Saw my bpdex ...acted as if I didn't exist...do they really forget us?

[Imdonswanson]

Alright so I've gone no contact with my bpdex for about a year, within the year I've been with two women and I've processed the reasons why I stayed and the pain she caused me, I'm alot better and I'm not embarrassed to admit the toll the relationship took on me.

Anyway, I went to a bar this weekend with a couple of friends and by some unknown chance, we bump into each other and she's with her new boyfriend who's some lanky looking guy. In a Humble way, I'm alot better than he is physically and intellectually. We both acted as if we didn't know each other but i guess I had a look of surprise while she made a face as if she saw another faceless guy in a crowd.

While I was with her I heard so much cr@p about her ex boyfriends, their inner most secrets and stuff....which leads me to my question, do they ever forget about us in that sense? Or because I left her, am I a constant reminder of her inadequacy? Not going to lie, it took me back a bit seeing her with her man after no nc and a rough break up.

 

[christoff522]

Alright so I've gone no contact with my bpdex for about a year, within the year I've been with two women and I've processed the reasons why I stayed and the pain she caused me, I'm alot better and I'm not embarrassed to admit the toll the relationship took on me.

BPD exes live in a different time scale to us. A week is a month, a month is 4 months, a year is 4 years - they live their lives at triple to quadruple speed to us. (thats why many take drugs)

Anyway, I went to a bar this weekend with a couple of friends and by some unknown chance, we bump into each other and she's with her new boyfriend who's some lanky looking guy. In a Humble way, I'm alot better than he is physically and intellectually. We both acted as if we didn't know each other but i guess I had a look of surprise while she made a face as if she saw another faceless guy in a crowd.

Don't kid yourself, you know you're better than he is. You're a DJ, he's you 1 year ago. You will get surprise, for you it brings it all back for you. A BPD will remember you - they're not actual narcissists. But for them the emotions are gone, because everything is so much more intense (as i'm sure you're aware) any length of time will evaporate those emotions to avert a crisis. She will remember you as someone she knew, a friend.

While I was with her I heard so much cr@p about her ex boyfriends, their inner most secrets and stuff....which leads me to my question, do they ever forget about us in that sense? Or because I left her, am I a constant reminder of her inadequacy? Not going to lie, it took me back a bit seeing her with her man after no nc and a rough break up.

With you leaving her she will have had to do far more work in patching herself up, but time is the great healer of BPDs. If shes a BPD slut she will have had a LOT of men in her life since you. AFC orbiters, bfs, one night stands etc.

I'm trying to turn mine into a fwb, and we had a couple months no contact, it took her aback somewhat to realise that "after all this time" I still had any feelings for her. But I know it's bull**** because she remembers minute details of life during the entanglement that we had. But it does take work for her to get back there. My advice to you, is treat her like any other ex. Don't get back there. You have to have serious emotional distance and play like a chess master. It's not worth it. Stick with normal girls.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

While I was with her I heard so much cr@p about her ex boyfriends, their inner most secrets and stuff....which leads me to my question, do they ever forget about us in that sense?

Yup. Fairly typical of someone who's battling her own insecurities. Bet she never owned up to being at fault in any of her dealings with men either. I had a proper NPD chick who basically aired all my dirty laundry after we split too, but to my friends and family. She's probably complaining to her new bloke about you as we speak. But that's a reflection her, not you.

If you split with her, she's gonna be sore. But again, you had your reasons. I wouldn't stick around too long with a bird who was constantly bemoaning her exes.

 

[The_411]

Alright so I've gone no contact with my bpdex for about a year, within the year I've been with two women and I've processed the reasons why I stayed and the pain she caused me, I'm alot better and I'm not embarrassed to admit the toll the relationship took on me.

Anyway, I went to a bar this weekend with a couple of friends and by some unknown chance, we bump into each other and she's with her new boyfriend who's some lanky looking guy. In a Humble way, I'm alot better than he is physically and intellectually. We both acted as if we didn't know each other but i guess I had a look of surprise while she made a face as if she saw another faceless guy in a crowd.

While I was with her I heard so much cr@p about her ex boyfriends, their inner most secrets and stuff....which leads me to my question, do they ever forget about us in that sense? Or because I left her, am I a constant reminder of her inadequacy? Not going to lie, it took me back a bit seeing her with her man after no nc and a rough break up.

Out of sight out of mind for BPD women. They are children emotionally so when a new toy (read: new guy) gets placed in front of their face they forget about the old ones. If the toy is completely gone it's as if it never existed until there is something that sparks it. I wouldn't be surprised if you get a hoover attempt from her soon because seeing you could have sparked sentiment and she may want to try to delve back into that sentiment.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Thanks dudes for your responses,

I figured I'm out of sight out of mind and I'm just a distant memory, just made me feel weird. It's one thing to think about the relationship, it's. another to see her but it wasn't as bad as I thought.

 

[Imdonswanson]

mauser- unfortunately I wasn't with a woman or had my nice car or job promotion to show passively show off at the bar

but I don't know....I'm obviously asking because to some degree it does bother me and as much BPD/NPD no contact things you read...at some core level i'd liek to know that i meant something- cluster B personality disorders or not. my ex left her fb window open one day and I went thru all her photos....for some odd reason, she had a private album in which there were about 100 photos of her naked posing in such vogue-like ways but what's creepy is that at the bottom she had a row of pictures of her ex boyfriends/ one night stands/ guys whom she HATED yet she had plenty of photos of them. I was in there myself. Weird.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Mauser- depending on the severity of the relationship but I usually just delete everything until I'm over it. Why keep sh1t that's going to cause you pain? Delete move on and once you get over it., it won't matter anymore...reading on bpd/npd it seems to me that they, no matter how much they "hate" you , they will, I think at least, keep your memory alive somehow via picture or you're now integrated in their game to trap other men and you're the bad guy...I dunno not how I would of wanted to be remembered but it is what it is

 

[christoff522]

I actually don't think they forget. One day she left her FB open on my computer after she left and I looked around. In the message folder there was the breakup note to her previous BF. Nothing earth shattering, but I found it odd she would hang onto that for 8 months.....I deleted it, lol, and said nothing.

I think BPD's create a kind of shrine to their sh*tty lives. Like to make it more romantic and to further their delusions that the ability to 'end' the relationship gives them more power.

BPD is pretty much all about being powerless in a big bad scary world - especially after daddy left. "All those evil men just want to use me for my sexy body. Har har I got one over on him, he was such a d*ck, he wanted me to stop partying and taking drugs, control freak *sighs* I loved him so much :'( "

I don't think they forget either, they simply forget the emotions associated with you. They'll definitely forget "insignificant stuff" like certain conversations, lies they've said etc. But they don't forget people, nor do they forget even the most minute details about stuff they have impressed in their memories. If you encounter a BPD and you talk about past events, they can remember EVERYTHING about it, but they won't feel anything about it. Mine had a work badge I'd given her from when she visited, she'd always wanted one of my badges. I expected that she'd have thrown it away, lo and behold I discovered she still had it. They like mementos of past guys - perhaps a way of extending the emotional drama of it? Like making a life-tapestry?

 

[christoff522]

mauser- unfortunately I wasn't with a woman or had my nice car or job promotion to show passively show off at the bar

but I don't know....I'm obviously asking because to some degree it does bother me and as much BPD/NPD no contact things you read...at some core level i'd liek to know that i meant something- cluster B personality disorders or not. my ex left her fb window open one day and I went thru all her photos....for some odd reason, she had a private album in which there were about 100 photos of her naked posing in such vogue-like ways but what's creepy is that at the bottom she had a row of pictures of her ex boyfriends/ one night stands/ guys whom she HATED yet she had plenty of photos of them. I was in there myself. Weird.

Yes you meant something. If it was BPD yoiu most definitely meant something.

BPD is ALL ABOUT EMOTIONS. They don't think logically like us, they just feel. So you meant something. After a while though the emotions fade, I've just discovered this myself..so long as they have a new squeeze and they're idealizing no one else matters. She's probably just in the idealization phase and thats why she ignored you - or maybe it was dark and she didn't see you? But you can be certain she remembered who you were if she saw you.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Christoff it's incredible the shrine they create to their lives and not just bpd. Any girl with issues create the craziest facade on social media. I guess keeping that shrine is self assurance that they were once loved or capable of that they deem as being normal. Those are my two cents