Says "I just need a little time to myself"...HELP?

[Glassguy]

I go with the 24 hour rule. Some women just aren't addicted to their phones. If you get no response after 24 hours, then drop her.



The first time you tell a woman you missed her should be when you're fvcking her. Any other time is usually creepy.

I've been banging her 7 out of the 9 weeks we've been talking.

She gets on her phone often. It's not like she didn't get the message lol. No biggie. It's only been 2 months we've been hanging out. It's not like it's not replaceable.

 

[deci-mator]

She is hitting the wall and is looking to secure you and fulfill her long term provisioning needs. She now wants kids and security because she knows that she can no longer compete with the younger sexier women in the sexual marketplace. If she has not already, she is going to throw you an ultimatum, you either stay with her and have kids with her or she will leave you. And once she does she will shame you for going for the younger more attractive women who have no baggage, whilst forgetting that she too was one of those young women craving a mature man.
What she is trying to do is either extract a reaction from you, she wants you to start crawling back to her and qualifying yourself to her so that she can throw you her ultimatum or someone else has swooped in and now that's where she is.
She does not want you to be aware that your value is gaining whilst hers is diminishing which is why she wants to ensnare you into a trap by having children with you. She gets both scared of and aroused by a man who is aware of his own value. Having told you this, it is now up to you to choose how to play things out

 

[Glassguy]

I'm going NC. That's how it plays out.

 

[BeExcellent]

@LiveYourDream has rather accurately captured the mental gymnastics she likely went through which led to the asking for time. @Glassguy has re-engaged, which seems well received, although she may have questioned it as compared to his previous behavior.

This seems to have already resolved itself but I have a couple of thoughts that might be of some use.

This lady is 29. Her clock may indeed be ticking but she's still young insofar as self awareness and wisdom is concerned. She hasn't yet figured out that the fact that a man is taking the time out of his life to reach out means defacto that he likes her. OK.

I agree he probably came off too cool & aloof and that she pulled back thinking he didn't like her. However this stage of things is tricky to navigate because she will be trying to reconcile the perceived (from her view) change in behavior, and may wonder will the real Glassguy please stand up.

And there is the possibility that there is someone else she is seeing too, or may have just met.

Add to that work schedules, childcare schedules, and life in general and you get this cat and mouse thing. When that happens it's best to go with the flow and see what she does.

You asked her out, and asked her for a specific time now twice since re-engaging. If she didn't respond or if she can't seem to get you a time and place for getting together then perhaps it has in fact run its course.

Going forward if you want something more meaningful than pump & dump then the best way to date someone who you really like is to be completely outcome independent. That is to engage and enjoy the time that you have together, but to also understand that each time could be the last time you see each other unless there is some defining conversation; she seemed to be pushing before for such a conversation, but not now.

Assuming it is over with then just take the wisdom here in this thread and file it in the back of your mind. It is hard to do but people cannot carry around the pain caused by person A, and withhold connection from person B because of what person A did. It had nothing to do with person B whatsoever. It takes some time in life to get to the point where you can allow yourself to feel and to connect without all that past baggage. It can be tough. But if you want a successful connection with another human being you are going to have to let your guard down emotionally at some point. So that will be your takeaway lesson in any case.

 

[LiveFreeX]

. So she gets back home on Friday and has made no effort to see me. Invited me over yesterday to later say "you can still come over if you want but it probably won't be much fun"

She's was/is super into you. She's been open about it.

This lady is 29. Her clock may indeed be ticking but she's still young insofar as self awareness and wisdom is concerned.

Where the fcvk is this, Loveshack??? This is the worst advice ever. This is a men's forum ladies, your fluff advice is total garbage. She has a low interest level, she is well over the 25 yearold 'left over' mark... for your own safety, eject... SMFH at guys taking dating advice from women. You might aswell be hearing 'Just be yourself'.

 

[Igetit!]

I've been reading this thread for the past few days.....I'm curious to see how things turn out. My gut/instinct says it's likely over,but given the nature of women and how unpredictable they can be,hey...who knows. It's just that the OP got 100% honest,put himself out there and was vulnerable,and the only times I've seen that work.........is on the LifeTime Network,cable channel for women,and in the movies.

Funny how she told him "You know I'm very honest" and "I don't want to play games". Then AFTER saying all that,she ignored or side-stepped his subsequent attempts for them to go out again.

Just curious as to whether her recent actions line up with her "I don't want to play games" statement.

I'm going NC. That's how it plays out.

Ok,cool.....well that's your right. I have a question,though......

Let's say you do go no contact on her......and maybe 3...4,or 5 days into it,she finally decides to reach out to you. Ok.....

WHAT WILL YOUR RESPONSE BE??? I wanna know what you plan to do should you do go no contact,and she one day reaches out to you.

 

[RangerMIke]

Dating is supposed to be fun... when it isn't fun anymore the universe is trying to tell you something.

For whatever reason her interest is slipping, if she wants a break.... walk away and start going out with other women. She will either decide she wants to put effort towards you or not. Either way you can not control her, only how you respond. Do not sit around waiting on her.

 

[Glassguy]

I've been reading this thread for the past few days.....I'm curious to see how things turn out. My gut/instinct says it's likely over,but given the nature of women and how unpredictable they can be,hey...who knows. It's just that the OP got 100% honest,put himself out there and was vulnerable,and the only times I've seen that work.........is on the LifeTime Network,cable channel for women,and in the movies.

Funny how she told him "You know I'm very honest" and "I don't want to play games". Then AFTER saying all that,she ignored or side-stepped his subsequent attempts for them to go out again.

Just curious as to whether her recent actions line up with her "I don't want to play games" statement.





Ok,cool.....well that's your right. I have a question,though......

Let's say you do go no contact on her......and maybe 3...4,or 5 days into it,she finally decides to reach out to you. Ok.....

WHAT WILL YOUR RESPONSE BE??? I wanna know what you plan to do should you do go no contact,and she one day reaches out to you.

It honestly depends on what else I have going on at the time. I have a daughter and a business. My time is very valuable. I have already started spinning other plates that I had dangling around. Each one of them damn near jumped through the phone reaching back out after I texted them. So to say that she can be replaced sexually is 100% certain.....and fast.

If she reaches back out in the next few days, I will say "hey...nice to hear from you. I am really busy right now but let me know when your schedule opens up for you to come over".

If its any longer than that, I am quite certain that I would put her on the bench. Would I start spinning her plate? Maybe. But I would game her at that point and not have any other investment. It was her choice to start pushing me away, it will be her choice if I start hanging out with someone (s) that puts her on the bench or out of the game completely. The ONLY reason I give a single fvck about the situation with her is that 1.) She and I had a smooth vibe with conversation, humor, interests, etc 2.) Her and her family has a lot of the same interests as me and they were a blast to hang out with.

I ran into a realtor friend of mine at a ballgame last night who happens to be good friends with this chicks mom (the irony). She came up and said that she was talking to this chick's mom several weeks ago and the mom and stepdad were saying how happy they were that she was dating someone like me and how much they liked me. I stopped her and said "Well we arent really talking right now" and "she went cold on me when the family went to the lake on vacation last week".

She looked at me and said "Her mom was really hoping she wouldn't screw this up with you". I told her that I thought her family was talking her out of me for some reason when they were all on vacation, she started talking to someone else, or she didn't think I was emotional

This realtor friend of mine said that she was planning on meeting up with her mom for lunch this week. I told her to say hello for me and let them know that I had a good time hanging out with all of them while we were talking. She (realtor) messaged me this morning and said "If I find out why she started acting strange when I talk to her mom, do you want me to let you know?" I replied "sure"....at least I can stick it in the memory bank for future use.

So to answer your question, I will not reach out again. I might reciprocate with a quick message that says I am busy but let me know when you can come down to hang out. No chit chat.

 

[Glassguy]

Dating is supposed to be fun... when it isn't fun anymore the universe is trying to tell you something.

For whatever reason her interest is slipping, if she wants a break.... walk away and start going out with other women. She will either decide she wants to put effort towards you or not. Either way you can not control her, only how you respond. Do not sit around waiting on her.

Like I said, I am spinning 3 other plates right now, one of which is a chick I used to fvck on the regular but dropped because she wanted more.

No sitting around on my part. Gotta make moves and get other things lined up.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I ran into a realtor friend of mine at a ballgame last night who happens to be good friends with this chicks mom (the irony). She came up and said that she was talking to this chick's mom several weeks ago and the mom and stepdad were saying how happy they were that she was dating someone like me and how much they liked me. I stopped her and said "Well we arent really talking right now" and "she went cold on me when the family went to the lake on vacation last week".
She looked at me and said "Her mom was really hoping she wouldn't screw this up with you". I told her that I thought her family was talking her out of me for some reason when they were all on vacation, she started talking to someone else, or she didn't think I was emotional

This realtor friend of mine said that she was planning on meeting up with her mom for lunch this week. I told her to say hello for me and let them know that I had a good time hanging out with all of them while we were talking. She (realtor) messaged me this morning and said "If I find out why she started acting strange when I talk to her mom, do you want me to let you know?" I replied "sure"....at least I can stick it in the memory bank for future use.

To you this may have been a smooth move. To me, it was an incredibly poor choice. To me, it conveys, to your friend, that you are butthurt and insecure, who will share your butthurtness and insecurity with the mom, who will inevitably share your butthurtness and insecurity with her daughter. This accomplishes what?

Were you hoping conveying your butthurtness would inspire them to shame her for her behavior and shame her back into reengaging with you, the guy they liked so much? It is a no win maneuver by it's very set-up. Butthurt and insecure men are not attractive. Being told or encouraged by her mother to go back and reengage with the butthurt and insecure man makes it even worse. She's then suppose to feel renewed attraction and excited to reengage with this man because... he's butthurt and insecure and because her mom thinks it's a good idea?

Your friend is a woman. This is juicy gossip to a woman. She is now on a mission to share it with the mom and find out more and get back to you. Unfortunately there is no way from stopping this runaway train now. Your friend won't be able to help herself, even if you ask her to say nothing.

TL;DR To me, this whole third party dynamic/set up is inappropriate on so many levels. If you have something to say in your relationship with someone, you need to say it yourself.

 

[Glassguy]

I dont think this particular person (realtor) will say more than she ran into me last night and found out that we werent dating anymore and will probably ask what happened.

I am losing more interest every day that goes by since things have become weird, so it probably doesnt matter much at this point.

 

[Glassguy]

And I was very smooth about the situation with the friend.....I just smiled and said that I hoped things would have worked out differently. I can assure you that I showed no butt hurt signs.

I will also add that if she has started talking to someone else, which still may very well be the case, I will know the signs for future use with anyone else.

 

[RangerMIke]

Like I said, I am spinning 3 other plates right now, one of which is a chick I used to fvck on the regular but dropped because she wanted more.

No sitting around on my part. Gotta make moves and get other things lined up.

Advice isn't just for you my friend... it is for all of us to learn from each other. Nothing I post is directed specifically at any individual only at the situation presented.

Having said that... I don't call women I date 'plate' I understand that it is just a colloquialism, but it puts you in an unfavorable mindset. Spinning plates is hard... if you are dating multiple women and it "hard work" then you are not doing this properly. You don't spin plates.. you casually date... if you are not really interested in exclusivity... then you should be 'dating' women that are okay with this. If she wants something more, and you are not ready to give that... tell her THE TRUTH. Then she can decide if she is willing to continue down that path. I lose a lot of great women like this, but you have to be honest otherwise you are not being fair to her and you will make yourself miserable trying to keep pace with your stories.

Dating should be fun... when it is no longer fun then you need to make some changes. If you are dating more women than you can handle then dial it back. I'll be honest, as I get older I have a hard time keeping up with more than 3, and I can't see them every week. Jesus... if I had to keep stories straight man what a pain in the rear.

Again I'm not making assumptions here, but I just don't like the term 'plates', because if you are doing things correctly it's really not that hard.

 

[Glassguy]

Advice isn't just for you my friend... it is for all of us to learn from each other. Nothing I post is directed specifically at any individual only at the situation presented.

Having said that... I don't call women I date 'plate' I understand that it is just a colloquialism, but it puts you in an unfavorable mindset. Spinning plates is hard... if you are dating multiple women and it "hard work" then you are not doing this properly. You don't spin plates.. you casually date... if you are not really interested in exclusivity... then you should be 'dating' women that are okay with this. If she wants something more, and you are not ready to give that... tell her THE TRUTH. Then she can decide if she is willing to continue down that path. I lose a lot of great women like this, but you have to be honest otherwise you are not being fair to her and you will make yourself miserable trying to keep pace with your stories.

Dating should be fun... when it is no longer fun then you need to make some changes. If you are dating more women than you can handle then dial it back. I'll be honest, as I get older I have a hard time keeping up with more than 3, and I can't see them every week. Jesus... if I had to keep stories straight man what a pain in the rear.

Again I'm not making assumptions here, but I just don't like the term 'plates', because if you are doing things correctly it's really not that hard.

The truth is I didnt want any part of a "relationship" when I started talking to her. I was "casually dating" 2 other women and when I started talking to her I didnt develop oneitis, but I did shift the majority of attention to her because of the click we had. I kept talking to the other 2 women for the first 3 weeks but I only went out with them the first 2 weeks of talking to this chick. I told the one chick that I was casually dating that I started dating someone that I am interested in spending more time with and dropped her. The other woman I was casually dating took the hint. I am still friends with her because she made the decision to stick around to see what happens.

As the next 2 months went on, I had a lot of fun with her....dating was fun. If she hadnt pushed me away and made the water muddy, it would still be fun dating her. I think at this point, even if we did go out for a fun date, it might be awkward. I am the type of guy that likes validation but I can be pushed on to the next prospect when I get cold shouldered because I refuse to play the cat and mouse game if it isnt fun and exciting. This has definitely lost the fun and excitement with her change of behavior and standoffishness.

Maybe she knows that she can fall easily for someone and is afraid of being hurt since I was a little aloof. Who knows....but I threw the lifeline out and she didnt grab it with the offer to her to come over when she was free and go check out this fun restaurant.

The only other thing I MIGHT do is in a week or so, send her a text that says "Hey stranger! I am not sure what happened, if you got cold feet I understand. I came out of a long relationship when I started dating you and I know it can be scary. If you want to get together and talk over a fun filled evening sometime get in touch".

 

[BeExcellent]

If in a week or so you chose to text her do not send all that you wrote above. You sound much too fixated.

Say "Hi" or "Hey stranger" only. Frankly the word stranger communicates both weirdness & emotional distance, which is already the elephant in the room, so best to avoid that.

A better choice would be to say "I'm headed to abc place to do xyz around x time on x day/night. Would enjoy seeing you if you can make it."

A girl who is interested in you will find a way to accept such an invitation, and will make arrangements. And you don't come off butt hurt or needy like you do in your example.

 

[Glassguy]

Very true BeExcellent

Definitely an elephant in the room. This chick wasnt even my typical type. She is edgy, trendy and I figured what the hell. Lol. Got a few casual dates set up and just going to give this thing some space.

 

[Glassguy]

Just as an update-

I got a text from her saying that "nothing happened and she is afraid to have a serious relationship, she's been independent for so long and feels like she does better on her own for some reason...it's weird...not you though".

That's complete opposite of the clingy, emotionally open person she was the first 2 months. I've learned to take people at their word.

I gave her a simple response of "ok. That's why I don't up easily early in a relationships. I was hoping that it would continue, too bad it didn't. I'll drop your stuff off next week at your work".

Fvcking weird. Going ghost and on to new prospects. Any future reaching out that she may do will probably be responded with no response or "I don't think I'm ready for any type of relationship".

Still think the ex boyfriend that got her out of the speeding ticket came back into the picture, but if she is stupid enough to go back to him, good luck lol.

Have a great weekend everyone!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Just as an update-

I got a text from her saying that "nothing happened and she is afraid to have a serious relationship, she's been independent for so long and feels like she does better on her own for some reason...it's weird...not you though".

That's complete opposite of the clingy, emotionally open person she was the first 2 months. I've learned to take people at their word.

I gave her a simple response of "ok. That's why I don't up easily early in a relationships. I was hoping that it would continue, too bad it didn't. I'll drop your stuff off next week at your work".

Fvcking weird. Going ghost and on to new prospects. Any future reaching out that she may do will probably be responded with no response or "I don't think I'm ready for any type of relationship".

Still think the ex boyfriend that got her out of the speeding ticket came back into the picture, but if she is stupid enough to go back to him, good luck lol.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Sounds like she does this unstable bounce around type of living. Too many highs and lows and lies. Can't count on her.

 

[thatfeel]

She's was/is super into you. She's been open about it. In order to protect yourself you have chosen to be aloof with her. As her caring for you has grown deeper, she has looked to see that you feel the same. She only sees your aloofness. She believes there is more to what you feel for her, or at least was hoping there was. She couldn't find it. She wanted to know you would miss her while she was gone. You were aloof. You two spoke briefly while she was gone but never really connected. She really wanted to know (was hoping) you had missed her and were anxious to see her when she returned, just as she had missed you and was anxious to see you. You were aloof. That response deflated her and all her enthusiasm to see you. Her feelings and caring for you, felt unreciprocated to her. She likes/liked you a lot! She also wants/needs to be with a man who desires her and is affectionate with her. Aloofness does not convey that.

Women need to matter to the man they choose to be with. She returns from a trip away and you come across as indifferent to her return. She reaches out, the best she can, looking for reassurance that you care about her. When she doesn't get it, she's left believing you don't really care for her as she had hoped. To her this signals, that she's invested herself in a guy who "just isn't that into her." Even though it hurts, she considers she'd better step back, take some time, and reevaluate. She was still desperately hoping that you cared beyond the impression of being aloof. She wanted to know and be reassured that you were into her, more than your aloof presentation gave off. Your response? You too could use some time and you wish her luck. That wasn't just aloof, that was in your face dismissive. You conveyed you don't give a sh!t about her at all. She's a bother and if you never talk to her again that would be fine. That's what your words conveyed to her whether you intended to or not.

Now you are here at SS wondering what happened. She's in her world wondering the same thing. She was soooo into this man. The only conclusion that will make sense to her is, "he just wasn't that into her." Her friends will say the same thing. They have nothing else to suggest otherwise. Meanwhile, underneath it all, you two could have been a really good match. Great potential lost to miscommunication and misunderstanding. So disappointing, even to read about. I sooo wish men and women could better understand what the other sex really wants/needs, is trying to say.

TL;DR bold above

That was pure poetry.

 

[yuppaz]

I actually filled in the blank with a really upbeat, fun restaurant that we both wanted to go to.

I texted her last night: I missed you and it was great to see you today. Nothing in return. Sent the offer this morning and she said "haha as long as they have good salad".

I responded back with "absolutely! Let me know what evening you can make it up".

That was 2 hours ago. No response. About to say fvck it.

In 2 hours your ready to throw in the towel? Come ON MAN! Women INTENTIONALLY make you wait to test your mettle AND as a game to get you more interested. Plus what if she was in a board meeting g or some ****???