Second flake, did I handle this right?

[SmoothTalker]

The problem I see with your approach is, like I said, it's temporary. So, I'm not going to, but say I did use it, got her feeling good again, and got her to agree to another date. The problem is is that she's already been in that happy state before, thats why she agreed to the dates to begin with, but when that disappeared she flaked. So I think if I used your technique to get her to agree now, she'd probably just flake again.

 

[HolyG]

I
Now my choice is, take her up on friends, because she genuinely is the sort of fun person I can be friends with easily, or don't.

Do you really want another friend?

Or are you just trying to take her any way you can get her?

If yes to the first question - fine.

But if yes to the second - you have enough friends.

You don't need another friend. You don't owe her any favors, the way she tossed you aside at the drop of a hat.

So grab your BALLS and TELL HER that.

 

[Igetit!]

Romanticman,don't "be quiet" dude.

You have 10 posts to use just like everybody does. There's over 60,000 members here. So don't "queit" yourself simply because 2 or 3 disagreed with what you said.

That being said,I ALSO disagreed with PART of what you said,but it wasn't all bad. For example...

Smoothtalker. You should have never mentioned friends in my opinion.

This,I agree with you 100%.

This was a mistake,Smoothtalker. Not saying it was a fatal one,but a mistake nonetheless.


You wanted one thing with her orignally,then by saying this,you showed her that you were willing to settle for less,that you were willing to accept something you really don't want.


It (in a sense) is desparation. It's like you want her so bad,that you'll settle for having her friend than not having her at all.


I KNOW you don't really want to be friends with her. I know it,Romanticman knows it,the other members here know it,this girl even knows it.

And in your heart of hearts,you do too.


And if I'm wrong about that,then are you saying you'd really like to be one of the people she comes when/if this other guy starts to mistreat her?



Dude,I've been there. It SUCKS when the girl you like and are attracted to has butterflies in her stomach and is on cloud 9 with a guy who treats her like sh!t,and you get the glorious fortune of hearing ALL about it.

When she said she wasnt ready you should have politely asked why?What happened.

This is where you screwed up at Romanticman.

This advice IS awful,lke one member said. Anyody who's been here for any length of time should ALREADY know what this means.


When she said she wasn't ready for a relationship,she LIED.
What she meant was she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with YOU (Smoothtalker).



As always,go by what a woman DOES,not by what she says.


She told you she wasn't ready for a relationship,then she turned around and started seeing/communcating with her ex.

Make her feel to explain herself and get her emotions high again.
If you can ..talk to her about the good time you two had and relive it with her...get her wanting you again by stirring her emotions for you.
Good luck man.

Under normal circumstances,this advice would be GOLDEN,but NOT HERE.


Her "explaining herself" would have probably got her emotions stirred,but they would have been emotions of DISCOMFORT.


If a women isn't interested in you,she doesn't want to have to explain "why" to you. Just just wants you to leave.


That's why she kept LYING:saying she was "sick",saying she was "tired",and that she was busy. Smoothtalker even told her DIRECTLY that if she was no longer interested to just say so so they wouldn't waste each other's time.



And what did she do? She lied AGAIN,saying that everything was "still good".


She kept avoiding and running away from the truth because it made her FEEL uncomfortable.


Therefore,your (romanticman's) suggest of getting her to explain herself to him was a bad suggestion. She's probably just lie again.



Personally,I wonder how "great" of a time she actually had on the date.


She went out with you (Smoothtalker) ONE TIME,and that was it.

From then,it was flake,flake,flake.



I think if she were really as interested as you think she was,there's a good chance you'd never had even found out about this other guy.


She'd probably had tried to see both of you until she had a clear decision about which one of you she wanted. In fact,that's probably what she did.

She kept you "on hold" for the past week with the "everything's still good" and "I'm just busy" lines to buy her time until she decided what she wanted to do,continue with you,or go back to seeing her ex.



That's why I don't think the date went as well on HER PART,because if it did,she could have just seen you behind the other guy's back.

I mean this other guy lives outside of the country,so it's not like you'd ever bump into him.




I wouldn't call her at all. I'd just date and pursue other girls.


The "rejection" itself wasn't the problem,but you telling her you'd settle for being friends told her A LOT about you. You showed her you'd be willing to settle for less.



You should have just said,"Alright,that's cool. Bye."


That would have shown her that you either get what you want,or you'll just move on and find it with another woman.


Anyway,good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[romanticman]

Romanticman,don't "be quiet" dude.

You have 10 posts to use just like everybody does. There's over 60,000 members here. So don't "queit" yourself simply because 2 or 3 disagreed with what you said.

That being said,I ALSO disagreed with PART of what you said,but it wasn't all bad. For example...



This,I agree with you 100%.

This was a mistake,Smoothtalker. Not saying it was a fatal one,but a mistake nonetheless.


You wanted one thing with her orignally,then by saying this,you showed her that you were willing to settle for less,that you were willing to accept something you really don't want.


It (in a sense) is desparation. It's like you want her so bad,that you'll settle for having her friend than not having her at all.


I KNOW you don't really want to be friends with her. I know it,Romanticman knows it,the other members here know it,this girl even knows it.

And in your heart of hearts,you do too.


And if I'm wrong about that,then are you saying you'd really like to be one of the people she comes when/if this other guy starts to mistreat her?



Dude,I've been there. It SUCKS when the girl you like and are attracted to has butterflies in her stomach and is on cloud 9 with a guy who treats her like sh!t,and you get the glorious fortune of hearing ALL about it.


This is where you screwed up at Romanticman.

This advice IS awful,lke one member said. Anyody who's been here for any length of time should ALREADY know what this means.


When she said she wasn't ready for a relationship,she LIED.
What she meant was she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with YOU (Smoothtalker).



As always,go by what a woman DOES,not by what she says.


She told you she wasn't ready for a relationship,then she turned around and started seeing/communcating with her ex.

Under normal circumstances,this advice would be GOLDEN,but NOT HERE.


Her "explaining herself" would have probably got her emotions stirred,but they would have been emotions of DISCOMFORT.


If a women isn't interested in you,she doesn't want to have to explain "why" to you. Just just wants you to leave.


That's why she kept LYING:saying she was "sick",saying she was "tired",and that she was busy. Smoothtalker even told her DIRECTLY that if she was no longer interested to just say so so they wouldn't waste each other's time.



And what did she do? She lied AGAIN,saying that everything was "still good".


She kept avoiding and running away from the truth because it made her FEEL uncomfortable.


Therefore,your (romanticman's) suggest of getting her to explain herself to him was a bad suggestion. She's probably just lie again.



Personally,I wonder how "great" of a time she actually had on the date.


She went out with you (Smoothtalker) ONE TIME,and that was it.

From then,it was flake,flake,flake.



I think if she were really as interested as you think she was,there's a good chance you'd never had even found out about this other guy.


She'd probably had tried to see both of you until she had a clear decision about which one of you she wanted. In fact,that's probably what she did.

She kept you "on hold" for the past week with the "everything's still good" and "I'm just busy" lines to buy her time until she decided what she wanted to do,continue with you,or go back to seeing her ex.



That's why I don't think the date went as well on HER PART,because if it did,she could have just seen you behind the other guy's back.

I mean this other guy lives outside of the country,so it's not like you'd ever bump into him.




I wouldn't call her at all. I'd just date and pursue other girls.


The "rejection" itself wasn't the problem,but you telling her you'd settle for being friends told her A LOT about you. You showed her you'd be willing to settle for less.



You should have just said,"Alright,that's cool. Bye."


That would have shown her that you either get what you want,or you'll just move on and find it with another woman.


Anyway,good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you for explaining. I will read closer and practice harder...thanks.

 

[SmoothTalker]

Here's the thing, I am well aware of the friendzone and how stupid that is.

HOWEVER, no, I was NOT lying when I said I could actually see her being a great friend, and NO I don't already have enough friends. I do have a pretty good social circle but as I mentioned lately they've all been broke/busy/with gf so more friends would be nice, especially ones that have similar interests to me and that restless thirst to do stuff that she and I seem to have, but most of my friends don't.

That being said I wouldn't sit there and be her emotional tampon about any other guy because being a friend does not obligate you to do that.

I can understand where you guys are coming from but I promise you I'm not here trying the "Oh well she said we can be friends so I'll be the best friend ever and she'll realize that I'm so nice and date me instead" approach.

For whatever reason she wasn't interested in dating (me) right now, and that's fine. For me she would have been on the back burner also if it wasn't for the fact that my number one girl is out of the country for 5 months and I don't do LDRs.

But when I say friend I don't mean the boring talk about feelings and boyfriends type of friendship, I mean the kind of friend you can call up to come snowboarding/skating/shooting some pool when your other buddies are with their girlfriends. Yes I did not get what I originally wanted from her but that doesn't make her worthless to me so I don't see the problem.

I know to stand up for myself now (learned the hard way) and if I'm not getting the fun I want out of the friendship, I'll stop hanging out with her.

As for whether she had fun on the date or not, of course I can't read her mind. However I think she did have a great time because we were both laughing and enjoying ourselves the whole time, we made out pretty heavily, and I had to finish sort of early because I had stuff to do, and it was clear she didn't want to finish yet. Also afterwards she was enthusiastic and up for any second date idea I had, until that weekend when her attitude noticeably changed, probably due to the ex. I can tell the difference between genuinely interested and claiming to be interested when she isn't - hence why I asked directly. So yes, she was interested, not that it matters now.