Second date?

[Roober]

I know too much thought for a girl I haven't banged, but I am knew to this so here goes....

Had a date Monday. Felt really good, did the 3 location thing, bar, bowling, bar. Ended with a kiss close, made out pretty heavily in the parking lot. she asked "so this means you had a good time right?" She also invited me to go rappeling on Saturday and stay at her friend's house, but I have to work.

So, now what?
-Texted me tuesday night to ask how my day was. Short convos. Busy for the most part, so not much responses
-Texted today a little bit, and asked about rappeling on Saturday, if I was able to make it or a movie on Sunday.
-Responded with no, but countered with her to come over on Sunday for dinner (i like to cook) and then catch a movie (hopefully not)
-She replied with... "Sure! but I can't confirm the time till Sunday. That ok?" and I replied the "If you can't confirm, we can plan something else". Then responds with. "I will leave Sacramento by 5 and come straight to your place."
-Then little random chit chat...

MAIN QUESTIONS - I think I got the flake thing down, so not worried how to handle if that happens
-Do I kiss her when I see her?
-I may change up Sunday if she doesn't flake cause she hasn't asked about my kids yet. Get more comfort before I drop that one. Thoughts?
-anything different for second date besides escalation?
-I think someone told me this, but I feel guilty for not responding sometimes. It is in my nature to respond as soon as I see a text... how do I combat that?
-How much texting after first date?

 

[Jetleg]

No texting after first date besides texting to plan the second date.

You think too much, go and have fun. do whatever the f*ck you want, if you can kiss and escalate and you want it, then do it.

 

[JohnChops]

I like what you did about the "can't confirm so let's.make a different date" tidbit, that's good stuff. Honestly you're only mistake is too much empty testing. If she texts you, reply, but then say you gotta go or just stop replying, unless you're going to ask her out.

Make the second date when you're free, go for the f close.

 

[old_skoolr]

OP your doing well. Mind you speaking from experience, I've never been flaked on when I've invited a girl to my place, so if you've pulled it off and she knows your cooking, I'd bet she'll be there. Now for your questions:

1. Do what you feel is right, if you want to kiss on the lips or on the cheek, don't worry too much about it. Let your gut reaction guide you.

2. If you have kids, maybe not a good idea to invite her over while they're there, especially if she doesnt know you have kids. She might be in the mood to get laid only to find lil versions of you around. Not good!!!!

3. Learn to reply to text when your not doing anything important. Texts can wait, especially if its just small talk bout nothing. Teach yourself to focus on the world around you instead of the one in your pocket.

4. This depends on the girl & her attraction for you. If she's texting you everyday, then your in and her attraction is high. Now I'd like to wait 3-4 days after a date to text a girl. Though if her interest is high, she'll probably be texting you. Still try and wait a few days before asking her out again.
Remember you shouldnt be seeing her more then once a week, shes a plate, nothing more till you seal the deal.

Good luck OP.

 

[Poon King]

The most important thing right now is to RELAX and stop over-thinking. No pedestals remember?

Regarding your individual questions:

-Do I kiss her when I see her?
Do you want to? Then do it.

-I may change up Sunday if she doesn't flake cause she hasn't asked about my kids yet. Get more comfort before I drop that one. Thoughts?
Don't volunteer information with women. Wait for her to ask. This is a strict policy I follow.

-anything different for second date besides escalation?
What do YOU want? Do that.

-I think someone told me this, but I feel guilty for not responding sometimes. It is in my nature to respond as soon as I see a text... how do I combat that?
Spin plates, be more busy, have a life, focus on other things besides her.

-How much texting after first date?
What do YOU want? Do that.

Men need to get out of the pandering, pretending, auditioning, PUA gimmicks mindset. Its weak. Focus on if SHE is behaving the way you want.. not on if you are behaving the way she wants.

 

[Roober]

Thanks for the feedback. I do tend to wayyyyy over think things. Been told that many times.

A couple things...

-don't have kids this weekend, but she would notice the random things around the house. I certainly wouldn't offer info, but wouldn't lie either.

-as far as doing what I want, I want to text and communicate all the time. Not sure if that comes from a place of insecurity or...?

-coming from serial monogamy, how do you combat the feels? It won't be an issue, but I can feel it lingering there, like "geez, I have way more in common with her than my ex". I am thinking spinning plates does this...? And keeping hangouts to once per week? And keeping contact low.

As far as texting, for me... I want to commit to responding when I legitimately not doing anything... At night, transit, etc. Versus trying to squeeze time in throughout the day...

 

[Helpabrotherout]

To the op, I see a lot of characteristics you have that I have too, the texting thing. Always responding busy or not. I think I've personally gotten better over the last couple weeks. I'm not sure if I'm just running out of f***s to give or just reading stuff on here has made me think. I've found I don't drop everything to text someone back and I have my phone in my pocket all day and headphones in so nothing goes unnoticed when someone contacts me. I think limiting down and keeping in mind to not put effort into someone until they show it first and if they do, still limit it after even if they do put effort in. The second a girl knows you want them, knows they can have you. They're going to get bored of you, lose the thrill of the chase and the best way to do that is to constantly give them attention. They will learn you will always be there waiting to talk. Women are the best at communication. Limit it, plan to make that second date. Get her to get to know you in person, texting is difficult to understand what kind of tone a person is using and often what they sometimes mean and with overthinking. It can turn into a mess. As poon king said "have a life, spin more plates, be busy, focus on other things besides her"

A lot of what things seemed to geared here is to get them out on the date, not blowing up their phone. Not wondering how their day is or how they are doing. Save that for later when you get to where you want to be at, in a relationship, if that's what you're looking for.

Poon king also said do what you want when you asked how much texting you should do after the first date. A lot of other threads, many say just to set up the next date, maybe some small chit chat here and there. Go with the flow, feel it out. Do what you feel is right but from my past experiences. I think you can over text.

I could be all dry on this. If so, someone steer us both in the right direction then.

 

[Roober]

To the op, I see a lot of characteristics you have that I have too, the texting thing. Always responding busy or not. I think I've personally gotten better over the last couple weeks. I'm not sure if I'm just running out of f***s to give or just reading stuff on here has made me think. I've found I don't drop everything to text someone back and I have my phone in my pocket all day and headphones in so nothing goes unnoticed when someone contacts me. I think limiting down and keeping in mind to not put effort into someone until they show it first and if they do, still limit it after even if they do put effort in. The second a girl knows you want them, knows they can have you. They're going to get bored of you, lose the thrill of the chase and the best way to do that is to constantly give them attention. They will learn you will always be there waiting to talk. Women are the best at communication. Limit it, plan to make that second date. Get her to get to know you in person, texting is difficult to understand what kind of tone a person is using and often what they sometimes mean and with overthinking. It can turn into a mess. As poon king said "have a life, spin more plates, be busy, focus on other things besides her"

A lot of what things seemed to geared here is to get them out on the date, not blowing up their phone. Not wondering how their day is or how they are doing. Save that for later when you get to where you want to be at, in a relationship, if that's what you're looking for.

Poon king also said do what you want when you asked how much texting you should do after the first date. A lot of other threads, many say just to set up the next date, maybe some small chit chat here and there. Go with the flow, feel it out. Do what you feel is right but from my past experiences. I think you can over text.

I could be all dry on this. If so, someone steer us both in the right direction then.

Sounds about right! Just feeling that compulsion to respond. I just need to respond when I am legitimately not doing anything. Anywho, she said she will be here. So I will just keep quiet until Sunday and see what happens. If she reaches out, I will just keep it short and sweet. There really is no reason to constantly text someone though especially after only one date, that would look bad even towards a guy from a girl

 

[old_skoolr]

Sounds about right! Just feeling that compulsion to respond. I just need to respond when I am legitimately not doing anything. Anywho, she said she will be here. So I will just keep quiet until Sunday and see what happens. If she reaches out, I will just keep it short and sweet. There really is no reason to constantly text someone though especially after only one date, that would look bad even towards a guy from a girl

Yeah dude, just text her your address and say see you then, bring wine!!

Spinning plates takes practice and if you do it right, you'll find that she will be initiating 95% of the time. Just concentrate at the goal, whether it be sex or some good company.

Let us know how you go.

 

[Roober]

welp.. sent text. "Hey there. My address is XXXX. I'll see you Sunday at 7." Immediate reply "does 530 work?" I said "Sure, bring the wine"

So should be okay... only time will tell

 

[Roober]

Okay, need some hard advice on this second date...

The plan: cook for dinner, go to a movie (hopefully not) or go grab a drink
The issue: I don't have my kids but have kids stuff here and there. She has not asked if I have kids...

Questions...
-Cooking for a second date too much? my thought was it puts her at comfort at my house and I love to cook... if she flakes, I still have a great dinner for myself, no extra time or money spent.
-If she is even mildly observant, she will likely ask about kids pretty quickly. Is this the wrong way to let her know? just by seeing kids stuff...

Maybe I am overthinking... again...

 

[Helpabrotherout]

Okay, need some hard advice on this second date...

The plan: cook for dinner, go to a movie (hopefully not) or go grab a drink
The issue: I don't have my kids but have kids stuff here and there. She has not asked if I have kids...

Questions...
-Cooking for a second date too much? my thought was it puts her at comfort at my house and I love to cook... if she flakes, I still have a great dinner for myself, no extra time or money spent.
-If she is even mildly observant, she will likely ask about kids pretty quickly. Is this the wrong way to let her know? just by seeing kids stuff...

Maybe I am overthinking... again...

If she asks about your kids, because if you have your kids living with you at times, if she has a brain at all she is going to notice. Be upfront with her, ask her if it's a problem. If not mention something's about them. If she shows any intrests then great. I don't think cooking is too much but I wouldn't be afraid to have a movie or two (or Netflix) to offer. Much rather stay home in comfort of my living room on a second date, might escalate to something that maybe at a movies theater she wouldn't be okay with doing if you did cook a good meal! Good luck and just go with the flow. It's hard due to over thinking, I know all about it. Just go with the flow though, you'll get her vibe. Go with it.

 

[Roober]

If she asks about your kids, because if you have your kids living with you at times, if she has a brain at all she is going to notice. Be upfront with her, ask her if it's a problem. If not mention something's about them. If she shows any intrests then great. I don't think cooking is too much but I wouldn't be afraid to have a movie or two (or Netflix) to offer. Much rather stay home in comfort of my living room on a second date, might escalate to something that maybe at a movies theater she wouldn't be okay with doing if you did cook a good meal! Good luck and just go with the flow. It's hard due to over thinking, I know all about it. Just go with the flow though, you'll get her vibe. Go with it.

Thanks! more of just looking for a second opinion. I got KODI, so basically have every movie available to me. Plan to suggest that instead, especially cause it's oscar season and movies come out really early.

 

[ubercat]

Since nobody seems to have suggested this classic move. Cook the recipe together. have a hero salad full of exotic ingredients. E.g. pine nuts pomegranate seeds slices of Asian star fruit whatever is available at your local. And get her to make it. gently builds dominance and investment.

Warning this is only for The Bold and could backfire. something I often do is say hey come taste this for me and dip my little finger in it. I must admit I've never had the nerve to go all pornstar on it. I look very busy cooking and deliver it very matter of factly.

Cooking is also great because you can go into character. sprinkling a few French words around with a totally over the top b******* accent. believe me calling a girl ma Cherie with a little growl still works. Suggest eating dinner in front of TV.

If she's a halfway decent chick getting her on the couch full of good food and a nice glass of wine or two should drop her straight into girlfriend frame. and if you've got 2 kids I'm sure you can take it from there ;-)

 

[Roober]

Since nobody seems to have suggested this classic move. Cook the recipe together. have a hero salad full of exotic ingredients. E.g. pine nuts pomegranate seeds slices of Asian star fruit whatever is available at your local. And get her to make it. gently builds dominance and investment.

Warning this is only for The Bold and could backfire. something I often do is say hey come taste this for me and dip my little finger in it. I must admit I've never had the nerve to go all pornstar on it. I look very busy cooking and deliver it very matter of factly.

Cooking is also great because you can go into character. sprinkling a few French words around with a totally over the top b******* accent. believe me calling a girl ma Cherie with a little growl still works. Suggest eating dinner in front of TV.

If she's a halfway decent chick getting her on the couch full of good food and a nice glass of wine or two should drop her straight into girlfriend frame. and if you've got 2 kids I'm sure you can take it from there ;-)

Good tips! Ya, that was the plan. Eating at the table is lame and interview style, will not ever do that... From now on, dinners are on my couch or in the bar at a restaurant or walking in a park...

 

[Roober]

UPDATE: She flaked!

Texted me in the morning "Can we reschedule? I have an annoying cold, I had to cancel my plans yesterday too. I don't want to sneeze and cough all over dinner, sorry for the short notice. Maybe sometime during the week?"

I responded about an hour before the date...
Me: "Okay, can't have you getting me sick. How about Wednesday at 8?"
Her" Tuesday's better"
Me: "I am only free Wednesday this week"
Her: "Awww man, your so busy. Okay, Wednesday will work. Can we meet closer to XXX?" (her city)

Then some small back and forth flirting. Suggesting BJ's for dinner and drinks always opens up good convo!

Learning here...
1. Inviting over to cook dinner for second date is probably a bit too soon. Maybe a third date or later thing...
2. Maybe should have responded a bit more when she reached out and asked about my day. I was pretty brief

It actually worked out nicely, cause I had to work until 4 and was tired as $hit.... Still had my seafood chowder and spinach, gorgonzola, and walnut salad!

 

[Glassguy]

I like how you stuck to Wednesday, but I think you're really overthinking this.

I like making dinner for the second date as long as you have a nice place and you straighten it up. Get her started on a glass of wine early and you'll be amazed how open and horny she will get in no time. You have your place to escalate without anyone else around. Just watch how she acts and act accordingly.

I would probably do a quick PHONE CALL the day before to see how she was feeling. 5 minutes tops. If she sounds sick, she may really be sick. If she doesnt she cant pull the "I am sick again" card.

Another flake and I would put her on the bench. You definitely need to spin more plates. One option is nothing and leaves you high and dry on a flake.

Saturday night one of my plates that I've been hooking up with for 3 months called me and said she was going to have her kids. No problem, I texted another plate and told her to come over, watch a movie and hang out. Smashed her instead.

As far as the kids thing, wait and see if she asks. If she does, be honest with her because they are your kids and not going anywhere. I have never had a chick that was interested have a problem with me having a daughter. And that goes for chicks that have kids and those that dont. Be confident about it, dont make it a big deal and it wont be.

 

[Roober]

I like how you stuck to Wednesday, but I think you're really overthinking this.

I like making dinner for the second date as long as you have a nice place and you straighten it up. Get her started on a glass of wine early and you'll be amazed how open and horny she will get in no time. You have your place to escalate without anyone else around. Just watch how she acts and act accordingly.

I would probably do a quick PHONE CALL the day before to see how she was feeling. 5 minutes tops. If she sounds sick, she may really be sick. If she doesnt she cant pull the "I am sick again" card.

Another flake and I would put her on the bench. You definitely need to spin more plates. One option is nothing and leaves you high and dry on a flake.

Saturday night one of my plates that I've been hooking up with for 3 months called me and said she was going to have her kids. No problem, I texted another plate and told her to come over, watch a movie and hang out. Smashed her instead.

As far as the kids thing, wait and see if she asks. If she does, be honest with her because they are your kids and not going anywhere. I have never had a chick that was interested have a problem with me having a daughter. And that goes for chicks that have kids and those that dont. Be confident about it, dont make it a big deal and it wont be.

Good stuff! Story of my life, classic overthinker... I think I will give her a call tomorrow, ask how she's feeling. Or maybe just call tonight.... i dunno...

I have no intention of hiding kids if she asks. On the plus side, secured another date on Wednesday with a hot latina 2 hours prior.. Still working on Thursday...