren't going well in this department of your life, so you want to do something about it. Props.

But that's only 50%, and the easy 50%. Once you come here and you're done reading a few articles, and you know what you've got to do, then you've got to go out and do it, that's the hard part. Jlay is right, after you know what you've got to do you just need to start approaching and escalating.

Another thing I'd like to point out is when you have these feelings "I make girls feel umcomfortable" etc., it actually does start to happen. In other words, if you go into a room thinking you're going to make people feel uncomfortable, somehow subconsciously you communicate this, and then people do feel uncomfortable. Once you get approaching and realize this isn't a big deal that should die down though.

And the last point I'd like to make, and this especially has been helpful to me although I haven't mentioned it yet on this forum, EVERYTIME YOU MEET A WOMEN YOU GET A CLEAN SHEET. That's right.

Say you were a nerd back at school, or people in your social circle think you're a dweeb, or you don't have much social status. Guess what? If you walk into a bar, and you're funny, talking to strangers the whole night, making everyone feel like you're their best friend, then THAT IS THEIR REALITY FOR THE NIGHT. You could've literally been the biggest loser in your town, but EVERY SINGLE TIME you go out and approach a new girl, you get a clean slate. Use that to your advantage, and over time as you get more girls becoming attracted to you you'll begin to build that social status.

Good luck man I hope everything works out for ya!

 

[dereklovesugly]

If you're going to the bars just to meet girls you're mistaken. I go to have a good time with my bros and drink a few beers. If I meet some cute girls I like cool, if not, oh well. You shouldn't have the mindset of girls/getting laid. Don't put pressure on yourself.

Another thing, don't be afraid of rejection. It's a part of life. Being nervous is natural at first. Hell, I've approached a million girls, gotten rejected ALOT and I still get nervous sometimes. You just need to get over it. Grab your **** and go say Hi to a girl. Hell, chat it up with everyone and anyone in the bar. Be social. You'll feel more relaxed and natural with girls if you're chatting it up all night.

 

[DonJuan11]

Guys i seriously need help as regards to meeting women in bars. Most of my friends have girlfriends and whenever i go out sarging with them they are usually the ones that do the approaching while i'm left standing around the bar like a choad.

you shouldn't be going to bars with guys who are getting regular sex with their girlfriends, they won't help you and don't care. They do the approaching because they don't care about the outcome, they know they will the result they want at home in 2 hours. Go with people who want to meet girls and get some results.


I''m 5,9, good looking and muscular and i have always though i would have no trouble attracting women with my appearance alone. Was i ever wrong, i realized a bad my inner game is now, i have always put women on a pedestal and didn't think i would have a good chance with a beautiful girl. I just got back from a **** night out on the town with my mate. He's actually really good with women, and i feel that i really let him down tonight by spending most of my time holding up the wall and checking out all the hot girls having fun.

I have been going through an identity crisis for so long, and at this stage of my life i'm so pissed off that i'm getting zero lays and making very few approaching. yea its been over a year since i got laid. Thats a really long time as far as i'm concerned.

Some people on here haven't been laid in 2 years.

After i got home from a bad night i had a chat with my room mate and asked him why i am doing so bad with women and why he thinks i won't approach. He said i need to change my limiting beliefs about myself and start having standards on what i will or will not accept from women as well as having a clear idea of the type of women i want to attract.

When my mates ask me why i am afraid to approach i usually tell them its because i cannot think of anything interesting to talk about.

That's why you haven't had sex in one year, because you are BORING. Not talking about anything interesting makes you boring and tells the girls that you play X-box all weekend and watch harry potter. Now if you were a doctor, lawyer, NHL hockey player, journalist who traveled the world, or a salsa dancer, do you think you would still have nothing to talk about? No, the girls would be all over you at all times.

I'm always looking for excuse as to why girls will not like me.

That's because you are BORING. You have to STEP IT UP.

I also feel like i don't know who i am anymore, what i want in a girl. It feels like my whole entire confidence in myself couldn't get any worse than it already is. I still head out most nights to bars with my mates but i rarely ever approach. My mates still like me for who i am so they won't put me under pressure to approach.

Please be honest, why am i feeling like this? Is this normal?

Hope you guys can help...

This is one easy. As said 3 times, you are BORING to girls. What do you do in your spare time? Collect comic books? Play playstation? Surf the internet? Or do you play guitar in a band? Do you own a million dollar business? Or you a Doctor? Lawyer? Dentist? Do you drive a nice car? Do you know half city? Do you know the hottest clubs?

You have ask yourself, what does THE GIRL get out of it for being with you, for giving you sex? Does she get a guy who is insecure, angry, frigid, nervous, boring, not in shape and a loner? Or does she get a guy who is a doctor and knows the salsa dancing clubs in the city?

STEP YOUR GAME UP.

 

[black horse]

When i was a kid i was bullied alot, even when i was in high school. It had a tremendous effect of my confidence. People always made fun of me at school and i didn't get laid till i was 20 and that was a postitute i had sex with. I find it hard to relax whenever i'm at a bar, and my face hurts when i try to smile. Even worse it doesn't look genuine. No matter what happens women turn a blind eye on me and shut me out of the conversation whenever i'm with my friends. I hurts like ****, and i'm sick of it. even when i have something to talk about it bores the hell out of the girl. My conversation goes something like the following:

Hi, how are you doing? (trying to smile genuinely)
Her: i'm fine
Me: cool, so where you from?
Her: spain
Me: so you like it here?
Her: yea

After that i'm constantly in my head anayising what i shouldn't or should say to sound more interesting. When i can't think of anything else to say, i get very anxious and my face goes red. Thats when the girl just wants to leave and walk away from me. It really sucks.

I have tried writing what i want out of life. I gave a detailed description of my hobbies, passions,strengths and weaknesses, and feel alot better about myself. This has helped some degree.

The last time i talked to a girl was 3 days ago, i approached her in the smoking area of a bar and said, "hi how are you"...and introduced myself. She seemed interested at first but then i started to feel awkward and nervous so she make an excuse that she had to meet her friend so she left. My biggest sticking point is feeling comfortable talking to women and been able to transition from saying hello to where you from, etc. All the generic questions that lead to boring conversation... Any advice on transitioning to keep the conversation interesting much appreciated.

here's a few things i enjoy doing in my spare time:

I enjoy weightlifting at the gym
I enjoy running
I enjoy web design
I enjoy cooking
I enjoy all kinds of music, depending on the mood I'm in.
Reading

Going to concerts
I'm not sure how to talk about them in a conversation with a girl. Ok i admit, my social skills suck completely when i'm talking to a stanger for the first time. Although i find it easy talking to friends and family about things that interest me.

Here are my career ambitions

I want to become an expert in web design and internet marketing

I want to be a certified/qualified fitness instructor

I have a passion for both fitness and web design but when i meet a girl i feel if i talk about this it feels as though i will be bragging. I know quite a fair bit about web design and internet marketing. I am currently doing an advanced web design course and i'm really enjoying it. I am in pretty good shape, fairly muscular and got good shoulders and arms. I use to think women were attracted to to a man with a nice body, but i realized i was completely wrong. When i go out i wear short t-shirts to show off my physique but i rarely ever get the attention i look for from women.

I'd like to be able to talk about my hobbies and interested (DHV) without coming across as bragging.

Thanks again for all your comments and support

 

[Relations]

* I don't feel like talking to women
* Women don't want to talk to me
* i'm boring
* they won't like me
* they won't feel comfortable around me
* I don't know what to say to women
* she will be a *****
* I'm too serious
* I intimidate women
* I scare women away from me
* I blush a lot when talking to women
* I'm get nervous when talking to women
* I feel like a lost sheep
* I look scary to women, including men
* I act dumb around women
* I'm too sensitive
* I don't have any money to take her out
* I won't know how to attract her
* I don't feel worthy enough to talk to her
* I face hurts from smiling
* My smile doesn't look genuine when talking to people, esp women
* I don't feel horny
* My mind is blank
* I don't try to get a girl

Challenge yourself to prove all of these are false. Challenge spawns ambition; ambition spawns confidence; confidence spawns success. Good luck.

 

[mindripper06]

This is one easy. As said 3 times, you are BORING to girls. What do you do in your spare time? Collect comic books? Play playstation? Surf the internet? Or do you play guitar in a band? Do you own a million dollar business? Or you a Doctor? Lawyer? Dentist? Do you drive a nice car? Do you know half city? Do you know the hottest clubs?

You have ask yourself, what does THE GIRL get out of it for being with you, for giving you sex? Does she get a guy who is insecure, angry, frigid, nervous, boring, not in shape and a loner? Or does she get a guy who is a doctor and knows the salsa dancing clubs in the city?

STEP YOUR GAME UP.

And what exactly does the girl do for the guy, other than spread her legs? I think the girl should have more to offer herself if she expects so much out of a man. It seems like you are suggesting you have to be a Doctor or Lawyer to get a quality girl, is that it?

Hottest clubs? Nice car? Sounds very materialistic to me. I'll agree no girl wants an insecure fridgid guy. But seriously...salsa dancing? Cmon. You're telling me a girl is not gonna like him cuz he can't do the salsa? LOL

And correct me if I'm wrong but..."girl giving guy sex"...isn't he also giving her sex? Last time I checked, women enjoy getting laid too.

 

[DonJuan11]

And what exactly does the girl do for the guy, other than spread her legs? I think the girl should have more to offer herself if she expects so much out of a man. It seems like you are suggesting you have to be a Doctor or Lawyer to get a quality girl, is that it?

That is incorrect You should concentrate on teaching the girl something you have spent time on. Learn something that other guys don't know, teach her something that she would love. Dancing, climbing, guitar, cooking, another language, traveling, etc. Girls like guys who spend time and effort learning something to improve themselves, be it a new dance or a medical degree.

Hottest clubs? Nice car? Sounds very materialistic to me. I'll agree no girl wants an insecure fridgid guy. But seriously...salsa dancing? Cmon. You're telling me a girl is not gonna like him cuz he can't do the salsa? LOL

The point seems to be lost. I repeat, salsa dancing is one example of teaching the girl something. The girl will likely not care if you can get to LEVEL 4 in Grand Theft Auto, but she will like it if you knew another language and was trying to teach her, she will like it if you knew how to fix cars, to dance salsa, to climb a mountain. It's all learning and improving, meeting people, studying history, studying arts, being connecting. It's not about playing video games all the time expecting the girl to have sex with you because you want her to.

Granted, some guys who sleep all day and their couch know what to do to have sex with a hot girl in 5 minutes, but they are few and far between. Even then, after the sex, how are they going to keep the girl interested? It will get old quickly.


And correct me if I'm wrong but..."girl giving guy sex"...isn't he also giving her sex? Last time I checked, women enjoy getting laid too.

Again the point seems to be lost. We are not talking about who enjoys what, we are taking about how to sexually attract a good quality girl and not be frustrated because she won't give you the time of day. If a guy focuses on IMPROVING himself rather than the "woe is me" attitude because the girl won't sleep with him, he will be much more successful.

As the cliche says, don't hate the player, hate the GAME. And the GAME is about improving yourself as much as you can.

 

[AAAgent]

it seems like what you have is approach anxiety.

The best way to help ease your way into conquering it is to try to approach random people and just talk to them.

Kingy has a video on youtube where he just ask's people for directions or just random questions.

I did it all the time as a kid since i was always out alone and it's helped bringing my AA down alot.

Also if you have the willpower just try to be gutsy and just approach people. AA goes down with experience.

 

[slaog]

Here are a list of thoughts that constantly go through my head:

* I don't feel like talking to women
* Women don't want to talk to me
* i'm boring
* they won't like me
* they won't feel comfortable around me
* I don't know what to say to women
* she will be a *****
* I'm too serious
* I intimidate women
* I scare women away from me
* I blush a lot when talking to women
* I'm get nervous when talking to women
* I feel like a lost sheep
* I look scary to women, including men
* I act dumb around women
* I'm too sensitive
* I don't have any money to take her out
* I won't know how to attract her
* I don't feel worthy enough to talk to her
* I face hurts from smiling
* My smile doesn't look genuine when talking to people, esp women
* I don't feel horny
* My mind is blank
* I don't try to get a girl

You are what you think about. Those things are not true in the begining but YOU make them true by thinking negatively.


Become aware of what you're thinking and change the negative thought patterns into positive thought patterns. Think positively until it becomes a habit.


Also think of yourself as being high value. You now have a low value mindset and it shows in your behaviour. All you need to do to make that a habit is keep it in mind for a short period.

 

[Nexus Polaris]

I think you would really benefit from this thread.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=167323

 

[jdollarthegreat]

Guys i seriously need help as regards to meeting women in bars. Most of my friends have girlfriends and whenever i go out sarging with them they are usually the ones that do the approaching while i'm left standing around the bar like a choad.

I''m 5,9, good looking and muscular and i have always though i would have no trouble attracting women with my appearance alone. Was i ever wrong, i realized a bad my inner game is now, i have always put women on a pedestal and didn't think i would have a good chance with a beautiful girl. I just got back from a **** night out on the town with my mate. He's actually really good with women, and i feel that i really let him down tonight by spending most of my time holding up the wall and checking out all the hot girls having fun.

I have been going through an identity crisis for so long, and at this stage of my life i'm so pissed off that i'm getting zero lays and making very few approaching. yea its been over a year since i got laid. Thats a really long time as far as i'm concerned. After i got home from a bad night i had a chat with my room mate and asked him why i am doing so bad with women and why he thinks i won't approach. He said i need to change my limiting beliefs about myself and start having standards on what i will or will not accept from women as well as having a clear idea of the type of women i want to attract.

When my mates ask me why i am afraid to approach i usually tell them its because i cannot think of anything interesting to talk about. I'm always looking for excuse as to why girls will not like me.

Here are a list of thoughts that constantly go through my head:

* I don't feel like talking to women
* Women don't want to talk to me
* i'm boring
* they won't like me
* they won't feel comfortable around me
* I don't know what to say to women
* she will be a *****
* I'm too serious
* I intimidate women
* I scare women away from me
* I blush a lot when talking to women
* I'm get nervous when talking to women
* I feel like a lost sheep
* I look scary to women, including men
* I act dumb around women
* I'm too sensitive
* I don't have any money to take her out
* I won't know how to attract her
* I don't feel worthy enough to talk to her
* I face hurts from smiling
* My smile doesn't look genuine when talking to people, esp women
* I don't feel horny
* My mind is blank
* I don't try to get a girl


I also feel like i don't know who i am anymore, what i want in a girl. It feels like my whole entire confidence in myself couldn't get any worse than it already is. I still head out most nights to bars with my mates but i rarely ever approach. My mates still like me for who i am so they won't put me under pressure to approach.

Please be honest, why am i feeling like this? Is this normal?

Hope you guys can help...

Bro, you're giving too much power to the P man! Thats where all your problems are coming from as far as women are concerned. Sometimes in life you just gotta do wat you fear so it won't have power over you anymore. Just approach the girls and get rejected and you will realize that it's not as bad as you figure it to be in ya head ya dig. Also this thang is a numbers game my man and you gotta be in that ish to win that ish kno wat im talkin about? U never know wat be in these girls heads and u wont know unless u talk to them. How about a girl came to that bar and her goal was to hook up wit a muscular 5"9 dude for the night, you would never know cause u didnt talk to her. If u talk to 100 girls the odds that one will **** wit u are good but if u talk to 0 girls then u know wat ur odds are bro. Now not getting laid in over a year is unacceptable, i'm sure there are prostitutes and *****s where you live bro, at least get one of those if nothing else lol. Na but real talk, u think that women are better than you so u just gotta get your confidence game up.