AspiringDonJuan
Don Juan
This post relates to an experience while at university. I lived on campus for two years. Now, a lot of people did quite well for themselves while living on campus, whereas some did not, unfortunately, I fit into the latter category. This story confirms some of the things I have read here.
I have always been a pretty nice guy, and as you know, nice guys don't get women. I have always been social, had a lot of friends, etc. but also been reserved, especially around women.
While I was living at college, it was the same old deal. I was mates with most of the guys there that I felt were worth being friends with (our 'dorm' - in Australia it is a slightly different system to the US - had around 330 people). I was also friends with a smaller group of women, but not as close to them. And then I had a group of my best friend with whom I always hung out. Anyway, I was always friendly and sociable, but I didn't initiate a lot of interaction with new people, it was usually started by them.
Now one night, near the end of my second year, there was a large party. At this party, one of the girls from the dorm came and started talking to me. I don't like to be unkind, but basically she is one of the last women I would have chosen to talk to, but she did give me some valuable insight. It turns out we have a mutual friend. This friend had told her that I was actually a good bloke. This is where the story gets more interesting.
It turns out that this girl and her friends had previously had a nickname for me. The 'axe-murderer.' What had I ever done to deserve such a cognomen? In my mind at that time, I had done nothing. If you asked my friends, I was one of the nicest guys they knew.
However, upon reflection, I know more. Granted, I had a goatee and very short hair (shaved with #3 clippers) and do have a face that can look a bit threatening at times. However, I didn't dress in anything to suggest this attitude, I didn't have tattoos or any piercings and I was a friendly guy.
But I didn't smile at them, I probably didn't smile enough in general. I didn't make small talk with them. I didn't walk up to them at parties and introduce myself. In general, I stuck to the friends I had and didn't make it obvious to strangers that I was a nice guy. So what happened? I still had other guys initiate conversations with me, but not many women. I know that these women in particular were afraid of me, and possibly so were others.
So, I guess the point that I am trying to make is:
People don't know you the way you know yourself, your appearance and actions speak volumes. I thought at times that I was just taking it easy, being friendly and cool. These women found me threatening and referred to me as the axe-murderer. I can assure you that I am not axe-murderer material. I just wasn't outwardly displaying my good mood or friendly intentions. Do as so much advice tells you, smile.
Oh, and furthermore, take advantage of your time at college!
I have always been a pretty nice guy, and as you know, nice guys don't get women. I have always been social, had a lot of friends, etc. but also been reserved, especially around women.
While I was living at college, it was the same old deal. I was mates with most of the guys there that I felt were worth being friends with (our 'dorm' - in Australia it is a slightly different system to the US - had around 330 people). I was also friends with a smaller group of women, but not as close to them. And then I had a group of my best friend with whom I always hung out. Anyway, I was always friendly and sociable, but I didn't initiate a lot of interaction with new people, it was usually started by them.
Now one night, near the end of my second year, there was a large party. At this party, one of the girls from the dorm came and started talking to me. I don't like to be unkind, but basically she is one of the last women I would have chosen to talk to, but she did give me some valuable insight. It turns out we have a mutual friend. This friend had told her that I was actually a good bloke. This is where the story gets more interesting.
It turns out that this girl and her friends had previously had a nickname for me. The 'axe-murderer.' What had I ever done to deserve such a cognomen? In my mind at that time, I had done nothing. If you asked my friends, I was one of the nicest guys they knew.
However, upon reflection, I know more. Granted, I had a goatee and very short hair (shaved with #3 clippers) and do have a face that can look a bit threatening at times. However, I didn't dress in anything to suggest this attitude, I didn't have tattoos or any piercings and I was a friendly guy.
But I didn't smile at them, I probably didn't smile enough in general. I didn't make small talk with them. I didn't walk up to them at parties and introduce myself. In general, I stuck to the friends I had and didn't make it obvious to strangers that I was a nice guy. So what happened? I still had other guys initiate conversations with me, but not many women. I know that these women in particular were afraid of me, and possibly so were others.
So, I guess the point that I am trying to make is:
People don't know you the way you know yourself, your appearance and actions speak volumes. I thought at times that I was just taking it easy, being friendly and cool. These women found me threatening and referred to me as the axe-murderer. I can assure you that I am not axe-murderer material. I just wasn't outwardly displaying my good mood or friendly intentions. Do as so much advice tells you, smile.
Oh, and furthermore, take advantage of your time at college!
