Self improvement journal

[playa99]

To give you a bit of background:

I am currently in an LTR of nearly 2 years, I am very happy in this relationship, however I have not been happy in myself.

I dated a fvck load of girls between the age of 16-18, probably over 50-60. I then got in a relationship with a chick who was probably a 5 to be honest, reverted back to my AFC ways, gambled FAR too much, drank like a degenerate at the weekend and just pretty much had a meltdown. I am no longer with this chick, however inbetween didn't date around like I used to.

Since then I have improved massively. I have a budding business with my Dad which is going well.

I have been finding that I am lacking in confidence in general, just in day to day life.

This is going to be a general log on interactions with not just women, just general self improvement to help me get where i'm heading.

The aim of this is to document my change over the coming months and to get back to where I once was!

 

[JoesphBrown]

Good to see a journal is good for keeping you accountable. I'll be following along for sure check out mine too http://newjoey.weebly.com/

 

[Mr Wright]

I like journals on here, I read all of them. What are you from and what are you goals?

 

[playa99]

Goals

I posted that last night in a rush. I just wanted to get something down.

My overall goal is to become the dj I once was again, not just with women, to have confidence across all aspects of my life. I feel that I pvssy out of uncomfortable situations easily, I run my own business which I feel enables me to sit in a comfort zone, I want to get out of this rut and start rebuilding confidence.

More specifically, my goals for the next year or so are below:

My company to turn over £1.2 million in the year 2015/2016
Get a house of my own
Gain control over every aspect of my life.
Maintain a higher level of focus
Be back down to 10-12% body fat
Have a couple of back up chicks
Grow a new, decent social circle

Mr Wright, I will shoot you a dm now

 

[playa99]

Today has been a great day, I have rang a couple of clients I was nervous to speak to regarding new work, I have also signed up 2 new client's which is great and a big boost for the company. To progress the company I need to have days like this every day, consistently, I need to hone my networking skills and meet a variety of new people!

The only issue I am having is with a certain employee constantly taking the piss! Not sure whether to take the all guns blazing approach or to calmly put my point of view across.

In terms of relationships I've taken a more positive approach and and things seem to be good, she's buying takeaway tonight so all is good!

 

[playa99]

This past week or so has been a whirlwind since my dad has returned home from his holiday.

He is the majority owner of the company at the minute and has wreaked havoc since his return. He is constantly late and won't drive anywhere! It costs the company a lot of money and I feel I get disrespected a lot by him!

I've decided I am going to fill his and everyone else's diary. My anxiety over ringing new clients has come back since he has returned, I just need to once and for all get a grip of the situation and keep it that way.

The gym isn't going well but my diet is ok for now. I may head off to the gym now actually.

Relationship wise, the sex is drying up a bit. Has been for a while, not overly concerned though! Need to get talking to more women at work, keep the tools fresh!

 

[playa99]

I actually have time to do first entry of substance, giving a bit more background into me, my past and where I want to get to socially & professionally.

I'll go back to when I left school, which is where the interesting stuff really start's to begin.

I leave school with better than average grades, I have a girlfriend of a year who is a solid 7/8. We spend the whole summer together pretty much just having sex everyday before we both go off to different colleges.

I go on holiday over the summer and cheat on this girl with some random girl in a club. I was gutted with myself at the time for doing this at the time, only my best friend at the time knew about this.

So I go off to college and with the benefit of hindsight, my relationship was never going to work. I got 6 numbers in my first week at college, and the kicker is, these weren't numbers I even asked for, they were given to me!

I started meeting another girl whilst still with my ex, who ironically enough nothing ever happened with. I ended things with my ex after meeting this girl because she was just acting crazy and I was getting that much attention in college it was unbelievable.

So from then until summer 2009 I met some great friends in college, we would have parties every weekend, where I would meet a girl and inevitably I would take them home or end up meeting them at a later point, there was never anything serious in this period, every girl was just an FWB.
I would have an average of 5-8 girls in rotation at any given time.

Summer 2009 is where the madness began. A girl got obsessed with me, however she was a bit younger than me. I had no attraction for her, but we ended up meeting a few times, she was good to talk to for a period. I just could not say no to her, she saw us being together for a long time and I treated her badly, I openly told her about other girls I was seeing, turned up drunk to meet her and befriended one of her best friends, which I will come on to later. I ended up cutting this girl out for another girl I met at a party.

This new girl was well aware that I cut another girl out for her, I got a bit infatuated with the new girl for a period but I didn't go full blown AFC

She was a solid 8 with a great personality, this girl is now with someone I fvking despise, for reasons I will come on to later. I still had another couple of background girls on the go at this time, one I now kick myself for not banging as she is a solid 9, I just prioritized the wrong girl at the wrong time.

I had another girl who I still think about now, she is a solid 9 now, she asked me out and I said no just due to being in a vortex of sh!t with the many women I was trying to juggle.

Professionally during this period I made a mess of college and worked in the fitness industry which I did enjoy, but everything got ruined due to a bad injury.

In the 2009-2011. I had began to gamble irresponsibly, I had pretty much hit the melt down button on life, I drank every weekend to the point of blacking out and decided to start my own company, you remember the girl who I went out with and didn't want to be with? I said I befriended her friend? I ended up going out with her for a year and a half! For the first few months I cheated on her regularly, whilst gambling and drinking to excess.

She was not attractive, I'm not sure why I got with her, maybe it was pity, I don't know, but it was the worst decision of my life. I got dragged into her jealousy over my past, having been with a lot of girls, I got systematically torn apart.

I was scared of her Dad, he has broke people's legs before and didn't want to mess her about and suffer the same fate, I wouldn't mind, I can handle myself more than most. Needless to say, I went full AFC and ended up with ZERO plates and single, with a fat ex girlfriend and no social value at all.

I did stop gambling in this period, which was the best decision of my life and has led me to the point I'm at now.

Professionally I moved out of the fitness field and set up a company with my Dad, which to this day has struggled along for a few years.

Since my last relationship has ended I have never got the groove back I had in 2008-2009. Women don't seem to be as attracted to me. My confidence is shot a lot of the time.

The contradiction to this is that I do currently have a girlfriend who is a solid 8, she cooks and cleans for me and to a certain extent is everything you could ever want.

I am much healthier albeit not as fit. Financially I can see that my company is going places and regardless of the £1.2 million aim above, I know it is going to make a decent profit the next year with guaranteed work that we have with existing clients.

This isn't enough for me, I want a global firm making £100's of millions.

I want one woman to be enough for me but I just feel agitated constantly, my brain never switches off.

I need to know why I dated a girl for a year and a half who is fvck ugly and I knew it deep down, yet I fed her ego constantly!

Why did I ignore HOT girls who were literally on a plate for me and end up with an ugly chick.

Why has it took me so long to get my business to a point where it can make good money.

I need to explore these issues, this is crucial for me to get my confidence back to where it once was, I used to have no fear, now I get nervous to even crack a joke to a girl. I have reverted back to the 14 year old afc that I once was to a degree.

 

[playa99]

So the whole point of the last post is that I want to address the mad sh!t I've done, move on with my life and improve dramatically in a constructive, not destructive way.

 

[playa99]

I've had a great day out today with the guys playing golf, I'm realising I need to relax more and just enjoy myself.

We go away this week so I'm looking forward to the break to be honest! Can't wait to get back and get some serious work done. I feel like the last post I did has helped me realise where I'm at! I am going to make a conscious effort to get out more when I get back whilst not drinking to excess or even drinking at all which should be good, should be able to keep the tools fresh and get a couple of back ups.

The friends I've got at the minute are great, I need to make sure I stay with these guys!

 

[playa99]

I'm back from my holiday. What a trip! Fantastic, couldn't have been better, it reaffirmed that I've got some top friends!

I came back once again to a sh1t storm at work, yet again because of my dad.

I am concerned with cash flow in the business at present. We have a solid order book, however we aren't getting the done effeciently enough. Which is more frustrating than not having the work. I'm coming to the conclusion that going into business with my dad is at current the biggest stressor in my life and has been for some time, I find it hard to maintain my frame in situations with my dad and I think it spreads onto other aspects of my life. I am putting a plan together to improve the business, which needs to be stuck to and is more financially based, we are at risk of running out of cash at this moment, drastic action needs to be took and we need to focus more on the company itself rather than pandering to a clients needs all the time.

I've spent a long time staying in trying to save towards a house, I've come to the conclusion that to get a house i need to improve my income significantly, in the meantime I'm going to go out more and rebuild my social circle with people who I want around.

Relationship wise things couldn't be better, my girlfriend was great on holiday, all my friends like her and she contributed a lot whilst we were away, the only thing I could say is that she wants to spend all her time with me, but when was that a bad thing!?

 

[playa99]

As of present things are ok. The one thing I am struggling with is anxiety talking to new people, I want to build a new social circle and its just not happening.

It's so frustrating having been at a level where you would talk to ANYONE, but now I feel anxious even speaking to people who initiate conversation with me, I need to get a grip and throw myself in there!

One thing I want to talk about is smartphones. In this world EVERYONE is using smartphones excessively, myself included!

I find that I end up scrolling through Facebook pointlessly looking at people I have no interest in. This needs to stop, it's not good for my mind at all! I am now only going to go on my phone when I need to, not just to stop boredom.

To be truthful I think it's a massive cause of me not getting new friends, that combined with being in a daydream a lot of the time, it needs to stop and I need to change things now!

I need to get back to basics and start from the beginning again, I've been through a lot since I first found SS and to be realistic about it, I'm currently not to far off the place I was mentally when I found i. I need to get the mental state I had back when I was 16.

 

[playa99]

The change has begun...

I have started to take more pride in my appearance, I am walking with a lot more confidence. Women are noticing this.

I went out for a beer last night, there was a good few women there who I knew I could have put the moves on, but I was more focused on having a laugh with my buddy's.

My company is starting to do well. I am being much tougher with things and we are starting to become more profitable. We are targeting £100,000 profit in the next year, which is fantastic. There are a few women in the office I want to make 'work wives' of. Women who I can just talk to about anything and everything, I think this is the only thing missing in my social circle.

I have been reading the book of pook again. It is fantastic in reinforcing the correct mindset.

I'm focusing more on the world and I am feeling much better.

My relationship is great, I am the king of our relationship, I am the breadwinner and I call the shots.

You need to lead women along the path you want your life to go down. They generally speaking want to be lead by a strong man, the women you have are a reflection of you, you want great women, you gotta be great yourself.

 

[OlympicTim]

The change has begun...

I have started to take more pride in my appearance, I am walking with a lot more confidence. Women are noticing this.

I went out for a beer last night, there was a good few women there who I knew I could have put the moves on, but I was more focused on having a laugh with my buddy's.

My company is starting to do well. I am being much tougher with things and we are starting to become more profitable. We are targeting £100,000 profit in the next year, which is fantastic. There are a few women in the office I want to make 'work wives' of. Women who I can just talk to about anything and everything, I think this is the only thing missing in my social circle.

I have been reading the book of pook again. It is fantastic in reinforcing the correct mindset.

I'm focusing more on the world and I am feeling much better.

My relationship is great, I am the king of our relationship, I am the breadwinner and I call the shots.

You need to lead women along the path you want your life to go down. They generally speaking want to be lead by a strong man, the women you have are a reflection of you, you want great women, you gotta be great yourself.

The bolded part.

If you sincerely wanted to have a laugh with your buddies thats awesome. Just make sure you aren't lying to yourself. and using your buddies as an excuse not to talk to pretty girls

 

[playa99]

@Olympic tim, we did talk to a couple of girls, but the focus was on us having fun, not them. There was a little saying me and my mates used to say back in the day, "think your not going to pull and you will"

The essence of that mindset is focusing on having fun yourself regardless of what the women do, I just lacked the foresight as a horny 16 year old to see it properly.

I'm now beginning to stand up for myself in my life again, which is fantastic. My girlfriend is along for the ride so far, which is great.

I'm readdressing the balance with family & friends, I'm not being pushed & pulled about by anyone anymore.

My business is my focus, I need to be financially secure with a house of my own, it is my primary goal over the next year.

I'm fast learning you cannot please everyone, there will be tough decisions down the line.

I have finished the book of pook again and I feel like the shackles have been pulled off my brain. I would highly advise any newbie to read the book of pook at least once a year.

My life isn't massive eventful at present, but I am enjoying getting a healthy mindset back and progressing in my life. I no longer see a lot of my friends, however I think they only see the AFC me and cannot handle anything else!

I am seeing my buddy's a lot more and I'm off to a festival this weekend, so I will check in after that!

 

[playa99]

It's been a while... There has been a lot of progress in my life as of late.

The business has been turning round, I have come to the realization I need to see myself as a businessman and see the business as an investment which I need to maximize. The big issue in the business continues to be my Dad. He is great at dragging me into a verbal war with him.

He is completely unorganized, won't drive to meetings, misses jobs & I'm the bad guy if I forget to send one document out. We have argued A LOT over the past 5 years, and not in a healthy way, he is all about having power in the business whereas I just want the business to progress and grow.

I have decided to rise above the petty arguing and just simply progress the business in the best way possible. I am reviewing every client and ensuring they are getting the correct deal, this is crucial to the process of growing the business. I am also launching a lot of new products

I have also decided to purchase my first home. I have my eye on a few at present and just need to decide which property to buy at the right price.

I have been feeling down and irritable lately, I think its mainly the work turnaround mixed with a bit of impatience. I want to be out of parent's houses and stood on my own two feet. I am sick of being told what I do isn't good enough around the house and at work, when I know I am the main reason the business is still trading and my Dad and other people are that delusion that if I argue back, my point won't be accepted as valid as it is.

On a more positive note, I am in the gym a lot, my physique is improving and I am seeming to get more women into me. I just need to continue to build confidence in every aspect. I am dressing a lot smarter and present myself well. I know if I split up with my GF I could easily start getting numbers etc, I think maybe I do need a back up chick just incase it all goes south!