seeing her tonight - attraction in the hi 50s/low 60%?

[pbsurf]

meeting up first time in about 10 days - she's been hot and cold, texting when drunk, slightly flakey and unavailable when not. I've stayed cool and away - flirty texts only when she reaches out...

(10 months of a 1X a week relationship - not perfect, but i'm f-ing too attached!! See other thread if interested)

anyway, just got off the phone to confirm she's coming up. It will be fun and easy when we get together, it always is. BUT...

i need to get my power back somehow - good sign that she's driving up (she lives an hour away), but I said "can't wait to see you" on phone, and she just said "good". I actually said "good?" and laughed - and then just ended the convo with a see you later.

i know i'm overanalzying, but that's what this site is for. And maybe just journaling a bit, but i cannot stop thinking about this chick and really feel like i'm losing it - all bc she is very, very limited w/her affection when we are not together. slightly pathetic.

tonight could be very important. I would like to move this along further, but know that her attraction level is prob in the low 60% level - used to be 90%, but that seems ages ago..

Any thoughts people? (date is at the beach where i'm staying, at least i'll get to surf)

 

[TheSlasher]

If I happen to be in your position, I'd go away emotionally and in terms of communication. This is of course to gain the power back, not over her, but over yourself. You're losing this because you're feelings are being dependent on and dragged by her reactions to you. Be the kind of man who is truly willing to walk away, by making the choice between losing her and losing yourself, and as Neil Strauss puts it and I paraphrase, a lot of times, you have to be truly willing to lose the girl if you want a decent shot at getting her.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

meeting up first time in about 10 days - she's been hot and cold, texting when drunk, slightly flakey and unavailable when not. I've stayed cool and away - flirty texts only when she reaches out...

(10 months of a 1X a week relationship - not perfect, but i'm f-ing too attached!! See other thread if interested)

anyway, just got off the phone to confirm she's coming up. It will be fun and easy when we get together, it always is. BUT...

i need to get my power back somehow - good sign that she's driving up (she lives an hour away), but I said "can't wait to see you" on phone, and she just said "good". I actually said "good?" and laughed - and then just ended the convo with a see you later.

i know i'm overanalzying, but that's what this site is for. And maybe just journaling a bit, but i cannot stop thinking about this chick and really feel like i'm losing it - all bc she is very, very limited w/her affection when we are not together. slightly pathetic.

tonight could be very important. I would like to move this along further, but know that her attraction level is prob in the low 60% level - used to be 90%, but that seems ages ago..

Any thoughts people? (date is at the beach where i'm staying, at least i'll get to surf)

To get your Manhood back (notice I did not say power) just cut contact, If she wants to see you, She must make the contacts and on YOUR terms.

You spent an entire post rambling this way and that way building your pedestal for her.

Spend time focusing on surfing and about figuring you out instead of worrying on some females interest in you? Spin plates and work on you.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Get drunk with her, have some wild sex. Then leave it. Doesn't really sound like a 'relationship', as such.

Once you start to 'lose interest' too she'll either become way more interested, or go her own way too. Either way you're winning, coz at the very least you can move on to something more productive.

Remember, they who are invested least, brandish the most power.

 

[pbsurf]

update - more journaling unless someone wants to chime in.

got together last night - again, she made the date, she drove up and we had a great time as usual. She brought some things up - trust and boundary stuff, all on her end (see prior posts), I stood my ground and was a bit standoffish. thougth that went well. But... after a few drinks i slid back into boyfriend mode, probably too soon. But... we drank and laughed and ended up banging all night, and she was pretty happy in the AM.

so, apparently we are where we were a couple of months back, her IL is now much higher than I thought - probaby 80%+ (she made plans for us this coming weekend - she is initiating all texting/conversations) She is talking LT stuff.

All in all, i might have the ability to get my "manhood" back. I'm changing and have changed my nice guy behavior, but not completely.

As for the advice - i will re-read and apply. My "oneitis" is real - i just don't have any desire to bang or hook up with other girls right now - so its about controlling my emotions with this one.

And the truth is that my emotions are all over the map, and not just due to her - i've got a fairly high stress/busy life - mostly good but some sh*t to deal with. Drink a bit too much, stretches of depression (she has no idea), self esteem issues. As much as i'm a "self improvement" sort of guy - it takes a lot of energy to get through some days and i can't tell if she's helping or hurting sometimes.

Not very alpha but whatever. I'm sure 90% of the guys on this site go through periods like this. its the price you pay for wanting to get somewhere i think.

 

[jurry]

Sounds like she digs you man, nice! I used to do a lot of drugs and now i worry about replacing them with women.. As i am very unsatisfied with my professional life and dont have a lot of friends/hobbies. The important thing that ive heard on here is making sure you are doing your own thing and working on yourself regardless of whats happening with women in your life. It seems like you are pretty motivated on your own to improve and not relying on a girl to push you forward in life so thats good.

 

[pbsurf]

thanks Jurry. Not sure if you're kidding about the drugs etc. Does make me feel better about myself

I do think I obsess too much and the drug analogy is a great one. Honestly, she is like a drug. Not sure if this is 100% bad, but for now, just trying to manage the addiction.

Turns out she is slightly addicted to me as well.

just out of curiousity, what sort of self improvement things have you focused on if you don't mind me asking?

 

[jurry]

Not kidding about the drugs haha.. Been clean few years now though. The beta mindset is quite pervasive in drug culture as well as dating life and many other areas of life. It is a desperate, grasping, clinging for what you dont have and an inability to rest the mind and be comfortable in the present. My main mode of self improvement is through meditation/buddhism which shares many similarities with the dj attitude. Also i am focused on putting myself out there more, joining some meetups, hobbies, sports, etc. because i am horribly introverted and antisocial.

A long term relationship always and still does scare the crap out of me because of how difficult it is to maintain control and independence of yourself when you are so addicted (even mutually) to someone else. I'm trying to put less of a focus on women as completing my life and looking at them as just someone to share the ride with for awhile and have fun together.

 

[pbsurf]

Great attitude - love the honesty. I love this site but you have to read through the bulletproof confidence of all the alphas and understand that everyone has demons and flaws

And nice job getting off the drugs - looks like you have some wisdom now. I've avoided drugs but have drank WAY too much over the last few years - it sort of crept up on me and now i'm pretty worried about how woven booze is into my life.

That and the girl i'm seeing seem to be the only things to calm me down. Even with my hobbies and kids and friends - i still have this 24/7 negative self talk loop.

Keep putting yourself out there. Nothing like action and activity. These sites are great, and all of the self study that goes on is for a greater good, but there is a big difference between theory and practice.

I'd also suggest you check out Mark Manson and Corey Wayne - two guys online that are pretty sharp and all about a holistic approach to being a man/living life/dating. Good stuff.