Self-Respect, Setting Boundaries and Holding the Frame

[Masculinity]

Videos like this one remind me of the importance of having your sh*t together, holding the frame, and walking away when your boundaries are crossed. The pain of managing your finances, going to the gym, cleaning up your diet, starting a business, facing your fears, and growing a bigger pair is well worth the rewards in the end.

What some of these dudes are willing to tolerate just to get la!d is truly incredible. The growth of the AFC population will only make DJs with more valuable and desirable to women. Stay strong, guys!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

A lot of them delude themselves that they are 'models'. No, they are not. Models sell fashion. Models inspire art. Models don't sell themselves. Selling your nudes on OnlyFans and TikTok is sex work, not art or fashion.

 

[Mertz09]

I have Zero patience for Bs like that in the video.

 

[jhonny9546]

It would be a nice thing for unexperienced people to know more about how to know when someone it's entering your frame, or you are entering someone else frame.
Are there real life examples?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Are there real life examples?

What do you mean? Telling women off when they cross your boundaries? You need examples?

If you're bad at setting and maintaining boundaries, take a course on assertiveness.

 

[jhonny9546]

What do you mean? Telling women off when they cross your boundaries? You need examples?

If you're bad at setting and maintaining boundaries, take a course on assertiveness.

I do not think it's just that?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

It would be a nice thing for unexperienced people to know more about how to know when someone it's entering your frame, or you are entering someone else frame.
Are there real life examples?

It's simple. Be true to yourself and you'll never feel inner discord.

For instance if your gf complains that you never buy her flowers, so you then you do as a reaction, you're in her frame.

Whereas let's say you think your gf is the bomb and want to surprise her with flowers - you do it because you want to, it's your frame. Whether she's in it or not, who cares.

I specifically chose flowers because it's seen as "beta" (generally) but here you have an example of doing something on your terms vs. hers.

On a simpler scale simply texting when you want rather than waiting for her response or overthinking when to do it. Letting her qualify herself to you but not you to her.

The bottom line is you're doing it how you want. Just make sure you're not kidding yourself.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Videos like this one remind me of the importance of having your sh*t together, holding the frame, and walking away when your boundaries are crossed. The pain of managing your finances, going to the gym, cleaning up your diet, starting a business, facing your fears, and growing a bigger pair is well worth the rewards in the end.

What some of these dudes are willing to tolerate just to get la!d is truly incredible. The growth of the AFC population will only make DJs with more valuable and desirable to women. Stay strong, guys!

Ah, "boundaries". One of the many en vogue terms that reminds me of

It would be a fascinating to discover: When exactly did we, as a society, decide that declarations like "If you act and speak like a little b-tch and a p--sy, you'll end up as food for the hyenas" were just too politically incorrect to utter out loud?

 

[jhonny9546]

It's simple. Be true to yourself and you'll never feel inner discord.

The bottom line is you're doing it how you want. Just make sure you're not kidding yourself.

Be true to yourself is the mission of anyone.
What do you do when the "true yourself" it's a beta male, with some nonexistant male traits?
I write this because it's not always our fault, but we've been shaped like this by society/environment/experiences.

What's your take?

 

[Gamisch]

It would be a nice thing for unexperienced people to know more about how to know when someone it's entering your frame, or you are entering someone else frame.
Are there real life examples?

This is why (note to self) we as men need a personal law and it should be as strict as a Sharia law to a muslim.

Most problems start when you meet a nice woman BUT she has one or more deal breakers. Yet you continue with her,ignoring the red flags. She broke your frame from the first moment she met you.

This is when she silently breaks your frame already, resulting in you NOT being true to yourself from the jump.

Holding frame to me almost always comes down to being willing to walk away regardless of how hot she is(extremely difficult when a man doesn't have VOLUME and ABUNDANCE with women. . She "cannot " help that she is who she is including her past. The main question is whether I can live with it AND if it's even possible to be with her. E.g high bodycount, on meds, many many many pretty boys, that she calls friiiiieeends, influenced by her toxic (female) friends aka a too solid social cirlce ect.

Most men will adjust their frame overtime when they don't get their expectations met in life when it comes to women. A mam still skngle after 30 might adjust said frame unconsciously.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I do not think it's just that?

You don't know what assertiveness means?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Be true to yourself is the mission of anyone.
What do you do when the "true yourself" it's a beta male, with some nonexistant male traits?
I write this because it's not always our fault, but we've been shaped like this by society/environment/experiences.

What's your take?

You'd be surprised; people lose sight of themselves when they try to please others, whether it's society, friends, family, employers, etc.

Is a beta male really how you see your true self? What do you mean by "nonexistent" male traits?

 

[jhonny9546]

You'd be surprised; people lose sight of themselves when they try to please others, whether it's society, friends, family, employers, etc.

Is a beta male really how you see your true self? What do you mean by "nonexistent" male traits?

I was loved with a true, pure and profound love by an overly loving and attentive mother.

That makes you a man who loves that way, and in this world, if you do that, you get hurt.

We know very well that women cannot experience this feeling, hypergamy, and that therefore there will have to be a change on my part in how I feel emotions, but how do you change how you feel emotions? Is that right?


I'm pretty sure that the bullying I received at school also affected my self-esteem.

I have never missed women in the 13-19 age group, but after that, the road was uphill.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

I was loved with a true, pure and profound love by an overly loving and attentive mother.

That makes you a man who loves that way, and in this world, if you do that, you get hurt.

We know very well that women cannot experience this feeling, hypergamy, and that therefore there will have to be a change on my part in how I feel emotions, but how do you change how you feel emotions? Is that right?


I'm pretty sure that the bullying I received at school also affected my self-esteem.

I have never missed women in the 13-19 age group, but after that, the road was uphill.

Bolded the important part. You're on the right track here.

Yes you can change how you feel and think. I don't mean you deny your emotions in the moment.

You are trapped in a pattern based on the past and reflecting that onto your future. What you don't realize is you can retrain your brain. Use your conscious to recalibrate your subconscious. It will listen to whatever you tell it, like any good computer.

I can DM you a couple of good books to get you going. Read the DJ Bible too.

 

[jhonny9546]

Bolded the important part. You're on the right track here.

Yes you can change how you feel and think. I don't mean you deny your emotions in the moment.

You are trapped in a pattern based on the past and reflecting that onto your future. What you don't realize is you can retrain your brain. Use your conscious to recalibrate your subconscious. It will listen to whatever you tell it, like any good computer.

I can DM you a couple of good books to get you going. Read the DJ Bible too.

Which books are you talking about?
Reading made me realize many things.
I am applying the things I think are right for me, to my life.
I feel my behaviour has changed, but not nearly how I would.

I need to experience. I need real life situations.
I Feel stuck because of those3 main feelings:
1) "shame" "shame of myself" "shame of my sexuality as a male" "shame to impose myself"
2) "anxiety"
3) being too emotional (I'm an hobby artist). This made me think to leave art in favour of social activities

I am seeking the right experiences I can do everyday in my life, to fix those and grow into a mature man!
Which are the elements one needs in their everyday life in order to be masculine, dominant with anyone?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Which books are you talking about?
Reading made me realize many things.
I am applying the things I think are right for me, to my life.
I feel my behaviour has changed, but not nearly how I would.

I need to experience. I need real life situations.
I Feel stuck because of those3 main feelings:
1) "shame" "shame of myself" "shame of my sexuality as a male" "shame to impose myself"
2) "anxiety"
3) being too emotional (I'm an hobby artist). This made me think to leave art in favour of social activities

I am seeking the right experiences I can do everyday in my life, to fix those and grow into a mature man!
Which are the elements one needs in their everyday life in order to be masculine, dominant with anyone?

I DM'd you a couple of books that can help.

You are in Italy? That's tough. Italian mothers can be a little too mothering and the women can by bytchy there.

Nevertheless you need to work on your self perception and lose the shame. Realize this is not an overnight process and just count your wins and give yourself a break if you make mistakes. You don't need to be "dominant with anyone," you just need self acceptance and self confidence.

How old are you?

 

[manfrombelow]

Holding frame to me almost always comes down to being willing to walk away regardless of how hot she is(extremely difficult when a man doesn't have VOLUME and ABUNDANCE with women. .

Simply this.

After so much tears and pain, I've come to the exact same conclusion.

"Holding frame" itself is all about the ability to WALK AWAY (and REALLY MEAN IT) from a bad deal, be it woman or a business, no matter how GOOD / STUNNING they were at the beginning.

Actually women, especially HB 6/10 and above, are much more better at this than men, due to the over-abundance that come naturally and organically to them on a daily basis from a legion of thirsty beta AFCs.

 

[SW15]

There is a reason why Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 exists and it's the first rule. It's that important.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1

Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who's frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who's frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.

whose
Is that a direct quote from Rollo?
I'm not likely to take advice from people who cannot even follow simple grammar rules.

 

[SW15]

whose
Is that a direct quote from Rollo?
I'm not likely to take advice from people who cannot even follow simple grammar rules.

Direct quote.

Iron Rules

Posts about Iron Rules written by Rollo Tomassi

therationalmale.com

.

Appears like that on Page 209 on The Rational Male as well.