self-limiting beliefs

[decentguy]

- I'm a decent looking guy although very thin (5'8 - 112 lbs). I'm working on trying to gain at least 20 lbs of muscle and fat. I've always had body image issues and used to get teased a lot about my weight when I was young. This, combined with my AFC personality resulted in low self-esteem and being a late bloomer. I got laid/first girlfriend at 22 and just broke up with her a couple of months ago. Keep in mind that she's a 5 who threw herself at me from the beginning, so I didn't have to woo her. Other than her, I've never kissed or been with another girl. I am now 25.

- On the other hand, I'm a talented singer/songwriter/musician who also happens to be completing his masters degree in marketing. I'm intelligent and comfortable in social situations and people genuinely seem to like and respect me. I just don't have much of a social life lately because I'm so involved with studying.

- For financial reasons, I'm still living at home with my parents and will probably be for at least one more year. This is another issue which lowers myself esteem. I am not worried about job prospects once my masters is completed but I feel that not having an apartment makes the logistics of getting laid difficult, not to mention the turnoff it must be for a girl to find out that I'm 25 and still living at home.

I feel as though I am unconsciously blocking myself from going out and meeting girls because of these issues. It's as if I'm telling myself that I can't possibly get women until I gain weight, get a job and move into my own apartment.

Can any of you mature guys give me tips on overcoming these self-limiting beliefs? Am I right in thinking that my chances with girls, at this current moment, are severely limited because of these aspects?

 

[Warrior74]

I think you mentally need to reframe your situation. I wish I was getting my masters at 25. I'm finishing up my bachelors now with two years to go.

You aren't saddled with kids.
You aren't saddled with house notes and car notes and debt.
You have a great frame to build a good body on (trust me its hard to loose weight than gain it. )
You are preparing for your future.
You have natural talent.

These are the things you need to remind yourself of. Think of what's good in your life and how you are controlling your life to reach your goals. Think of how good that's going to feel and hold on to that feeling. You are on your path! You are living your adventure!

My best friend is 28 and doesn't have a house, he squats at one of his girls, my sofa and a couple of other friends sofas. He ****s girls in the car, or sneaks them into his parents, or at my house or on back country roads. It doesn't stop him from getting laid. I used to do the same in college. It's adventurous to bang a chic on the 50 yard line of your college football field, cause hey...you gotta bang her somewhere, might as well make it fun and memorable!

As for the weight, I'm 5'8 and 200lbs, mostly belly...I don't let it stop me. 3 years ago I was 300lbs. Stay in the gym and keep working out, women like the fact that you are determined to get what you want and that you are working towards it.

Always sell a woman on your potential, the things you are working towards, talking in glowing terms of your glorious future...not your humdrum present. Then take her on an adventure some where and tap that ass! This present situation is temporary, you know it and I know it and she'll know it. Buck up man! Good luck!

 

[Interceptor]

I would recommend you do some reading:
The Book of Pook
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
Mature Masculine Power and Mind OS by Dr. Paul Dobransky
Also some DVD by David Deangelo On Being a Man, and Deep Inner Game.
And Real Social Dynamic's The Blueprint Decoded

All this stuff is all about your perceptions. So your inner state and perceptions are what will change. There arent really mechanical 'steps' per se that will do this for you.
Its all about your consciousness.

You will see a need to change what YOU value, versus what other people value. And what YOU want for your life, versus others.
You will need to let go of others' value systems and get in touch with your own.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Do this exercise every day for a couple weeks, and see how much it changes your outlook. Take your "situations" of living at home, being skinny, etc, and every evening just before bed write out ten "sentence completion patterns" where you start with a "stem" and then finish with the first thing that comes to mind. For example:

Living home is good because....
Being skinny is good because...
Being busy with school is good because...
My personality is fantastic because...

etc

and then fill in the rest with whatever comes to mind. Do this 10-15 times EVERYDAY for each thing that you think is a "Handicap." don't think, just right the first thing that comes up. Shouldn't take more than 20 minutes a day.

The situations is never the "handicap" it is only the meaning that you give to it. By doing this exercise you will be forcing your brain to see things differently. Give yourself a couple fo weeks with this.

The longer you keep at this, the easier you will transform yourself from the inside out, until approaching and bedding hotties will be second nature.

Remember, outer game follows inner game.

 

[mrRuckus]

5'8 112lbs?

You could gain a lot of weight in a few months if you really wanted to. And, no, not just fat.

You have a great frame to build a good body on (trust me its hard to loose weight than gain it. )

bah.

how do you know his frame anyway?

 

[trent81]

Hey dude, I'm 35 and about to move back to parents. I had a married woman chase me around for four months and then she disappeared. Don't let these things worry you. If they say anything say "look, this is who I am, and if you want to have fun lets have fun, I'm still in school and busy I don't have money yet but will eventually so it's best you hang on to me if you want cool things to buy later"

 

[trent81]

the most common word of that is spelled wrong on the internet is "loose"
loose- a *****
lose- when someone kicks your ass

 

[Zunder]

the most common word of that is spelled wrong on the internet is "loose"
loose- a *****
lose- when someone kicks your ass

Ah sheez, this mis-spelling of lose / loose really p!sses me off.
Not only on the internet either, but even in books you will find some idiot stating.... "I hope we don't loose the game".
fvcking idiots.

 

[decentguy]

Thanks guys, this is some great advice and I appreciate the sense of community on this forum!

 

[Warrior74]

5'8 112lbs?

You could gain a lot of weight in a few months if you really wanted to. And, no, not just fat.







bah.

how do you know his frame anyway?

skinny > fat

 

[decentguy]

skinny > fat

Even when you're 5'8 and weigh 112 lbs???
I have always felt that girls find me unattractive because of this, that it has always been the reason for me not getting girls. It's always in the back of my mind when I'm talking to a girl. For some people being underweight can be mentally just as difficult as being overweight.

 

[Warrior74]

Even when you're 5'8 and weigh 112 lbs???
I have always felt that girls find me unattractive because of this, that it has always been the reason for me not getting girls. It's always in the back of my mind when I'm talking to a girl. For some people being underweight can be mentally just as difficult as being overweight.

skinny>fat as a starting point to building up a good body. It's a ***** loosing weight, at least for me. I'd trade metabolism's with ya any day of the week.
Maybe your right, but i can't see it from where I'm standing.

How's your style dress, your hair, your complexion, and your body language? I worked on all of those and it upped my choosing signals even though I'm overweight.

 

[Jitterbug]

5'8" and 112lbs would be too skinny even for a girl. Most girls don't want to feel "fatter" than the guy they're dating.

Hit the gym and eat like a tiger. The Health & Fitness section on this site is perfect for you. You should bulk up pretty quickly with "newbie gain".

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

- I'm a decent looking guy although very thin (5'8 - 112 lbs). I'm working on trying to gain at least 20 lbs of muscle and fat. I've always had body image issues and used to get teased a lot about my weight when I was young. This, combined with my AFC personality resulted in low self-esteem and being a late bloomer. I got laid/first girlfriend at 22 and just broke up with her a couple of months ago. Keep in mind that she's a 5 who threw herself at me from the beginning, so I didn't have to woo her. Other than her, I've never kissed or been with another girl. I am now 25.

- On the other hand, I'm a talented singer/songwriter/musician who also happens to be completing his masters degree in marketing. I'm intelligent and comfortable in social situations and people genuinely seem to like and respect me. I just don't have much of a social life lately because I'm so involved with studying.

- For financial reasons, I'm still living at home with my parents and will probably be for at least one more year. This is another issue which lowers myself esteem. I am not worried about job prospects once my masters is completed but I feel that not having an apartment makes the logistics of getting laid difficult, not to mention the turnoff it must be for a girl to find out that I'm 25 and still living at home.

I feel as though I am unconsciously blocking myself from going out and meeting girls because of these issues. It's as if I'm telling myself that I can't possibly get women until I gain weight, get a job and move into my own apartment.

Can any of you mature guys give me tips on overcoming these self-limiting beliefs? Am I right in thinking that my chances with girls, at this current moment, are severely limited because of these aspects?

I can speak from experience. In highschool, I was 6'2, like 135 lbs? 140 maybe. Pretty thin. And very little confidence, very poor beliefs. No gf in highschool. Didnt get my drivers license until age 20.

I think a huge problem for nearly all late bloomers/virgins until their early or mid 20's, is that they didnt live like they had a d*ck in their teens.

Every teen summer was....comics? The baseball card convention? Star Wars? Online role playing games? Internet forums? Staying indoors?

Teenage d*cks dont tell you to go to star wars conventions all summer. This isnt everyone of course. But you dont allow your natural tendencies to take over. Its shrouded and covered up in this gigantic fog. And you "awaken" in your late teens or early 20's..my gosh...I should be getting girls?

I tried lots of stuff in early college...like tony robbins, even pheromones (bought them on the internet...suppose to give you this scent and turn you into a stud). But the big turning point for me was better social skills, social confidence and living like you have a d*ck.

This other stuff doesnt matter. People in the real world lose their jobs and still have girlfriends. Look at unemployment now. Plenty of unemployed guys without a masters degree getting laid now. Plenty of guys that drive beat up cars are going out with girls and getting laid.

The height and weight...theres plenty of guys shorter than you getting girls.

It's taken me a long time to realize this, but the more you look at the real world, and real living conditions, the more you realize how artificial some of these constraints are (like, having your own apartment, or having a job). Girls stay with guys that are far from perfect.

It also assumes, the girl is perfect...with an apartment, job, etc. Not always the case.

Sometimes out in the real world, I'll see these punk skater kids, or a goth couple, or an emo couple, or something out of the mainstream. They arent straining like so many guys on this site do. They dont have these strict improvement regimens to get a girl. They don't have these strict rules and guidelines. Very interesting what you see when you really open your eyes.

"Living like you have a d*ck" is much better than other alternatives I've tried....like affirmations, hyping myself up, "go get her". That stuff doesnt work for me. Or other exercises. Or telling myself, I'm not an afc. I'm not a nice guy.

You're more spontaneous, you have more choices in your head. She can see that you have this list of girls in your head, she's not the only one. There's all these factors...and it comes off differently than...I'm just an afc virgin loser, please go out with me.

Anyhow, thats whats helped me.