Same girl I'm dating

[pipe007]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=197687

ok so I realized i like this girl enough, we finally had sex, and I realize i want to have a relationship with her...

I have tried to be reasonable and take my time until she has gottent to know me enough

Its now been three months, and yesterday I decided to ask subtly about what she wants out of this, and if she sees herself to be in a relationship.

I asked her that I am looking for a relationship, and I felt it was fair to ask

She basically told me that she likes dating me, and being together, that she wouldnt do it if she didnt see a future with me, but wants to still take things slow and enjoy the process

she said we are basically in a relationship... i said "no its not" we havent agreed on a commitment... she said that she doesnt like beign pressured, and that she really wants to take it slow... she is afraid of beign "tied down"

however, she is very caring, and pays for meals, and drives miles to see me, wants to see me all the time, very physical... nothing has changed...

so here I am... I like her, she says she likes me a lot, and sees a future, but has not said that she wants it now...

Is it time to next? i am thinking of putting her on the side, and start looking around to date other girls...

ive learned that "lets take it slow" usually means (I dont want a relationship with u at the moment)

thanks

 

[Desdinova]

I think it's wise to next her, but for your own good. If you weren't wanting to have a relationship with her, it wouldn't be a big deal to keep dating her. However, you're looking for a relationship and she's not interested in it at this point. She's not adding to your happiness, she's frustrating the 5hit out of you.

I'd say it's time to next.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Moreover, you breached a golden rule -- the girl has to do the asking re: relationship status. Now her hamster is going to run wild and you actually lowered her interest in you. There is definitely no challenge here because she has you and she has confirmation of that. It's that little, nagging concerns that you might drop her for someone else that piques a woman's interest in a man. Prepare for incoming shyt tests.

 

[jhl]

Not enough details to know whether to let go at this point, but I think there is no harm in keeping her around at this point.

She hasn't done anything "wrong" I'm my opinion and she seems ok on paper so why not just let it ride and see what happens?

If she is AWing and super indecisive in the next couple of months that means she's not worth your time. A few more lays can change her mind. See what happens but the rule of thumb is not to get too attached to her and fall into oneitis.

 

[Aristippus]

pipe,

From the description of her behavior, it sounds like you're already in a relationship. Asking a woman for an "official relationship" is like you living with a woman, doing everything married couples do, and then her pressuring you into getting married.

The roles are already implied with behavior. The problem is, you basically just wasted energy and created a meaningless scenario. Not only that, but she probably already took it for granted that you're both in a relationship. Once you asked her to get into a relationship, you made her question your role and her role.

You've triggered doubt where there was none. It's like throwing a wrench into a smoothly running machine. Now you've created a situation where she perceives your desire as being greater than her desire. NEVER try to communicate with words what can simply be shown by actions.

p.s. By the way, you can slip up once and be ok, but if you continually pressure a woman, she'll interpret that as your desire being greater than hers, and could possibly be setting yourself up to get PLAYED!
Check out this sweet $100,000 Pyramid theme music that also happens to be the theme music for the new gameshow, PLAYED!

http://youtu.be/77Ot7X1uUrI

 

[backbreaker]

dammit i know the answer to this question.

There is a textbook answer nad then there is a bakcbreaker real world knowlege answer


the textbook answer donjanunable nailed it as did pretty much else. you brought up the question when there wasn't one. In the dance known as the relationship tango, the woman leads. meaning, you show interest, you attract, but the woman with her actions will tell you what she wants to be and it's up for you to decide if you want to be that, never the other way around. it's never a mans job to ask what the status of a relationship is.


The real world backbreaker answer is she's ****ing someone else. NO doubt in my mind. I know this beucase i have deal with this exact same scenario before, more than once actually. hey i used to fvck up too lol.

even *****s have morals. the reason she doesn't want to date you is because in her mind, it's morally okay for her to **** someone else as long as she's not actually dating you. That is why she is strongly against the idea of you being her boyfriend, even though you are technically doing everything that a boyfriend is already. The problem is not with what you are doing it's with the title/status that comes along with that you are doing that she doesn't want, beucase if you are her boyfriend that makes her a *****. thus you can't get mad and you cant' call her a *****. While technically, sleeping with 2 dudes at the same time, is wh0re like behavior, actually dating one guy while fvcking another is pretty much the definition of a *****. A wh0re technicality if you will. Even though she's being dishonest. I've seen this play out verbatim i would be willing to bet money on it. she's at the very least sucked some dudes ****.

to put it in another light, it's like the girl who starts to nit pick over stupid **** and finds a reason for you to break up with her, so she can jsutify fvcking the guy she has been looking at for a few weeks/months and now has a shot with. While she wants to fvck him, and while it's slutty behavior to have your eye on one guy while you are dating someone, she has "morals" and won't "cheat" on you but she will basically make you break up with her so her conscious is free while she's taking it in the ass. been there wrote the book see it coming a mile a way. starts to get a tad distant for no reason, starts to withdrawl, is less affectionate in public than usually in particular around certain people...


I mean i hate to be that blunt but it is what it is. I mean, i've been there. right there lol. Pretty much same thing. And **** she was 31, had a professional job, just got out of school, i thought she had her **** together. that girl is the reason why i got so militant on putting ALL girls through the cycle. you can't ick and chose. on the top this girl woudl have been a perfect LTR.. that girl wasn't anywhere mentally close ready for a LTR.. funny enough she ended up dating the guy that she wanted to fvck, he proposed to her and i ended up fvcking her again on a random night when they got into a fight and she "needed to talk to someone". but that told me all i needed to know; shbe just isn't there yet

something i learned a long tie ago, well not that long i'm 29 lol but i mean.. you can't make women get what you want them to get. they are where they are. some are going to want to be certain places in life, that's the game bro. it is what is. doesn't mean you did anything wrong, honestly doesn't' even mean she's a bad person. just what you want and what she wants, isn't on the same page. get in where you fit in, have some fun, when she's ready to do whatever you wish ehr the best and move on.

don't take it so personally. diagnose, but don't judge.

 

[pipe007]

women sux nowadays..

i think she just wants the benefit of having a relationship without being in one....

like u said, maybe so that she can always do whatever she wants and not have me to tell her whats appropriate behavior and whats not...

so far She has acted like a good gf with me even though we are not...

but yea I want a relationship, I think 3 months is decent time for a 28 year old female to know what she wants...

I've asked several females and they all agree, that at 3 months, she should know, and if not, there is sometihng wrong.

anyway... Im not blind, I understand that Im likely to lose this game if I keep pushing... so Im backing off... not going to make more plans with her, or spend money, time...

I'll let her make plans and see, I'll keep her around... I cant deny she has a nice body and feels nice getting physical with her...

we live in tough times... or maybe im not selecting the right ones...

 

[Burroughs]

women sux nowadays..

i think she just wants the benefit of having a relationship without being in one....


we live in tough times... or maybe im not selecting the right ones...

AsK yourself if you were george clooney, pharrell williams, or kanye would she wait 3 months :crackup:

obviously your are none of them but the underlying truth is that WOMEN DON'T WAIT WHEN THEY REALLY WANT YOU....they get that look like they have to p!ss their pants because they want to keep you so bad.

this girl isn't doing that....she has other options....find better for yourself.

 

[Jitterbug]

The "What are we?" question is her job to ask, not yours. If you have to ask, it means she's not really into you.