Semi-Depressed Over A Heartbreak (Venting)

[TheManMasenko]

This girl I've been dating broke up with me months ago and I've been kind of/soso depressed for months. She was literally "the one". She literally fit all my requirements, but I was immature and cucked out and she broke up with me. I have classes with this woman so I see my ex damn near every day. She did reach out to me, but I just can't message the girl since I saw her with another man. I do want to message her because I honestly feel bad for the woman and the direction she's heading in life. I don't like seeing my ex go downhill- I want to reach out but the damage she dealt me makes me believe disengaging with her, is the best possible opportunity for my pride and sanity.

The plan is to talk to other girls next semester and start communicating with more women once this semester is done. I'm ready to be heartbroken again. But honestly, most of the pain comes from seeing a woman you messed with daily to now the two of you don't talk at all.

I don't need sympathy. I'm just venting. If you can relate please post constructive advice, I'll gladly apply it to my life.

 

[The Duke]

I felt that way 60 girls ago. Eventually a man learns, enjoy your time with each and every one of them and realize none of it will last forever. When the wheels come off, go find you another one. You'll be better because of it. Eventually this "internal peace" comes over you.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

It’s a hard lesson to learn. I have the one that got away - every so often the mind wanders…I’ve easily got 20-30 notches since still bugs from time to time…

Welcome to being a normal human.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Acknowledge what you did wrong and apply it to your new gfs. I had commitment issues/insecurities so I would spin plates while dating my ex and just be distant in general.

 

[EyeBRollin]

There’s no such thing as “the one.”

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

World population = 8 billion
Women in the world = 4 billion
Number of seconds in 60 years = 2 billion

If you meet a new woman every second of your life for the next 60 years, you'll have barely met half of all women. There are literally more women in the world then you can possibly meet. Why would you pine for one that things didn't work out with? Own your mistakes and go find someone more compatible.

 

[SW15]

If you meet a new woman every second of your life for the next 60 years, you'll have barely met half of all women. There are literally more women in the world then you can possibly meet. Why would you pine for one that things didn't work out with? Own your mistakes and go find someone more compatible.

Yes, all true.

The plan is to talk to other girls next semester and start communicating with more women once this semester is done. I'm ready to be heartbroken again. But honestly, most of the pain comes from seeing a woman you messed with daily to now the two of you don't talk at all.

The current semester is nearing its end. This is close to when final exams happen.

I have classes with this woman so I see my ex damn near every day.

I hope your college/university is big enough that she won't be in your classes next semester. My college/university was big enough where that was the case.

Post-college, I have lived in 2 of the 15 biggest metro areas of the United States. Both metro areas have had populations in the multiple millions. It's pretty rare to random see people. I've been in my current city for a little over a decade. I've also been going to same primary gym the whole time as it is a good gym. I have supplemented by going to some classes elsewhere for pickup. Anyway, if I dated the same woman in my gym, I would likely see her again. Outside of my gym, I likely wouldn't run into the same woman.

In my metro area, if you meet a woman via swipe app or random daygame/nightgame venue stranger approach, you'll never randomly run into her again once the interaction ends. This would be true whether an interaction ceases after 1-2 dates or a 1-2 year long exclusive relationship.

 

[Murk]

I'm jealous of you guys that got to have relationships in your late teens and early twenties.

 

[RangerMIke]

Stop thinking about her. I know it sounds hard, but with experience you get used to it and it becomes natural.

As soon as your mind drifts towards thinking about her, get busy with something else... could be other chicks, but it doesn't have to be. A better use of your time is focused self-improvement. Hit the gym, get some productive hobbies... learn an new language... learn to play an instrument....

The last thing you need is to waste time and emotional energy on a chick that is done with you.

 

[Barrister]

This girl I've been dating broke up with me months ago and I've been kind of/soso depressed for months. She was literally "the one". She literally fit all my requirements, but I was immature and cucked out and she broke up with me. I have classes with this woman so I see my ex damn near every day. She did reach out to me, but I just can't message the girl since I saw her with another man. I do want to message her because I honestly feel bad for the woman and the direction she's heading in life. I don't like seeing my ex go downhill- I want to reach out but the damage she dealt me makes me believe disengaging with her, is the best possible opportunity for my pride and sanity.

The plan is to talk to other girls next semester and start communicating with more women once this semester is done. I'm ready to be heartbroken again. But honestly, most of the pain comes from seeing a woman you messed with daily to now the two of you don't talk at all.

I don't need sympathy. I'm just venting. If you can relate please post constructive advice, I'll gladly apply it to my life.

This is a rite of passage for any man. We have all been there. Probably the worst experience emotionally of my entire life was when my high school sweetheart and I broke up after our freshman year of college. I was almost 20 at the time and close to your age. She said no of course and I was devastated.

Funny thing is, life goes on. You will find other women who you like better than this one. And you will go through a number of LTRs. Each time you break up with one it gets a little easier. Some see that as jadedness, but in reality it is just coming to the realization that none of it truly matters. Always make yourself your primary focus - never a woman. You will find that inner peace.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

We have all been there OP. I remember it took me several years to fully get over the first girl I dated after my divorce and she and I only dated 2 months. It's laughable (and cringe) to me now, but sometimes I still get a little ping of adrenaline when I see her name pop up. On that note, when you don't understand the nature of women and relationships and don't have your mind right about yourself and what is important in life, your brain mistakes a woman or a relationship as the key to your own happiness, and the solution to many of your problems - that is often described as "neediness" here on the forum. In my experience, once you allow your brain to put all that onto a woman, the feelings almost never go away completely for her. You've effectively turned her into a god and subsequent women, no matter how much "better" they are on paper, won't erase her impact on you. What's worse is that your putting so much importance on the woman is likely what caused her to leave you in the first place. Women don't want and can't handle that pressure. Women want to lean on their man for strength, not be leaned on themselves. It is just a part of the polarity of feminine/masculine. I didn't used to buy into that kind of talk because I was raised to think it was old-fashioned and sexist but after failing miserably with women, I was open to trying anything, so I did, and the result was night and day difference in my dating experiences and relationships

Focus on creating a great life for yourself that includes many friends, hobbies, interests. If you are lonely, you should have friends who can scratch that itch. You should NEVER rely on a woman to cure loneliness. You should be busy and happy and fulfilled and going out on a date with a woman should mean missing out on other things you'd love to be doing. Only then will you be able to operate with women in a way that involves no neediness, and have the confidence and ability to set boundaries that women need to be in a real relationship, and also have the true ability to walk away if that is what you need to do, without it crushing you. If you can't do all of this, every relationship you have will be doomed to failure.

 

[bat soup]

This girl I've been dating broke up with me months ago and I've been kind of/soso depressed for months. She was literally "the one". She literally fit all my requirements, but I was immature and cucked out and she broke up with me. I have classes with this woman so I see my ex damn near every day. She did reach out to me, but I just can't message the girl since I saw her with another man. I do want to message her because I honestly feel bad for the woman and the direction she's heading in life. I don't like seeing my ex go downhill- I want to reach out but the damage she dealt me makes me believe disengaging with her, is the best possible opportunity for my pride and sanity.

The plan is to talk to other girls next semester and start communicating with more women once this semester is done. I'm ready to be heartbroken again. But honestly, most of the pain comes from seeing a woman you messed with daily to now the two of you don't talk at all.

I don't need sympathy. I'm just venting. If you can relate please post constructive advice, I'll gladly apply it to my life.

At least you had her. Not every guy gets to have a relationship with a girl that ticks all their boxes so early in life.

If you're sure that it's over and you want it to be over, then as soon as possible get away from her and move on. It's difficult to do that if you keep seeing her every day.

And don't be jealous of the guys that are driving around your second-hand car. Remember who drove it first.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Here is what my father (God rest his soul) said to me after my college sweetheart and first love broke my heart…

Ready?

GET OVER IT.

And I thought my father was the most heartless son of a b itch for saying that. I LOVED that boyfriend. And I never think of him now, and if something (like this thread) causes recall? I’m not nostalgic at all.

My father was correct. Get. Over. It.

Listen. Never waste time worrying about (or worse chasing after) a person who didn’t pick you. Trust me in the end they have done you a favor.

My life is enviable now. Seriously. And I have a wonderful man in my life who I love deeply…

It sucks. We get it.

Get over it.

In time you’ll be glad you did.

 

[Divorced w 3]

We have all been there OP. I remember it took me several years to fully get over the first girl I dated after my divorce and she and I only dated 2 months. It's laughable (and cringe) to me now, but sometimes I still get a little ping of adrenaline when I see her name pop up. On that note, when you don't understand the nature of women and relationships and don't have your mind right about yourself and what is important in life, your brain mistakes a woman or a relationship as the key to your own happiness, and the solution to many of your problems - that is often described as "neediness" here on the forum. In my experience, once you allow your brain to put all that onto a woman, the feelings almost never go away completely for her. You've effectively turned her into a god and subsequent women, no matter how much "better" they are on paper, won't erase her impact on you. What's worse is that your putting so much importance on the woman is likely what caused her to leave you in the first place. Women don't want and can't handle that pressure. Women want to lean on their man for strength, not be leaned on themselves. It is just a part of the polarity of feminine/masculine. I didn't used to buy into that kind of talk because I was raised to think it was old-fashioned and sexist but after failing miserably with women, I was open to trying anything, so I did, and the result was night and day difference in my dating experiences and relationships

Focus on creating a great life for yourself that includes many friends, hobbies, interests. If you are lonely, you should have friends who can scratch that itch. You should NEVER rely on a woman to cure loneliness. You should be busy and happy and fulfilled and going out on a date with a woman should mean missing out on other things you'd love to be doing. Only then will you be able to operate with women in a way that involves no neediness, and have the confidence and ability to set boundaries that women need to be in a real relationship, and also have the true ability to walk away if that is what you need to do, without it crushing you. If you can't do all of this, every relationship you have will be doomed to failure.

This was me exactly. And after reading work’s referenced on here as well as ones that brought me here, if there is ever to be a chance to reconnect, it will not happen running back like a lost beaten puppy. Probably never because I was a meanie jackass anyway when I didn’t get my way but that’s unfortunately all the truth and irreversible now too. Well said