Scarred by her last impression

[Dirtheart]

I recently spoke to my ex- on the phone. The last time I saw her was in February when I was partly AFC, but also very downtrodden over something that happened at the time, which led to her ending things.

When we were talking, she spoke with a sympathetic and patronising tone. I told her things have changed, I had problems which I overcame and I tried telling her how I've took control of my life, been offered teaching posts and other jobs to which she replied "that's lovely". I felt like she was judging me on her last impression and I couldn't get her to see past it. I ended the call feeling completely belittled.

She said she'd like to meet up with me soon, which I want to use to put her impression right and let her see me as the confident person I've become. But if she's going to keep a closed mind I cannot think of anything I can do to get past this impression.

Any advice or should I just refuse to see her?

 

[EternalBachelor]

It is usually a bad idea to go back to exes. It sounds as if you are almost grovelling to her to take you back-trying to justify yourself. That is the wrong attitude. If she didn't stick with you when you were downtrodden she obviously wasn't very interested in you in the first place.

 

[Dirtheart]

You are probably right and I imagine I am better off just ignoring her, but I really wanted her to see me in my present state before I gave up. Well, I had given up and got her out of my mind until she decided to call me. I just hate the idea of leaving her with such an unflattering impression of me.

 

[Loke]

It's hard to get passed something like this. Your first instinct is to set things right regardless of if something come out of it or not. I now myself, I just can't stand someone having a bad impression of me, even if I know for a fact I'll never see them again. It just eats me inside. But unfortunately there is nothing you can do beyond just being yourself. If you think you've changed, give her the chance to see that. If you have, maybe she ill see, maybe she won't. The most important part is for you to give it up. Stop torturing yourself over it. Move on.

Loke

 

[Sexual]

Not trying to put you down or anything because that's good that your life has taken a turn for the better- but if you're so confident why are you wasting your valuable time chasing a woman that thinks she's better than you? Use that confidence to go get better, finer women who will treat you like the man and not like the btch.

 

[Dirtheart]

Good points, and I think Trippsta's question can be answered by Loke's post. I guess I am torturing myself as I just can't let a bad impression go unrepaired. The fact that everyone I know has a lot of respect for me tells me I can change her impression, but maybe I shouldn't be trying so hard or worrying so much.

I have dated two girls since her (both are foreign and leaving for home this month so no LTR potential) but I admit my ex- still plays on my mind way too much for my own sanity.

Thanks for the feedback guys.

 

[JJMcLure]

I remember you posting on this some time back.

You won't be able to change her impression the way you want. There are some things, that once people see someone in that position/actions it is just a dealbreaker and it can't be overcome.

The harder you try, the worse you'll feel and the weaker you'll appear. Even remaining focussed on it will appear weak in itself. It's in the past.

You already said you felt belittled after the phone call, so consider whether you want to put yourself in the situation again by meeting up with her.

 

[JJMcLure]

.

 

[Dirtheart]

JJ, that's a damn good point. I've been running an ideal scenario through my mind, or at least a satisfactory scenario, but haven't really considered how I'd feel if it all fails. Perhaps it will cause me more frustration and knock my confidence back, when right now I'm doing pretty well. I really need to let this go, finally.