Serious help required

[oneitis]

I have a major case of oneitis. I have read the bible and done many things. It has been about a year and a half since I broke up with "the one". Since then I have tried to move on, I have slept with about 20 women since then. I even tried getting involved in a serious relationship.

Nothing has worked, I still feel like she is the one, all this time later. I even built up a hate for her in my mind to try to move on and that didn't work either. What should I do? I am open to almost anything?

 

[Big Pappy]

Okay - before I can advise, I need to know if you're drinking alot or doing any drugs. I'm not here to judge, but I know from experience that use of some of these, regardless of limited recreational use, can affect the way you feel. I had a friend many years ago that was dumped by his "one". Ten years later, he's still not gotten over her. The reason? He likes to smoke weed. Daily. Three times a day, I think. I identified the problem for him, but he would rather be miserable. After this period of time, he likely knows no other way to live.

If you're not doing any of those, I might suggest you just get up and move. A change in scenery may do the trick.

Beyond that, I would just try to concentrate on the things that you need to do to improve your life.

 

[jdr120]

I'm going through the same thing as you (well not as intense..). You just have to remember why you broke up with her in the first place.. do you still talk to her??? What activities / hobbies do you have to keep your mind off things... You just have to keep your mind busy. If you keep thinking about her when she's not around you're actually creating feelings for her that are not real (read up on NLP), but feelings that are based on your imagination (a false reality)... Think for the moment, and you will live in the moment. That's what I'm trying to do...


silverwex led me to his post on this:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=42742&highlight=ultimate+oneitis

It's a great post...

 

[jdr120]

I'm going through the same thing as you (well not as intense..). You just have to remember why you broke up with her in the first place.. do you still talk to her??? What activities / hobbies do you have to keep your mind off things... You just have to keep your mind busy. If you keep thinking about her when she's not around you're actually creating feelings for her that are not real (read up on NLP), but feelings that are based on your imagination (a false reality)... Think for the moment, and you will live in the moment. That's what I'm trying to do...


silverwex led me to his post on this:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=42742&highlight=ultimate+oneitis

It's a great post...

 

[oneitis]

I am not drinking excessively, nor do I use any drugs. Although I will admit, that if I do go out on a Saturday night, the oneitis often starts when I am home alone on a Sunday.

I have done virtually everything in silverwex's post. She lives 5 hours away, I don't talk to her anymore, I deleted her from my messengers. I have dated other women, hung out with the boys, read the bible, lost myself in work. In the end it keeps coming back.

I have taken myself to another level to try overcome it. I have read up on psycology, read some on NLP, and I know that stuff works, as I use positive reinforcement in my life already. Trying to overcome this broad has actually helped me grow in so many other ways. However, in the end, she keeps getting in my freakin head.

I really don't know what to do sometimes.

 

[NewMan]

How long were you with her?

As a general rule - it takes half of the time you were with the girl to get over her - unless of course you dumped her and have some hate for her because of cheating etc.

In reality perhaps she was the one.

You may never find another woman like her again.

But then ask yourself this - why did you break up in the first place?

List the good things - then the bad things.

No matter what - you have to come to the realization that you either want to control your life - or allow the actions of others to control it for you.

So you either ACT or REACT.

A DJ Act's. He is the do'er. He makes things happen in his life.

Realise that sitting there gloating over this woman does you no good.

It is natural to look back, smile and remember - but after you've done that, also realize that right now is more important.

You've not meet another decent woman - that is the problem. Also you are trying to force or will yourself over this chick.

You said yourself you tried to get involved in a serious realtionship.

i think your trying to hard.

Don't force yourself into a relationship - or force yourself to sleep with women - thinking this will make you get over her.

It sounds like you've not gone through your own grieving process. Perhaps you should stop being consumed with getting over her - and past her. allow yourself that time.

It will get better.

 

[Mr.Hash wid da Stash]

Move 500 miles away from your ex, a fresh start and a change of scenary really do work wonders. No BS.

 

[oneitis]

Originally posted by Mr.Hash wid da Stash
Move 500 miles away from your ex, a fresh start and a change of scenary really do work wonders. No BS.

I did that, like I said above, I know live over 5 hours away.

 

[oneitis]

Originally posted by NewMan
How long were you with her?

One year

In reality perhaps she was the one. You may never find another woman like her again.

Unfortunately thats what I believe.

But then ask yourself this - why did you break up in the first place? List the good things - then the bad things.

No matter what - you have to come to the realization that you either want to control your life - or allow the actions of others to control it for you. So you either ACT or REACT.

A DJ Act's. He is the do'er. He makes things happen in his life.
Realise that sitting there gloating over this woman does you no good.

I really have done things to make things happen in my life afterwards. Its ironic, the year after we broke up, was the best year of my life career wise, and also on a personal growth level.


It is natural to look back, smile and remember - but after you've done that, also realize that right now is more important.

You've not meet another decent woman - that is the problem. Also you are trying to force or will yourself over this chick.


Actually, I have met other great women. The women that I got involved in a relationship was amazing, she made me realize I could still love without "the one", however my oneitis caused me to screw things up in the end.


You said yourself you tried to get involved in a serious realtionship. i think your trying to hard. Don't force yourself into a relationship - or force yourself to sleep with women - thinking this will make you get over her.

I haven't slept with other women just for the sake of trying to get over her, I slept with them because I enjoy sleeping with women.

It sounds like you've not gone through your own grieving process. Perhaps you should stop being consumed with getting over her - and past her. allow yourself that time.


You may have a point, how exactly do you grieve a relationship?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

List all the qualities that made you fall in love with this girl and then look for someone else who posesses these same qualities!

This may be a good time in your life to decide exactly what you want in and from a woman.