Seen it all to often

[Cougar10033]

Ever since i was 13 years old ive worked at a golf course where i became friends with alot of older guys. These guys showed me alot about life and possibly skewed my perception of relationships. Ive been told over and over and over not to get married, its great at first and next thing you know your world is rocked and your in a heated divorce. Your giving her almost all of your life savings, your earnings, your losing your kids, friends and life. Now that im 25 thought of marriage enter my head and these themes continue to haunt me. My question is for the older guys is it possible to protect yourself early, before the wedding so that in the event she goes off the deep end you dont get raked. The last thing i want is to be 70 years old and still working/worrying about finances because some female outsmarted me.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What helped with my divorce is that I don't have kids, and she had a career to support herself.

The worst-case scenario would be to marry right out of high school and knock her up 3-4 times. Then when her mid-20's life crisis comes like it does for most women and she gets flighty, in the eyes of the court, she has both the kids and herself to support with no realistic means to do so. She could have banged 100 guys behind your back, and the court will not consider it as a factor in setting the alimony amount. For much of history, the law screwed women. Now it screws men, and that seems to make it fair in the eyes of society.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

It's called a pre-nupital agreement.
However, there are some things I believe can't be covered in it due to prevailing state laws (not positive though).

 

[ElChoclo]

I doubt whether some of these comments represent the law throughout the USA. You've got a lot of different States with many crazy laws.

In Australia, it is all up for grabs. Superannuation, anything. Sure get a written agreement but do it right. Not the night before the wedding or anything like that. Even if superannuation is not directly divisible, they probably take it into account by giving her more of the other goodies. So don't kid yourself.

The best insurance is to find someone who both brings in more than you at the start and who earns and continues to earn more than you, regardless of child rearing. You could be the house husband. That would be good protection, but not too likely.

Those golf course guys are dead right. But coming up with a solution, that's not easy. Unfortunately those who get the advice are a bit like cigarette smokers. They say "yeah yeah I know." and keep on smoking , then when they get peripheral vascular disease, they say why didn't I listen?

 

[Heretolearn]

Originally posted by ElChoclo
I doubt whether some of these comments represent the law throughout the USA. You've got a lot of different States with many crazy laws.

In Australia, it is all up for grabs. Superannuation, anything. Sure get a written agreement but do it right. Not the night before the wedding or anything like that. Even if superannuation is not directly divisible, they probably take it into account by giving her more of the other goodies. So don't kid yourself.

The best insurance is to find someone who both brings in more than you at the start and who earns and continues to earn more than you, regardless of child rearing. You could be the house husband. That would be good protection, but not too likely.

Those golf course guys are dead right. But coming up with a solution, that's not easy. Unfortunately those who get the advice are a bit like cigarette smokers. They say "yeah yeah I know." and keep on smoking , then when they get peripheral vascular disease, they say why didn't I listen?

good post

IN australia, teh law is very broad and they can get most things unless a pre nup is signed and even then you can still get a lot. There are too many variables to go into but you will*lose things.

On the other side though you must take into account many things you would have gotten would have been helped by the female eg. cooking, cleaning, networking at social functions so on and so forth.

 

[Old Buck]

A word to the wise from one who has been there and done that: take any measures available to protect your assets because that wonderful girl who rocks your world today may morph into the b!tch from hell who takes everything but the sack your balls came in a few years down the road. I started my own business when I was 18 and had accumulated a decent net worth by the time I married at 29. Regretably, I didn't get a pre-nup because most of what I had was acquired before the marriage. All was well for about 4 years when suddenly, after two kids and a life many women would envy, my wife decided the grass was greener elsewhere. She left and made it no secret she wanted everything of value while leaving me with as much debt as possible. Talk about going from being on top of the world to having the world on top of me! It was as low as I have ever been. Thanks to a savvy attorney and an ex who was her own worst enemy, I was able to get primary custody of my children and hold onto my business after battling it out in court for over 3 years. My ex ended up with a loser who thought he married a potential gold mine when he hooked up with her. Not long ago, their home went through foreclosure so I guess the grass wasn't so green after all. Although my story has a happy ending, it cost me over $50,000 in attorney's fees and probably another $15,000 for private investigators, court reporters, child psychologists, etc. Laws vary from state to state but if you have anything of value, you MUST insist on a pre-nup drawn up by a competent attorney and make sure anything acquired before marriage but not currently paid for is to remain yours without any monetary recourse from her should you ever divorce. Remember, many if not most states automatically favor the woman in a divorce even if she has screwed your dad, best friend, and the family dog so go above and beyond to make sure you don't see your life savings go down the drain to a sympathetic judge and a heartless, manipulative female.

 

[neonlandmine]

Try before you buy.

Move in with her and live with her for 4-5 years before you get married. 4 years seems to be about the time it takes to see if your compatible.

 

[Heretolearn]

Originally posted by Old Buck
A word to the wise from one who has been there and done that: take any measures available to protect your assets because that wonderful girl who rocks your world today may morph into the b!tch from hell who takes everything but the sack your balls came in a few years down the road. I started my own business when I was 18 and had accumulated a decent net worth by the time I married at 29. Regretably, I didn't get a pre-nup because most of what I had was acquired before the marriage. All was well for about 4 years when suddenly, after two kids and a life many women would envy, my wife decided the grass was greener elsewhere. She left and made it no secret she wanted everything of value while leaving me with as much debt as possible. Talk about going from being on top of the world to having the world on top of me! It was as low as I have ever been. Thanks to a savvy attorney and an ex who was her own worst enemy, I was able to get primary custody of my children and hold onto my business after battling it out in court for over 3 years. My ex ended up with a loser who thought he married a potential gold mine when he hooked up with her. Not long ago, their home went through foreclosure so I guess the grass wasn't so green after all. Although my story has a happy ending, it cost me over $50,000 in attorney's fees and probably another $15,000 for private investigators, court reporters, child psychologists, etc. Laws vary from state to state but if you have anything of value, you MUST insist on a pre-nup drawn up by a competent attorney and make sure anything acquired before marriage but not currently paid for is to remain yours without any monetary recourse from her should you ever divorce. Remember, many if not most states automatically favor the woman in a divorce even if she has screwed your dad, best friend, and the family dog so go above and beyond to make sure you don't see your life savings go down the drain to a sympathetic judge and a heartless, manipulative female.

thank you - good post!

 

[apluspimp]

same here, every old guy i talk to that has been married for a long time tells me the same thing, don't get married, all of them tell me this

its interesting

 

[Old Buck]

Let me clarify a point I made earlier concerning assets already acquired but not paid for before marriage. Suppose you invested in a home or some other high-value item that cost $200,000 dollars while you were single. You get married while owing a balance of $160,000 and ten years later the marriage breaks up with the debt on the asset having been paid in full. Since you acquired it before marriage, it is your separate property, but the court views it that you used community money to pay off a separate debt. Unless you have a pre-nup that stipulates otherwise, get ready to pony up half of any money paid for this and any other separate assets you paid on during the marriage. If you marry a woman with a career and you build wealth together, then she is entitled to a fair settlement. My ex-wife however, never worked during our marriage and I felt she should leave just as she arrived: with nothing. Only by the grace of God, the support of my parents, my friends, and a great attorney did I come out of it okay. I can tell you countless stories of men who were not so fortunate, who were financially and emotionally broken as a result of a divorce. Insist on a pre-nup and don't fall for the line "you are planning on our marriage to fail". If she balks at signing it, she is after your money. Run....very fast! Every relationship is different and you just have to fine tune the details to meet your particular situation with regard to separate property. Approach the marriage as a partnership, with the pre-nup providing an escape clause if the partnership is unsuccessful. Don't expect disaster but be prepared for it. I don't regret getting married because we had two children together and there is no greater joy in life than children of your own. The best way to look at a pre-nup is that it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

 

[BigFoot]

It seems like people want what they don't have: if they are single, they want to be married; if married they want to be single.
Some women are very dependent so when they get divorced they can get pretty mean in their desperation. She can also have an attitude of entitlement. If you enter a marriage with significant assets, get a pre-nup.
If you do not have assets, then just remember that she shares in everything you two accumulate and will get half when you divorce.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Every state in the US has "no-fault" divorce. That means that adultery has absolutely nothing to do with the division of assets. The cheater still gets half, regardless of how much they cheated.

I am studying pre-nups now in Family Law. They say it is wise to get a 2nd attorney for your wife to-be to advise her about the contract. This makes the pre-nup hold up better in court later.