Self-esteem issues

[Locster]

I need to find a way to get rid of the low self-esteem I've had most of my life. Im not by any means ugly but I only seem to attract ugly girls for some reason. It makes me feel like Im not good enough for hot women. The hot girls I see are either with the handsome older looking type or with the big, tall, bad boy type which makes me want to look like them. Most girls think Im atleast decent looking but the problem is that they see me more as the cute young boy than the handsome older looking type. I think this is a big part of whats holding me back from sarging the really hot girls.

What are ways I can get over this low self-esteem thats preventing me from getting with the women I want?

 

[Hitman10000]

Your self esteem is something that can't be fixed overnight, it can be practiced by trial and error for awhile, and when I say for awhile it can take months or years. Struggle is a human thing, if you're willing to admit that you have low self esteem, that is one step towards a greater struggle in life. Struggle is good. And that Cute Young Boy is another word for "Nice Guy" Change man, change! I went through the Nice Guy stage and dated UG/FGs myself cause I believed they wouldn't hurt me, but guess what. Those girls hurt me just like more attractive ones, go for the attractive girls at least they don't hurt my eyes trying to pretend I like them, haha.

About you dating UG/FAT girls - It's pretty simple, date girls that are equal or greater in attractive levels, no it's not as easy as I make it sound cause you have to factor in personality, class, etc but focus on that first. I've seen too many guys dating women who are below their level, more than likely it's due to inexperience:

"When hanging out with the opposite gender = Be seen only with those who are not only equally attractive/size-wise but also be seen with someone who is more attractive. People tend to associate a group of people as one unit just like the above, but with girls, notice how other guys tend to ignore you and look at the girl. I do this, you do this, normal people do this. You look at the hot girl and go.. wow she's hot and the dude, man he's got some skills. So what about the equally attractive girl and guy. You'd probably go meh, or if you see a girl who is unattractive compared to the guy, you'd probably wonder if the dude was gay."

 

[everywomanshero]

I think first step is getting a realistic view of the world. I'm no expert, but most people I know with LSE hold themselves to unrealistic expectations and/or assume other people are far more successful than they truly are.

In many cases the difference between a guy with huge success and a guy with none can be small. Little things make a big difference. Positive self-talk, affirmations, reminding yourself everyone feels these same emotions but you can choose different ways of responding, having a life that doesn't hing on any one thing, having hobbies/occupations that you build competence in, etc.

I think it all helps. When you start being positive and booting negative people out of your life and reality, then you also eliminate a lot of negative feedback that may be reinforcing these bad processes.

 

[blinkwatt]

I need to find a way to get rid of the low self-esteem I've had most of my life. Im not by any means ugly but I only seem to attract ugly girls for some reason. It makes me feel like Im not good enough for hot women. The hot girls I see are either with the handsome older looking type or with the big, tall, bad boy type which makes me want to look like them.


Simple,lift weights. Everyone that I know that lifts weights has a high self esteem. The simple fact or knowing that you are extending/building a higher quality life while most are on their couches gaining more weight is not easily forgotten.

Most girls think Im atleast decent looking but the problem is that they see me more as the cute young boy than the handsome older looking type. I think this is a big part of whats holding me back from sarging the really hot girls.

You want a "edge" to help you look older? Simple,dress older. Wear very nice clothes as if you are a "salesmen". Whenever I'm out in my slacks and dress shirts people tend to think in 20ish,and I'm not.

 

[Locster]

thanks for all the advice

im just going to try to look and feel my best before sarging hot women and im gonna see what happens

 

[squirrels]

What do YOU see yourself as?

Don't describe how you THINK others see you...when you're in a room alone all by yourself and you close your eyes, who do YOU see YOU as?

 

[Locster]

well i have no exeperience with girls whatsoever and thats probably the main thing that keeps me from gaining better self-esteem

that makes me feel like i dont deserve hot women

 

[Sexual]

Jesus, someone shoot me.

To Anyone Who Lacks Confidence

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Try to look better, wear better clothing or something, but my guess is your main problem IS your self esteem, like you said.

Ok, first off, don't listen to anybody that says "you're unsuccessful because your attitude is wrong"
they have it completely backwards....you have the attitude (low self esteem) because you are unsuccessful.
Next time somebody says that to you just tell them to shove it.

So what SHOULD you do? Well, I think for raising self-esteem, nothing beats a good ol' LAY! Just try to get laid like your life depended on it, I'm sure you'll notice a difference afterwards.

 

[Ace of Flames]

So what SHOULD you do? Well, I think for raising self-esteem, nothing beats a good ol' LAY! Just try to get laid like your life depended on it, I'm sure you'll notice a difference afterwards.

I think I have found a nomination for the worst advice ever given.

You're telling him to be DESPERATE AS HELL for sex. Excuse my language, but how in fvcking hell can that help him? That's the complete opposite of what he needs to do. Yea, he'll notice a difference - that he was better off before. Do you even realize what you're saying? If this guy took your advice to heart, and just went after girls "trying to get laid like his life depended on it", he could get in major trouble. You don't know this guy, maybe he's so depressed, he'll do something crazy. He might go rape some girl in the park late at night. Maybe he feels up a girl at work and gets sexual harrassment suits filed against him. They'll sue his pants off, plus he'll get fired. How's your advice now? I'm not sure becoming homeless is a boost for your self-esteem. I dunno, he could hit on the crazy bag lady under the bridge or something.

I'm starting to dislike your existance more and more with every post of yours I read. You have no idea what you're doing. Go read the bible, go get some common sense, go jump off a bridge, whatever you need to do to stop being stupid. Please, for the sake of humanity.



*Calms down* <_<....... >_>.... um.... On-topic, I have some good news for you. Right now, you may think your young looks are hurting your game, but in a few years, they'll be helping you. Once you're like 25, you'll want younger girls more than older ones. Its not much, but hey, something to look forward to. Chin up man, life is fun. No worries!

 

[Delta]

really good advice about taking a step back and COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS and the field in general....

despite everything that we talk about here, all the "be all you can be" self help stuff AND everything that WOMEN CLAIM THAT THEY WANT/NEED/CONSIDER, most of us are EXTREMELY ORDINARY.

BY DEFINITION, most of us are extremely ordinary.

and yet there are guys that may be exactly where you are in life but have great confidence and success....

it sounds like a horribly petty thing to do but sometimes, just comparing yourself to the competition can be tremendously uplifting. even if/especially if they're "worse off" than you but are still making it happen.

this advice has made its rounds, i forgot which guru originated it, but ATTRACTING WOMEN IS A SKILL and it can be learned.

as for confidence, just think about yourself for a bit... i'm sure there are lots of things that you can be proud of. you can start there.

delta

 

[xBoost]

My Four pronged attack

1. Studies
--> All things aside at the end of the day dude this ALL you have. This will get you that Porsche, that house by the beach, that 50inch plasma. THIS is the most important thing.

2. Weights
--> You notice a difference in just one week. It will give you a buzz when you know ur body is changing for the better. Stay dedicated, do this for YOU.

2. Music
--> Find a track(s) that pump you up. Make you feel inspired and upbeat. USE IT. Play it in ur head when your walk around. A soundtrack for you life. It will translate to your actions.

3. Friends
--> Use your mates as a springboard. Confidence goes up when ur with a group. Feed of their energy. Crack jokes, be an ass, make em laugh. When you are the centre of attention confidence will skyrocket. This is kinda hard and depends on ur personality and that your friends are like.

This works for me and may work for you, so i thought id share. I know how u feel about the UG chicks asking you out. I mean wtf man, why cant they be decent looking! One would think all girls find similar qualities in a guy hot. I mean an ugly guy and a hot dude would still find similar qualities in a female attractive. Guess they can approach us cos they know we are below the par. Phuck that **** tho, things are changing brother.

Good luck mate, cya at the finish line.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Watching Ace of Flames and Reallyfreakinglost's chemistry is just hilarious on this and other threads.

I've been looking up all of Reallyfreakignlost's posts and I cant stop laughing, what a friggen riot - this guy is the best - is this guy a comic relief or something. This is funny -- ok, I'm desperate to get laid, I'm going to take a cardboard box and write, "Help me, I'm a 30 y/o virgin" cover my naked body with the cardboard box (except for shoes) and go parading in the city streets because I'm going to listen to 'reallyfreakinglost's' advice and try to get laid, cause he says those who are hard up to get laid should get desperate.

You are cool Reallyfreakinglost, keep your posts up, I dont normally have a sence of humour, but this is helping.

 

[manbearpig]

You know what you should do? Figure out what causes your low self-esteem, and then attack that root cause.

With me I've come to realise part of what has caused self-esteem issues with me is my ahole father, who is overbearing, arrogant and full of himself and has always made me feel like **** by not being good enough, not being the kind of person he likes etc. So you know what I've done? I've stopped giving a flying **** what he says. I ignore him, or I stand up to him and tell him to shut his trap, either way I'm neutralizing him. Its not completely fixing my self esteem issues, but it seems to be helping a lot.

 

[Soapz]

Stop thinking about yourself.

Social fears and low self esteem comes from an over active ego- when you focus too much on Yourself and not on the environment and those around you.

Do not use others (i.e. hot chicks) as mirrors to determine your own self image.

Once you truly lose consciousness of yourself, the real you can act freely without having to worry about whether you're "worthy" or not.

 

[manbearpig]

Stop thinking about yourself.

Social fears and low self esteem comes from an over active ego- when you focus too much on Yourself and not on the environment and those around you.

Do not use others (i.e. hot chicks) as mirrors to determine your own self image.

Once you truly lose consciousness of yourself, the real you can act freely without having to worry about whether you're "worthy" or not.

Are you a Buddhist?

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

you do not have high self-esteem because you do not deserve it.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

To OP: I recommend the DJ bible and to try a bootcamp.

You must learn to AMOG tactics, which can be seen on this link:

http://www.bristollair.com/methods/authors/tyler-durden.html

Why?

Because you need to 'attack' those other guys who are picking up the chicks you like with a bit of wit and 'out-alpha them', and Tyler Durden gives some insights on how to do that. If you feel inferior to the competition, then maybe you have to work on them and torpedo the other alpha male.

 

[everywomanshero]

In all honesty, the subcommunications of LSE are probably going to make Pee Wee Herman seem more alpha. You really have to think about this like Maslows Heirarchy... eccept I'm renaming it to Hero's Heirarchy:

relationships: When all of the above are complete, these just tend to happen
--------------
Social: friends including female friends
---------------------
life development: have something more going for you than women, they are just along for the ride. You are the star
________________________
Self_esteem/Beliefs: Acheiving internal validation, living in your own reality
______________________________________________



So if you follow the heirarchy, then you realize that trying to focus on self-esteem and women in one shot doesn't make any sense. You fix the lower level problems first. I just made the list up off the top of my head, so it's not literal.... I know no one will do this though, they will want the validation from women... and eventually most will get it but that is the hard way to the top.

You just have to start fixing these problems. You KNOW deep down what is wrong, you know if you have LSE, social anxiety, acne problems, weight problems, then you blow the problem out of proportion and decide it's unfixable. Almost nothing is unfixable these days, and even if it didn't really need to be fixed, the confidence boost from you THINKING your finally OK will get you women. Basically, if you think you can finally get women and feel you deserve it, then odds are it will finally happen regardless of whether that acne/axneity/LSE/old nose/etc was really hindering your success or not. Mostly the war is with yourself.

Guys often talk about being on a roll with 3-4 girls within a couple of days, then they hit a dry spell. The dry spell is usually a state reduction problem. It happens because they come off the high they were on that got them 3-4girls in 2 days to begin with. That's how powerful this stuff is, simply how you think completely changes your entire life including success with women.


I don't like to talk about the negative. Let's not focus on that. Let's focus on how we can show we have HIGH self-concept. Everyone already has some of these traits How can you tell if you have a high self-concept?

Knows what they believe in
Does Not Feel Guilty
Does not spend undue time worrying
Confident in solving problems
resists domination
sensitive to needs of others
rich vocabulary
optimisitic attitude
tendency not to talk about self
good organizational skills
good time management skills
accepts leadership roles
takes pride in grooming and dress
realizes they have something to offer
adventurous/risk-taker
feels equal to others
accepts praise without false modesty

This is per a Phd instructor I had last semister.
If guys even took on JUST these traits alone and
really seriously took them in, then there would never
ever be a problem having women in life. I have zero
problems keeping women in my life, and I still have
my fair share of bad traits... even small improvements
make a big difference.

The msot common life position held in US is "Im not ok, you're OK". Take advantage of this... most people will automatically accept you if you seem to accept yourself. Be different. Be a rebel. Be I'm OK, you're OK.
Be I'm OK, yer not OK... just DONT BE im not ok, you're OK . Get it... lots and lots of women dont think they are OK. Will they look to someone else who also thinks he isn't OK? What validation can they get from that? Don't be a weak man. Being strong is a choice.

 

[Locster]

you do not have high self-esteem because you do not deserve it.

What do you mean I dont deserve it?






To the rest of you guys thanks for the advice

I realize that im the one thats causing these problems. I have to accept who I am and work with what I have. I guess whats left is going out into the field and just putting myself out there.