Seeing all the signs need to turn it around

[movistar]

I've been dating a much younger woman for about a year, she is about 15 years younger than me. We hit it off great from the start, hanging out everyday, quickly lead into a committed relationship. About 6 months in she started getting a little drained of all the problems I was having with court and issues arising from a child custody case from a previous relationship.

She stuck by me and seemed to be in my corner no matter what. I was starting to get a little short with her and bored at times as I though she was so in love that she wasn't going anywhere. Well this caused stress to the point she said she wasn't getting what she needed from this relationship, and that although she loves me she doesn't see a future with me at this rate. We agreed to see other people. This was about 4 months ago. She started going out more but we would still see each other often and we were still very sexual. Even though we could see other people I don't think she did and I know I didn't. She became pregnant and we decided terminate the pregnancy.

Fast forward to today, she is not head over heels right now, we get along still but I know the interest level has dropped. I don't know how much of it is metal and how much is reality, for example, she invited me to have lunch with her yesterday, and the today she told me she made plans to go out, seems like she is giving me one to do the other. I was calling her to see what she was doing tonight and she let me know, said she wanted to hang after we almost just have sex, I don't go out in public nearly as much with her. She then offered me to go with her and I protested a little, we had a little back and forth and now I'm going with her. AFC move I know

She say she loves me but I just know that she is more open to going out etc. and its just not a good sign.. My feelings are really worked up about it. I'm trying to find some new plates, but its sometimes difficult when your heart is turned upside down.



Can I turn this around?

What should I do?

What do I avoid?

 

[pierce_r]

Maybe I missed something, but this is not a relationship advice site.

If she's not digging you, move on.

You brought grown-up drama into her life. Women who like older men like everything about us EXCEPT the grown-up drama. Unless we win at it. Winning at grown-up things is impressive.

You also are acting like a wimp. Women who like older men can get that kind of behavior from younger men. One of the things that sets us older men apart is that we take control, we're confident, we have our own lives.

I have never yet asked a girl I'm dating what she's doing at any given time. (Well, besides the casual "What's up?" text. And yes, I use proper punctuation and spelling. I'm a grown-up.) I've told her what I plan to do and then I've suggested that she come along. A couple of them are starting to return the favor -- asking me if I want to come along on things that they have planned.

Lastly, if she said she doesn't see a future with you, guess what? Ding ding, we have a winner. None of them see "a future" with a guy our age. They just don't know that, yet. Wine 'em, dine 'em, and bang their brains out as many times as you can before this occurs to them. Most of all, get seen with them. Get known as a guy who is attractive to hot young women. Girls notice this.

I just got a number from a cute little barista who saw me around Christmas with a co-ed FB who had come back for winter break. She had been giving me serious EC. Yesterday morning, I saw her again, and she asked where my girlfriend was. I told her she and I were "just a thing." We talked, we've been texting, and we're meeting for drinks tonight. She's 20 years younger than me.

Move on. If you can land one, you can land a dozen.

When they do leave, remember that their music sucks. It makes it easier to see them go.

 

[movistar]

Maybe I missed something, but this is not a relationship advice site.

If she's not digging you, move on.

You brought grown-up drama into her life. Women who like older men like everything about us EXCEPT the grown-up drama. Unless we win at it. Winning at grown-up things is impressive.

You also are acting like a wimp. Women who like older men can get that kind of behavior from younger men. One of the things that sets us older men apart is that we take control, we're confident, we have our own lives.

I have never yet asked a girl I'm dating what she's doing at any given time. (Well, besides the casual "What's up?" text. And yes, I use proper punctuation and spelling. I'm a grown-up.) I've told her what I plan to do and then I've suggested that she come along. A couple of them are starting to return the favor -- asking me if I want to come along on things that they have planned.

Lastly, if she said she doesn't see a future with you, guess what? Ding ding, we have a winner. None of them see "a future" with a guy our age. They just don't know that, yet. Wine 'em, dine 'em, and bang their brains out as many times as you can before this occurs to them. Most of all, get seen with them. Get known as a guy who is attractive to hot young women. Girls notice this.

I just got a number from a cute little barista who saw me around Christmas with a co-ed FB who had come back for winter break. She had been giving me serious EC. Yesterday morning, I saw her again, and she asked where my girlfriend was. I told her she and I were "just a thing." We talked, we've been texting, and we're meeting for drinks tonight. She's 20 years younger than me.

Move on. If you can land one, you can land a dozen.

When they do leave, remember that their music sucks. It makes it easier to see them go.

Your right I'm just a little shaken up, she is the only one I've had the last year so it's a little tough. Me asking her what she was doing was a bad move, should've had my own plans and let her come or just do something else.

 

[movistar]

Maybe I over stated the low interest, just want to clarify.. We still have sex daily she still says I love you etc.. It's just I feel as though she is more interested in going out now, so I just feel it has dipped, not sure if that's below 50%... Which is why I'm curious about possibly turning it around...
Is it suggested to cut off my supply of sex right now to go NC?

 

[trent_afc]

Sounds like this could be salvaged; you're still sexual and she says the love yous.

I've been in the reverse situation, woman with lots of drama & baggage. The other person only has so much patience & stamina before the baggage starts to weigh them down. Soon, hanging with the other person and constantly hearing about their drama becomes too much, and the desire fades.

You're the man, you're 15 years older, and you're expected to be the leader. I would cut out the drama with her; when you're with her, you're with HER. If she asks about the drama, either give short answers or tell her you don't want to burden her with it. Give her some space, let her come back to you on her own and do the chasing. If you get too clingy and AFC now, it will just further drive her away. Don't go full blown NC, just back off a little bit and see how she responds.

 

[scrouds]

Would YOU date a woman 15 years older than you? For long-term?

Food for thought.

Maybe if I was a lesbian. Newsflash, men and women are different

 

[movistar]

Would YOU date a woman 15 years older than you? For long-term?

Food for thought.

Yeah, I think it's different. I see women dating older men all the time and seem to really be into it... Women have younger guys hitting on them so why not take that if that's what they are into.

 

[movistar]

So I think she is out with someone else tonight. Just have that feeling, I felt like something was off today and sure enough, I get a text saying "I will text you soon" and now she is supposedly spending time with parents...

This blows, I'm working on spinning plates, my stable is completely empty at the moment. What are good ways to get a chick off your mind? There is no way I'm getting out tonight to meet some new one, and probably couldn't keep a good convo with me feeling like this..

 

[john doe71]

I would do the dumping b4 she does. Sounds like the writing is on the wall. Easiest way to get a girl off ur mind is get on another. Good lick

 

[john doe71]

Luck

 

[john doe71]

Oh and trust ur gut

 

[The Duke]

She say she loves me but I just know that she is more open to going out etc. and its just not a good sign..
QUOTE]

Women overuse the term "love" all the time. They must have 500 definitions for it and you see it every where so it doesn't have the same meaning as when a man says it.

She is setting up shop to branch swing. Telling you she loves you is just a carrot on a string.

I had an exwife tell me the same thing once.......right after she got done taking the other dudes cahk down her throat.

Actions.......actions......never put faith in a womans words. They are too irrational to take their words seriously.