Background: we're both undergraduates. I'm close to graduating and she's not. She works all the time and I don't.
The girl I'm currently having problems with is the reason I stumbled upon this site. After skimming through the DJ bible and reading hundreds of other posts on here, I realize that I've been acting like a complete AFC for my entire life, especially with this girl, and it's pathetic. So you will probably think that the scenario I'm about to explain is also pathetic.
I met her via Tinder in mid-October, and we immediately began talking every day. I told her everything about myself (mistake) and she told me everything about herself, and we quickly entered into what was strictly a texting relationship. We would text every day and every night, and she was often the one initiating the conversations. She would flirt, ask questions, keep the conversation going, say random things out of the blue, etc etc, and kept giving me signs that she was interested in meeting up. She would say things like
we should hang out sometime or
we should go downtown together sometime or if we were talking about a movie or TV show
we'll have to watch that together sometime.
She's into plays, so for our first date I suggested that we attend a play together that one of my friends was in. She had to work and couldn't make it, but said the typical
I'm sorry but we'll hangout soon 
BS. So we continued to text, and throughout the next week I asked her on some coffee/lunch dates and she was
too busy, but we'll hangout soon I promise . That weekend, she planned to hang out with me and come out to the bars with me after work. The weather was bad that night, and when she got off work she texted me that she didn't want to come downtown, but
I should come drink over at her place if I still wanted to hang out. I said sure, and went to go purchase alcohol, and as I was walking over to her place, guess what...
I'm seriously so sorry. My roommates are really tired and want to go to bed, so I don't think I can hang out tonight. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm avoiding you, but I really do want to hang out. I responded and said it was fine, I understand, etc…
After about two more weeks of this flaky behavior, we finally planned a definitive time and place to hang out. She invited me over to her place to watch a movie, and we ended up banging that night. I took that to mean that she was still interested in me, but I was careful not to be too eager and didn't text or call for a few days because Thanksgiving break was approaching and I figured I would ask her on another date when we came back. We continued to talk every. single. day., which she would initiate, and I asked to take her to the movies the Friday after we came back from break. She responded yet again with the
We definitely should if I'm free line and ended up not being able to because
my friends from Colorado are in town for tonight only and I have to work a double tomorrow so I don't think I'll be able to, I'm sorry. I thought, hey, that sounds legitimate, if my friends were in town for only one night I would want to see them, and let it slide.
About a week later, I asked her if she wanted to go on a study date and do homework together because she always complains about being super busy with homework, and said
we definitely should, when?. Similar to everything else, this never materialized. But the next day, she went to a social/party thing with her roommate and texted me to walk her home. I did, and we ended up banging again and I stayed the night.
That is the last time we've hung out. So in the two month span where I've literally had some form of communication with her every day, we've hung out twice. From what I've gleaned from this forum, I should have nexted her a long time ago. I do have other plates. There are a couple girls I'm fwb's with who I can essentially hook up with whenever I want but don’t want to date, and there are a couple other girls currently interested in me who I'm talking to. But for whatever reason, I feel like I've become very emotionally attached to this one. I wake up in the morning hoping for texts from her, wonder if she's hooking up with other guys in the times she acts more distant, check her FB, tear my hair out wondering how she actually feels about me, and in general let her effect my happiness, which is bad news.
She does pay for her own college and I know she works A LOT. I can tell from the way she texts me that she usually gets off anywhere from 10-11pm. I actually confronted her about her "busy-ness" and she said:
I know, I'm sorry I'm so busy all the time. I'm sorry if it seems like I don't want to hang out with you because I do. It's just a really busy and expensive time of the year for me and it's just stressful and I’m trying to work as much as possible. But I like talking to you and hanging out with you and want to continue. Will you be around finals week? I'll DEFINITELY be more free that week
So I figure that's fine, I can wait until finals week, and I do. My birthday comes and goes during this time and she doesn't find the time to hang out with me or do anything with me for my birthday yet we continue to talk and flirt every day. I needed a date to a wedding I'm attending in January, so I figured I would ask her, and she told me she would go. I was excited about that, but her flakiness and unwillingness to hang out was still bothering me and gnawing away at my self-respect in the back of my head.
On finals week, she told me
we can hang out Tuesday night after I get off work! I text her Tuesday and
I'm seriously so tired and don't think I would be very fun to hang out with, I'm sorry. How about tomorrow? I say sure and text her Wednesday, to which she responds
I just got my schedule for the week today and have to work tonight. I really need the money. I'm sorry, we can hang out Thursday night if you want! I say sure, text her Thursday, and sure enough
Hey, I have a final tomorrow that I haven't studied for, so I just think I'm gonna do that tonight . So she literally flaked three nights in a row in one week, and from what I've read so far that should be an immediate NEXT. I should have gone ghost at this point, but ah, I’m still an AFC…
But I was still pissed and said "I don't know how I feel about taking you to this wedding anymore since you can't seem to find the time to hang out with me," to which she responded,
Yeah that makes sense. I'm sorry I'm so busy all the time, it's not fair to you. If you want to take someone else I totally understand. I'll probably be stressed around that time anyway. So she made it seem like she was uninterested in going, and I just said "okay maybe I will" and left it at that. We didn't talk for a few days, and when I asked her if we were still going together, she said
I don't think it's a good idea. Maybe we can try to hang out more next semester. I didn't think about my response very much and was honestly just tired of all the flakiness and uncertainty with her and just said "nah, I'm done
" and she said
lol have a great time at the wedding. We haven't communicated since and it’s been about 5 days.
I feel like such a confused chump. If I continue talking to her, that's THREE MONTHS spent on her for really only hanging out twice if you count the drunken hookup. I don't know whether she's just an attention *****, actually likes me and is legitimately busy with school and work, or what the hell's going on here. It’s driving me insane and I don’t know what to do next. I feel like the simplicity of the situation is that I’ve made myself too available. I’m almost done with college and don’t have many classes anymore, activities, etc while she has a tough schedule and works over 30 hours per week. I don’t think I’ve ever told her I’m too busy to hang out or can’t hang out for whatever reason and I always jump at the opportunity to do something when she’s free, but she’s had to say no to me over 10 times at least. Since she always responds and apologizes and suggests future dates, it keeps me on the hook. Should I leave things the way they are and move on? Reach out and try to salvage this? I keep trying to have the mentality that if SHE doesn't want to go to a wedding with ME then SHE is the one missing out and I'll gladly take one of my MANY options that ISN'T flaky. But something keeps telling me I blew it.
The next thing I’m going to learn is how to explain posts more shortly. I had no idea this would be so long, sorry
Mentor me.
