Self-Improvement Thread - Changing My Life!

[GetBetter]

Im watching the blueprint decoded.. Maybe you should check it out, may be easier to understand than a book. Its easy to find on torrent sites

No, thank you Watawata. I have had enough of reads and I know almost everything about the game. By continue reading or watching, I am just going to be a Nerd at this instead of being a player..
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Anyways, I realized that I have completed 6 pages of my journal and I am very ashamed that I have not kissed even a single girl till now! I have not even done anything that I can be proud of! I just type **** here and do not take action!

Thus I have decided that by the 10th page of my journal, I have to make out with at least one girl! I have made some more goals but I haven't organised them and haven't figured out how to achieve them.

But what I have realized is that I have not improved Internally! I don't have grounded confidence, I do not have grounded confidence, I do not have boldness to go and approach and mess with a girl. NorwegianDJ had suggested Intrinsic Improvement when I started my journal but I didn't understand it properly back then. I understand it now:

Qualities, Confidence, Happiness, Joking and Carefree nature, Boldness, Manliness that I will possess even when I lose everything in life.

I have to attain this Improvement and I have to improve myself Internally, take action and become so good that I be proud of myself, by the 10th page of my journal! I want to see a drastic change in my life and my personality!

So guys, shoot everything, every little bit of advise you can give to me to improve internally i.e. achieve Intrinsic Improvement!

My primary goal right now is Self Acceptance - Accepting and loving myself, knowing myself more, reaching to the core and adhering to it.

 

[BraddH]

You have tried evetything. Now try to accept yourself as you are.

You have tried to be everything and you have failed. Try the complete opposite of what you have tried. Now dont try to be anything else but that what you are.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Daily habits and crossing boundaries.

 

[Watawata]

The blueprint will really help you with self acceptance. Its not really about game, its about life.

 

[GetBetter]

I should download BluePrint too then. Mind linking me to it Watawata?
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Downloaded 'The Power of Now'. I hope it helps me.

Approached the girl today I have been wanting to approach for sometime now.

I crossed her a lot of times at the Gym but after sometime I decided that I had to go and ****ing approach! I wasn't as afraid or nervous as before but I have to admit I wasn't fully open with her either. Bah, my approaches always go bad, but yeah better than before.

This is how it went:

Me: (I was going back to train my lower body but then I turned and walked towards her cycle and without being sure, went upto to her) Hi! (from a distance)
Her: (shocked, didn't know what to do)
Me: Hey! I have been wanting to say something to you for sometime.
Her: (nods, leans a bit forward to hear what I had to say)
Me: I love your eyes.
Her: (her eyes widen) You love my eyes(points towards herself)
Me: Yes! They are very attractive!
Her: (She says thank you so slowly that I dont even hear. She then blushes and looks down and smiles)

I then leave! YEAH! I THEN LEAVE! WTF! I don't know what's wrong in me! The unconsious me just wants to pull me away from girls! Gah!

Well once we were doing some abdomen exercises next to each other. When I looked at her, she wouldn't look at me or anything. There was just very awkward silence that I felt that we didn't even know each other. However while I was doing exercise and she had to turn my way I knew she took more than usual and looked me, I don't know...

This girl seems older than me as well.

I am also watching RSD Tyler's videos and they are very helpful! He talks so positive and gives great info.

 

[GetBetter]

I am not sure if I should update this or not because past few days have been going good.

I have been reading The Power of Now. In it the author tells not to think and try to break free from control of brain, and find utter happiness. I have yet to read a lot before finally able to get what it wants to say. I have to know Who I am, What's my Ultimate Goal in Life, Where do I stand and How to take it from there to Become best of Myself.

I also downloaded Tyler Durden's BluePrint De-Coded. It is very good so far and has destroyed the myths of Money and Looks to get girls or success in life. He also says not to use Romance either for getting girls and to get out of Social Conditioning and following Social Beliefs all the time. However as continued at some point he did say that it's necessary to feel about a girl as they are emotional. And that time SoSuave's point of feeling genuinity in a girl kept hitting my mind. That was also the time when I felt that if I feel genuine and have intensity towards a girl, without even uttering a girl I might be able to get her. However I don't feel like getting result these days, just doing it.

I even been thinking that due to that intensity I might be able to have a make-out with the girl in the gym. Talking of her, yesterday I was late at Gym and when I entered I wasn't aware but she was leaving and suddenly I saw her looking at me. We had an eye contact and then I withdrew my eyes after she did and I saw that her mother was looking at me!

At gym, today my trainer made a schedule for me and it was first day of schedule and had to train chest. During all the exercises I observed that my left hand wasn't able to lift as much wait as my right one. I am scared even though I asked my dad and he said it happens sometimes..

Now comes the most important thing. That I really want answer to:

What is a Don Juan? When a person can be Don Juan and what's the role of a Don Juan?

I had a talk with Mindgamez about this and his reply was a person who gives love, spreads it. He said that the goal of all this pickup and DJing is to find the right partner in life.

After knowing about that love one, I don't know why but I have been feeling weird, as if my emotions are getting out again. Is it because I have been thinking too much? Also my goal is not to find the life partner so pickup will help me losing ego, taking humiliation properly and be happy when worst things hit you; and these are very important in successful life. It's like learning how to Pickup is one of the greatest boon to mankind.
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My Final exams have finally ended. I have to finally make a time-table for everything in my life - Pixel Art, Hang-outs, Pick Up, Recreation, Improvement at Drawing and Pixel Art; I'll create the time-table by today or Just now!

 

[GetBetter]

Approach #4

So tomorrow, me and my friend went for photoshoot. Wasn't in mood and so it didn't go as good. Also tomorrow I forced my friends to approach at least one girl.

And so after coming out from temple I went for approach and here is how it went:

My friends gave me a line that I had to say. Aayush suggested lots of funny lines but I told him to give something that would make sense, but it was an excuse to not go as a weird guy. Yash and Aayush gave me a line to compliment her - 'You look cute'.

Me: (I go to her and literally just shout) Hey!
Her: (Surprised a bit)
Me: Excuse Me!
Her: (Stunned) Yea?
Me: You look cute!
Her: (Her eyes widened in utter surprise! And she just didn't know how to react)

I am damn sure though she liked it very much! And I had planned that if she acted nicely I would introduce myself and after seeing her reaction

Me: Hi I am GetBetter.(I move my arm to shake hands)
Her: (She turns away and says something. I don't hear it but she repeats herself)I don't want to talk to you.
Me: Okay. Bye

Me and my friends sit of vehicle and we all come to my house. The rejection really didn't matter to me, however it winced a little because it's human nature to feel bad when someone rejects you.

The good points though:

• I am seeing change in me. With every approach I care less about what thinks of me and it doesn't scare as much! With every approach, my confidence for next approach increases.
• I see it clearly, that girls love how a guy approaches them. They love boldness in me however I guess it's the culture or society or maybe they do not know if to entertain me or not.
• Also when I pondered about this a lot, I have come to realization that, this just might not work in my city; cold approaching that is. Cold Approaching lacks rapport and that's why it fails? But I am damn sure that approaching should be done! No harm there, it's just that I should build rapport first. And maybe that's the reason the approach at the Gym worked and the girl is all over me.

I will continue these cold approaches though, to overcome anxiety, gain confidence, and just for future preparation.

Also I will have to thank BluePrint Decoded. Unconsciously I know everything and that changes my attitude a little. Also the fact that attraction works at first sight seems to be a great point. She is attracted or she's not; if she is, great! Otherwise just move on because she will never be!

So things I have learned:

1. Girls love being approached; it makes their day.
2. They love a guy who is bold.
3. Approaching will work better when there's a rapport!

 

[GetBetter]

Yeah, I haven't updated my Journal in Long Time and I have been wasting my time doing nothing, but I have to end this and get back being GetBetter again! I'll just post whatever has been happening in my life all these days(weeks).

I have been listening to RSDs BluePrint Decoded. I haven't completed even half of it but whatever I have heard so far, I'll give it A+. Every player should definitely watch it! Thanks a lot Watawata for suggesting me that! I am seriously with the help of SoSuave and BluePrint observing Deep Level Identity change in me. I have completely changed my attitude towards women and I see it completely how SoSuave describes women; they are exactly like it! About BluePrint, heck yeah, Looks, Money don't even matter and it's good to be in State but it's essentially as important to accept when you are not in it. Due to that and probably because of Power of Now I am actually living in the moment and smile and laugh automatically appears out of nowhere; it's like I feel internally happy!

Girl Wise: I have not approached a single girl after my last update. I need to more but I think I'll take it more seriously once I have my goals set, once again. Anyways, the girl at the Gym whom I approached has been ignoring me. However day before yesterday we both had same schedule: Cardio. And we were running on treadmills near each other(facing opposite directions) but I don't know why but I do feel that she is getting more interested in me, it's like I feel as if I am getting irresistible to girls. She has been giving subtle looks(I am not sure though) but I kinda feel a connection. But almost all guys feel that towards her. I can't say if I am going to win her but I'll try. Also almost every girl gives me looks, and there is one fat girl who literally just stares at me through her spectacles and I feel weird...

There are girls at Gym whom I feel like approaching but there are some genuine problems because of which I want to not take action:

1. I have created an image at Gym where I am a serious type of guy and not a player. It's not only there though, it's everywhere. And once I am in it I actually feel weird to break through it. (This might just be excuse my subconscious creates)
2. This is very genuine: All the girls I see at Gym are literally 5-6 years older than me. And due to how I have been brought up I have to respect everyone even if they are just one year older and call them sister or brother. And I from deep within do so, it's not just a cover. And I do not want to break it because those are the values, the good ones. And this is one of the biggest set back. However all the people I have talked to do not even believe that I am 17 years old; they tell I look like a 21 year old. This can definitely turn in my favor but it's my values...

The girl at the Gym whom I approached is also older than me 2-3 years. Anyways, I need help with that girl. Whole story:

I approached and after that day for a week she shown High Interest in me. She glanced at me, however I couldn't look at her for too long(shyness?) nor make an eye contact because of my Poor Vision. And yeah this is hella funny and you can laugh at it, but it's true. I never made another approach after that, not even to ask her name etc. After a week or so she has been ignoring me, all the time... well I can't say ignore but not showing interest at all, not looking at me etc etc. I think it happened so because I have kept her waiting and I look like a serious guy with High Attitude. The Attitude part is not true as it's mere Arrogance which appears in me when I am around girls due to lack of utmost confidence. I WANT TO TURN THE TABLE HERE AND HAVE HER IN MY LIFE!

Another problem I have noticed is that I can't hold conversations! I can easily start a conversation as I have no problem with it now and no feeling awkward but I can't keep it going or closing properly.. Like I have made many friends at Gym but I don't say hello to them daily or converse with them as much as the first day when I be friends with them. Heck I haven't even asked their names but I just wave Hi or Hello.

Also once again Gaurav told me about Parth and how every second a new girl calls him and he is always surrounded by girls and how Parth offers girls to Gaurav. He basically asks Gaurav if he needs a girlfriend because he will get him one. How the **** girls are dieing for him?! This made me jealous and I instantly wanted to add 'Girls' to the list of Values I made after reading Day 1 of 30 Days to Better Man. But yeah it's just out of jealousy. Also I definitely know that everything in this world goes in an order - A Vicious Cycle, which can only be broken with your effort. See like: You get a girlfriend > This attracts other girls > Attracts More girls > More Girlfriends > More girls etc etc. So until and unless I make an effort I will be stuck with no girls in my life, because I surely know that I can get girls falling for me only if there was even a single girl existing in my life as a friend or girl friend. And if I don't make effort, I will be like this my entire life because girls aren't going to come on their own. Even if I become most rich or successful personalities, they won't come on their own nor would I become a player on my own.

Also this Jealousy has made me desperate and I might become needy. That's why I wanted to read Kill That Desperation by Pook but Nope! I won't read it. I have to become needy and bear the Pain this time. As pain will evolve me and due to it I will learn much more concrete stuff and all that I have learned on sosuave will become firm as well.

Life Wise: I have been going to Gym and that's the only time I get out of my House these days. That's why I am feeling to join more classes because my School Life is over and with that my Life has a Boy has ended! I am a man now and if I don't do things, my life will just keep on deteriorating! Heck, I even got scared while ****ting(I ponder a lot while ****ting) when I realized if I don't go to Ringling or make my life adventurous I will have to do Pixel Art and this desk job for my entire life! I definitely want to Travel! I want to Travel the world and I have even suggested someone of my friends to open a Travel Channel on Youtube start with our own city but I guess they just laugh off my ideas! I will need some help...
Coming back to Gymming. I love going to Gym and work out makes me happy! I am not going there for increasing my muscles but for increasing testosterone and being happy and fit. And it's definitely working! It makes me happy, utterly happy! It seems like I am a Fitness Freak inside, haha.

I have been doing Pixel Art and earning great from it! Today I finally asked my Mom to get an ATM card which I will have with me all the time. I am going to manage all the money I earn. And I have already decided how to spend it. I will divide it in Three Parts - Expenses, Basic Needs, Saving. Also soon I'll make a Monthly Goal that I have to reach earning wise so that I can have good life and not ask for a single penny from parents.

Yesterday I sat down and finally started writing to get my life back in Action again and this time I will keep at it! I wrote down that 'I am already Awesome but I through this I am going to be More Awesome!' That's true is a sense and that's why NorwegianDJ's sentence echoed today in my mind 'Things are always good enough but you can always make them better'.

So according to Day 1 of 30 Days to a Better Man I had to write down all the things I value in my life, write all of them, then pick top 5 and then priotrize them. I haven priotrized them because I am not sure what comes prior to other but I think the time I picked out the top 5, they were all arranged priority wise already. Here's the list:

All things I value:
1. Happiness
2. Fun
3. Respect
4. Travel and Enjoyment
5. Games and Sport/Gym
6. Friends and Family
7. Purpose in Life/Passion(this I want to develop in life)
8. Confidence and Personality
9. Internal Peace and Happiness
10. Meditation - Indian Culture
11. Being best version of myself - Dressing and Grooming, Showing confidence, Spending money on things that matter, being generous to poor and homeless. Based on this I want to tell an incident that happened today. Today me and Aayush went for shopping to buy footwear actually. After purchasing we came to a Sweets Shop and I saw a Kid who was working there. I told Aayush that I felt bad, concerned for such people. To that Aayush replied 'I do too but what can we do?" I asked why we can not and he replied that we have set our standards too high. I was really astonished and somewhat frustrated and told him that these are not what sets our status or standards. Also, that we can make them happy, be their friends for the time we are with them. Then I called the boy and asked him how old he was and apparantly he was just 1 year younger! Chatted with him a little bit.
12. Adventure
13. Success
14. Living in Present preparing for future.
15. Truth
16. Never Go Back on My Word

Top 5 out of those:

1. Happiness/Fun
2. Purpose in Life
3. Confidence and Personality
5. Family and Friends
6. Truth

I couldn't priotrize them....

Anyways cya folks. I am going to a friend's sister's wedding party tomorrow with all my best friends. Also I will soon be making my concrete short term, mid term and long term goals and will try my best to reach them.

 

[GetBetter]

Alright, this is an Important Update where I need help. And sorry for myself that I haven't set my goals etc etc yet.

So let's get to the point. I do not know what to say or where to start exactly but I'll try to convey why I need help. Today at Gym I had few eye contacts with a girl, however I saw no interest level, neither did I have interest in her. Both of us went to an equipment to train our calf muscles. There I do not know why I just commented "How did you complete rest of the exercises before me? You started after me" Everything was obvious though and she replied that she skipped few exercises. I just nodded and ended the convo. We had few glances and she was kinda like throwing herself at me, and came near to me and talked to me. I was nervous and I am too sure that she was feeling it. Our chat was hella boring, and nothing was great and both of us smiled just to be generous but I sure could see that she was throwing herself at me. However I came to know that she is just as old as me(and I thought she was older)... Assumptions dammit! For once I thought that I should try to initiate conversation, talk more etc etc but then I remembered that I am not talkative and girls don't like talkative guys either, they just buy it. Also whatever I do, if she as interest in me, she'll buy everything I do.

Now once, I was doing some ab exercises and she was sitting and said something. I couldn't hear it so I just went near and sat next to her. I was proud that I did that and I could feel that she was more impressed by that. Why do girls get intimidated by such things? Also we chatted some more and after that me and her both left for further training and then my Training Instructor came and told me that I should go for her as I will easily get laid. I told him that I do not want it from her, as I do not like her. But yeah, should my sole purpose in relation to girls be to get laid? If so I think I can make everyone my target and go from there.

We both ended our training for today at same time. Then when we were leaving she intiated conversation again and chatted. I was too nervous and was kinda faking everything. I think I shown desperation as well when I said 'My bad luck' when she said she won't be coming in evening tomorrow but morning as usual. And I also said that we would meet tomorrow but she said nah she will come in morning. I wanted to take her number but then I remembered that my mobile has gone for repairing and for the same I cant give her mine either...

Sorry for not knowing why am I exactly updating my journal as it's nothing great nor I know what to write actually. But what I need help with is this:

I am too nervous to talk to girls and it never goes normal just as I talk to males. But hey, I am not at all afraid of approaching but I think the nervousness to talk is the reason behind failures in approaching as well.

Should I just use her and escalate to have sex? Should that be my purpose? The girl I met today isn't too bad. She is chubby, and looks alright, but there's not too much connection. However I want to kiss her too now... Result of having no plates till now?

 

[GetBetter]

I will update the journal with all the feelings I have at the moment and in hope that someone will guide me to correct path and make me understand what the things actually mean.

I have been feeling low for two days now. Not as energetic nor enthusiastic from the core. It's as if something is stopping my true energy and happiness to flow within me. I do not know what but something is there. I am actually frustrated today and I think it's because of the thinks I think of but actually don't do them. Like with this second girl, I have been thinking to take her upstairs(at gym) press her against the wall and kiss her passionately but I have done nothing to make that happen. Also another thing which plays role in frustration is No Fap, because I have heard that it frustrates after sometime due to not getting what the inner male wants - sex. It has been two days now and I want to continue this and control my frustration through meditation. I have just read The Power of Now's chapter on how to kill or dissolve the Pain, however it seems to be of no help as I am not sure if I understand it properly. Basically what it says is to accept that you have Pain within you and just watch it. And it automatically vanishes. However I think just saying that I have pain within won't help me. I have tried to meditate and tried to shut my mind and believe that I have pain within and where it has come from yet I do not feel major changes. Also I tried to cry, feeling that all my pain, my sorrow will come out and my emotions will flow properly but I couldn't cry either. Now while writing all of this I think i am understanding what a Don Juan or A Man is being like - It's actually just living every moment of your life, happily. I NEED to learn how to accept the pain, ego or everything that you go through in life.
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Now today at Gym, the second girl whom I talked to day before yesterday came to Gym at evening today. I was surprised to see her at evening and smiled when I looked at her. She came in and I asked why did she come at evening because she comes in the morning to which she replied that her class was off. I in a playful manner, just how I chat on Facebook said "I thought you came for me" and she repelled in a playful manner. After that when I went to drink water, she came to me and said smilingly something like 'You should know the truth'...Idk what she said actually but I just kept agreeing and stuff. Now while leaving the gym, three guys were looking at me in a weird manner(they seem to be womenizers as well) idk why.
I talk to all the girls in a manner in which I tell them that they love me, like me or I want to kiss them etc. I do not know if it's the okay thing to do but I talk just like that because I know I probably won't meet any of them in person but also because I do not have a lot of interest in them.

The main thing I want to discuss here is that the mindset I have developed on SoSuave instead of coming natural to me keep coming to me like maneuvers; my mind shouts what I should do to keep her interested etc etc. I feel like a fake and it just doesn't make me act naturally... it's ****ing irritating. Thats why I have decided that no matter what I'll just spend lots of time with her next time she comes to gym because once I cling, my natural will come out and I will be Don Juan naturally.

Also yesterday I after missing two opportunities approached a group of girls out which one turned out to be a married one. Thats why I just complimented and then said welcome and left. It made me super happy at the moment to picturise their laugh as from their point of view I made their day. With every approach, my confidence and fear of approach is decreasing. However I need to work on keeping the conversations going.
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I went to visit my friends today. One of my best friends is clinging to a girl who is playing with her. Because of that I told him about SoSuave but as soon as I told him about this site I felt as if I got exposed... I felt weird and bad because although I secretly want to be famous and all, I actually like living the life of secrecy. I never let out my true identity come out so easily, but if people figure it out themselves I can't stop them.

 

[GetBetter]

This is going to turn into an Approach Journal and thats why for now 'Journal' I am recording my today's approach into you:

Vidyansh and Me get desperate to approach. We go into a Clothing Store in mall to find girls. He points to a group of girls and I end up not approaching them because I am very much scared of group of girls. I have decided though that after approaching atleast 50 singles or duos I will go for large group of girls.

We are at McDonald's and I see a group of girls one of which I find attractive. I want to approach but again they are in a group so I don't. After finishing our meals however I see one of the girls in red top standing alone in the queue to order. Vidyansh liked her so I ask if he wants to approach with me, he declines so I just go and approach her. It wasn't great but still better, I got her name afterall.

Me: Hey! I think you look cute.
Her: Thank you.
Me: (Instead of telling my name first as usual I ask her to see if she is interested in talking more.) WHat's your name?
Her: I am Nisha.
Me: (I extend my arm for a handshake. She is unsure and looks at her friends and then finally shakes hands)I am GetBetter. Well I gtg now, bye!

And there, yep there I failed! One day I will probably laugh at these approaches journal, you'll see! I could have easily got her number but I do not have mobile phone and I didn't use my friend's either. And my unconcious wants just yells and controlls my body and it's something like this "YOu complimented! Now EJECT!!!!"

I should try to cling and talk to girls and take conversation to next level. About this girl though, she looked very innocent and too young for me(14-15 probably) which is why somewhat I felt bad and it wasnt as pleasant as last one.

After that we all leave however my friends later tell that she crossed me twice after the approach. Just how much girls love it. Also Vidyansh was very impressed and has told me to go once again to mall later someday and I help him approach. Practice for me...

 

[defensiveend96]

Hey man good job going to the gym and improving yourself. You will begin to see results soon and so will the girls
Now about your approaching. Good job having the balls to approach girls. It's a skill most guys in high school don't have. My personal opinion on cold approaching is that you should establish some eye contact and give the girl a smile before you go talk to her. If she notices you and smiles back then she will be less startled and nervous when you come talk to her out of no where. All the best man.

 

[GetBetter]

Another Approach: Missed one opportunity and then on my way going back home I stop to drink sugarcane juice. There I see a girl waiting for someone. She keeps standing and after few mins after finishing my juice I go and approach. I am not even going to describe it because it's similar to last few approaches: I go and give the 'u look cute' compliment. She blushes, I extend my arm to shake hands unconsciously. And she shakes. I tell her my name but when I ask her what's her name, she tells me to leave and I ****ING LEAVE!

Funny thing is how all girls have responded very well to compliments so far. But when I try to take it to next level, they ask me to leave or end the convo. Next time I'll try to persist instead of just leaving when they ask me to because I have to learn to keep a conversation going and not listening to my mind which keeps on screaming to eject.

Also today I have written down my Short Term Goals and ways to achieve them. But let's revise my Values which I have edited a little bit based on the importance:

Values I should Adhere to:
1. Happiness
2. Purpose in Life
3. Family and Friends
4. Confidence and Personality
5. Never Go Back on My Word

Goals(1 month):

1. Get Over Approach Anxiety:

Problems if I do not Approach:

• 1. My Life will probably be without big social circle so there will not be any chances to meet beautiful girls and there will never be any girl in life.
  2. I will be afraid of girls my entire life.
  3. Ego will develop that I can get girls from just reading without actually having results.

Positive Effects from Approaching:

• 1. I will be able to talk to anyone anywhere.
  2. Will be able to meet new people
  3. Happiness by not being afraid
  4. Lots of girls in life
  5. Not scared of girls.

How I am going to get there:

• 1. 30 Approaches a Month - To get over approach anxiety
  2. Stick and Talk to girls; be persistent - Eventually I will learn to be at ease around girls and be natural at talking.
  3. Learn to be Authentic - Power of Now, Meditation, BluePrint and other self help material.
  4. Go for Happiness and Fun
  5. Do crazy approaches and learn to laugh at myself.

2. Earn Upto Rupees 15000:

How I am going to get there:

• 1. Do Pixel Art for at least 1 hour Daily

3. Finish Power of Now:

Why?

• 1. Optimal Happiness
  2. Better Understanding of Life
  3. Positive Attitude

How I am going to get there:

• 1. Read 6 Pages Daily

4. Finish BluePrint: I will keep going to this after every two months.

Why?

• 1. Success in Life and With Girls
  2. Positive Attitude
  3. Change in Identity
  4. Better Understanding of Life

How I am going to get there:

• 1. Complete at least 1 DVD in 2 days.

5. Act of Kindness

Positive Effects:

1. Improving Someone's life.
2. Getting immense amount of happiness and a best feeling you can ever get.
3. Getting to know life of poor and learn from it.

I have also written about No-Fap challenge but I am not thinking to share it here.

I will read this everyday after waking up and before going to sleep.

 

[GetBetter]

I am on an emotional roller coaster at the moment so this update is pretty much to record my emotional state at the moment.

About the goals I set for myself: I have been going out to cold approach, I go to same place daily but there were no approachable girl. I see lots of couples though, where boys treat girls as if they were some kind of goddess. They act like pussies. I might too because I get nervous around girls. So I went out three days in a row but see none to approach, actually I did see one beautiful girl but missed that opportunity and seen none later. So instead of roaming anymore I just sat near the road and closed my eyes and listened to the sound made by vehicles, felt the wind blowing and it was so peaceful, so calm which can rarely be experienced these days. I had a feeling that time that if anyone would talk to me they would just dissolve in me, I had so much genuineness and sincerity. I am afraid of approaching groups of girls, so no need to make excuse and blabber.

Day before yesterday I invited all my best friends and to go hangout with them. We went and really had fun, however Gaurav once again getting sad because he wanted to get home. It's always that way, they want to enjoy but want to get home as well. So I promised myself that I would not hang out with them for long time. They always kill my happiness and why should I always compromise?

Yet yesterday I went out with Yash and Vidyansh because I was very sad. I still am and why shouldn't I be? My dreams have shattered and I have been thinking about it all the time! My dream to go and study at Ringling and all that I imagined about my life there will never be fulfilled. Due to financial problems... My Aunt promised to help me out with finances but she has been making some kind of excuses and procrastinating. I am in so much pain and anger right now that I do not know how to control it. I have been trying to use the method of accepting the pain within you suggested in Power of Now but it's not easy... It feels like a hole, a void which keeps getting bigger and bigger. But I still feel some hope because of the promise my Aunt made but she is a female afterall and they should never be judged by their words but actions... My parents have told me to forget Ringling and they say that whatever happens, happens for the best. It's easier said though, because it feels pretty bad at the moment. I have learnt a lesson to never depend on anyone but yourself. And due to this incident I am getting anxious to leave this country and go travel. Because now that I think of future, I fear that it will be monotonous and I will be killing myself if I do not take action and just go living it how it comes... and everything literally is in my hands now.

I am working hard and probably will devote myself completely to pixel art this month to earn around $700 and then go for a travelling, alone. My parents, especially my father wants to go to but it's not possible for me to earn enough to take my father with me in a month... And if I can not bear 2 months at home.. My mother wants to have some money for buying things for house and some other expenditures but that way I will never be able to do what I actually want to do. And that's why I am thinking to just go selfish and do what I want to do.

Life is teaching various lessons now.

 

[Watawata]

Follow your dreams. I know its easier said than done but if you dont you will regret it for the rest of your life. Its time for you to choose your destiny, the choices you are making and going to make will shape your life in very drastic ways so remember you just got one life, and that the biggest risk is not risking anything at all. In a couple more years Il be at your age an Il have to do these choices too. Good luck bro

 

[GetBetter]

Approach #8?

@Watawata It's definitely easier said than done. My Dad especially let it all out yesterday. He explained that me being selfish is not good. And that due to it they will have to work their entire life and seeing my behaviour they are afraid that I won't even let them eat saying it's 'my money'. I was very hurt hearing all that because I can never let them happen. But I do want to travel and I have to accept I got a lot anxious because the pain of not going to Ringling exists and at that time was very much for me.


But hey I am over it now. I am so very happy today! I have no idea why but I just am. I woke up at 8 am today instead of my ruined schedule of waking up at 11 am and sleeping at 3 am and being stuck to computer. I took bath and then went to meditate. Today's meditation was the best. After that I worked on one of the Video Games on which I am working as freelance artist. My client is very happy so far and I have made $200 through it.

But the happy part starts here: I went to Gym and one of the new instructors has made a new schedule for me as he see lots of potential in me; I lifted almost 100 kgs in leg press afterall few days ago. He was impressed by my power. So I did Cardio today and he told me to aim for 2.8 kms in 20 mins so that way I'll at least cover 2.2 kms. But I covered almost 2.9 kms in 20 mins. He was so impressed. However my whole Shirt was drenched in sweat haha. But it really felt like an award to me which I wanted to show off! Other than the girl at Gym whom I approached complimenting her eyes has started showing interest. I havent been even glancing her these days(playing the feminine part according to Blueprint); I didn't give a **** because she shown too much attitude, but it's common, isnt it? She looked at me but I would just ignore her completely. So today she was doing cross-training and I had been waiting to do it so I was waiting for someone to get off so that I can train. She gets off and I tell her not to switch it off because I wanted to use it..
My parents just had fight and huge drama. I do not want to talk about it but it has killed my mood but I'll still complete the journal.
So yeah, I said to let it be because I wanted to use it. She smiles at me and her big eyes gaze at me. I got confused because the machine was definitely off and she shut it down. While leaving she tells that again and then I realize she meant that machine isnt working, it needs repairing and I literally feel dumb at the point. On top of that I make weird gestures to make the situation funny but meh. can just laugh about it. Also later one we were both doing abdomen excercises and she literally had no reason to tell me how to certain excercise yet she tells me how to do it. I do it that way and then she tells me what to do next. She definitely is interested but jsut like any other girl I do not really pay attention intentionally, yes it's because I am afraid and that's soon going to change. I will soon invite her for a date. Oh btw if I have told you this or not I had a chat with her when I asked why we were ignoring each other etc etc. She told me her name but wasnt looking at me. I told her mine when she asked and told that it's unique. Then she asked my name or me and I told both! Epic reply!
At the gym I am already late for the approach session with Smitul. I spent 2 1/2 hours at gym today! After the heavy workout I was too happy and upbeat. I drove the motorbike pretty fast today and was singing 'Down' by Jay loudly that everyone I crossed heard me. I didn't care. So I just go to Yash's house and I see everyone waiting for me. I was an hour late! So as soon as I get there and force everyone to move fast to approach someone(yeah I have been forcing almost every friend in our group to come approach with me). And we go to a park where lots of people arrive. After sometime we see two girls sitting and I go approach them after taking a look and seeing if they look approachable(good looking enough) or not. So I take Vidyansh with me who actually never does anything. I just go and:

Me: Hey! Excuse me.
Girls: (Look at me)
Me: Hey! You girls look cute.(one of them looks ugly honestly)
Girl: Thank you.
Target: (Smiles)
Me: So yeah what's your name?
Target: (Smiles, really happy) Why?
Me: (I get bewildered as how to answer to that question. My pure intention was to just go and give compliment. )(I get baffled) We can be friends?
Girls: Nah. Thank you. (Something like this: We dont give name to strangers. Sorry)
Me: It's okay!

I leave smiling. This was best approach from my side however I know I use same line always. My confidence and happiness level was impeccable and the rejection... it didn't even feel a bit; it bounced off completely! I get back to my friends and they ask what I said. I'll skip everything we had there. I wanted to approach another girl but she was with her brother etc etc. So I didn't approach. Friends' families call and they all leave but I decide to go some other place to go approach alone. I get to one of the most famous places near by but I don't see girls alone to go approach so I get back home. However while walking around I see two three prospects and they were beautiful but I just didn't approach because she was on mobile and there were two more friends. But most importantly I didn't approach because I said to myself 'I am not here to approach'. So basically I am making excuse to myself that I have to be in approach mode, I have to make a mindset to go approach...
So that's how my day went.
For next approaches I am thinking to go with mall and my friends want to join me there. I will use the lines 'Do you find me attractive?' and I'll use indirect openers for the first time. Also I have to admit that while I am preparing to approach and when I talk to girls I just have no recollection of past or future, I am completely alive to moment! It also gives adrenaline boosts which is awesome! I didnt get that this time though.

 

[asianbboy]

Thank you for posting the Phillip Zimbardo video. That single video is literally gonna make me go nofap and probably stop gaming too. I've messed around with nofap, felt some results, but also felt it was placebo. But Zimbardo is a real psychologist (Stanford Prison experiment is in every psych textbook ever made lol) and lends credence to the nofap movement.

 

[GetBetter]

@asianbboy: I didn't post it but I just saw it yet it's so difficult to hold your drives. I go crazy after the workouts, it just boosts my testosterone a lot maybe? Idk though.

Anyways I just want to talk about the girl at the gym however I'll update little about rest of things:
1. 15th DVD on BluePrint.
2. 50 Pages of The Power of Now.
3. Haven't approached since past few days. I get too tired after the new workout schedule. I am going to a party tomorrow at one of the best clubs and hopefully I'll approach some hotties. I have to get over this! But most importantly my conversation skills.

So my main reason for updating is this:

So today I had little chat with the girl at the gym - The daughter of owner of the gym I go to. She's hot and many want her but nobody has guts to even say hi to her. Well, so I had little chat with her. She was looking at something facing me, probably me and I just smiled at her and she smiled back. Also she was sitting somewhere and I just asked her to shift so that I could sit there. I sat next to her and we talked. I don't remember how it started. So we talked and she apparently is a professional badminton player and has been to malasiya and other places. Pretty awesome. Bad thing is - as usual, I talk serious stuff and don't have much to talk to. I wasn't nervous but the talk was rather okay. Also she was talking in English and I got intimidated. I can write English very well but mostly I speak Hindi and thus I am not fluent at English at the moment. So yeah, I was trying to offer value by trying to talk in English. I felt totally dumb. Also I think I am already friend zone because I talk to her using words which in India are used to talk to an older person or a person whom you treat with utter respect. On the other hand I wonder why would she tell me about her if I was friendzoned. One way to find out: Ask for a date.

Although I am afraid that I am pedestalzing her and imagining future things that might happen between us.. And I worry too much about financial difference a lot... She's richer than me. I shouldn't worry about that...

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Regarding talking. Vibing, chatting, etc.

It's not about what you talk about. It's the ball of emotions between you. Focus on that instead of intellectual topics.

 

[GetBetter]

So last time I posted it was 5th May. It's end of the month yet nothing interesting to post. I'll post things that I remember though from past few days:

I found a site of PUAs in India. I tried to find some PUAs in my city and surprisingly there are few but they aren't too great. I have taken their Whatsapp numbers and want to team up with them and go for approaching but they don't seem too interested. One guy who says that is very good and runs some bootcamps was in city few days ago but I have got ill. Caught cold and had fever so couldn't go.

Related to Anuskha, I saw her only one day and didn't have balls to actually ask her for a date. I kept imagining how I would go, grab her hand, take her to stairs say that I like her and want to kiss her and we will make out. It's hilarious how we think of things that will never happen and it just lifts the girl up in value in our mind. And the next day got ill. I have grown lazy as well. But I assure myself that I will go approach her and say directly that I want to date her. Easier than I imagine it will be.

Other than that I have downloaded My Chains so that I can follow '16 habits to do daily' that I found through RobertDowneyJr's Journal. I am doing meditation daily but I forget lots of things daily and procrastinating Approaching! And this is making me scared day by day. Well once I recover fully, I won't make any excuses. Even if I don't recover, I'll do everything properly from 1st June.

Today:

Results of my final exams arrived. I passed in all subjects and scored 80%. A2 grades in 2 subjects, Bs in other three. I was hoping for way too less because I don't have to give exams like most of my mates who are just running to enter into colleges just because everyone does that. I am way above that...it's just plain wastage of money. However I was disappointed by myself because I am not giving 100% in anything, despite knowing my capabilities. It's like my body has lost the habit to give even half I am worth. And that eats me. I imagine what a 100% would be... a day when I won't be able to work anymore and as I enter into my room I'll just fall on my bed, fully satisfied by works I done.

So related to my 16 Habits, I asked NorwegianDj about Nutrition. He suggested many things but most of them are already in my diet as Indian food is not only delicious but nutritional(I guess?) but I will buy multi vitamins tomorrow as suggested by him. Also according to today's schedule I did Meditation, Reading - Couldn't read more than two pages of Power of Now. Now related to that a smile comes on my face due to realization that 99% of the time we are living either in past or future. And being an over-analyzer which I believe has happened due to being in-home for most of the time. Well after reading I did Pixel Art for another game I am doing for a company. After working on it for an hour, I read Andrew Loomi's 'Fun with Pencil' and watched some Perspective and Drawing Heads at extreme angels on Proko's Youtube Channel.

Went to Coaching today as our teacher called everyone for a meetup due to arrival of results. I went there and was actually nervous and excited to meet my old friends. I entered and was totally in funny mood and chilling. Soon everything turned disastrous and mood killer. Nobody changed in these three-four months... almost every friend at coaching got more attitude and ego or is after girls even more... disastrous. So I asked my old buddy to leave. Skip to important: I kept touching a girl(a friend) and tried to break my own shy barrier. I told her she looked like an actress which I feared to tell before idk why. Again an almost uncontrollable urge to go kiss her tried to take over but I pushed it. I could have taken her number... But she took out the air of my tyre! I didn't mind though because I felt sorry for her in my heart for her with mixed feelings of anger.

After that I went to Yash. He looked upset and while talking about his grades and how his dreams have got crushed just like mine, he almost cried. So I just stopped there, wished him luck and left. I know the pain..

I came home and my parents again started talking about financial crisis in house. And they started telling me that they soon will depend on me and I am their last hope. They expect a lot from me and they are worried because I keep telling them that money is not important and tell them that people spend their lives collecting money without living their dreams. Our realities are now clashing... I want money to fulfill my dreams and I am trying to but people crush it, emotions crush dreams, parents crush them... I want money to actually live my dreams unlike most people who collect money in hope that they live their dreams but then spend money on useless stuff - sofa, clothes, other show off material and never get to live their dreams....

When my parents started saying this a lot, I just left. My father and mother both understood I wasn't interested in chat. I actually was but I know our realities are clashing now. Happiness from within, living dreams, not crushing them etc is what I am learning through SoSuave other books, RSD and what not but people are hard wired to run after money as a source to gain happiness! Anyways, after that I came upstairs and started doing pixel art again, for money. I do want money so that I can help my family and mom's business financially while saving money to live my dreams and buy clothes etc and save for emergencies. As per my calculations I have to earn $500 per month. And for that I just have to do Pixel Art two hours daily.

After that I went down for dinner and again we started talking about financial problems, how our aunt is so and so, how is that guy or that girl etc etc. Soon the pressure started building on me and I am not sure why but I just broke there and started crying. I tried to control myself but I just couldn't... I kept on crying and that somewhere deep within relieved me a little. My parents started getting sentimental instantly and started to feel guilty that it was all happening because of them so I tried to control myself because I didn't want them to feel guilty, but I wanted to cry.. I wanted to let it all out. I don't know what but I just wanted to let it out. My parents asked what happened but I kept answering 'I don't know.' They didn't want to believe it but I actually don't know why I started crying. 'There might be something building inside me' I tried to explain while sobbing. But they didn't want to believe me and started making guesses that it was because of Ringling or the pressure they are building on me. But that might not be the only reasons...there might exist hundreds of reasons - Not able to go to ringling, financial problems, fight of parents, not able to do what I plan of doing, not able to give 100 percent, holding emotions inside me, over analyzing etc. But it did feel good to cry.. I haven't since I was 13-14 I guess even though I tried to. It just felt good but as I controlled myself I crave to let it all out again but it won't...

Me and my parents then went for a walk and I knew that in their hearts they wanted to cheer me up but they didn't show it. So I controlled myself and we walked and talked that how we take tension for no reason, how others are happy with much more problems. How whenever we talk it's either criticizing our relatives or talking about financial problems and never a good healthy talk. I don't remember the time we laughed together last. But the love is there. However my father has been getting angry at my little brother, I don't know why. Frustration being released onto him? Idk but I actually felt bad for him for first time and I went and asked him if he was okay after dad left. Being only 17(soon to be 18) and 13(soon to be 14) we brothers are actually going through a lot and I somewhat find myself lucky to have all this in life because I see that I am way ahead of my friends in these levels and that I have seen more problems of life that my friends will face when they reach mid-20s.

Oh I forgot to add one more thing: I had a haircut which I wanted to try, it turned out horrible and at first I was hesitating to show it to anyone but I just pulled it off anyway. Most of them didn't like it and laughed at me but instead of mourning I was laughing everytime they said something. I was being happy instead. Few months ago I would have died of shame but not anymore. Maybe because I am not interacting with School friends anymore. But I still get a bad feeling when I think about school... Idk why. It was not how I thought it was, I used to overanalyze.. But I do agree I never connected with anyone, I just can't go with they flow all these guys have...