Self image and self talk PLEASE advise

[southernteen]

I have been on the site for a little while and school has finally started back. I know something is wrong with me not talking to any girls or many guys for that matter now. I tell myself i want to change but whenever I think about approaching or talking to people. I will almost go ahead and do it but suddenly theres this small voice inside my head followed by a wave of paralyzing fear that says things like:

"They dont want to talk to me"
"I'm not attractive"
"What will i say?"
"They will laught at me"
They will think I'm stupid"
"There will be an akwardness"
ect ect.


My question is how can i get out of this mindset? How can i turn these automatic negative thoughts into positive things like "They all want to talk to me" "This wont be awkward."

Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Eternal]

Originally posted by southernteen
I have been on the site for a little while and school has finally started back. I know something is wrong with me not talking to any girls or many guys for that matter now. I tell myself i want to change but whenever I think about approaching or talking to people. I will almost go ahead and do it but suddenly theres this small voice inside my head followed by a wave of paralyzing fear that says things like:

"They dont want to talk to me"
"I'm not attractive"
"What will i say?"
"They will laught at me"
They will think I'm stupid"
"There will be an akwardness"
ect ect.


My question is how can i get out of this mindset? How can i turn these automatic negative thoughts into positive things like "They all want to talk to me" "This wont be awkward."

Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Everyone thinks that. No real way to get rid of it. I still say that in my mind for some reason. But remember...Girls are thinking "Why won't a guy talk to me? Am I ugly? Dumb? Do I smell?" Girls overanalyze things, so whatever you are thinking, they are thinking twice as much. Just remember...Girls are scared, men aren't. You are a man (or close to it) so you can't be scared.

 

[Smooth as Anything]

I don't think about that at all.

I just think about how smooth I am and how lucky she is.

This also gives me this *real* snide smile.

 

[AC/DC]

If I learned one thing from football, it's that even if you're scared straight, the actual encounter is easy as long as you give it a shot.

The strongest guy on our team, a beast of a guy, was my tackling partner. I had to run with the ball and he'd get me head-on. I was scared pissless, but I just thought the whole time "this is easy" and just got my feet moving. I ended up getting my neck injured, but hey, it was pretty fun.

The only thing that stops you is yourself. Girls would be more than happy to talk to you, you just have to give them an opportunity.

 

[topwrench]

inner voice of self doubt

find a book "raising SELF ESTEEM..

the book will clue you in on your topic of discussion...

your on the right track....
follow it and youlle be closing the deal soon..

good luck.

topwrench

 

[PatZull]

I have this problem also.. Here are few methods to block/stop these negative thoughts:

1. Through Anger

Make yourself angry that you just can't go and talk freely with people, that people around you are having fun and you aren't.. just make yourself angry.. then just say to the voice "FVCK YOU" and go for it..

2. Change to Positive Thinking

For every negative thought you have.. think two positive and believe in them with your brain.. soon your heart and gut will believe in them, too.

3. Apply '3 second rule'

Whenever you want to do something.. and you know that you'll get demotivated fast.. just give yourself 3 seconds to do it.. or just don't do it.. If you don't do it, believe that your negative thoughts stop you and get motivated to follow through next time!

4. Brain Trick

For this to work.. you must atleast once grab your balls... When you approach a girl for example.. just observe everything.. you'll find out that everything that will happen will contradict to the things your inner voice is telling you (except if the girl reject you very bad, which won't happen).. When your brain realize that it contradicts itself (inner voice <--> truth).. negative thoughts will demolish...

There are a lot of tips/methods like that.. but I have to write a whole post for them

I hope this helps!

 

[Evil-Rom]

"I don't give a f*ck."

Who cares if they don't like you? Find some other people to talk to.

A girl rejects you? Good, weeds out the b*tches from the real girls.

Oh, and don't overanalyse.

 

[southernteen]

Thanks for the replies guys. Ill give em a try.

 

[Da Game]

I used to have a really strong negative internal monologue... The key to stopping it is to just notice whenever you're starting to go negative on yourself, then replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.

 

[MoAF]

All the mindset in the world won't get those voices out of your head. Tormenting, arent they? Heh, isn't it worse when you actually believe them? Kind of pathetic, actually.

The only way to get those voices to shut up, is to prove them wrong. Walk up, say hi, and go with the flow of the convo. Sure, it might be akward and weird the first few times you try. But the more you talk, the easier it will become. Untill one day, there are no more voices telling you you cant, in place of them will be the giggles of cheerleaders.

 

[The Bishop]

Ah yes, i had these thoughts a while ago. The way i got over it was (this might sound stupid) starting to raise my hand to answer questions in class. Believe it or not, your status in that particular classroom goes up every time you raise your hand and answer a question (dont worry about looking like a nerd, as long as you dont over do it). Pretty soon you get comfortable with talking in general.

Talking is like playing sports. The more you analyze, the harder it is to do. If you think about these things less your speech will come more naturally, Just like when you are with your friends. Do you think about what you say when youre with your friends? no.

Another good exersie is to simply turn to anyone in your classroom who youre comfortable talking to (it can be your friend, a pleasant neighbor, anyone), and start chatting away. More often than not a third person will join in the conversation, especially if its a nice, open-ended one.

 

[DarkfalconIV]

A little rule called the 3 second.

Do it before you have time to think. If you wait longer than three sencond to go and talk to someone the lil' voice in your heads gonna stop you. You'll be surprised after you say hi to them how easy it is to keep a convo. Just do it before you have time to think?

Hope that helps