Self Actualization theory - Key to Don Juan?

[jdon23]

What is self-actualization?

Let's see some definitions.

-Goldstein defined self-actualization as a driving life force that will ultimately lead to maximizing one's abilities and determine the path of one's life."

-A basic definition from a typical college text book defines self-actualization according to Maslow simply as "the full realization of one's potential"


The person can, for a lack of a better word, visualize a higher "version" and existence of themselves. There is no "I cant". Only "I can." They force their image to change to what they want it to be. Someone who follows this idea doesn't care at all about what others thinks of them.


People that have reached self-actualization are characterized by certain behaviors. Common traits amongst people that have reached self-actualization are as follows:

-They embrace reality and facts rather than denying truth.
-They are spontaneous.
-They are interested in solving problems.
-They are accepting of themselves and others and lack prejudice.


Stemming from this branch of psychology is Maslow's hierarchy of needs. According to Maslow, people have lower order needs that in general must be fulfilled before high order needs can be satisfied.

As a person moves up Maslow's hierarchy of needs, eventually they will reach the summit—self actualization.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs begins with the most basic necessities deemed "the physiological needs" in which the individual will seek out items like food and water, and must be able to perform basic functions such as breathing and sleeping.

Once these needs have been met, a person can move on to fulfilling the "the safety needs", where they will attempt to obtain a sense of security, physical comforts and shelter, employment, and property. The next level is "the belongingness and love needs", where people will strive for social acceptance, affiliations, a sense of belongingness and being welcome, sexual intimacy, and perhaps a family.

Next are "the esteem needs", where the individual will desire a sense of competence, recognition of achievement by peers, and respect from others. Some argue that once these needs are met, an individual is primed for self actualization. Others argue that there are two more phases an individual must progress through before self actualization can take place. These include "the cognitive needs", where a person will desire knowledge and an understanding of the world around them, and "the aesthetic needs" which include a need for "symmetry, order, and beauty". Once all these needs have been satisfied, the final stage of Maslow's hierarchy—self actualization—can take place.





Now how does this relate to being a Don Juan? Everything! A Don Juan follows this principle. He makes the BEST out of every situation. He NEVER complains, he only ACTS to improve. HE is independent and autonomous. If a women doesn't want to be with him, it is HER loss. He only looks to what SHE could offer him, and if it didn't work out then he is not affected. Basically someone who reached self-actualization is a driven, motivated, healthy individual. Everything that a Don Juan encompasses.


Are you realizing your true potential? Are you waking up every day exciting to make the best of your day?


Something to think about

 

[Demodulate]

"Do, or do not. There is no try.'" - Jedi Master Yoda

 

[darkstarrr]

This is a truly brilliant post. I did a huge report on self actualization last year and adopted a new religeon if you will, regarding my progress in life and overall happiness. How ironic that the rug was pulled out from underneath me as I approached the top.

I will post more on this topic later when I am not at work because I have a lot of information you might find useful.

Thanks.

 

[jdon23]

This is a truly brilliant post. I did a huge report on self actualization last year and adopted a new religeon if you will, regarding my progress in life and overall happiness. How ironic that the rug was pulled out from underneath me as I approached the top.

I will post more on this topic later when I am not at work because I have a lot of information you might find useful.

Thanks.

What rug was pulled underneath you? Would you like to explain this more?

 

[Psychonaut]

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs resonates as truth to me, and I really like how well he articulated it.

What rug was pulled underneath you? Would you like to explain this more?

I have no idea what he's talking about specifically, but in regards to Self-Actualization, Maslow pointed out that if any of the lower needs ever cease being met, they suddenly become the new priority.

In other words, on the bottom rung are your physiological needs, such as air, food and water. No matter how DJ you are, if you can't breathe because you're choking on something, that becomes your number one priority, not your next joke to the HB.

Maslow's Pyramid roughly went:


Self-Actualization (fulfilling your potential)
Esteem (confidence, achievement, respect)
Love & Belonging (family, friends, and sexual intimacy)
Safety & Security (security of resources, of employment, of body)
Physiological Needs (air, food, water)

Things at the bottom, like physiological needs, have the highest priority, but the lowest satisfaction, while the opposite is true at the top of the pyramid. If you notice, Love & Belonging, where you find sex, is third, which means it would be difficult for your to meet your Esteem or Self-Actualization needs if you do not receive enough love.

I see many here say that girls do not equal happiness. While I wouldn't go as far as to say you can't be happy without a girl, you do suffer major anxiety without your Love need met, and it can be very difficult to be happy in the face of loneliness.

If you have a great job or career, good health, a caring family, chill friends and plenty of hobbies, all of that can still feel meaningless when you come home from work to an empty apartment. Many people probably have personal dreams that do not require someone else to achieve, but people still want someone who respects, loves and supports them to be a witness to their accomplishments to share their happiness with them.

The catch-22 is that if you are lonely long enough, it can depress you. And depression is not attractive, so it prolongs the loneliness. If you do not avoid falling into this cycle, it can very hard to pull yourself out. That's why regardless of whether you are lonely now or not, it is so important to figure out ways to continue to improve yourself, especially loving yourself, so that you continue to shine attractively to potential mates.

This is probably the hardest lesson I have personally had to learn, and the most important one this community has helped me learn.

Good post.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'm quite familiar with Maslow actually and I should point out that all of the higher 'needs' in the pyramid necessitate that the lower base needs are met prior to actualization and more esoteric concerns (needs). I should also point out that the self analysis required to evaluate where a person is positioned in this hierarchy is still subject to his or her personal conditions and personal interpretations. A lot of touchy-feely humanistic psychology relies heavily on this very subjective analysis. For instance when Carl Jung proposed that men enter a 'mid-life crisis' around 40 y.o. I wonder whether an Umbuti tribesman on the Serengheti would regret not having a Corvet by the time he reached 40? It's all conditional and relative.

Self-actualization is also an idealized state of contentment. The problem being that contentment, by it's very nature, is transitory, thus self-actualization is transitory. Growth, maturity and personal development require challenge and discontentment in order to progress. So while self-actualization may be a nice goal state and a great motivator, once achieved, assuming it is achievable, there's always the haunting "now what?" question once you're 'self-actualized' thus perpetuating the cycle of contentment vs. discontentment and ultimately questioning whether you were really self-actualized at all to begin with.

 

[jdon23]

I'm quite familiar with Maslow actually and I should point out that all of the higher 'needs' in the pyramid necessitate that the lower base needs are met prior to actualization and more esoteric concerns (needs). I should also point out that the self analysis required to evaluate where a person is positioned in this hierarchy is still subject to his or her personal conditions and personal interpretations. A lot of touchy-feely humanistic psychology relies heavily on this very subjective analysis. For instance when Carl Jung proposed that men enter a 'mid-life crisis' around 40 y.o. I wonder whether an Umbuti tribesman on the Serengheti would regret not having a Corvet by the time he reached 40? It's all conditional and relative.

Self-actualization is also an idealized state of contentment. The problem being that contentment, by it's very nature, is transitory, thus self-actualization is transitory. Growth, maturity and personal development require challenge and discontentment in order to progress. So while self-actualization may be a nice goal state and a great motivator, once achieved, assuming it is achievable, there's always the haunting "now what?" question once you're 'self-actualized' thus perpetuating the cycle of contentment vs. discontentment and ultimately questioning whether you were really self-actualized at all to begin with.

You bring up an interesting point. What do you do when you're at the top? I guess the simple answer is that there is no peak.. more like plateaus and hills. Once you BECOME 'self-actualized', I believe that you still grow. You still look for ways to become a more diverse, interesting and better individual. You're contentment with yourself only grows more and more. This intrinsic purpose grows and grows until you reach a pinnacle of understanding about life. There are no external objects and distractions in your way anymore.

 

[jdon23]

The catch-22 is that if you are lonely long enough, it can depress you. And depression is not attractive, so it prolongs the loneliness. If you do not avoid falling into this cycle, it can very hard to pull yourself out. That's why regardless of whether you are lonely now or not, it is so important to figure out ways to continue to improve yourself, especially loving yourself, so that you continue to shine attractively to potential mates.

This is probably the hardest lesson I have personally had to learn, and the most important one this community has helped me learn.

Good post.

I believe I went through the same lesson my friend. Loneliness breeds depression, which brings desperation. Desperation kills your frame and brings back AFC tenancies. The only way out of this damaging cycle is to push forward and keep your personal goals in mind. Eventually your personal success will out shadow the feeling of loneliness and despair.

 

[darkstarrr]

The problem being that contentment, by it's very nature, is transitory, thus self-actualization is transitory. Growth, maturity and personal development require challenge and discontentment in order to progress. So while self-actualization may be a nice goal state and a great motivator, once achieved, assuming it is achievable, there's always the haunting "now what?" question once you're 'self-actualized' thus perpetuating the cycle of contentment vs. discontentment and ultimately questioning whether you were really self-actualized at all to begin with.

In my report on self actualization I concluded that it wasn't something that is actually acquirable per say but more so like a line that approaches infinity but never reaches it. The inability to "reach" self actualization is a piece of what Rollo described as "requiring a challenge or discontentment" in that there is always progress etc that can be made.

Last year I adopted a new religeon of sorts based on Maslow research, which I would like to share with you all. I feel it is the least I can give back to this community after how much everyone here has contributed to my well being.

This religeon I speak of consists of 5 parts which are as follows:

1. Diet (fuel)
2. Exercise
3. Recovery (sleep/rest)
4. Productivity
5. Efficiency (time management for example)

I believe that by living my life in such a way as to either continuously improve or maintain the above list - that I will be able to come as close as possible to reaching self actualization. The Golden Rule is assumed in there as I believe it is part of living well.

What I find so great about this thread being on this forum is the brilliant point that Psychonaut shared with us that I realize I must learn to encompass in order to reach my maximum potential. It is what it is.

If you have a great job or career, good health, a caring family, chill friends and plenty of hobbies, all of that can still feel meaningless when you come home from work to an empty apartment. Many people probably have personal dreams that do not require someone else to achieve, but people still want someone who respects, loves and supports them to be a witness to their accomplishments to share their happiness with them.

I welcome the heavy hitters on SS to assist in expanding on and elaborating on what I have said. the bottom line is we all want to live as fulfilling lives and be as happy as possible. Especially as we get older do we really face the questions of what is important to us in order to be happy and make it in the world.

 

[backbreaker]

Psychonaut I have to disagree with you.

Life is "meaningless" without someone to come home to? Queen Elizabeth is one of the most famous people to ever walk the face of the earth. She literarly shaped world history as we know it today. She never married. So I guess her stand against the roman cathloic church, defeating the spanish armada was all meaningless becuse she had no one to "share her success with".

I can probably waste 10 pages listing famous single people. but i'm not.

The defination of Meaningful is to have a purpose. You are saying that no matter what you do in life, rather you are a single president of the united states like James Buchannan (who was more than likely gay anyway) or anyoen else, no matter what you do, your life has no purpose.

So let me ask this question, what about a woman give's life purpose that it doesn't have already?

First, your life should never revolve around dating. it's a sad state of affairs if you can win a nobel piece prize, but becuase you can't find someone to shack up with, your life is a failure.

If you are depressed, seriously depressed becuxase you are single, it's becuase that is what you deem important.

To father expand on that, knowing that, do you "go get a woman" just to do so? What have you really accomplished? your hopes, literarly your life's happiness depends on her everyday whims. If she waks up and has a really bad period and curses you out, you are depressed beucse you are scared she is going to leave again.

You will get father, by taking the longer route, and learning to not tie your life's worth with a woman.

let's say you do have someone at home but she's a cold blooded, vindictived, hateful ****. Is your life now more meaningful than the single successful businessman who from all intents and purposes, seems content and happyw ith life?


AS you know, or most people here, I am a long time recovering addict. in addiction, there is something called the Vicious Cycle. I am minding my business, I see something that triggers use, I start obsessing about the use, until there is no other alternative to use drugs, than once i use I start to crave more drugs, then afterwards you are remorseful and never want to do drugs again. You mean it, but once you see another trigger, the cycle starts right back, hence vicious.

you have to at some point, or at some point, learn how to jump out the cycyle. It's been years since I used, but from time to time... the thought creps up. One hit won't hurt you I try to lie to myself. So I have learned how to identify my thought process and to devert it at the first step before I go on, becuase once you go past the first step and start obsessing, the game is already over.

I bring that up, becuase it's no different than dating. you are depressed becuase you are lonley, you stay at home, gain weight becuase you eat too much, you lose your social skills, you get depressed, and becuase you are depressed you are lonley, rinse repeat.

I've been there. First, I made the choice that I was single by choice. I was in all seriousness. I was overweight. Boo ****ign hoo. I was overweight beucase I choose to eat rather than to work out. Long=short, once i got my ass in gear, drug myself to the gym everyday, I made myself buy me some nice peice of clothing once a week, I made myself to talk to at least one woman a week regardless of how embarassing it was, and it got bad. Until I was somewhat comfortable around women. I could talk to 1 a day. not necessariliy in a pick up manner, just "hey, I'm me, who are you"? and not be scared ****less. I was not shy. I was getting in shape. I had nice clothes. I looked up and the only thing I didn't have was a woman, and lo and behold, ocne I got all that other stuff in order, women, including my ex fiancee, started throwing high level IOI's they were interested in me.

With all that said, I have a GF. My point being, the meaningfulness of my life does not have anything whatsoever to do with her. If she left tomorrow, I would still feel good about myself. Why shouldn't I?

 

[darkstarrr]

Psychonaut I have to disagree with you.

Life is "meaningless" without someone to come home to? Queen Elizabeth is one of the most famous people to ever walk the face of the earth. She literarly shaped world history as we know it today. She never married. So I guess her stand against the roman cathloic church, defeating the spanish armada was all meaningless becuse she had no one to "share her success with".

Maslow's Pyramid roughly went:
Self-Actualization (fulfilling your potential)
Esteem (confidence, achievement, respect)
Love & Belonging (family, friends, and sexual intimacy)
Safety & Security (security of resources, of employment, of body)
Physiological Needs (air, food, water)

I think there is a huge difference between life having "meaning" and self actualization. Just because a man flew to the moon for example does not mean he is truly happy and at one with himself.

I took Psychonaut's example of having someone to come home to as an example of the Love and Belonging piece of Maslow's theory. I'm sure there are many other ways people can achieve that in their lives. For some it may be helping people, saving lives, or just being recognized as being someone special.

I agree with you backbreaker that a dependence on another person intimately isn't and shouldn't be necesary in order to have meaning or purpose in ones life, but having someone to come home to who will smile at you when you walk through the door, who you can depend on for emotional support, who you can trust and share your time and life with,,,, certainly wouldn't hurt your ability to feel at peace with your life with regards to Maslow's theory.

 

[jdon23]

It all comes down to what you feel the meaning of your life is. If you feel you are ONLY complete when you have satisfied argument a,b,c (Whether that be a certain income, a woman, or an expensive object) then you are not yet at the peak of the pyramid ['self-actualized']. You are relying on external forces to bring you happiness and meaning.

The act of being in this state means your frame is iron-solid because you dig deep INSIDE and know how strong you are by what you have accomplished. You don't need any woman's (or man's for that matter) validation for anything. A woman can only love you if for you accept who you are, the good and the bad.

Why would any man want to rely their happiness/meaning in life on something as fleeting as a woman's emotions? There's so much more to life than women. Sure they are amazing to be with, but if you think they are the only light through the tunnel so to speak, then you are a very brainwashed individual. YOU should be the one who dictates HER happiness.

If a woman wants to come join me and grow/learn with me, I will happily accept. If it doesn't work out, then that's fine as well. I won't be depressed over it, because her presence(or lack there of) doesn't dictate my state. I learned what I could with her and her absence is an opportunity for another experience with another individual.

Like backbreaker stated, there is the easy & short path [which most men take], and then there is the long and hard path. The road less traveled is much more rewarding.

 

[backbreaker]

I'm sorry guys but I got to take a stand here.

Having a GOOD RELATIONSHIP at home makes things better. Hell I'm not going to argue with that. The guy that goes to the moon and is unhappy, it doesn't necessairly mean it's becuase he's single. he could be an alcoholic astronaut that can't kick the habit and it's beating him up inside.

likewise just becuase he has someone at home doesn't mean he will be happy. the divorcer ate in a merica is 50%. I doubt it's becuse everyone is just so fufilled and happy inside.

the way I look at that pyrimd, I dont' even think it's the right way to look at it, but this is what I got from it. The more effort you put into the things at the top of the pyramid, the easier the things at the bottom come without as much work.
if you spend all day trying to get food, and your day revolves around eating, you will have secured that, but you won't be very happy, your self esteem probably wont' be very high, you don't have time to find love, etc.

if you spend the majority of the time at the top, you get a trickle down effect. you have a better job which means you can eat and provide, people see you are confident and want to be around you, etc.

I can honestly say I love my GF. I really do. we've been together for going on 2 years now. If **** hit the fan for whatever reason tomorrow, and she left, my life would not have lost it's purpose nor will have hers. I would grieve a little, i'd be lying other wise. But I know enough stuff to know i'm not going to sit at home and willow away either. i'mg oing to go out and make myself socialize with other women. it wouldnt' be long utnil I was going on dates, and live goes on.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You're contentment with yourself only grows more and more. This intrinsic purpose grows and grows until you reach a pinnacle of understanding about life. There are no external objects and distractions in your way anymore.

Here's a secret - there's no such thing as contentment. Being content implies that life is static, it's not, and to be honest, how boring would that be anyway? Life consists of varying states of discontentment: why else would you bother doing anything? But the good news is that it's more fun and more beneficial to manage discontentment than to endure contentment (which you can't anyway since it's transitory at best).

The trick is to understand that there are 2 kinds of discontent - creative and destructive discontent. What you choose to do with that discontent makes all the difference in the world. You will only get what you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done. Don't allow yourself to fall back into old destructive habits of dealing with discontent. Don't bother with anti-depressants and self-help books when a good hard workout at the gym would serve you better.

The truth is I'm always discontent, but creatively so. The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see you're sunk. You can always improve, even after achieving things that were very important and difficult to attain. Happiness is a state of being, it's in the 'doing' not the 'having done.'