Saw my exgirlfriend with another man tonight.

[rutgersman]

Why am I always the chump?? Im the goodlooking slim-muscular guy who always loses the girl to the fat slob. I am always the brokenhearted. I hate it.

Wierd enough my exgirlfriend showed up at my job asking for me last week. Then when I see her at my job she walks right by me like she wasnt even interested in seeing me. She totally ignores me after not seeing her for 3 months. She acted like she had this power over me.
I got so mad I was tired of her making me look like less of a man...So i got some balls and let her have it after 6 months of her gameplaying and toying with me. I have had enough of her BS and decided to to cut her loose. I wrote an email saying "that i saw her at my job and that I thought she was worn out and tired looking...what happened to you? You are not looking so cute these days......have a nice life"

Then the next day she blocks all my emails...(lol...figures)

Then tonight I see my exgirlfriend at the places that we used to hang out together. But this time I saw her with this slob of a man....and it kind of hurt. But I made sure it hurt her more than me. She was looking around kind of nervous looking and then BAM are eyes locked!...We both just looked at each other like a deer caught in the headlights...then she quickly turned away and kept walking as if she didnt ackknowledge me. I was going to walk up to her...but I didnt i just kept my cool and walked away even though I wanted to get sick. The guy she was with was some "fat slobby guy wearing a white t-shirt---i swear when I was dating her she told me she wanted to meet a rich guy who dressed nice. Futher insults to my ego even after i wore suits when i was with her. Anyway he looked like a slob! I was shocked.

Anyway, I felt good knowing I sent her that NASTY email. Now she knows what I really think of her and she will think twice about trying to get in contact with me. I tryed nexting her a long time ago....but she wanted toy with me for 6 long months! I hate that biitch!

Steve

 

[LaoDa]

giving her any attention..even sending nasty emails and acting like you are affected by her presence is feeding this girl. stop paying her any attention and instead of trying to neg hit her.... get yourself a better looking girl... make your life MUCH better than before and boom u will be happy. if she sees you like that she'll be pissed and try to diss on you and thats when you know shes the one who is mind fucced then

 

[( . )( . )]

Insulting her was weak.

You have an abundance of knowledge available to you now so your next post will be "My ex saw me with another chick tonight".

This crap shouldnt even be in the mature section, your new so dont sweat it, but your post is horse sh!t and not up to standard .

 

[cave dweller]

move on

Rutgers,

You have to learn how to deal with a broken heart.

a couple of tips here:

1..Break off all contact and move on.

2..Get out and meet and date other women.

3..Forget about ever getting back together. (it didn't work then, so, it won't work now or in the furure)

my 2 cents

cave dweller

 

[Desdinova]

Wierd enough my exgirlfriend showed up at my job asking for me last week. Then when I see her at my job she walks right by me like she wasnt even interested in seeing me. She totally ignores me after not seeing her for 3 months. She acted like she had this power over me.

The only reason she does this is because you're still giving her that power. Let's see what you did to try taking that power away from her:

I wrote an email saying "that i saw her at my job and that I thought she was worn out and tired looking...what happened to you? You are not looking so cute these days......have a nice life"

You insulted her. This does NOTHING to take the power away from her. If anything, you've fed it even more by letting her know that her presence intimidates you and causes an emotional reaction. She still has the power over you.

But I made sure it hurt her more than me. She was looking around kind of nervous looking and then BAM are eyes locked!...We both just looked at each other like a deer caught in the headlights...then she quickly turned away and kept walking as if she didnt ackknowledge me. I was going to walk up to her...but I didnt i just kept my cool and walked away even though I wanted to get sick.

This is all head dialogue. This is your interpretation of what happened. Locking eyes won't make her feel bad. It might make her feel like she hurt your feelings by being seen with her new boyfriend.

The only way to take your power back from your ex is to treat her like a good friend you haven't seen in years, minus allowing contact. You would have been better off to approach her with a big smile, saying "Hello (name), how are you doing?" and continue with normal chit chat. When you're done, tell her "Well, I gotta go, but you take care", let out a big smile, give a friendly pat her on the shoulder a couple of times, and leave.

You have just let her know that her presence does NOTHING to you. No emotions, no intimidation, no nothing but being friendly. The result? She's going to be thinking about YOU while you move on with your life.

That, my friend, is the way to take your power back. :box:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wierd enough my exgirlfriend showed up at my job asking for me last week. Then when I see her at my job she walks right by me like she wasnt even interested in seeing me. She totally ignores me after not seeing her for 3 months.

The opposite of love isn't hate, the opposite of love is indifference. If this girl is behaving like this, she is not indifferent to you. She knew you worked there and therefore sought to get a cheap source of attention - and by even posting this you give her that much more.

She acted like she had this power over me.

Cardinal Rule of Relationships
In any relationship, whether personal, business or familial, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

This girl only has as much power over you as you are willing to bother with your own consideration. Again, if you were indifferent to her you'd have never started this thread.

I got so mad I was tired of her making me look like less of a man...

no,..actually this made you less of a man,..

I wrote an email saying "that i saw her at my job and that I thought she was worn out and tired looking...what happened to you? You are not looking so cute these days......have a nice life"

,..and this,..

Anyway, I felt good knowing I sent her that NASTY email. Now she knows what I really think of her and she will think twice about trying to get in contact with me. I tryed nexting her a long time ago....but she wanted toy with me for 6 long months! I hate that biitch!

Perhaps you do hate her, but you aren't indifferent to her. You're still concerned about her enough to bother writing a thread here that you'll say is meant to vent your frustrations, but what you're really doing is looking for affirmation from this forum to comiserate with you. Not gonna happen.

If you have a child who pitches a fit in the grocery store because she wants some candy after you've said no, and you give it to her anyway in order to get her to stop, all you've done is teach her that this is the behavior required to get candy in the grocery store. The only way to put a behavior to extinction is to discontinue reinforcing that behavior. By writing her a "nasty email", by being visibly disturbed by her in her presence, and yes by even starting this thread, you only reward her for her behavior - you're just piling on more candy in the grocery store.

You have to become indifferent to her and the best way to do this is to Spin More Plates.

 

[Bible_Belt]

To the op, think "calm, cool, and collected." Don't be emotional, or at least if your are, never let her see it .

 

[flexion_]

The e-mail wasn't a smart thing to do.

Next time open up a word processor and type out the letter so you can get it off your chest and then just delete the file. You'll pretty much feel the same way as actually sending the letter. The sending to her really has no value and makes you look silly/stalker-like to her.

If you ex-GF bothers you it simply means you haven't met anyone else yet - that should be your focus.

 

[rutgersman]

its tough to be logical when your emotional

You guys all make sense and your TECHNIQUES do work........but try applying those techniques..by feinging indifference, acting liek she doesnt bother you, or just plain being her friend---when you are in love with a woman----then you will see my point of view.

Applying those techniques under the worst of cricumstances,im willing to bet most of you will fail. Emotion clouds reason. Try letting your emotions be swept away accidently by a girl your crazy about..espcially when you apply these techniques and dont get the results you want and she leaves you for another man.

.....your time will lcome when you will meet a girl who rocks your world and all this "don juan stuff" will go out the window. Just wait and see. I used to be on top of my game and I still am. I am seeing other women with master skills. But this girl beat me at my own game. I fell for her before she fell for me. There are a a lot of attractive women who i could care less about...who even chase me! Why? Because I have no emotions invested. I was tired of going around being empty inside. I felt dead.
Being a don juan is overated. I want to share my emotions with someone i love and am attracted to. I admit..i could have played the trump card and ACTED LIKE i didnt care about her...and that i was being confident and cool...but eventually she would have found out my true emotions. Im glad i wrote that nasty email...sometime i wish i could be on top of her and act like this is all funny and be friendly with her...and act liek it doesnt bother me..and walk away feeling good. I havent made it to that point yet. Im sure in time it wil come. All i know...is that im pissed off at the way i acted...by being needy for her attention when i didnt get it. And im pissedd off at the fact that I am tryign to move on..but when i do...she is always there.

And yes she prolly feels sorry for me for dumping me. In which case I feel like a wussy because I want her to be attracted to me and wish she was with me. I wish i could beat the hell out of her for what she did to me. She totally fvcked me over.

steve

 

[rutgersman]

you guys are mind reading

You guys are mind reading...give me a break

YOu dont know waht she is thinking: she may feel sorry for me, or she may hate me, or is jealous of me, or may think im a stalker,...she has accused me of being a player..so maybe this is all the grief i caused her. She hates me for sleeping around with other women, etc. So you have no idea. I always have other photos of other women and she has seen me with other women---so u dont know how she feels. she isnt contacting me so obviously she doesnt like me. ----which stems from hate or indifference. thats the only two rational explanations. How can you form opinions of a girls state of mind..without asking her? Only her best friend knows this.

Steve

 

[DJDamage]

The only way to take your power back from your ex is to treat her like a good friend you haven't seen in years, minus allowing contact. You would have been better off to approach her with a big smile, saying "Hello (name), how are you doing?" and continue with normal chit chat. When you're done, tell her "Well, I gotta go, but you take care", let out a big smile, give a friendly pat her on the shoulder a couple of times, and leave.

You have just let her know that her presence does NOTHING to you. No emotions, no intimidation, no nothing but being friendly. The result? She's going to be thinking about YOU while you move on with your life.

That, my friend, is the way to take your power back. :box:

Tip of the day!

One thing to add regarding this. It is an opportunity to better yourself and learn from your mistakes because that is the only way to grow up and become a better man. When you become a better man, other women will take notice and will gravitate towards you as a result. It is a bitter pill to swallow for the ex if she see's you looking better, fitter with more confidence hanging around a younger prettier woman with better ass then hers.

DJD

 

[Bible_Belt]

I want to share my emotions with someone i love and am attracted to.

No one is a robot, but the more emotion you share, the greater the likelihood of getting your heart stomped on. We all start out with these idealistic concepts of women, but they just don't work out in real life. Women say they want an emotional man, but they don't really mean it. When they stop having to guess at your emotions and what you are thinking, you become predictable and boring, and the woman inevitably takes her interest elsewhere.

 

[MacAvoy]

Being a don juan is overated. I want to share my emotions with someone i love and am attracted to.

Why are you here then? If your looking for love advice go to the appropriate forum.

Click here to go to love advice forum

 

[WestCoaster]

You saved me some reading!

I got to the first sentence about you whining about your EX gf and luckily I didn't need read the whole post. The key word here is EX and the sooner you realize she's an EX, the quicker you can move on. Thanks for saving me some time.

On these posts I just scroll down to Rollo for his insights, or to the textbook Desdinova b-tch slap: Pull a quote, b-tch slap ... pull a quote, b-tch slap! (And you are a sorry little beyotch with the way you're acting rutgers.)

She's an EX, move on. This theme of trying to get the EX back is all too familiar here.

First off, you don't want here back ... and even if you did the only possible way you could get her back would be to be seen with another woman.

But she's an EX, move on.

 

[Bourne]

Wow.

Well you are not over her.
I've been seeing my ex in last 2 months in the most oddest locations around town. I broke up with her and I see her with her new b/f, a friend when we were together. It does eat me up a little bit inside everytime I see her, she gets this uneasy feeling and look towards me. You know what I do, I act indifferent and have a half smile like I'm seeing a stranger and keep on walking without looking back. I don't want to talk to her ever again, but insulting her and doing nasty things is a wrong thing to do. Learn from it and from people on this site and MOVE ON.

 

[thesynergist]

You guys all make sense and your TECHNIQUES do work........but try applying those techniques..by feinging indifference, acting liek she doesnt bother you, or just plain being her friend---when you are in love with a woman----then you will see my point of view.

Applying those techniques under the worst of cricumstances,im willing to bet most of you will fail. Emotion clouds reason. Try letting your emotions be swept away accidently by a girl your crazy about..espcially when you apply these techniques and dont get the results you want and she leaves you for another man.

steve

I disagree completely. I've been madly "in love" with several girls in my life. The times things went south and I did NOT act indifferent, friendly, confident, and calm, thing went from bad to worse, in a hurry, and then got worse, and worse....

The times I've exercised DISCIPLINE, SELF-CONTROL, and STRENGTH in the face of feminine adversity/love, one of two things has inevitably happened: I've hooked up with her again (at least sexually a few times), or I've gotten over that 5hit in a hurry and moved onward with my life.

I am, admitedly, a pretty profound failure when the game goes into overtime; I realize that's because my emotional maturity level just hasn't caught up with my mental/ professional skill level, primarilly because I've avoided anything truly intimate for a long, long time.

Be that as it may, I can tell you without a shadow of doubt that you CAN stay cool even when real love and passion are involved if you reign yourself in, and it DOES invariably net EXPONENTIALLY better results than resorting to mean e-mails, eye-contact power plays, and any real show of frusration. Period. The second you start to act agitated, that PROVES her power over you, that ENABLES her to keep going, and thta pretty much GUARANTEES you'll never have a romantic moment with this woman again (this, again, from real personal experience).

Check out Greene's 48 Laws of Power, Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge. It's interesting reading, and very much so relevant.

 

[Desdinova]

You guys all make sense and your TECHNIQUES do work........but try applying those techniques..by feinging indifference, acting liek she doesnt bother you, or just plain being her friend---when you are in love with a woman----then you will see my point of view.

Applying those techniques under the worst of cricumstances,im willing to bet most of you will fail.

You doubt that I've done it? If I had never done it, I wouldn't be writing it. Would you like more details of my situation, her reactions, and how she began to pursue me again?

When you truly understand that there is no longer any reason to be intimidated by her and that she is only a human being, your emotions start to subside. That's when you approach her and discover for yourself that there is no reason to let her continue holding power over you.

Emotion clouds reason.

Only when you allow your emotions to cloud reason.

Try letting your emotions be swept away accidently by a girl your crazy about..espcially when you apply these techniques and dont get the results you want and she leaves you for another man.

Yes, but you need to remember: all the 5hitty things she did to you, she's going to do to this new guy. No woman is perfect, and you are now free of all the problems she brought into your life. And don't tell me there weren't any.

.....your time will lcome when you will meet a girl who rocks your world and all this "don juan stuff" will go out the window.

When you truly make it a part of your personality, it never goes out the window. You genuinely realize that there is life after women.

I am seeing other women with master skills.

Master skills? Please give detail.

Being a don juan is overated.

I'd prefer to be a Don Juan than being afraid of approaching a woman who no longer has power over me. Knowing that you're capable of anything, and that you're the only one who can limit what you do is the best feeling in the world.

I want to share my emotions with someone i love and am attracted to.

...and there's nothing wrong with that. Being a Don Juan doesn't mean shutting off your emotions, but keeping them in check. A woman's appearance shouldn't make you afraid of saying the word "NO" to her. You can say NO and still love a woman. Look at how many parents say "NO" to their children, but it doesn't mean they don't love them.

but eventually she would have found out my true emotions.

She should have seen your true emotions from day one. Unfortunately, it sounds like she saw your emotions get the best of you. It's kinda like watching someone destroy themself with drugs and alcohol. You feel sorry for them, but don't want to be around when they finally do destroy themself.

I wish i could beat the hell out of her for what she did to me. She totally fvcked me over.

You allowed her to fvck you over. Although she might be a royal cvnt, she's not entirely to blame. You let yourself get treated like 5hit, you didn't put your foot down, and you probably didn't leave when the relationship was already a smelly, rotting corpse.

 

[OpenMind]

"---when you are in love with a woman----then you will see my point of view."

In this sentence lies your problem. Men are not designed to fall "in love" with women. You have things backwards. Falling "in love" is a woman's territory. A woman is at her best when she falls "in love" with a man. The opposite happens to a man when he falls "in love". You are proof of this my friend. Learn to act like a man and stop believing what you see on tv.

Ask yourself this question again: Why are you always the chump? ...... because you fall in love, that is what chumps do.... just my 2 cents.

 

[rutgersman]

Desdinova: Disdain things you cannot have.....that nasty email showed disrespect.

Desdinova-


I know I shouldnt have sent that email..but it was the only thing I could do to get her off my back and show her I wasnt going to take her abuse anymore.
She did some fvcked up things to me! I must have done something to her to piss her off royally. In the beginning she was always freaking out about all the women I had in my life and why I was sleeping with them. It disturbed her intensely. Then after we had sex she would accuse me of giving her a disease such a s bladder infection. Obviously she was abused and DID not like players.

After we got into fight and she left me....NEXTING her didnt work. She was constantly toying with me..AFTER she left me! I ignored her stupid phone calls telling me she knew of a "wine tasting event...go to it and enjoy because I know you like that sort of thing." I would never call an exgirlfriend up and tell her about an event that we used to enjoy together. Thats stupid. Then she would call me and tell me she was in the area and wanted to see if I was working--then she would blow me off!

SO the best thing I could do..was to attack her self esteem. I basically told her she looked "worn out and unattractive have a nice life". I know it bothered her a lot. She is vain about her appearance. The I night I saw her she looked anxious and nervous.....as if she would run into me. I know I got the power over her because I havent contacted her, she knows I think she is ugly, and im seeing a younger girl. Although the night she saw me I was alone...because I was heading to a bar to meet this girl. The guy she was with was a total slob..which further made me laugh. Women dotn amaze me anymore. Because evrything they say they want is the TOTAL opposite! She disrespected me because I dressed nicer than her and I was wanted by other women. Period. So sending that nasty email showed my disdain for her as well as ignoring her.

Steve

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

RUTGERS, I'll have been married 10 years in July. Trust me, the surest way I can think of to push my wife away from me would be to allow this clingy, emotionalism you're presently trapped in to get the better of me. None of my DJ mindset (for lack of a better term) has "gone out the window" after 10 years, it's only become more refined and I understand why it's necessary now.

I was once like you. I was immature in my comprhension of why things were happening to me the way they were, but I grew up (more or less) and I changed my mind about things. I've tapped more than 40 women in my life; some of them I considered girlfriends, some of them I just considered. You think my wife doesn't know this? She's been with her share of guys too, one of them I knew personally, should I be wracked with emotionalism, paralyzed with grief that my gorgeous wife had sex with someone before me? Fvck that. We're adults, we know how life on planet earth goes; people fvck other people.

It's time to rid yourself of this romance novel, Shakespearean sense of betrayal you have. It doesn't make you self-righteous, it only makes you a pvssy. If you can't control your emotions, how different are you from an average woman? If you can't be secure in yourself, how can you offer security to a potential LTR? How do you instill this in the children you may have one day?