Second try for the DJ Boot Camp in a busy, married life

[Cat Whisperer]

Hey guys,

I'm about to start the DJ Boot Camp for the second time. When I did it last time, I did only the first three weeks. It felt good, challenging - and very time consuming to continue. My workload on the job increased, I had some successes with women and got distracted, cancelled the program. I guess I'm not the only one in the "mature man" forum, who finds it difficult to figure out what's really important and then make time for all those things while fulfilling all kinds of duties, having a proper sleep, diet and exercise routine, and having some fun too. In the hope of getting some feedback and advice on how to integrate the boot camp into my daily life, not cancelling this time, and amongst other reasons of course also for giving something back to the community, I want to post my experiences this time.

First, let me introduce myself. I'm 34, working five days a week from nine to five at an academic institution. A fair share of that time is dedicated to a research project that should earn me a PhD next year. I exercise for about five hours per week and practice meditation daily for about 30-60 minutes. Now this would all still be easy if I weren't married, as this takes time too. Regarding my love life until now, I've slept with fifteen women in my life perhaps, that is to say, had a few one night stands, some affairs and maybe five relationships before finding the woman I chose to marry. We now both consider ourselves to be polyamorous and I kind of had a girl on the side this year, until she entered a somewhat committed, other relationship. My "extracurricular activities" aren't a problem at home as long as my wife feels like she's involved and gets enough attention. We're interested in finding a second girl to join the fun, which hasn't gone beyond kissing yet.

My strengths are:

• Intelligent, educated, funny and fit
  
• Active, exciting life (except for the lack of additional girls)
  
• Good conversationalist
• Leadership qualities
• Being married. It helps a lot to know that however you perform with other girls, you still have a safe haven. Also, better threesome opportunities.

My weak spots are:

• Confidence and mood issues. I get depressed sometimes and don't exude the happiness that wins girls over well. (I know these drastically go down when I feel on top of my game.)
  
• Cold approaches outside of closed, contextualised environments (e.g. a dance class, a birthday party, etc. - in contrast to a club, the street)
• Kiss closing takes me too long or I don't do it before the energy level goes down.
• Being married. It makes it so much more difficult to move things forward with girls if they're concerned about your relationship status, what this means for them, your potential future together etc.

With the DJBC, I want to build my skills and lose the remaining anxiety and confusion. The objective is get to a level where I'd feel comfortable approaching women in most situations, date the ones I like, and kiss and sleep with the ones I continue to like after dating. Ideally, this will lead me to sleep with a few more girls until the end of this year than I would otherwise have, and who knows, maybe one of them I'll see regularly as a girlfriend.

I'll start my first week tomorrow and post results here as they come. Cross fingers!

 

[Desdinova]

OMG...

 

[Cat Whisperer]

After startiing the first week last Saturday, I've completed it today to get closer to the rhythm proposed by the program, i.e. to start each new lesson on Thursday.

The first thing I've noticed is that I was too sloppy last time to skip the reading. I thought that just making eye contact and saying hi to a bunch of people wouldn't require any reading. However, reading all the material on Saturday was very helpful to create the right mindset.

From the moment I've started to look at peoples eyes more on Sunday, I've noticed a change in my perception and behavior. I became a lot more attentive to my surroundings and started noticing small things, which would have slipped my eye before, like facial expressions. I smile a lot more now. I noticed that I felt more in control of my mood, that is to say, more capable to take a proactive perspective, dismiss negative emotions, be positive and generally have better energy.

On Monday I decided to go to a local students event that had appeared in my Facebook feed a few days earlier. I felt a bit uneasy to go there without knowing anybody, it was raining, I was late - all bull**** that simply meant I was nervous. On the way I've said hi to a cute girl at the bus stop, who wanted to take her bicycle on the bus as well to avoide the rain. We talked a bit, someone else joined us. Although she seemed attracted - very giggly -, she was more of the quiet, shy type. When the bus came, I decided to just leave her to herself and said goodbye before getting off at my station. I remembered how important a girl's personality is to me and that many girls are boring. Still a nice chat. On the way to the venue I asked a girl, who was riding by, for the way. Very helpful, very attentive. A lot better vibe than the other one. When I thanked her for her help and wanted to leave, she continued to explain, as if she wanted to continue the conversation. To be fair, I liked her eyes but didn't know how to switch to another subject while we were both standing in the rain, going into opposite directions. Since my intention was to just say hi to people, I let her go. Had me smiling for a while. Upon arrival at the venue, I noticed how few people had come; maybe 10-15 instead of the 130 that were interested on Facebook. Said hi and talked to pretty much everybody. The girls, especially the prettiest ones, were again quite boring, so I ended up chatting more with one or two of the dudes in the end. Still enjoyed the evening. It felt good to go to a new place and meet some new people. On the way out, I said hi to a guy. This way it turned out he was looking for the place and I could help him get there. Felt good to help him.

On Tuesday I led a field trip with students to a company in our region. Didn't count any hi's here, as it was work and I talk to the group anyway. I payed more attention to eye contact though and by the end of the trip had 1-2 girls look and smile at me frequently. One of them very cute, I find. Maybe I'll see her again today and have a chat. In the evening I went to my sports class and joined their evening event that I had proposed in the previous week. Didn't say hi to anybody new. Felt good though to see how you can bring people together. Everybody enjoyed it.

On Wednesday I went to a running event. Said hi to a bunch of fellow runners. I noticed how much easier it is to say hi when you have a question or make a comment instead of just saying hi and leaving it at that. After the running event I went to a birthday party where I didn't know almost anyone. Used the opportunity to say my remaining hi's, talked to a bunch of people, mostly girls. One of them seemed interesting and we exchanged numbers. Later my wife, who was there too, told me the girl was very surprised when she learned that I was married to her and we're living together. I prefer girls to know early, so I wouldn't waste my time on those who have a problem with it.

Technically I might still need a few more hi's to make it to fifty. Somewhere on the way I lost count, to be fair. Today, on Thursday, I'm quite busy with work though and will meet a friend in the evening. Maybe I can say some on the way to her place.

Regarding my initial concern that this would cost too much time: Yes, it did require some investment. I haven't done as much sports, meditation and work as well as I would have otherwise. I'll need to pay attention to set my priorities right and eliminate waste activities to make everything possible. Actually, it's a good motivation to stay on track and be effective.

All in all, I'm happy with this week and am excited to start the next.

 

[Desdinova]

We now both consider ourselves to be polyamorous

This is a woman's word for "having my cake and eating it too".

My "extracurricular activities" aren't a problem at home as long as my wife feels like she's involved and gets enough attention.

I have a feeling this is going to change once you start banging lots of other women. A polyamorous woman is still a woman, and she's going to get jealous. The fact that you're actually married to her is going to complicate things down the road.

 

[Cat Whisperer]

Hey guys,
finished the second week. Here's what happened.

On Friday, nothing really happened.

On Saturday, I just read the material for the second week.

On Sunday, I attempted a few cold approaches.

• Sat down next to a girl in a café. She didn't pay any attention, just kept using her phone and listened to music like a zombie.
• Helped some senior citizens with their luggage at the train station. Conversation too short for me to count.
• Chatted up a girl on the platform. Just exchanged a few sentences. Shy, I guess. Conversation too short to qualify.
• Saw HB sitting close in the train. When we left the train, I talked to her about some cute kids in the train. She was all smiles but after just a few steps got picked up by her friend who she was visiting. They seemed very happy to see each other. Didn't want to push myself in-between. All in all, too short to qualify.
• On a local fun fair, I initiated a short conversation with a middle-aged man about the ride in front of us. 2-3 minutes, counted this one.

Although there was only one interaction this day, it was good to come out a bit from my shell. Smiles from and short conversations with random people are nice. But I'm remembering that only when it's cute girls I really get a boost, which feels fantastic and is very motivating. When I know I haven't pushed myself to get the results I was aiming for, I feel like a loser. While pushing myself is a good thing, I believe it's harmful to beat myself up for not making it to a certain number. Still happens.

On Monday, went to a local jazz club. When the band was done, chatted up a band member and talked to three more of his friends. All men, but what can you do, the club was almost empty and there were hardly any girls.

On Tuesday, I went to another city by train, to lead a group of students on a field trip. Chatted up a cute girl who sat close. The conversation started very positive but quickly lost its energy and was short. I think she was shy, put on headphones and studied. Didn't mind it much. Turned out later she was part of my group of students. Talked to everybody in the mixed group and counted 6-7 conversations total that were long enough, including 3 HBs.

On Wednesday, I wanted to do some more but was busy and met the girl whose phone number I took last week Wednesday. Chose to not force it and over deliver.

I'm going out more than I used to and am looking forward more to new situations where I can approach people, which is very cool all by itself. Maintaining a positive, proactive and autonomous mindset, which drives other areas of my life as well. Can be small things. For example, I finally get out of bed again when the alarm clock rings and not just lie there for an hour, wasting time. Also, it's very relaxing to know there'll always be more girls coming in, makes it a lot easier to identify high potentials and act more chilled around them.

 

[Spinach]

Just a thought...maybe if you spent all this time and energy on the woman you married your life would be much more fulfilling and less dramatic.

 

[Cat Whisperer]

Hey guys,

Third week over, only did nine out of ten - failed!

On Friday, I went to a bar and to a club with three girls. I know two of them well and had spoken to the third one a little before, so that didn't count. However, I tested a cheat sheet with good questions, which served very well to stimulate excellent conversation. The idea was not to script the conversation but to get some inspiration. Fully recommended. Otherwise not much happened on this day. Although the places we went to were almost empty, I approached some people later, who seemed boring and weird.

On Saturday, I went out in a different city.

• Before me and some friends entered a concert venue, I chatted up a girl who stood close and amde short eye contact two times. What do you know, she turned out to be somewhow connected to one of our group. This wouldn't have come up at all without my approach, very happy about it.
• At the concert, I talked to a girl who sat close to us and included her in the group.
• A girl in front of me in the queue at a fast food restaurant. After the conversation it turned out that she's too young for me to date. Didn't notice during the conversation, so counting this one.
• A friend of one of our girls joined the group. Very good reaction to questions inspired by the cheat sheet. Quote: "I've never been asked such good questions before!" We got closer as the evening progressed. Too bad she was freaked out by my wife being there. Could have been fun for the three of us.
• A girl at a bar, who sat close to us.
• A girl at another bar, where we went to dance later, taking a break outside alone. A few minutes of decent conversation, then she took flight when I mentioned my wife.
• Another girl in a fast food restaurant.

On Sunday, when we were at the train station, I was in a super good mood and had very intense eye contact with some very hot girls. No conversations.

On Monday, had a doctor's appointment and chatted with the assistant. All goo goo eyes.

On Tuesday, met a friend and a girl he was with. She was super shy but opened up and then really enjoyed the conversation.

On Wednesday, I went with my wife to an open barbecue with a concert next door. I told myself that I found the vibe at the barbecue to be weird, and the music at the concert was horrible. Maybe two girls there I'd consider dating, so very few opportunities. Instead of using these, I hesitated and lost my drive. On our way home, we passed by a football game and a bar - again almost no opportunities and didn't use the ones present. In front of our building, chatted up two girls. The conversation was short. Now that I think about it, it's better to not have so much distance and cars parked in-between.

On Thursday, I beat myself up a bit for not having used the opportunities I had had until then. I felt pressured and lost some confidence after I didn't use it, exactly as it says in the DJBC reading material.

Now let's move forward and collect some rejections.

 

[Cat Whisperer]

Things got super busy and I had to skip a week. It's getting better. Will get back to you!