Selfishness is GOOD, but you must know how to use it

[STR8UP]

I haven't posted anything of this nature in awhile, but I just got a business email from someone that really got under my skin and I thought I would post a little "wisdom" for any one who cares. For what it's worth, here it is....

Selfishness is GOOD. That's right, looking out for #1 is the reason why you are on this planet today, living and breathing with the rest of us. If you don't ensure you r own self interests above pretty much everyone elses, you are asking for trouble.

The flip side of this coin is that selfishness can be BAD. When someone calls you "selfish" it's usually considered an insult, and thus it is a label that most of us want to avoid.

Actually, selfishness can be very good, OR it can be very bad.

I view myself as a selfish person in the GOOD sense. That means that I look out for myself and my interests above all else. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that I get GREEDY and try to take advantage of other people.

I always, always, always try to be fair with everyone I deal with, in business and personal relationships. I recognize and realize the benefits of working WITH other people to achieve a win-win situation for both parties. I look for opportunities to combine my strengths with the strengths of others to make 2+2>4.

The problem comes when dealing with other people. Most people are so ME ME ME oriented that they confuse GOOD selfishness with BAD selfishness. they base their decisions not on a long term mutual payoff, but on a short term one sided benefit.

They neglect to learn the truth about the circumstances, they care less about the well being of the other party, and they end up LOSING infinitely more than they gain simply because they for whatever reason got GREEDY and decided to take the obvious ME ME ME short term payout rather than taking a little time to assess the situation and figure out a plan that would help them AND the other party exponentially in the long term.

It's all a people game. The winners build foundations that grow and last a lifetime. The losers burn bridges, never gaining any sort of a foothold, making it impossible for them to establish even a ground floor to build upon. They constantly have to start from scratch, forming new relationships with new people because they ABUSED their selfish nature.

It's the same with anything. Something that is worthwhile usually requires effort. Taking the easy way out rarely turns out to provide anything worthwhile.

Just something to think about the next time you are dealing with someone in a business or personal relationship.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Brother, rent Wall Street and play then re-play the scene where Gordon is proclaiming the value of Greed, in all of it's forms, to the shareholders.

He says everything in that speech.

 

[Oxide]

Too true.. I always admire people who will be honest and fair with people to build relationships. The thing is, by screwing people over in the short term, you will get a reputation, and a bad rep KILLS YOU. I've seen it kill guys chances with girls (he is a ***** and uses girls) and in business (he is shady/he screws his customers)

Hell, I know a DEALERSHIP that might go out of business because they have such a horrible rep..and it started from a few bad deals on their part. (i.e. they screwed the customers on $$$)

To be truly successful you MUST provide value to your customers.

ST8, can you indulge us on how you make the decisions and decide what is the right thing to do.. example:

You get a call from a guy who wants to sell a condo. He asks you how much you think it is worth. You KNOW it is worth at least 500k. You ask him how much he would sell it for. He replies - "I think it's worth like 350, so probably around that"
Do you buy it and screw him out of 150k or do you tell him how much it's really worth?

I don't want to put you on the spot necessarily so if you don't want to reply to that feel free not to. I am just trying to figure out how it works in the business world because one thing i've noticed more and more is this "I'll pitch anytime I can, I'll push my services, I'll be helpful BUT I WILL SELL my product"

Couple guys I know are great at that. Say you want to know something about a car.. they will tell you what you want to know, and then tell you why you should buy it from them..

I see the point, but it still annoys me a little bit. It's like i always have to be on my toes and ask myself "are they trying to sell me right now or are they being genuine?"

You feel me?

 

[djbr]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to STR8UP again.

Sh1t.

 

[STR8UP]

ST8, can you indulge us on how you make the decisions and decide what is the right thing to do.. example:

You get a call from a guy who wants to sell a condo. He asks you how much you think it is worth. You KNOW it is worth at least 500k. You ask him how much he would sell it for. He replies - "I think it's worth like 350, so probably around that"
Do you buy it and screw him out of 150k or do you tell him how much it's really worth?

First let me ask you a question.

Would you be calling that "taking advantage" of someone if you were buying it for $10k less than it's really worth? $20k? $30k? Where do you draw the line?

Now there's a difference between making this purchase from a senile old lady and an experienced real estate investor.

If you are buying it from someone with Alzheimer's you should be thrown in jail. But the fact of the matter is, most of the time you will be dealing with someone who has no excuse to not perform their due diligence prior to conducting such a transaction. In a case such as this, I have no problem with buying something from another person who has the capability of rational thought.

I see the point, but it still annoys me a little bit. It's like i always have to be on my toes and ask myself "are they trying to sell me right now or are they being genuine?"

You feel me?

That stuff doesn't bother me because I know that I am being sold to about 100 times every day of my life.

Chances are if there is money changing hands someone is trying to get as much of it as they can from you. Just have to look out for yourself.

What I am talking about here is someone who is being very manipulative and trying to renegotiate a verbal agreement we had.

Whether he knows it or not he is coming at me from a position of weakness and he isn't playing his cards right and working WITH me to achieve a mutual benefit. He is trying to play his perceived position of power for a short term benefit and it's gonna end up costing him in the long run because of it.

 

[Deep Dish]

I've been wrapped in writing a write-up of that "secret" non-sense and figured I would take a little break for some much needed comic relief.

"What are all of us but self-reproducing robots? We have been put together by our genes and what we do is roam the world looking for a way to sustain ourselves and ultimately produce another robot a child."
—Richard Dawkins (presumingly on the value-neutral nature of selfishness)

 

[Oxide]

Would you be calling that "taking advantage" of someone if you were buying it for $10k less than it's really worth? $20k? $30k? Where do you draw the line?

Well now we are entering into ethical moralism and I truly do not have the answer. I would justify it by the amount of work I have to perform to flip the place. But who knows how long it will take?
What would you recommend? I agree that everyone should do DD but then again, some people have a lot more info then others.

for example - car dealers are not required to report damages under $3,000. Say a car had been hit and now something isn't working...but the dealer does not reveal it when he sells the car "new!"
No matter what PPI you get some might miss this, and you buy the car. Obviously the dealer will have the bad rep, but if he gets away with it, how is this fair?


here are some guidelines i've put together for a successful business:

GREAT customer service.
Money back gurantee.. no matter how long it last, just that it is there


Now, where do you draw the line?

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Ever since the Richard Dawkins episode of South Park, "Go God Go", I've never looked at him the same, despite his earlier works and achievements.

EVERYTHING in life is selfish, because it comes from a "self." If someone says they are not selfish, they might as well say "they have no self." Even if you want something for someone else, you still want, and it's your want, and that want is going to that THING, rather than something else.

If Democrats opt to give the poor and elderly more benefits than say, kids and rich, then they've been selfish, even if they proclaim they are not. They've chosen to invest available resources in that one place, claiming that that is better than all other avenues.

If you choose to do something "because you feel bad or obligated" isn't it worse because the person or thing for which you're doing something for wants someone who wants to do what they are doing, and aren't forced into having to do it? Truly, nobody wants someone who doesn't do something because they want to. We all want that. You want a girl to do things b/c she wants to, not b/c she has to. People who do things they don't want to do are giving nothing. They're succumbing to some "other" will or power, but they aren't giving themselves, and the thing they are giving isn't truly anything but sacrifice.

A woman who bangs you, not because she wants to, but because she feels some obligation isn't someone you want. You're not banging "her", you're banging whatever emotion is compelling her to bang you, but you don't have a "her" to pain because the person or self she is, didn't make the choice. And basically, there is NO her.

A friend who hangs with you out of obligation, or history, or duty, isn't a friend. They're a mishmash of other people's thought or some external duty they've brought forth, and you're some end to their means, whatever it maybe.

I find it funny when people question if I want to do something, because when I don't want to, I won't. And when I do, I will. No questions needed. I won't do a date with a woman expecting anything. I go up front knowing what I'm going to get and not get and what I'm willing to accept. Many guys do dates expecting sex, or at least foreplay, and get pissed when that doesn't happen. A carefree guy will get more than the overbearing, needy guy who expects something.

People may point to leaders or team captains, and see selfishness, when in reality, a team captain or leader has taken the reins that nobody would take. A leader does that, by empowering those whom he sides with, to bring out their best abilities. On a football team, a wr may have great talent, but until the team finds a good qb and a captain ascends to the thrown, that wr will never demonstrate his ability. A whole team maybe incredible, but without someone guiding that team, organizing it, nobody will see it's greatness, because they've never been challenged and directed.

I've been on teams where nobody knows what's gone on, and willfully taken control because nobody else will. When I engage them in conversation about strategy, planning, or gameplay, they don't speak up. A leader is selfish and he see's the big picture in a way other's won't, or can't. A leader is selfish enough to know that, his team members's objectives come above his, but they do not supercede that of the macro, or big picture project. A team leader has position because of his team members, but the team members perform better because of the leader's vision from a higher level.

It's hard to determine, especially in major financial transactions, what constitutes inethical behavior, versus ethical behavior. One guiding light would be...Are they better, worse or about the same before you met them? If it's not better, they it should be a no go. But alot of people will never possess the knowledge that you do about something. Props to them. That knowledge you have affords you a RIGHT to the profits, because you put the effort in.

In finance, alot of people get confused about financial planning. Thing is, many people make it to 40, 50 and 60 without figuring one financial concept out. Some don't even understand mortgages, though they've lived in their house for 10 years, or a lifetime. To do so is to invite financial suicide. People don't know what they don't know. Meaning, even if they ask questions, they can't conceptually GET what they're asking and how it relates to the bigger picture.

Selfishness it the way of life, just some people try to disguise their intentions and say they are selfless. Which, IMO, it's worse to be SELFLESS, because then you stand for nothing, and are nothing.


A-Unit

 

[DJDamage]

Ever since the Richard Dawkins episode of South Park, "Go God Go", I've never looked at him the same, despite his earlier works and achievements.

I didn't know South Park will become such a ground breaking show that can change people perceptions about life and religion. Now did you stop looking at him the same after he had sex with Mrs Garrison?? because that was a pretty fvcked up scene if you ask me :crackup:.

 

[A-Unit]

Re;

I get where you're going with this...and I could have vomited in a bucket, were it not for the Red Rocket episode with Cartman spanking off a dog that trumped that one.

Never shaped my perception much, but I've had minimal exposure to Dawkins' stuff and Southpark is great as using Hyperbole to make a point, albeit a rather ludicrous one when they do.

I will read "the god delusion," just for breadth of knowledge and see what he says in it, but like I said, I'm not one who follows 1 particular line of thinking. There's plenty of scholars who can negate what dawkins' says and have lived a life that contradicts what he writes. I don't believe he deserves the criticism he received, though, from religious zealots on his God Delusion book. Their attitude alone could disprove the existence of God and befoul the merits of religion, if you'd read a few passages on what some of the hate-mongering kool-aid drinkers wrote back to him, based on HIS beliefs.

Southpark, though, has really picked it up as of late. The WOW and GO GOD GO were classics. I haven't laughed so hard at it. Unlike 24, SP keeps getting better with each passing season, and as long as the theme of SP stays what it is, it'll be around for a long, long time.


A-Unit

 

[Oxide]

Around 3 years ago South Park went from a show about nothing to a show that is great at making people think. I would watch it just to rack my brain and would try to guess "what is the point of this episode?"

I truly respect these guys for bringing up all sorts of controversial topics and making us think.

 

[Rata Blanca]

It's all PERCEPTION.

Generous is seen as a good thing right?
People call you generous because you are helping them

Selfish is seen as a bad thing right?
People call you selfish because you are not helping them

Remember if someone calls you selfish they are reflecting on you because you are not helping them in their interest

 

[STR8UP]

Now, where do you draw the line?

As long as both parties to a transaction are of sound mind and are acting on their own free will, who is to say where the line is drawn?

I was watching something on Dateline NBC tonight about con artists from overseas sending these bogus "you have been chosen as the executor of the estate of the late Mr. James B. Scammeister, just send us your life savings and within 24 hours you will receive the sum of $2,346,856,375.73 US in your personal bank account" emails. I have gotten several of them myself.

But duuuuuuuuude......you've GOT to be kidding me!

People actually fall for this sh!t! Should I feel sorry for them? C'mon now, it's plain, out and out stupidity. You gotta be a greedy mother fukker to be a city official and send the town's yearly operating budget to some dude in Africa hoping that you will be rich the next day.

To be clear here, I do not in any way condone the actions of these scam artists. But to remove the responsibility from the shoulders of the "scammed" party is equally as revolting, IMO.

There's always a grey area. I lean more toward the white than a lot of people would. But if I spot an opportunity to take advantage of a situation where I have done my homework and the other party has not, I don't feel bad.

Most of the time when you find yourself in this kind of situation it is because the seller of the item is in a position of weakness and NEEDS to sell for some reason. It could be argued that you are actually doing them a favor by giving them a way out of something when they would otherwise have no other options. I firmly believe that most of the time when one person benefits greatly from a transaction it is usually due to circumstances that the other person brought on themselves OUTSIDE of the transaction.

It's a dog eat dog world out there. Gotta watch out for yourself cause no one else is going to!

 

[Oxide]

It's a dog eat dog world out there. Gotta watch out for yourself cause no one else is going to!

so how does that translate into personal relationships and friendships? Should I watch out for you to try and screw me if I ever come to visit you? Should I be cautious of my friends every time we go out?


The lesson I learned from another friend is: "Listen to people, but always ask yourself - what is their OWN agenda? What do they want out of it?"

I've been doing that for about a year now and it's been pretty good to me. I can see past the smoke in morrors in some cases and realize what they want from me. But, I can't claim to not do it myself. .. we all have intentions..even if i call a friend to invite him to a party, i might be calling him to get him to drive there as well. I don't know if we can resolve this, it might be just our human nature.. the selfish gene?

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Every act that brings us happiness is selfishness.

If someone donates to a chairty, they aren't doing it to help some poor orphaned kid in Africa. They're doing it to make themselves feel good about themselves.

 

[Rata Blanca]

Hey this got me thinking if beggers didn't need our money they wouldn't even talk to us...so who's the selfish here?

 

[djbr]

Most of the time when you find yourself in this kind of situation it is because the seller of the item is in a position of weakness and NEEDS to sell for some reason. It could be argued that you are actually doing them a favor by giving them a way out of something when they would otherwise have no other options. I firmly believe that most of the time when one person benefits greatly from a transaction it is usually due to circumstances that the other person brought on themselves OUTSIDE of the transaction.

I have some good example.

I remember not too long ago when I had a car that only gave me headaches. I decided to sell it, and asked for X, but I really wanted to get rid of it, and money was not a problem.

Guy came, offered Y (like 20% less than I asked) and I willfully accepted.

To this day I still think no one lost anything. I was more than happy to see that car go far away being driven by someone else, and he was driving it thinking he made a nice purchase, as he got a 20% discount right off the bat.

After that, I learned some good things about purchasing. It goes for girls too if you can make the connection:

MAKE YOUR BET!

This is great. After I sold this car, I used my bike for transportation for a looong time. But one day I decided I would buy another car. I went out searching. Saw maaany many cars. All used, as I do not have $ to buy a new one. I would examine it, see if I like, and if I do, I just made my offer. Didn't care what amount the guy was asking for. I just say: well, I pay X. If you want, this is my number.

Funny thing is, I did this and some guys did not accept, some did, but no one got really ofended. They had my number, as they could change their mind.

Some days later I ended up purchasing a car with the same discount I gave when I sold my last one, and even after this, the owner of one of the cars I saw called me asking if I had already bought a car, as he wanted to sell it to me for the price I proposed.

Make your bet. People can accept/refuse and that is out of your control. But you never know...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

so how does that translate into personal relationships and friendships? Should I watch out for you to try and screw me if I ever come to visit you? Should I be cautious of my friends every time we go out?

There's the problem right there. Most people believe that the only way one can get his own is from getting it from someone else. Unless it's genuinely offered to you it's just thievery. There's nothing wrong with self interest as long as there's self sufficiency.

 

[Oxide]

MAKE YOUR BET!

I've always wanted to do this:

Me: So, baby, how about we get this top off of you?
Girl: I don't know... do you do this with all girls?
Me: Yes, but other girls let me perfrom anal
Girl: OMG, no, I can't do that
Me: Well, you know, that's what I like
Girl: Jesus!! I heard that hurts
Me: Not for me, it actually feels nice!
Girls: Well...can't we do it regularly..like just have normal sex?
Me: Hehe..score.

 

[STR8UP]

so how does that translate into personal relationships and friendships? Should I watch out for you to try and screw me if I ever come to visit you? Should I be cautious of my friends every time we go out?

I have learned that MOST people make good drinking buddies, but VERY, VERY few make good business partners.

Think about that for a second. What does that mean?

It means that as soon as you introduce money in the equation, everything changes.

My best friend from high school basically changed the course of my life by embezzling a very large sum of money from me. He has his issues and I was getting to the point where I was cutting back on the amount of time I spent around him, but there's a pretty good chance that if I hadn't put him in a position where he had the opportunity to steal from me, we would likely be friends to this day.

Same thing is happening with the person that caused me to write this post. I considered him a friend until I started working with him and saw his TRUE colors.