Self-Improvement Thread - Changing My Life!

[GetBetter]

Haven't updated in a while so thought why not update now. I won't elaborate a lot but summarize what has been going in my life.

I have moved to a new city to learn drawing and painting and prepare a portfolio for colleges abroad. I have found a new college named Feng Zhu School of Design which is just one year diploma course but as heard it's very rigorous and students don't get time to even sleep. So yeah gotta prepare for that and Ringling's animation course.

This new city is a lot bigger and better than where I lived. This is basically the business hub of India. And man after coming here I am feeling that it's necessary to become a businessman and maybe after completing my art graduation, I am definitely going to find a way to combine art and money. Also as I have spent my few days with my aunt who had come in this new city for a seminar, I found new contacts and lived a life style of a businessman... It has motivated me because that is the kind of lifestyle I want.

About drawing and painting, it's been around three weeks now and my teacher is very happy with my progress however he has agreed that I don't have much time to learn a lot of things and thus I should try to learn own my own as well. Thats why I have been trying to learn figure drawing, head and character creations at this room I have rented. So if LearningSlowly you are reading this, please help me with this part by suggesting few books.

Now about girls - This institute I am going to is full of rich kids and oh man girls dress in a great fashion, that makes them look beautiful. Richness intimidates me, i don't know why... I haven't even approached a single girl at that institute and what's worse is my class is totally disconnected from rest and only 'ladies' above 30 come there to learn painting. It's alright though. Although one girl from other class had come to get something fixed and get tips from sir but I made a comment, she laughed and sat next to me and comes daily just to greet me. She doesn't look too good though.

Yesterday I had went to do cold approaches with a PUA(intermediate level) who had come from another city just to do it with me.. I was obliged for real. He gave me some tips and we kept walking for 4 hours non stop trying to pick up chicks. My friend had also come to observe us but man on his first approach he nailed it kind of. The guy used the opener that my friend was shy on two girls and they responded well and eventually developed interest in him guess. I was very happy because it was the first time I was engaged in a conversation on approaching. Later we kept approaching lots but eventually the guy developed AA because we both were getting dependent on him. I approached a girl all alone and I am proud of myself for that as I could extend a little convo - I asked about coffee shop she told me where it was but wasnt sure so I asked if she was from here etc etc. And then I asked well, I have no idea where it is so she should join. to that she replied that she is with her friend and her boyfriend came in. And I was surprised that he didn't even feel bad and thought I was her college friend. He greeted me and so I did as well. Cool

Today I feel as if it was dream because I can't believe we went to approach so many girls. I might go today in the evening as well. ALso, I think I try to escalate a lot faster that it should go making me look like a desperate person or a creep, idk. Also I need to think of indirect approaches.

Now about life - I have been doing meditation daily however I feel as if I am not able to make a connection to my inner being now. I shall try to do it for more than 20 mins now. Other than that, my roommmate has given me the book 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari' and I have read 50 pages of it so far. It talks about the same thing - Meditation and connecting to your inner self, your true nature etc and free yourself from negative thoughts. Random much but I dream of being a proper man, a perfect male who is independent, wise, has experience in every field, is successful and rich, and is a well seducer. Basically best a person can get.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

What kind of books?

 

[GetBetter]

Yo everyone! How are you all?

About me, I check SoSuave daily, just not updating my Journal. So now I am here again, updating my Journal, to give an insight on what has been happening and to ask more and more questions; oh and rant as well, as usual.

Drawing : My lines have got so much better that at one point my teacher, who is so freaking awesome at this mentioned that my lines that I draw, show more confidence than his. I was just 'wow'! However, again, I do feel that I am not giving my 100%, not even 50%! I do not know why this happens but it just happens and it is frustrating! My mind has developed that way I guess. I have a lot to improve! Improve because I am another piece of ****! My drawings aren't good as they are supposed to be.

- Gotta do as much live sketching and practice as possible. IMPROVE YOU PIECE OF ****! IMPROVEEE!!!!

Honestly, after moving to this new city, I have learned a lot but right now as I am talking about drawing, I'll mention that:

1. Nothing can be learned in a day or two, you need constant practice if you want to improve. I do literally laugh when people ask silly questions like How can I improve or what's the fastest way to do this or that - there's no short-cut man, you just gotta practice and practice as much as you want to improve. Though I have understood this, I still get lazy many times lol and want short cuts, though they dont exist.

2. Whatever you believe or constantly think about will happen in your life. If you have watched The Secret, or read Robin Sharma's The Monk who Sold his Ferrari, you would know what I am talking about and why they say to constantly imagine where you stand in next few years if you wish to be that one. I have come to believe this because I used to constantly think of having Big Social Circle, getting into Ringling and somehow just within two days, I decided to move here and join this institute and oh man, everything is happening! This institute is sick! Super rich, completely above my level(financially) come here and my social circle has expanded; as it is an art insititute, obviously with girls but I have been facing a lot of problems, which I will talk about later in Girls section Now that's why I do imagine every time of think of future where I will stand, what will I become, how I will be as a person and more things along the lines.

However, what I regret is that instead of being Proactive and creating such situations, I am being carved due to situations, completely opposite of how a Don Juan is supposed to be... So here comes a small rant:

My teacher has gone on a 10 day vacation to his home, and as he has gone I have no one to scold me, or constantly have a check on me due to which I have got distracted. And due to this I came to know how everyone considers me Super Serious guy, just because I always focus on drawing, and getting into Ringling just to create all this - great social circle, happiness, a paradise basically. But this also has put me in a dilemma - Why to waste all such opportunities because after growing up, I might not get all this back - or to put is poetically.. heavens are throwing rose petals at feet of this pilgrim. It really is hard to concentrate on various things, or rather even two things so as to improve at them. One gets more attention than others.

Also after reading Jack Wealthy's update, I really was joyous how he has achieved his goals and that brings me to update this journal and create much more Concrete Goals like his. At the end of this post, I will create goals which I will attain no matter what, have a look at them and give your reviews.

Girls: As I mentioned earlier, my social circle has improved and mostly with girls however this has happened because of my friend from my home town - my fine arts room is completely isolated unlike his and thats why he was able to make friends(excuse?). Blah blah blah.... I am jealous of him and his best friend - One guy is Funny and all girls seem to dig him, and I do not know how but naturally he has become the Alpha Male of the group! And I am unable to accept this so I sometimes either go aloof or try to take his control and force command on the group. Sometimes, it works. However, the main reason for him being Alpha, he has some of the Don Juan qualities - He is funny, and always brings up interesting topics to interact with and he sometimes ****s with girls who try to make fun of him - like he flips the situation around; all funny guys have this, no? Oh and he is a very good dancer. And due to him wanting attention, he shows off his skills and everyone loves what he does. The other guy - he is really one of the coolest guys I have seen and he is a great dancer too, but the most amazing quality he has is Don't Give a ****. These two guys bond great with each other as they have been friends since they were kids, I think and again that leaves me no space to express as they always talk or mimic Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Barney Stinson, and even co-ordinate well while dancing, lol!

And me, I just go aloof, I never talk about what I feel, what I am good at etc. And most importantly, due to whatever reasons, I am always judging, trying to see in a girl how they are described on SoSuave, remembering routines etc etc which clogs up my mind! I do believe tho, that once I lose myself, I am going to be a freaking beast! I believe so! Also what I am realizing is that I am quite enough to have a girlfriend or two but in my own eyes, I am not worthy enough. Not Yet. I will try to have experiences though.

WOOPS - Getting late for class. Will come and then update, write more!

 

[GetBetter]

Alright, here are the goals -

1. Fix my brain - For some reasons, I am always pretty sad and depressed, for no ****ing reason; anxieties and negative thoughts clog up my mind. So first step is to fix my brain, turn it towards positivity or neutrality. (Not in the mood to type a lot). Always in a serious type of mood, taking things too seriously, life too seriously and at times I wonder if I even know how to have fun... NorwegianDJ has once told me to just let it go but idk...

Now the question arises.. HOW? The only ways I know are Meditation and Nutrition. I do meditation daily, however still stuck in thoughts. About nutrition, I have started to drink fruit juices daily, started drinking milk again and consume more water. I have also ordered Awaken the Giant Within; will such books help?

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2. Be one of the Best Concept Artists - There is no other ****ing option! Ringling or something even better!

How - Draw everyday! 10 drawings a day!

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3. Bang 10 girls - Okay so maybe I thought I knew how to get girls but maybe in reality I know nothing. But I guess I am learning little by little. Maybe I am wrong but SoSuave and RSD so far have taught me have a right state of mind, happy living and just go approach attitude. However people think I have girl(s) in my current life and when I tell them that I have none, they just show signs of disbelief. Just cant express the problems in words.. I guess I need to talk to a friend to watch me carefully and tell me everything that goes wrong - voice to body language to how much creepiness I show.

Biggest problem I face is - nothing to talk, like seriously not know what to talk about. Girls speak, but I do not know how to respond and it just gets weird with super awkward pauses which I try to fill by staring into one's eyes..

How - Create a huge social circle. Play attraction and seduction. Okay, I do not know how... you guys help me!!


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4. Be rich - Gotta fulfill dreams of my parents who have seen financial problems for most of their dreams. I imagine myself in suits, in big flat with glass walls.

How - Become a great concept artist then open your own company.

 

[GetBetter]

So 3 days ago I asked HBSarah to be my girlfriend(unsure of why). That day she was being overreactive and feeling bad, just to gain attention maybe and I asked her if she wants to be my girlfriend. She didnt clearly say yes but as I was leaving coaching she followed me outside and seemed too happy. And after a little chat as I was leaving, she came and said ," Just two lines - Today is the worst and best day of my life." She seemed very happy. I had my drawing books in one hand and my bag in another so I couldn't hug her properly.

I was really surprised about how just one sentence from me made her that happy. That night we didn't chat; she wasn't the one who initiated texting and me being egoistic, even I didn't.

So lets talk about day before yesterday. I created situations so she would follow me to an empty room. She did. And a minute or two later I ran Mystery and Style's kiss close routine. And not even properly!! I do feel guilty now.

For those who do not know about this:

You ask her to close her eyes, concentrate her energy on her fringer and then you ask her to handle that energy to you by placing it on your palm. I did that and after that I ran my index finger on her arms, then forehead, cheeks and then lips. She was quivering and heavy breathing the all time. After that, I was supposed to ask if she wants to kiss me. Skipping this last part, the most important one I just jumped for kiss! She turned her head and I landed on her shoulders instead. Taking my seat again after that, I said sorry while she looked completely embarrassed. I also feel bad because I told all this to my friends. How can anyone ever trust me when I give information to everyone, the intimate ones? So later that night I text her apologizing for it. She replies with,"Its alright. Nice trick." We chat for a while; I always text forcefully because I really do not know how to chat or conversate.

Now I really want to answers to some questions as they are tearing me apart. What should I do with this girl? She shows too much interest in my friend as well. And that just kills me because I see that as my failure. And my other friend tells that it is happening because I am the one who doesn't give her as much attention she needs. Also, I feel as if I really do not have much value because I am literally not 'too good' at anything and lack the most important thing for seduction - imagination. I am going to stay here for 20 days more and I want to leave this city with some experiences and solutions, improving more as a Don Juan. However, I do think the information I have soaked so far is clogging up my mind - how to act, the prince charming etc. I never want to go and be the one to initiate conversation.

All in all, what should I do? Should I just put everything, give her love(not verbally of course) into this relationship for the time being; for the 20 days of my stay?

And what should I do about my insecurities? I am so insecure about this girl... I know she is the girl boards tell us to avoid. I am very much insecure because I think I can't keep interesting conversations, I can't give too much attention etc. My inner game is ****ed I guess.

 

[Watawata]

Congrats about still keeping this up while the rest of the forum is basically dead. I'll start again soon to make you some company

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Alright, here are the goals -

1. Fix my brain - For some reasons, I am always pretty sad and depressed, for no ****ing reason; anxieties and negative thoughts clog up my mind. So first step is to fix my brain, turn it towards positivity or neutrality. (Not in the mood to type a lot). Always in a serious type of mood, taking things too seriously, life too seriously and at times I wonder if I even know how to have fun... NorwegianDJ has once told me to just let it go but idk...

Now the question arises.. HOW? The only ways I know are Meditation and Nutrition. I do meditation daily, however still stuck in thoughts. About nutrition, I have started to drink fruit juices daily, started drinking milk again and consume more water. I have also ordered Awaken the Giant Within; will such books help?

--------------------------------------------------------


2. Be one of the Best Concept Artists - There is no other ****ing option! Ringling or something even better!

How - Draw everyday! 10 drawings a day!

--------------------------------------------------------

3. Bang 10 girls - Okay so maybe I thought I knew how to get girls but maybe in reality I know nothing. But I guess I am learning little by little. Maybe I am wrong but SoSuave and RSD so far have taught me have a right state of mind, happy living and just go approach attitude. However people think I have girl(s) in my current life and when I tell them that I have none, they just show signs of disbelief. Just cant express the problems in words.. I guess I need to talk to a friend to watch me carefully and tell me everything that goes wrong - voice to body language to how much creepiness I show.

Biggest problem I face is - nothing to talk, like seriously not know what to talk about. Girls speak, but I do not know how to respond and it just gets weird with super awkward pauses which I try to fill by staring into one's eyes..

How - Create a huge social circle. Play attraction and seduction. Okay, I do not know how... you guys help me!!


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4. Be rich - Gotta fulfill dreams of my parents who have seen financial problems for most of their dreams. I imagine myself in suits, in big flat with glass walls.

How - Become a great concept artist then open your own company.

That's awesome that you want to become a concept artist - I draw like crazy myself, am obsessed with art - and I don't mean to discourage you with what I'm about to say, but carefully consider a few things before going that route -

1) It is very difficult to land a position up that alley. That does not mean do not strive to attain your goal(s), and that it is not possible - it certainly is - but maintain perspective. Be very honest with yourself before making that jump. Ask yourself "do I have the work ethic to make it in that field?" "Is this really what I want to do with my life?" A teacher at an atelier once told me that he became an artist because he didn't want to work, only to find out that artists probably work two times as much as the regular 9-5 drone. Btw, I don't know where you live, but if you can locate an atelier near you, I strongly recommend attending one. No, they won't run you through creating thumbnails and work in Photoshop (like say Feng Zhu), but they're much cheaper than your typical art school by a long shot, sharpen your eye, and strengthen the hell out of your technical abilities.

2) I do not recommend going to an art school unless a majority or all of it will be paid off through scholarships. Art schools are INSANELY expensive, I'd go as far as saying criminally expensive. There's an article I read some time back pointing out how a law degree from Harvard is a few thousand dollars cheaper than a degree from Pratt I think it was. You should not have to go six figures deep to get a degree in something like art, and whether that means web design, graphic design, animation, fine art, whatever, it should not matter. Do not become another 'starving artist' because you made it through art school, you're 200 k in the hole, can't find a job, and can't find something better than being a barista at Starbucks or waiting tables. I got nailed with only 5 grand worth of debt for attending one of the Art Institutes (total scam of a 'school' by the way, perhaps the biggest one) for attending just ONE QUARTER. They prey on the young and naive, selling them this idea that they could be that one in a million who will make millions. Odds are stacked against you from that rise to stardom ever happening. Not saying it can't happen, but you know what will happen for sure if you attend one of these schools and most or all of it is not paid off through scholarships? DEBT. LOTS OF IT. Expected monthly payments ranging in the hundreds. There's a very good reason why art schools do not like to shine too much light on the subject, because if they did, no one would attend.

That's fantastic that you have lofty goals, I mean that sincerely, and none of what I've said above is to scare you, but rather, to better prepare you. You must be dedicated to the point of being monk-like. Kiss some sort of 'balanced' life of school-pick up goodbye if you truly are gunning for a career as a concept artist - at least while you sharpen your skills, build up your portfolio, and NETWORK. I'm sure you are familiar with James Jean, not sure if you're into his stuff or not, but you cannot argue that he sits among the elite in the art world at the moment. Pay very, very close attention to what he says in the first few minutes of this interview, how much work he put into developing himself as an artist, and the true purpose of the 95% of the student body in an art school -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge8nD-eJMVo

Again, please do not take any of what I've written above as a wave of pessimism designed to steer you in a different direction. If this is what you want, go for it, but be insanely dedicated to making it happen. Put all of the pick up stuff aside until you get that handled because it's going to require essentially ALL of your energy.

 

[adamwalkner]

Hello all newbies, how are you all. I am Prince Charming. Nice to meet all of you. I am an Artist. I love meet new people as well as making new friends. I like to watch new Hollywood Movies as well as Bollywood Movies and want to know about them as more as possible. So if you really want to know my thinking about Self Improvement Thread - Changing your Life, then i will tell you that it is really a very great news that Self Improvement Thread made Way to changing you Life. So please mention some things which you feeling change in your life, which provides by Self Improvement Thread.

 

[GetBetter]

That's fantastic that you have lofty goals, I mean that sincerely, and none of what I've said above is to scare you, but rather, to better prepare you. You must be dedicated to the point of being monk-like. Kiss some sort of 'balanced' life of school-pick up goodbye if you truly are gunning for a career as a concept artist - at least while you sharpen your skills, build up your portfolio, and NETWORK.

Thank you Between_The_Lines for the insight. I had read your message the same day you posted it but I didn't reply. Thank you so much! Much of what you said is what I already know through forums like ConceptArt.org I would still like to face it. And for some reason i believe that it will all work out in my favor.

However what is also true is that right now I am way too focused in having good friends, few sexual experiences. I still want to draw but being lonely all the day just is unbearable to me. I want to see the world, experience everything. I still want to draw but right now as I am focusing on the socializing part, I am giving less and less time to art.... I need to get obsessed with it again. It's as if like I do know what shall be done but at the same time I am puzzled where to begin with. Lol, it's like I need someone to push me always. Shame on me man.

And if you don't mind, send me your Whatsapp Number or Skype ID. I would like to be in touch with a Don Juan obsessed with ART! Woo!

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Haven't updated in months... There's so much that happened that I can't even type it or remember it all.. **** I dont even want to type but at the same time I want help >.<

So maybe, instead of making it like a journal update(I do have everything recorded in my notebook though, though I haven't written anything in that for a month either) I'll make it look like a post with rants and questions.

I am back in my hometown and I am starting to hate it. I came back a month ago and now I am back here and got nothing... Fearing that I might go back into a person who was depressed, got no strength etc a loser basically I had joined Gym and soon dance class and tried to keep myself as busy as I could and for few days I felt 'limitless'. Maybe that was because I had fallen ill and all I was having for energy was juices and milk. I thought I was winning, more so because I met another PUA named Cody, who calls himself one of the best in India - says he has banged 50 chicks so far and his friend who is a master PUA holds a record of 500. Well I do not know where he stands really but he certainly is great and he just tore me apart by bringing out everything that I lack.

I felt as if... what to say... despite being on Forums, learning everything about mindset, techniques and thinking that I was improving all along... when I got to the new city and into a huge social circle, all that started to deteriorate and then I met him and whooshh.... everything was gone. It was like a kid so naive, a huge loser that I have been hiding resides in me. He told me that I don't even know how to talk to people or rather boys, so girls should be forgotten. I realized that in all these years of isolation... I probably developed nothing but Social Anxiety, Low Self Esteem, Social Awkwardness, Delusional Confidence, Fakeness and what not. Despite knowing what I did not have to do with girls, I did exactly the same AFC moves, like a provider with HBSarah in my last days in the old city. That made me even more frustrated because I was doing all that despite knowing that it wasn't healthy. How I was letting my powers to my friends and let them manipulate me. I was being too dependent. WHY? I do not know! I guess I am still a kid, too naive inside, just faking all this manly ****! This Cody guy also told me that I really have no value to offer to anyone. He threw it on my face ,"For all these minutes I have talked to you, not for a single moment I felt as if I am enjoying. It's just that I am giving all that I know to you for free." Really man, what do I have to offer in return? I still ponder over this.

But hey, I took ACTION! For the time being he was there, I fought it all. I felt great! I felt that I was actually improving! And then after spending two days with us he left and then it all went cold. Much more as I went to meet my girl for valentine to the city. She couldn't meet as she said her family is strict and all that ****. I know you all would say, DROP Her! But I do feel that the concern was real. However I got angry and then just decided to go no contact on her. It hurt me but I kept telling myself this ,"What's in my circle of influence? Change myself and channel all this to get new girlfriend". I still do this as I do not ever initiate contact. She is the one who messages me, skypes me, chats etc. I haven't ended it yet because I fear if I do, instead of becoming friend, she would just try to forget me, go no contact and all that. I do not want to create my image as a negative one in her mind. So what I am doing is wait for her to break this or let it slowly die. I am not going to initiate but yeah.. all this would still be painful. A huge dent on my 'EGO'.

After coming back to hometown after valentines I decided to keep taking action. I make time daily to go approach and other decisions to not fall back to old self... THIS TIME I AM A WARRIOR and I will fight!

So made these plans: Wake up > Gym > Drinking Juice > Multi Vitamins > Use Aloe Vera on Face > Meditation > Character Development > Dance Class(socialize) > Approaching > Drawing > Earning Money > Reading books again > Sleep.

Character Development:

I am currently reading books - 7Habits of Highly Effective People and The Six Pillars of Self Esteem. Recently downloaded Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. Haven't completed any of these though.

Also watching Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo. So far, I like it way more than The BluePrint Decoded by Tyler.

Also, Cody recommended me to watch comedy. He said I take things way too seriously I wont achieve anything. Have fun and have everything. I have started to watch Impractical Jokers because that's all I am aware of at the moment. Watched some stuff on Youtube about how to be funny....

Socializing and Approaching:

Even though I go to approach daily, I can not approach even a single girl now.. the sayings of cody have destroyed me even more because I do see it all in myself. I AM NOT FUN, AT ALL! Even before he told me about value, I did observe that people didn't value me as much. Why? I am not sure. I guess most of the problem is I am not able to talk or communicate. The fears are unbelievable. I never imagined that just talking to someone or developing a social cricle would be this difficult. I guess nothing worth comes too easily.

I just go and try to converse with random guys but man, I can't talk to them either. I keep questioning... how to open? I guess with time it can be overcome.

Even in Dance Class, which is full of girls - it's like 20 girls and 2-3 boys. But I get scared of approaching and much more of ... what will others think? And now even more because I 'do not look good'. Okay, but looks don't matter boy, personality does! OKAY! I agree! But my personality sucks even more!

I am way too frustrated. I am taking action but with time it's reducing and with time I am starting to accept this, cry like a baby like before and get frustrated more and more! I am going into downward spiral like before, again! NO! I don't want this to happen! I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN!

Girls are not much of a concern for some reason. I want a huge social circle full of boys and girls and we just having fun. If not that, just few people but unimaginable fun! SO much laughter, so much craziness, so much sexual intensity... being successful. Being top class man! Being the elites!

Again I started with 'What my values are' question and much more with 'What do I want to bring to table' question realizing that everything does boil down to it. I haven't sorted them out yet, nor do I remember all but these are commonalities:

Fun, Much Manliness, Classiness, Sexual Intensity and sexual freedom(when I interact with girls), Mystery, Power, Strength, Honesty, Little Manipulation, Fear and Respect in people's eyes.

^Those are personality traits right? My character still sells short. What irritates me the most is this - Everyone calls me a moron. And it just feels like the biggest insult one can ever do to me. Why is it so? I think maybe it's me lacking the worldly experience. All I have is bookish knowledge. I do not have experience with girls either.

And suddenly sometimes this question pops up in my mind - "Why am I doing this? For whom am I building muscles, trying to earn money? I have no one to share this with, no one to properly enjoy all this with. It feels as if the age has gone, I can not enjoy anymore. I never could and never will. I look older than people my age as I am balding at an unbelievable pace and the same people are getting serious understanding their responsibility.

Well sorry that this got too big.. I didn't expect this either. Well all in all, I feel lost yet again. Sinking into darkness once again.

Guess I'll keep saying this to myself : "Stop crying about your situation! TAKE MASSIVE ACTION YOU IDIOT! Improve you ****ing idiot!"

I just need a little more strength and that extra push.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

And for some reason i believe that it will all work out in my favor.

Good - you should carry a degree of 'faith' that things will work out for the best, but you have to put in the work, or you will likely eventually find yourself frustrated and living a life not of your choosing if you continue to put off your self-imposed responsibility of becoming a concept artist. The time piles up quickly, believe me.

However what is also true is that right now I am way too focused in having good friends, few sexual experiences. I still want to draw but being lonely all the day just is unbearable to me. I want to see the world, experience everything. I still want to draw but right now as I am focusing on the socializing part, I am giving less and less time to art.... I need to get obsessed with it again. It's as if like I do know what shall be done but at the same time I am puzzled where to begin with. Lol, it's like I need someone to push me always. Shame on me man.

It's better that you set aside a mandatory amount of time for drawing, even if it's only 30 minutes, than to go days, weeks, months without drawing. Never rely on inspiration to come get you - you have to go get inspiration. Better to keep the fire at low than to shut it down completely and expect it to return again. By definition, being "obsessed" requires some sort of contact with whatever it is you're obsessed with, even if that form of contact is merely thinking about it, but that's not enough... like approaching women, thinking about it relentlessly will only get you so far - you have to apply, you have to do.

Where to start? Fundamentals. Perspective. Perspective. Perspective. Master it. Keep the pen/pencil/brush/medium of your choice moving. Ultimately, you are in charge of how good you become. MILEAGE...

https://instagram.com/p/zXpn54HOaO/

 

[GetBetter]

Thank you Between_The_Lines. I have started drawing for 30 minutes. Even started 45 minutes a day, then an hour or more. But since last week or so I am back to ****ed up behavior, negative thoughts and such.

I'll share my diary entry here:

I have started to write while I am at place to sarge so that I can type what I feel. I'll just copy-paste what I had typed in my mobile phone's notepad so that you guys will have a better understanding of what's really going on -

Day before Yesterday

What is happening today? Girls are responding in an unusual way. Approached two girls, one after other asking for a good coffee shop nearby. They both bluntly said 'no' and the latter one brisk walked across the street. Turns out both are friends.

I am still afraid that I might get beaten up someday.

I am feeling really low and sad today. Blaming my ex for all the misery that I am in, although there has been no official break up but she's over me and it's my life that sucks which is the actual reason for feeling low today. Even more after having a talk with her and feeling guilty because I still tell her about about almost everything going on in my life - Approaching, loneliness, boring life etc in high energy so as to show as if I am doing great without her and can handle it easily. I am not living my life to the fullest. How do I live it to the fullest?

I can't do it. I don't think I can learn pickup... I am wasting so much time and energy on this but I have so much time to waste anyway.

3rd Approach: Went direct. Weird reaction again. She responded with "So what?" She kept staring at the bag of new shoes I purchased instead of looking me in the eye. Seemed like a gold digger or maybe I was shoving it in her face.

I really think I can't do pickup anymore, I am so frightened.


Someone had given me great advice. But am I able to really integrate it into my life? Am I able to integrate anyone's advice into my lfie? No! I don't even know what I can do. What do I want to do? There's so much or maybe there's nothing actually that I can do, all alone.


Yesterday

Went for live sketching with a friend. Hung out all day with him and even did some approaching. Was very anxious, much more because of the performance anxiety and thinking what he might be thinking of me. I had told them so much about Pickup, how I am some whatsapp groups etc etc. I had to perform right? And what did I do? Failed! Miserably. He was supporting me all the time, every friend of mine does. I missed so many sets, some were completely giving IoIs from tables of McD. Why was I getting so many eye contacts and signals from girls today, I do not know, but what I do know is... I acted as a ***** and couldn't even summon up the courage to go say hi! Pssh. I finally decided to revert back to 'What's the time' opener. Used it on one girl in mall... and then no more. My friend at one point said "Kya maze aate hain tujhe itna sa karke?"

After some more time at mall, back to place where I sarge daily. Did some more live sketching with friend and then he suggested to go do approaching.

1. Time Opener.
2. Coffee shop opener.
3. Coffee shop opener.
4. Same opener but I did something kinda cool. Me and my friend both were leaning against a parked car, talking and suddenly a pretty good looking girl walks by. I walked one or two step away from car and asked her "Hey can I have a minute? I need little help" and went back to leaning against the car. She sighed and stopped. I kept leaning and just asking interview like questions, getting no where nearer to my intention (did I have any?)... For a moment I turn my head which I often do when I am out things to say or lose confidence and she was out. I could have stopped her but I didn't.

Hung for half an hour more with my friend and then headed back home. I was questioning myself all the time "Do I really want friends? I do not enjoy their company as much. I wasn't having an awesome time. But maybe that's because I am always in my head most of the time, I do not even take interest in others. I do not even have cool stories to tell, or even any story to tell except for talking of past or complaining about what's missing and worrying about future." And at home, I do not even give time to family. I come home, and get on computer checking out IndianLair, Sosuave, How I met Your Mother (because I need to watch something funny), Stand up comedy on Youtube, Rsdvideos, Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo, Checking Mails, Facebook, Whatsapp messages in groups, and all the **** that isn't necessary. And then I am back to feeling horrible about how I am not enough, how life sucks, how I am not doing this or that, how I need more, how I am a cry baby, how blah blah blah blah.
SHUT THE **** UP BRAIN!!!

Well the question I really want to answer myself is - Do I really want to learn pickup? Do I want a continuous flow of hot women for sex? I do not know man. Sure some intimacy would be great, but all I demand for is a great adventurous life. But, am I courageous enough right now?

Well, my Journal actually is heading nowhere. I guess I'll post with some results; a number, a date or makeout, whatever.
______________________________________________________________

How much have I changed since my first post on SoSuave? I wonder if I have even a bit. I want to cry(girly much?). I feel that it would let my emotions flow out and never return again.

Been thinking about my bro. How is he so positive, so strong, much more masculine than I am even though we are growing in same situations? He had less resources than me, he has them less!

Then I suddenly thought, I really need to take massive action to turn 360 degrees, change from this to... and then I halted. What do I want to change into? Turn into?

I do take life seriously, how do I let go? The thoughts don't fade. I miss the city where I spent my 6 months. I miss my mentor, my friends, the time and I am resisting the change and not letting it go!

 

[GetBetter]

- Continuing dance class. Two new guys joined and I am already friends with them. One of them is my daily sarging partner. However what I am calling 'sarging' is nothing but fooling around thinking that we are actually doing something. One girl from class tried to contact me through fb but I haven't even summoned guts in me to go say hi to her. There is one other girl that I at first wanted to talk to but now I have given up hope. I will just go and make a fool out of myself anyway and ask her out for coffee.

- Met a great dude whom I found sketching live and I became friends with him as I wanted to meet someone to do live sketching. We meet daily and sketch. Pretty good friends with him. That guy becomes center of attention. He has lots of stories to tell man, might not be interesting but still he does; makes everyone talk or enjoy. I lack there. I don't even open up but now as I am spending more and more time with them I am discovering some talents of mine as well. My acting and accents I produce engage people. I am opening up. The guy from dance class joins us for sketching as well.

- Joined drawing class as well. Not as good as the institute at the city I was in for past 6 months. I still want those moments back man, I want those friends that hard work, great mentors back in my life. I really want to go back there but I can't at the moment. Money is the problem but I want to meet everyone and thank them for being my friends - they are great people man! And this reminds me of the future which is at stake.. I might not be able to attend colleges again this year... I did my best; got into Ringling and even got scholarship. I might not be able to enjoy or live College life, ever. So what should I do? Yesterday pondering about this made me like really sad. But today I don't know why but I feel something will work out. I am in a state/zone probably. Had good time with friends today.

- I am afraid at the same time that I might have to live my life like an average dude and it will just pass me by without anything great happening in it...I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE LIKE AN AVERAJE JOE!!! I want lots of new experiences man, great time. But actually I am even unsure what I really want out of life. One thing I know for sure is that what I ask will be granted. Also, I need to ask the right questions to myself. I am thinking(yeah just thought so far) to sit down every night and throw questions at myself and try to answer them. When I had just come back from Ahmedabad I used to do this and at points get to the level when I thought I found the answer or like some questions would hit really deep and I was like 'Yes.. this is the correct question'.

- I go to approach girls daily. But what I do is just go and ask for time or directions or anything ****ty. I have been doing this for quite sometime now. At first when I had no friends I actually did it to get some friends or improve but since past week as I have got friends I am a lot more relaxed and I do it just for the sake of doing it. Although I pretend I care. Like there's no purpose. Moreover, I feel that I am creepy now instead of classy. Ugh! Just the thought of being the 'doesn't give **** about clothes, look, way of speaking, and being vulgar' gives me chills man. Don't wanna be that guy. I really don't want to be creepy but a super suave guy whom girls would fall to talk to. But maybe that's just fantasy. Anyways, I really want to improve at this(right now). I want to have a girlfriend; I want to kiss her passionately, cuddle with her and just love her. Give away everything! Well that makes me realize that... to get the type of girl I want, I have to become that guy. Like not actually changing for the sake of getting girls but actually to become the most manly and classy guy I can.

- Health wise: I have been cutting off gym lately. Getting lazy or just making a belief system as what would it even give me. But I am feeling weak physically so I have decided to start going to Gym again. I have to improve my body. Other than that, I have completely cut all bad food and now drink juice daily. I have started taking supplements as well - Omega 3 and Multi-Vitamin capsules. Still I have not-so-clear skin and I feel lethargic. Maybe I need some detoxification. I have noticed that every time I get sick, my recovery not only ends with eradication of disease but clear skin, great loads of energy and positivity. And.. I should stay strong on No Fap. I keep failing.

- Reading lots of good books. I am proud of myself for having such an awesome collection of books, although I have finished none. Currently reading Power vs Force along with Think and Grow Rich and Awaken the Giant Within. I plan on completely Power vs Force first followed by Think and Grow Rich.

_________________________________________________​

Alright so thinks to focus on, start doing or plan on:

1. Focus on improving at Art and Pickup: I don't even approach duets or triplets; I get scared. And, I do nothing but just **** around by asking silly questions. I need to go and converse now. And maybe to get rid of fear of duets or triplets by asking time. Also I fear that as our city is small, I might end up approaching lots of girls who will recognize me and run away...

2. Try to spend little time learning concept art. Already downloaded CGMW workshops, along with few more videos on it. Draw two concept paintings daily.

3. Learn to provide value to others and create stories. Be honest and let it all flow and become interesting.

4. Work and earn through pixel art daily. I sure dont want to stay at pixel art so come up with ideas and try to earn through concept art as well.

5. Organize my Journal! This has to be done! Journal is gold and I should write it in a way that me and others would enjoy reading it and finding more and more knowledge or inspiration from this. So figure out this as well.


I am glad that my goals actually haven't deviated. They are still - Fix brain, become a great concept artist, bang 10 girls(to just 'be good with girls), and become rich and developing a great personality/human being.

Enjoy life bro(s)!

 

[GetBetter]

U take nothing to grave but memories of how awesome ur life was. I want to keep experiencing travel. Going to abad right now in a jumping bus. I feel like a wheat grain during traditional method of winowing...
Its smelly in here...and it sounds like an airplane just without classy people. Thats why u need lots of money.

I hope i can sleep tonight in this rocking bus. And wake up withiut any broken bone

Cant come back to ahmedabad. Everyone's gone. And due to my memories I am trying to chase which does not exist...

I dont know what is this but i am afraid this might be the end of me and sarah... I love her, if this is what love is. Like a traveller, i have to live with this and be blessed that I got to experience it.

I love her! She is best girl I have ever met. Please god, make her more awesome and make her choose right. If i am not the right one, let her break my heart. I shall stand up after that and get back on my track to awesomeness.

We went to pg and had some alone time. I got to fingering and sucking jer boobs from over her shirt as i rubbed my crotch against her. She was loving it. But as soon as i tried to take off her shirt she yelled no. I said sorry and kept saying it at intervals until she said its okay. After that she said she loves me. Melted my heart.

Next day we meet. Our pg caretaker doesnt let sarah in. I tell him that we will be back in 5 mins. I tell sarah that we will go when he kicks us out and we get into the room. I grab her around her belly and place my chin on her shoulders. The smell and warmth of her body... Amazing. We chatter as i move my hands on her stomach. Bang bang on the door and we are kicked out. I ask my teacher for keys to his room he gets enraged and later that evening tells me that its not the right age to have sex. Me and sarah go to cafe but we dont talk much. She says she wants to spend alone time with me. I hate how she never wants to talk to me. Makes me wonder if she just wants pleasure. Well after a while i get out of cafe raging that its too boring and her blaming it on me. I ask dhairya for places to go. He has no clue. I suggest sarah to book hotel but she denies and even i felt awkard and little disgusted. So i suggest and take her to a nearby deserted mall. We go to an empty passage and kiss and hug. Pretty disgusting being at a place like this, plus every now and then people passed from there. So i took her to first floor of the mall to find a place in isolation. We did, it was staircase for emergency. We decided to go to roof, but there was a person guarding. We come back to second floor and she just jumps and holds me. I hold her tightly and like a man standing straight. I kiss her on her head, cheeks. I hear he take deep breaths. Soon we kiss, for long. And break every now and then. Soon she leans against me as if fainting. I kiss her and soon take my hands to her vagina and start rubbing it fivorously and i hear he take very long breaths. She started kissing me like never before but my whole focus was on rubbing her. I was loving how she was enjoying it, a lot. But soon i stopped realizing that its all new to her, her safety is in my hands and i dont want her to be at a place like this... i wanted it all to be superly romantic - great bed with petals kinda. I see her fainting and getting weak again as i stop. I get one step away from her and see that she wasnt able to hold herself properly. I take her into my arms again and hold her close to my chest. After sometime we exist from that isolated part and i make her sit on a couch so that she could relax and be normal. I try to chat her up. She holds my hands and says, you are such a cool guy aastikya. I try to crack silly jokes and she laughs but i can see that she finds them lame and doesnt enjoy them. Makes me wonder again if she does want me or she wants just sex...

Soon we leave, she trying to lead me. I didnt have money so she had to pay for rickshaw. And while leaving back for our homes she says to plan better for next day. But in the evening she replies on fb that her phone is with dad so i better not text or call her. I send message thru fb next day that i have planned, and message hey on whatsapp as well. She didnt respond till night so i got worried and gave a call. Didnt pick up...

Yesterday night me and other friends went for a get together, spent great time.

Cutting down in between to this:
Sarah had messaged me on Facebook that her phone was captured as her parents found out about us. Her family is pretty strict about these kinds of things. I reply her asking me to call etc etc as I was concerned. She called me today keeping the phone on loudspeaker so that her sister and Sarah could hear me out. She asked me if I had posted our pics on FB or instagram and that's how they ended up in their relatives phone. I denied and told her that it might be because of the hacker that had previous hacked her phone and got access to some of her pictures. Then again Sarah and her elder sister started talking and discussing. Sarah's sister scolding her. Things got serious. I chose not to say anything but hear them talking thinking that due to the stories Sarah might have made up, my truths might create even more blunders. And this ended up me being the DUMB guy. There where moments when her sister asked her what she found in me... there must have been at least one thing that made her like me. I hated it. Sarah had replied with "I don't know". There had also been moments when her sister asked her what our relationship was like and what she wanted to do with it. She kept repeating it every now and then so at the end I just blurted.... "From my side, it was serious". No idea why I said that because it definitely wasn't. Many a times I had thought of breaking up with her because I knew Long Distance wouldnt work out. LDRs never work. As soon as I said ,"From my side, it was serious", I told them that she and sister could discuss and let me know later.


After half an hour or so Sarah calls me back saying ,"I choose my family.................." keeping the phone on Speaker mode again, so that everyone in the room could hear what I was saying. There was an awkward pause as I said nothing. She then followed up with ,"So... what do you have to say?" After a long pause I said "I let you take all the decisions, and you made that. It's alright. It's okay." Her sister said something again and Sarah burst out laughing, really loud ,"He's an introverted, okay?" I was ****ing embarassed! How the ****!? She was calling me DUMB again!? At that point I really wanted to yell ,"I am not hearing all this bull**** to get humiliated! ****ING *****!" But I didn't. Sarah started to say something again pause crawled in which was followed by my sentence,"Can I hang up?" She said okay and I said cool and told her byebye. She said the same and it ended... Our relationship and the call, ended.

This hasn't really affected me that much, but I am enraged by being called DUMB! Even Sarah did that! And then used that ****ing lame line to break up?! **** that! Well I this hasn't really affected me that much but being called DUMB? Why? Am I really a dumb guy? Am I really a loser, ****ing chode, a wussy?! WHAT the ****!? Even my friend Aryan had mentioned today - You are much mature for your age but you are dumb.
Why the **** am I dumb!? WHY THE ****!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! Grrrr!!!

Even if this has affected me, all the emotions are going to energizing the **** out of me. Pickup is going HARDCORE.

Other than that... life is going pretty ****ty. Ringling is out of option again and probably all other colleges due to financial crises, again. Dunno what I can do now... What can I do? Do I have enough strength and motivation to do anything? Can I become the most successful person? Or am I going to live in the rut like a homeless retard...
I am so much afraid... So so afraid...

 

[GetBetter]

Okay so Sarah called again asking me to confirm where I want to take this relationship. I told her that it's been only 1 and half months and it can't be serious in that time and we need lot more time to get to know each other. We can't be serious in just that much time....

I asked her what was going on and what she was thinking, I really wanted to know. She told that she told everyone, everything about us and now wonders if we have a future together and asked why I didn't say anything yesterday. I explained why I didn't. And then repeated ,"What are you thinking? Tell me! Are you thinking of taking this very serious?" She said yes... She now wants to take it to marriage level! WTF?!

I have no idea what to say, I didn't deny either but marriage?" I am a ****ing nice guy? AM I?
I told her to wait till 5 pm from my time to let me ponder over everything. I am thinking to tell her everything about me and ask her everything about her and then ask her if that's the lifestyle she wants. I also told that we are still very young to take it to any level...
Oh dude! What should I do!?

****ING GOD! Law of Attraction is a boon and curse! Most powerful Law ever encountered! Yesterday night I was sure that she would come back to me, and at times I was thinking of marriage! **** dude!

I am laughing as this is happening... I surely wanted experience and now this? I am sure she is doing it just to save her family's reputation from ruining any further....


GUYS! IF YOU ARE READING THIS! REPLY ASAP!

I definitely am in no position to marry. Plus I want to be a player... I don't want to lose her either but

 

[GetBetter]

Bah, haven't updated in a while so I guess I will just update with random stuff.

Currently, I am going through identity crisis. I don't know who I am, what I am, what actually my goals are, why should they be the goals etc etc. And when my brain even creates an identity... I don't feel like trusting my brain. My brain doesn't really know what I really am.

Right now as I am writing this, I am little tired but I feel blissful. I feel great. I feel like despite sitting on this chair firmly, I flow like wind; nothing seriously taken, nothing seriously given. Just joy...just freedom. I have no goals, nothing. But I do not care, right now. The leaf shall go where the wind takes it, doing the tasks that I have to do.

Approaching has become the primary focus as I just go along approaching daily wether or not I draw daily. Results? I do not know. I do feel great after that, all the self hate and talks vanish after that. I feel little better as a person - mostly after the bootcamp that I took in Mumbai with India's best PUA. He's a great guy in general. But definitely doesn't look or talk like how we perceive PlayBoys or womanizers. This makes me think that I should start taking stuff little seriously again. Oh and I suck at texting. Girls don't respond very well after I get their numbers. And I don't try too hard. I ask for date(only one time I ask). No. Bye! Bye! Number deleted. My wing says I leave sets too early.

Other than that, I thinking of how I can create the amazing lifestyle that I would love to have. Dunno right now and time's flying. Suddenly I am feeling disgusting... Bleh. I am travelling little by little saving up money or using friends' to come along or create plans to travel. Travelling alone is daunting though.

I am reading self development books, most of the time I don't know why I am even reading. But if I stop that, I don't know what I'll do. Completed Power vs Force, currently reading Endgame by Leigh Louey Gung. Pretty awesome books. The latter feels like as if Pook has written it. Both books talk about consciousness in detail. Does feel like I have found what I actually wanted to know or maybe not.. No idea what I am looking for. And I have found that almost every single book talks about consciousness and raising it to attain success. Anyone thinks they are at better level of consciousness than their colleagues? If so, how your thoughts are different than theirs and how do they make your life better than theirs? I plan on buying 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Way of Superior Man(Hardcopy this time). 7 Habits is an awesome book. I have read first two chapters in pdf and my my... awesome. Chapter one says that there are two parts of life - that we can control and one that we can not. If you become proactive and take control of the sphere you can control... Unimaginably good life you can have. After reading all the books I have read so far on self development I have come to this conclusion - All that matters is Your Ultimate Goal, How you plan on Achieving it and Higher Level of Consciousness. But the goals are concrete and you see nothing besides them, you will surely attain them along with many more things - Higher Levels of Consciousness will help you attain more things - all spheres of life will improve drastically.

Anyway, time for faults. I am much agitated by my baldness. Hairdresser himself recommended me to go to doctor...This area of life is definitely in control. I wrote that down in my Notepad... But then said to myself, it's okay bro... let the hairs wither. Then I asked, wtf!? Why is it okay? LAZINESS KILLS ME! Laziness is my biggest enemy. I can't let my hairs go away.. at this early age? I look very bad already.. my head shape is weird so complete baldness won't suit me. Plus my body is very lean(again in my control) and my eyes are very bulgy because of myosis(objects at distance don't look clear). But again... Meh... let it happen.

My breath is very very bad... Brush twice?
Crooked teeth...WHY AM I NOT GOING TO DOC!?

Lots and lots of more flaws. Not too concerned.
I am trying to take care of my nutrition but can't find cheap Juice Bars near the place I have moved to. I do try to eat boiled eggs though, daily. Due to improper nutrition and toxicity my skin looks very bad. Pimples + Oily skin. Don't imagine please.

In a bigger picture... I don't know how I am going to learn concept art because again I don't think I'll be able to attend any college. Plus I am getting broke... Pixel Art won't get me too much money for too long. I need to find another way to earn(long term income). I was thinking of learning concept art. Seems like my skills aren't good and I probably don't even stand in the competition. From my point of view, I am enjoying but from others' point of view my life is miserable. And soon if this continues I might even look like a homeless. I have to take control of my life. I try to devote time to thinking and coming up with solutions but unlike before my mind doesn't even want to think about this stuff but rejoice in the moment. Hehe. I can't even think of long term.

What else to post here? Hmm.. probably some advice for others.

Do not get too deep into Self Development really. I personally became a self development junkie always trying to improve one part or another, which really never was messed in the first place but I made it that way. Plus, the biggest problem(idk if it's even a problem) I try to give advice on everything these days, even when no one has asked. Despite the fact that I never had real experience of things I try to advice, merely because I read that it has to be that way somewhere. Don't take anything way too seriously. Just go along life, reading books you find interesting and think should be read because you desire something and it gets you closer to that. Live life, and as you face problems then ask for help not other way round; preparing yourself for questions that haven't even occurred yet.

I want to change my pathways and reach higher levels of consciousness, why? Because I want better glasses to view the world, which are probably more inclined towards the truth. Not delusional but real.

This is it for now. Happy life!

 

[GetBetter]

3rd October
I haven't shared anything with you anything in a while. Tonight I will. There's a lot of things I want to talk about which I might forget amidst writing today's events. It will be emotional stuff anyway.

So what great happened today? Well, an Indian Festival named Navratri is close and I want to get laid by then. I want a beautiful girl, girl of my choice though. I want to write 'love' but few hours ago I had questioned myself if I will be able to believe in love if I delve into pickup too deep. It seemed to shake my values(still is) which is why my brain refuses to accepted the realities and absolute truths. If I do, my teachings I had received as a child, my core values will shatter. The reality is - "Women want sex, much much more than men. They want to be ****ed, hard. They are hornier and are looking for a guy who finds that and pleases them while saving them from being called a slut. We as men have to bear all that responsibility, all of it. So pickup isn't all that about tricks and techniques but just about standing there and see through her barriers how horny she is and how she craves a man to fulfill her sexual desires."

That last part, my brain refuses to accept. But again, I haven't had sex or success with women. But I should be adopting beliefs that take me towards improvement.

Anyways, me and my wing went for sarging by 3 p.m. It was unbearably hot and yet we walked many kilometers for sarging; me in layered clothing - shirt over a round neck. We start by 3:45 p.mm at a Mall in Ahmedabad. Do not remember a lot. I think we started by giving silly dares to each other. I dared him to go talk to girls in a group of 4. They were quite pretty. In front of them we approached another group and had pretty long conversation. I think because of that, they followed my wing for some good amount of time. He didn't take anyone's number because he didn't want to. But I know he was nervous and didn/t know what to do. We were then joined by another PUA from Delhi. This guy is amazing - chill, dominating, powerful and daring. He hwas got guts! The whole day was spent sarging and we went various places. I did an approach while we were drinking soda at a soda shop at CG Road when delhi guy and wing told me to approach a set of two standing next to me. I hesitated a little but then boom! We chat - my wing barely speaking and delhi guy sitting somewhere far, so I had to bear the whole burden. I liked them and funny enough I was able to respond to her name's meaning in an abrupt funny fashion. Not in the mood to plunge into it so just for remembering later - Yashtika = String of Pearls and I wear a Pearl bracelet. I produced that and she burst out laughing. At the end, I shook her hand and pulled her like a rope, closer to me. I loved that, can't say for her though. And then, I meekly asked "Can I have your number?". She politely giggle and said "No, sorry". and then we departed. She didn't even turn her face once while both of the girls brisk walked away from me. I had ruined the set much earlier when I had called the other girl Winnie-the-Pooh as her name was Vini followed by calling her chubby. She took it the wrong way and probably got upset. I really didn't mean any of it in wrong way but fun way... I am so sorry if I hurt you.

The next event that I remember was party at another mall's disco. We were just sitting; training and tweaking Delhi guy's game while few guys came, handed us passes to the party and left. We were astonished but life gives you awesome pleasures sometimes. We entered, checked out the place etcetra.We kept dancing and hit on a group of girls once and then back to dancing. Well I wasn't really dancing as much as jumping around to check out the place and more targets. We both got tired as there were no single chicks and only 5-6 and that too in groups with guys...So we were about to leave but something great happened. Girls(hot ones) came near me while dragging a guy in their group with them, because few moments prior to that I went berzerk without caring for anyone and just went crazy like an animal but still in a classy manner unlike classless chodes in the house. Took me sometime but I broke the ice with the girl dancing left to me. I touched her here and there to check if she would respond. I talk to her and then suddenly grab the hotter girl's hand and started salsa dancing with her and getting all close. Again, I am sorry for hurting another girl's feelings. However, the dance seemed to be awkward and not at all fun as I seemed to care much about what I should do instead of having fun. Anyways, new experience and as usual the guy friend's expressions were mind blowing. He was angry and didn't respond to our greetings and high fives but sighed and left as soon as I was all touchy-touchy with her friends. Always makes me feel good.

Other than that, I need to keep in mind that Mr. Getbetter is ****ing awesome person and lives only for art! Art is his deepest passion and he 'has to be' the best concept artist. Draw daily! Improve daily! Become ****ing awesome!

Life = Art/Passion/Love + Pickup/Adventure/ Novalty/Fun + Money/Classiness/Luxury/Being at top

Do not deviate from this Getbetter! Do not deviate from your goal of becoming Concept Artist. You are allowed to go slow but not allowed to abandon!

You should remember at the same time that if you are slow doesn't mean others are too. Amish is picking up pace and so are others; soon you will be surpassed by your own friends. This world has no place for mediocrity. Focus on observation, creativity, whatever but you are not abandoning your love! You are GetBetter V2.0 afterall!

Also, the time has come to question everything. I don't know why but it feels like it. Oh and for the first time in months I had really great meditation; best feeling in the world. Really immerse yourself to nothingness.
_____________________________________________________________

4th October

Pickup wise, the day had been really bad. I couldn't approach nor could hold conversations. Disappointed in myself. Nothing great really. I went on Hukkah Party with some old friends from last year who all are in college right now. So during that Hukkah Party, I went all crazy and sad all of a sudden. Didn't let others know but man all the **** I had stored in my head somewhere all came out. I wanted to cry; I wanted to cry so so bad. Sarah, my jealousy towards my friend, loneliness, lack of love, not being successful and not being in college and whatever reasons ****ed me up big time. My mood is still pretty bad and my state was lowest in the whole month. I couldn't sarge properly. I have to handle all this ****. How!? I feel I do not have enough power to deal with this.

I am developing another game and it's development is almost complete. Soon will be in Android, iOS and PC market. Pretty happy about the new version programmer shown me. Just do what you love everyone. Just do what you love. And have faith. Things will happen, sooner or later.

Lots of love for everyone. (GAAAYYYYY!!! Says the crowd).

 

[MichaelDickinson]

That's really good...Thanks for showing your outlook..Anyway it's nice and readable...

 

[TamaraBlankinship]

I liked you post very much. i will surely follow this..

 

[GetBetter]

I will share with you my pickup journey so far and my current situation:


December month! Month to get laid or die trying!

So was with Vishesh. I have to keep going with out to minimum so that i can focus on my game and taking it to next level.

Approach 1. A group of 3 girls. I start hooking up with one of the girls whole ignoring others. Another girl from the group starts hooking in. Vishesh jumps in and somehow everything is ****ed.

Approach 2. Girl hooked in and banter goes for more than few mins. Somebody called her, she picked up and i ejected. Mahima Goyal

Approach 3: oh my god! I am a beast! Wow! So i approached a girl, become a dancing monkey and when i asked for her name she refused to tell. Soon her guy friend joined out of nowhere and I was not one bit nervous. I played with both of them and ejected. Girl shook hands, told her name, i smiled, repeated my name and left. Sometimes I cant believe my own abilities. Ha!

Found my second approach again and instantly I led her - venue shifting. Like a hell lot of walking! The girl was super into me and was sweet. I touched her, walked with her and had lots and lots of fun. She was enjoying and so was i. Pickup is a bliss. I left her and asked her to add me on facebook. I could number close but she was too sweet man and ugly(?)

Approach 4. While departing i found another chick. Asked her for a coffee shop. I said i didnt know and so asked her to take me there. She agreed and so we kept talking while walking for at least 10 minutes. Perfect kino and fun set. Weird thing is no matter what I said, she giggled. Laughed out loud a lot of times! Number closed

****! Bantering with girls seems to be the easiest while boys the most difficult.. How the **** is it so easy? Its like just open them and rest follows and automatically closes.

December 18th: Goal - 10 approaches.

I have 2 hours to complete this goal. Let's do this and fight fear! Bahaha

3 done all were guys, and I have no idea why I cant approach any girls..
Lets do two and hit the mall.

I have done 4 more. 2 hot girls and two low value guys. But with every approach i have done something better - giggle, high five, corny joke, shout to stop an uncle. Last one was actually bad. I need to do better and I can do better

Hahaha approach 8 has been super awesome! Super duper hot girl. I opened and started to eject but then she asked my name and boom! I was in. Some real nice 3 minute conversation. Haha. I told her that it would have been much cooler if her name was cooler. She asked like what and I said
"Something japanese"
Like what?
"Shin chan"
Lol! I am feeling like god cuz i have done exactly what jeffy does in his latest infield. Haha. If her car hadnt come we might have talked a lil more. Really really hot girl tho.

Recent Stories:

A girl I had number closed came to meet me. She is down to **** for sure and thus after summing up courage I brought her home... I had to think a lot, like really really a lot not because I was afraid of having her but because my grandma and mom both were at home. Yet I brought her home but after sometime my fear of them waking up and knowing about this all started to pile up and up and I got so scared that I jumped back on my feet and asked her to leave. I told to meet later but I never called her. A day later though she calls me asking me to meet her and few of her friends. I got scared again anticipating that it might be related to what happened the other day and might want to fight me. But yet I went to meet hoping that it's better to face it now before it becomes a huge mess. To my surprise they all actually wanted to meet; we went for bowling and had lil bit of fun. The girl kept questioning me what happened to me as I was too low, awfully quiet, with a flat face and all the old habits that I had - Negative, anger engulfing inside, rude, egoistic whatever. She even messaged me that night about the same thing. I think it was yesterday...

And that's exactly what the problem is...I am submerging back into old habits, my old self, me few months ago... November was awesome as I was conversing with lots of people and was actually starting to learn to express myself. Now I am back to the ****ty GetBetter who doesnt know how to express himself and is just stuck!

So yesterday Me, Vrajesh, Vidyansh, Smitul and Yash all went to Vidyansh's place for a night stay - party basically. We did hukkah and conversation. The whole time I was quiet, insecure, uncomfortable infront of my own friends whom I have known for years. The beliefs that I am not at all funny or good at conversations and utterly boring, kept crawling and no matter what I said, I thought I was being judged, made fun of and considered a wimp. The insecurities kept piling and piling until I was suffocating. My own friends Vidyansh and Vrajesh were making fun of me, although they never said out loud but I know so with their expressions, mumbles etc. I felt like a complete complete loser. And then late at night when Vrajesh and Vidyansh were talking about their lives, discussing people like little girls while other two were asleep, and how he doesn't understand girls, or some different personalities of people, he said which was probably directed towards me - "I don't understand people who are always serious, don't share anything, always in their own world reading stories.. I have no idea what they even want out of life".
"I would put GetBetter in the same category. He becomes so boring sometimes. He underestimates himself a lot." Vrajesh added. Then the topic came out how Vidyansh has known me for long time yet hasn't understood me etc etc. He told me that no matter how long I am with them they never feel as if I am actually with them; he told me that I was a kid who was always aloof. I was surprised! I thought that happened to me since 8th grade when I thought people were making fun of me and my confidence kept falling lower and lower and lower... But no I have always been that kind of person... Always aloof in my own world..

I know all of this sounds too GAY and what not but ****, why do I have this problem? Why do I keep getting negative and thinking that I am not complete, like I always lack something - I am boring, I am not funny, I am insecure, egoistic brat. When I was in Mumbai taking bootcamp I had felt such a relief as if I had 1000 tons off of me - I knew how to talk, how to express myself and it all seemed to easy. Ha weird me. I know I am awesome though, I know solutions to my problems like others, and I have taken much more action than any of my friends I know.

I am trying Identity Shift along with remembering what I learned and bootcamp and what solutions my mentor gave me.

Other Highlights:

1. Released my very first Android Game - PonjiRo! Give it a try guys and let me know about it
2. I am learning digital painting and my drawing has gotten real good. I have found some amazing things related to it and I am trying to follow it - Reddit SketchDaily and Reddit Study of the Week. You can check my Tumblr and instagram for artwork.
3. Yesterday I bought the book As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. Plus I have almost completed 50 Self Help Classics.

What else huh? No idea. I will update as soon as I remember. I had written an actual Journal Entry and will share it soon. It is an old one though.

 

[GetBetter]

I feel like writing because I am again in emotional turmoil... I guess these juices flow only at such times. What should I write about? I have no idea. I feel sad, and have a foggy brain but again that's debatable. I am frustrated because of this debate because I have no idea which way is correct. I guess I should sit down with my Journal, jot down these thoughts and ponder over them.
My approaching is going okay, I still do approach say my one liners and eject - most of the time. Being introvert and always serious is bad combination. Always thinking what's wrong with me and how to fix it.

Anyway, another girlfriend I have in my life. She is a really nice girl guys! She did tell her friend that I do lame flirting, haha! Wow! Rest of the times I feel I am boring her yet she calls me daily. Why do you think like this bro? Today she asked me if she could go on a Tinder date; her best friend asked her to celebrate her 18th birthday like this... Both the girls will try to get a match and then go on a double date. I said obviously you can go but I will do the same. She agreed and then said she didn't think it would be that easy to convince me. Was it a wrong decision on my part? I have been thinking about that whole evening until I reached the field. I am not as serious for her as Sarah and thus I am constantly approaching to look for sex. Sexual Predator I have become?
Day before yesterday I was in a mall sarging with another Pickup Artist. I opened a girl and the set went amazing. I insta dated her, and kept walking hands in hands, arms on her shoulder, same couple things for like an hour or so. At last, I had to leave with that other PUA, so I asked her number but she requested me to give mine instead. While saying that she leaned against the wall with a thud; instantly made me think of Sarah and her ways. Bleh. I leaned towards her going for the kiss, she moved because obviously we are in Public and we are still strangers to each other. I kiss her on her forehead. Grabbed her hand made her spin while I held her finger, then hugged her, kissed her again and left. I will cherish that moment, always. That was love, even though it was for that period only but that surely was pure. And at such moments I thank god for letting me know of Pickup Art. Most of the time I hate it though haha. I feel really creepy going person to person and just saying openers and leaving, as happened today. We come in our own way... gah!

I am trying to cultivate good, positive and empowering thoughts because what I see now leaves me speechless. My own mind creates so negative and so dis empowering thoughts that I can't even believe! If I do not fight them they soon become my reality and that's when everything becomes gloomy yet seems real. Actually copying the knowledge from Feeling Good. But yeah, for some reason I do not believe I am enough, the core of self confidence, the core of pickup and success. Hmm...

For past few days all I have been doing is sleep. I have no motivation and all I am being is passive. Somehow I managed to drag myself out of house to do pickup. Did few approaches, quite satisfied but what matters is conversation. Did I do that? No. I'll gain momentum and do that though.

What else? Yeah, I met my friends from Skyblue Institute who are now studying in College. Definitely not good time... I get really quiet around them, especially when girls are around and it's a group. I go awfully quiet and feel as if I am being judged, and I am not being funny at all so I should just no say anything. Yeah, I have been told I analyse myself way too much. I should just chill and have fun but it's not that easy to change behaviours yeah? Come on, you know it's possible to change them overnight! But what to adopt!?

I sent my portfolio to DSK College, Florence Academy of Art, Art Center College of Design, Syn Studio and Vancouver Film School. I have already got accepted at DSK, Florence and VFS but damn I want to go to either Art Center or Syn Studio; my mentor says to go to Florence though. Let's see where I end up... another year without college?

That's it for now? Yes. Will update you guys soon.