Seeking Some Life & Career Advice

[Archivist]

I have a dilemma.

While it's a bit off topic, it indirectly relates to the main theme of this forum.

My sense is that plenty of men here would have thought about some of these types of issues before, for both personal and dating reasons.

I would appreciate any advice and insights people have.

(Fairly long post ahead, short version at the very end).

Context
I'm 30, and I haven't positioned myself well career-wise.

I want to coarse correct, just don't know what that looks like yet.

My background is in STEM, and I will be finishing my PhD in the next 6-12 months.

When I originally chose to go down this path, my intention was to be a professor, at a teaching-heavy university/college, with only a small research component to my work.

I love teaching in-person, and I have done well in it thus far.

My PhD is in a niche field, and even though it is STEM, it wouldn't be directly applicable to most industry/private-sector.

I can DM more details about my PhD focus, but rather not make it all public.

I chose this field because it's in on the topic I'm most interested in, and thought that would be a wise choice for a few reasons.

I have transferable skills and knowledge, just wouldn't be a natural jump out of Academia/teaching.

Throughout highschool and my undergraduate/bachelors degree, I excelled, in part because I became genuinely interested in most topics, and put in a lot of time/effort studying.

Graduate school has been a different story.

I don't find the school work or research difficult.

However, my mental health took a serious hit around the beginning of my PhD, and while I got through the worse of it, I've never fully recovered.

I don't have nearly the same focus, drive, motivation, or interest for my studies as I used to.

It was struggle to make it through the PhD program for those reasons.

Consequently, I haven't done nearly as well as I know that I could have.

I believe my mental health struggles are in part the result of:
- my choice of where to do my graduate studies ... there was a lack of a sense of community in my department, and being new to large metro cities, left a hole to fill
- a break-up with an LTR the year prior to beginning the PhD, along with my poor choices during that relationship,
- a general lack of balance in my life

I made plenty of poor choices during my depression.

Though it wasn't all bad, as it forced me to mature in ways other than my intellect.
Have a much better at understanding emotions, myself, and people now.
I describe it as having traded some IQ for EQ.

I'm finishing my PhD because I'm so close to already having it done, but I no longer know if I will end up using it in the capacity originally intended.

I don't know whether I could find mental peace-of-mind or fulfilment being a teaching-focused professor.

I do know that while I'm pretty good at research and don't mind it, it alone wouldn't be enough to keep my interest.

A secondary concern about Academia is all of the Woke non-sense.

My position at a University/College would likely be constantly at risk for political reasons in the current political environment, being a Conservative, and I don't want to spend a significant amount of time fending off political attacks when I ought to be focused on teaching.

Basically, I don't have the same purpose or life mission I used to, and want to find it again.

Naturally, having less of a sense of purpose, has effected my dating life as well.

Some of my interests are:
- teaching (STEM or otherwise)
- music
- cooking
- some outdoors stuff on an infrequent basis (e.g., bonfires, fishing, camping, etc.)
- card/board games (infrequent)

I tend to naturally rise up to leadership positions when I'm involved in a group setting, usually when the group is centred around something I enjoy or value.

I don't seek these positions out, they just have happened on their own as a result of my dedication to the task at hand & to the community.

If I were in a career I really liked, which had some community built in, it's likely I would end up in some sort of leadership position eventually.

In terms of short-term options post-PhD:
- I could find some sort of temporary teaching gig, whether that be (online) tutoring or something like it
- I have some experience in Mining & Carpentry/Construction, could work low-level jobs in those fields
- I could get into the Lumber industry if I wanted to, through my father's connections

I'm considering taking 1-2 years off, for a step back, and just do one of the above short-term options to get by financially.

Maybe travel during that time, gain new experiences, get out of my comfort zone, learn to "go with the flow" more.

I don't particularly care about making money, as long as I have enough to get by without worrying about it.

I have very little in debt (< $10k in student debt, nothing else), and don't have any real assets other than my day-to-day possessions (e.g., no house, no car, no investments, etc.).

My overall goals are:
- to have a clear purpose,
- to live comfortably,
- to have the resources to help friends/family if needed,
- to have a small/medium sized social circle where ever I settle down,
- to have a wife, and,
- maybe have 2-3 children sometime in the next decade.

I would like my career to be a focus of my life.
Having a sense of community within the workplace is a priority.

I would also like music to be an semi-frequent/frequent compliment to my life.

If I were much better at playing music, being some sort of music teacher would be a natural fit to my interests and skill set.
As of now, at most it could be a side hobby.

I'm mostly over my political phase of life now, but it will continue to be a secondary/tertiary concern of mine.

In terms of location:
- there are two specific places which would be ideal if I were to put a priority on being surrounded by my niche musical interests, or, most large metro cities would also accommodate my niche interest
- there is one place I would consider going to be near my sister and her children (medium-sized city),
- preference of a small-to-medium sized city, though I could make do with a large metro city (lived in one for 5+ years),
- Canada, USA (Florida, Texas, or some other deep-red state), or perhaps a particular country in Europe

In terms of what I want with women/LTRs:
- someone whom I get a long with (similar or complimentary personalities and lifestyles),
- at least fairly attractive,
- probably not having a STEM background, or if she does, then not a strict atheist
- probably conservative, or with some conservative-leanings,
- open to her being religious, depending on the degree

The main questions are:
- Where do I go from here, career-wise?

- How do I pivot, after my poor choices leading up to this time?

- Will taking 1-2 years off, to figure it out, likely to be helpful, or, will I likely just feel even further behind at the end of that time?

Short Version
Trained myself to be a teaching-focused professor, have nearly completed my PhD, struggled with my mental health along that path.

Not sure whether I want to continue down that path, and not sure how to decide, or what my alternative options are for pivoting.

 

[corsica]

I couldn’t read everything but you already have a phd. In the professional market you got something few have. That’s a huge barrier to entry compared to let’s say, becoming a chef or musician (your interests).

It’s better to get a job you don’t like with your phd, even if you work just a few months per year than doing what you like and getting crappy pay. The moment it becomes work, you won’t enjoy it.

The point is doing something few people want so you can live like few people can.

 

[Billtx49]

Back in the dark ages when I was a very young boy and living in Missouri, a family friend had just graduated with a Masters in history.
He was offered employment with AT&T regional hq. to work in a new department called data processing …
He most likely retired a very rich man.
Find something you really want to do, you’ve already proven your proficiency with learning which is your entry ticket to any future you want…

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I have a dilemma.

While it's a bit off topic, it indirectly relates to the main theme of this forum.

My sense is that plenty of men here would have thought about some of these types of issues before, for both personal and dating reasons.

I would appreciate any advice and insights people have.

(Fairly long post ahead, short version at the very end).

Context
I'm 30, and I haven't positioned myself well career-wise.

I want to coarse correct, just don't know what that looks like yet.

My background is in STEM, and I will be finishing my PhD in the next 6-12 months.

When I originally chose to go down this path, my intention was to be a professor, at a teaching-heavy university/college, with only a small research component to my work.

I love teaching in-person, and I have done well in it thus far.

My PhD is in a niche field, and even though it is STEM, it wouldn't be directly applicable to most industry/private-sector.

I can DM more details about my PhD focus, but rather not make it all public.

I chose this field because it's in on the topic I'm most interested in, and thought that would be a wise choice for a few reasons.

I have transferable skills and knowledge, just wouldn't be a natural jump out of Academia/teaching.

Throughout highschool and my undergraduate/bachelors degree, I excelled, in part because I became genuinely interested in most topics, and put in a lot of time/effort studying.

Graduate school has been a different story.

I don't find the school work or research difficult.

However, my mental health took a serious hit around the beginning of my PhD, and while I got through the worse of it, I've never fully recovered.

I don't have nearly the same focus, drive, motivation, or interest for my studies as I used to.

It was struggle to make it through the PhD program for those reasons.

Consequently, I haven't done nearly as well as I know that I could have.

I believe my mental health struggles are in part the result of:
- my choice of where to do my graduate studies ... there was a lack of a sense of community in my department, and being new to large metro cities, left a hole to fill
- a break-up with an LTR the year prior to beginning the PhD, along with my poor choices during that relationship,
- a general lack of balance in my life

I made plenty of poor choices during my depression.

Though it wasn't all bad, as it forced me to mature in ways other than my intellect.
Have a much better at understanding emotions, myself, and people now.
I describe it as having traded some IQ for EQ.

I'm finishing my PhD because I'm so close to already having it done, but I no longer know if I will end up using it in the capacity originally intended.

I don't know whether I could find mental peace-of-mind or fulfilment being a teaching-focused professor.

I do know that while I'm pretty good at research and don't mind it, it alone wouldn't be enough to keep my interest.

A secondary concern about Academia is all of the Woke non-sense.

My position at a University/College would likely be constantly at risk for political reasons in the current political environment, being a Conservative, and I don't want to spend a significant amount of time fending off political attacks when I ought to be focused on teaching.

Basically, I don't have the same purpose or life mission I used to, and want to find it again.

Naturally, having less of a sense of purpose, has effected my dating life as well.

Some of my interests are:
- teaching (STEM or otherwise)
- music
- cooking
- some outdoors stuff on an infrequent basis (e.g., bonfires, fishing, camping, etc.)
- card/board games (infrequent)

I tend to naturally rise up to leadership positions when I'm involved in a group setting, usually when the group is centred around something I enjoy or value.

I don't seek these positions out, they just have happened on their own as a result of my dedication to the task at hand & to the community.

If I were in a career I really liked, which had some community built in, it's likely I would end up in some sort of leadership position eventually.

In terms of short-term options post-PhD:
- I could find some sort of temporary teaching gig, whether that be (online) tutoring or something like it
- I have some experience in Mining & Carpentry/Construction, could work low-level jobs in those fields
- I could get into the Lumber industry if I wanted to, through my father's connections

I'm considering taking 1-2 years off, for a step back, and just do one of the above short-term options to get by financially.

Maybe travel during that time, gain new experiences, get out of my comfort zone, learn to "go with the flow" more.

I don't particularly care about making money, as long as I have enough to get by without worrying about it.

I have very little in debt (< $10k in student debt, nothing else), and don't have any real assets other than my day-to-day possessions (e.g., no house, no car, no investments, etc.).

My overall goals are:
- to have a clear purpose,
- to live comfortably,
- to have the resources to help friends/family if needed,
- to have a small/medium sized social circle where ever I settle down,
- to have a wife, and,
- maybe have 2-3 children sometime in the next decade.

I would like my career to be a focus of my life.
Having a sense of community within the workplace is a priority.

I would also like music to be an semi-frequent/frequent compliment to my life.

If I were much better at playing music, being some sort of music teacher would be a natural fit to my interests and skill set.
As of now, at most it could be a side hobby.

I'm mostly over my political phase of life now, but it will continue to be a secondary/tertiary concern of mine.

In terms of location:
- there are two specific places which would be ideal if I were to put a priority on being surrounded by my niche musical interests, or, most large metro cities would also accommodate my niche interest
- there is one place I would consider going to be near my sister and her children (medium-sized city),
- preference of a small-to-medium sized city, though I could make do with a large metro city (lived in one for 5+ years),
- Canada, USA (Florida, Texas, or some other deep-red state), or perhaps a particular country in Europe

In terms of what I want with women/LTRs:
- someone whom I get a long with (similar or complimentary personalities and lifestyles),
- at least fairly attractive,
- probably not having a STEM background, or if she does, then not a strict atheist
- probably conservative, or with some conservative-leanings,
- open to her being religious, depending on the degree

The main questions are:
- Where do I go from here, career-wise?

- How do I pivot, after my poor choices leading up to this time?

- Will taking 1-2 years off, to figure it out, likely to be helpful, or, will I likely just feel even further behind at the end of that time?

Short Version
Trained myself to be a teaching-focused professor, have nearly completed my PhD, struggled with my mental health along that path.

Not sure whether I want to continue down that path, and not sure how to decide, or what my alternative options are for pivoting.

Flotation tank bro. You need to do the soul searching yourself. You profess a desire to lead others, but to do this most effectively you need to look inward first. We can only point you in the right direction but you have to do the hard work yourself. Do you meditate OP?

 

[Archivist]

Thank you everyone.

I couldn’t read everything but you already have a phd. In the professional market you got something few have. That’s a huge barrier to entry compared to let’s say, becoming a chef or musician (your interests).

That's true, perhaps I'm being a bit too critical of where I'm at.

The point is doing something few people want so you can live like few people can.

I don't mind doing things others don't like doing, just depends what it is.

Example:
Most people probably didn't like the work I had at the Mine, but I quite did.
Bit of a "dirty job" in ways.

The moment it becomes work, you won’t enjoy it.

I have worked quite a few jobs which didn't feel like work, for that reason.

I would like to chose a career in which this is the case.

Find something you really want to do, you’ve already proven your proficiency with learning which is your entry ticket to any future you want…

Good point, and agreed, I would much prefer choosing something I really like.

You need to do the soul searching yourself.

Yup, I will ultimately need to make the decision and live with it.

We can only point you in the right direction but you have to do the hard work yourself.

That's what I'm looking for, yes.

Guidance on how to make a decision.

Suggestions of what that might look like would be a bonus, but I don't expect the decision to be made for me.

I'm leaning towards taking a year or two off, just don't know if that's likely to be a poor decision / waste of time.

You profess a desire to lead others, but to do this most effectively you need to look inward first.

Agreed.

And it isn't one of my goals to be in a leadership role, I just think it'll naturally happen if I put myself in the right environment.

The point of sharing that detail was part of giving context into what I believe are my skills/strengths.

Flotation tank bro ... Do you meditate OP?

Yes, I'm passively spiritual.

Though I have only meditated for relaxation or emotional regulation, never to help me gain insights for making important decisions.

How would that work?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Thank you everyone.


That's true, perhaps I'm being a bit too critical of where I'm at.



I don't mind doing things others don't like doing, just depends what it is.

Example:
Most people probably didn't like the work I had at the Mine, but I quite did.
Bit of a "dirty job" in ways.


I have worked quite a few jobs which didn't feel like work, for that reason.

I would like to chose a career in which this is the case.



Good point, and agreed, I would much prefer choosing something I really like.



Yup, I will ultimately need to make the decision and live with it.



That's what I'm looking for, yes.

Guidance on how to make a decision.

Suggestions of what that might look like would be a bonus, but I don't expect the decision to be made for me.

I'm leaning towards taking a year or two off, just don't know if that's likely to be a poor decision / waste of time.


Agreed.

And it isn't one of my goals to be in a leadership role, I just think it'll naturally happen if I put myself in the right environment.

The point of sharing that detail was part of giving context into what I believe are my skills/strengths.


Yes, I'm passively spiritual.

Though I have only meditated for relaxation or emotional regulation, never to help me gain insights for making important decisions.

How would that work?

Basically getting in the habit of getting your mind out of the way, and listening/getting in tune with your intuition. So when the opportunity comes to glean epiphanies, you don't miss out on them.