Good_ol_boy
Senior Don Juan
Macgyver said:
One must remember that sometimes the exact same thing could be said about men in the same age range.
Funny how that truism is sometimes ignored.
Sarging work with women over 30??
- Thread starter Thomas94305
- Start date
One must remember that sometimes the exact same thing could be said about men in the same age range.
Funny how that truism is sometimes ignored.
Thomas94305
Senior Don Juan
Response to #13.. Vulpine, right, I'm not looking for a ONS. My end goal is something more meaningful.. but I'm not rushing.. Walking up to someone, saying Hi.. I'm Tom", she replies "Hi, I'm Sue" .. great.. now let's fall in love.. that makes zero sense to me. As funny as that sounds, there are plenty of people out there with that mindset (e.g. wussies). My focus in that first conversation is to see if she's interesting enough to meet again and know a little better. I'm saying this to take you along into that first conversation with her, and get you and I to think alike about the goal.
Got your points about rapport building, establishing trust, and humor. Great things, but the titles are a bit general. Can you give examples? Granted, I don't want to run with a scripted routine. But, your examples may get me thinking differently about the approach.
What I tend to do is start with a hi. My frame is to just be sociable, and see what's going on here. Sometimes I'll comment on something she's wearing, or carrying, but only if it's unique and really does catch my eye. If at a coffee shop and she's reading, I can comment that she must really be into that book. Often she'll look up because the book's not required reading, just entertainment, and a friendly voice is often welcomed entertainment as well. I can ask about the book, what kinds of books she's into, follow up on if she's like the books she reads, adventurous, romantic, poetic, etc. And the conversation will spin from there. If I'm doing salsa dance, the conversation heads to what kind of music she's into, what she does for fun, etc. In many situations, I'll ask people where they were born. The question isn't threatening, people feel more connected when you know their roots, it evokes childhood memories, etc. I've gone through the standard conversation hints like asking open ended questions, asking opinions, etc. I have "art of the approach". It gives good ideas.
Give me more detailed comments on what you do. How often does it lead to follow up meetings with a woman over 30? Critique what I do. What I've been doing isn't working quite right, and so I want to shake it up.
Response to #15.. Yeah Vulpine, I see the demonstration. You engaged Wyldfire, and she's replying. Will that lead to contact info and a second meeting?? Hmmm... This is exactly my quandry. I can get brief conversations going, be engaging, walk through some feelings. In a first meeting, it's hard to get too much going. You're at a club, a coffee shop, whatever. There's distractions, she has a different agenda, etc. But, if I write off these chance encounters, then I eliminate soooo many possibilities. Making something out of these chance encounters is what's emphasized throughout this website, since it unlocks chances with such a wider range of people.
Response to #17.. tx_xp .. yep, I can get numbers fairly easy too. But turning that into second, third, etc meetings is the problem for me. Do you get follow up meetings? If so, what do you do in that first meeting that sparks enough interest? Give me specific things you do in the conversation, or maybe even a remembered transcript, that'd be very helpful and appreciated. Or, do you just say you want to meet again?
Response to #11.. Wyldfire.. "Your initial time investment is the problem".. Are you directing me away from sarging? The idea of sarging is to spark initial interest in her, see if she sparks initial interest in me, get contact info, follow up later. In a real way, quantity is quality. My chances of having a meaningful relationship (friendship, romance) goes way up when I have access to more people.
I'm willing to spend more time with her initially. And, I'm working on better conversation skills to achieve my goals. You've said 5-10 minutes doesn't seem to do it. What amount of time would? Or, do you want a couple of coincidental meetings with the person before you are ready to give contact info/follow up? If that's the case, we're now outside of sarging.
If you've had particular initial conversations with someone where you said to yourself "hmm.. I really want to talk with this person again", what were some of the things that were said?
Got your points about rapport building, establishing trust, and humor. Great things, but the titles are a bit general. Can you give examples? Granted, I don't want to run with a scripted routine. But, your examples may get me thinking differently about the approach.
What I tend to do is start with a hi. My frame is to just be sociable, and see what's going on here. Sometimes I'll comment on something she's wearing, or carrying, but only if it's unique and really does catch my eye. If at a coffee shop and she's reading, I can comment that she must really be into that book. Often she'll look up because the book's not required reading, just entertainment, and a friendly voice is often welcomed entertainment as well. I can ask about the book, what kinds of books she's into, follow up on if she's like the books she reads, adventurous, romantic, poetic, etc. And the conversation will spin from there. If I'm doing salsa dance, the conversation heads to what kind of music she's into, what she does for fun, etc. In many situations, I'll ask people where they were born. The question isn't threatening, people feel more connected when you know their roots, it evokes childhood memories, etc. I've gone through the standard conversation hints like asking open ended questions, asking opinions, etc. I have "art of the approach". It gives good ideas.
Give me more detailed comments on what you do. How often does it lead to follow up meetings with a woman over 30? Critique what I do. What I've been doing isn't working quite right, and so I want to shake it up.
Response to #15.. Yeah Vulpine, I see the demonstration. You engaged Wyldfire, and she's replying. Will that lead to contact info and a second meeting?? Hmmm... This is exactly my quandry. I can get brief conversations going, be engaging, walk through some feelings. In a first meeting, it's hard to get too much going. You're at a club, a coffee shop, whatever. There's distractions, she has a different agenda, etc. But, if I write off these chance encounters, then I eliminate soooo many possibilities. Making something out of these chance encounters is what's emphasized throughout this website, since it unlocks chances with such a wider range of people.
Response to #17.. tx_xp .. yep, I can get numbers fairly easy too. But turning that into second, third, etc meetings is the problem for me. Do you get follow up meetings? If so, what do you do in that first meeting that sparks enough interest? Give me specific things you do in the conversation, or maybe even a remembered transcript, that'd be very helpful and appreciated. Or, do you just say you want to meet again?
Response to #11.. Wyldfire.. "Your initial time investment is the problem".. Are you directing me away from sarging? The idea of sarging is to spark initial interest in her, see if she sparks initial interest in me, get contact info, follow up later. In a real way, quantity is quality. My chances of having a meaningful relationship (friendship, romance) goes way up when I have access to more people.
I'm willing to spend more time with her initially. And, I'm working on better conversation skills to achieve my goals. You've said 5-10 minutes doesn't seem to do it. What amount of time would? Or, do you want a couple of coincidental meetings with the person before you are ready to give contact info/follow up? If that's the case, we're now outside of sarging.
If you've had particular initial conversations with someone where you said to yourself "hmm.. I really want to talk with this person again", what were some of the things that were said?
Yes, most people do tote it around with them. That's why it's very important not to shun someone who actually doesn't tote it around just because they have a kid, used to be married, parents got divorced or based on age. Case by case is the best bet.Desdinova said:
The ironic thing is this...the same woman you say this about could most likely say the exact same thing about you and also give examples. You guys could most likely spend the rest of your lives complaining about things you don't like about this woman or that woman...but it's not helping you become a better man by doing that. Rather than worry about someone else's behavior that you have no control over you should try to focus on yourself because you can actually grow and improve if you do that. You can also get rid of your own baggage that way.Macgyver said:
Bingo, we have a winner!Good_ol_boy said:
Bottom line...anything negative that can be said about women can also be said about men. Neither gender is better or worse than the other. We all have our flaws, strengths and whatnot. The ONLY criticism and judging ever worth a damn is what we direct at ourselves for self-improvement. It takes a very wise and strong person to do that, too. They also tend to be pretty well balanced, which isn't a bad thing at all.
Well, with older women you're not going to find too much success if you rush in, go for contact info and then take off. I've never responded to that kind of approach in my life. Older women have more mature priorities regarding men than their younger counterparts. We're less impressed by the car, job or clothes. Conversation...good and enjoyable conversation that doesn't drag is the key. Building some rapport using conversation is imperative and you really can't make that kind of initial connection if you're only spending 5 or 10 minutes.Thomas94305 said:
I would suggest you do this...pick a day where your schedule is free and try approaching older women then. If the conversation is going well...ask her to go get a cup of coffee on the spot...right then. I know that for myself at least, I'm more likely to react positively to someone who make interest clear immediately. I see it like this...if you want to ask me out then just do it from the get go and don't ask for my number to call and ask. Grab those balls and just ask to my face...I'll respect you more for it. The phone games are totally retarded in my opinion, too. A guy shouldn't become annoying by calling too much...but if you want to call the next day then just do it. Any guy who claims to be "too busy" to call after 24 hours has passed is full of sh*t. Everyone can take 5 minutes to make a call and anyone who claims otherwise is a liar. Women know that and older women typically find respect to be a very important thing...I know that I do. Just don't play stupid games and be willing to invest more time in the initial conversation.
I can't think of any particular conversation topics that made a real difference in how interested I was in someone. I'm one of those people who naturally keep conversation going which makes it very easy for any guy who tries to have a conversation with me. I tend to lead in that respect. As I mentioned before...I'm very shallow...so if a guy's looks spark my interest, how the conversation goes can make me like him more, turn me off or have no effect at all. If the guy is an idiot it's going to really turn me off. If he's smart, sarcastic, funny and unafraid of talking about touchy subjects with me and doesn't just agree with me because he thinks it will get him into my pants it's going to make me very interested in him. If the conversation is mediocre I might agree to go out with him but he's not likely to hold my attention for very long. Hope that helps.