Saddlin' up again

[TheTrimReaper]

As maybe a few of you know, I just got out of a three-and-a-half-year LTR last month. It's been pretty tough getting over it (engaged, lived together, close families....)

However, I finally got back to being a DJ this week. Yes, that sentence means exactly what it says. You see, I wasn't 'DJing' during my relationship, which in retrospect sucks since I should have been truer to myself. I was seeking too much validation from this lady and not engaging in enough self-validating pursuits. Tough lesson. One I will never forget.

For myself, I bought a couple new suits I'm going to need for my new job. Got them tailored so they look great. I also decided to remodel much of my house. That should be a great project. It'll be satisfying to know I did this and that certain repair.... I've also decided to do some volunteer work in my area. I'm looking into the Special Olympics.

In regards to the ladies, I started saying 'Hi' to every Trim-worthy skirt I see out and about. The messed up thing is that was tough at first. I've also started adding 'darlin'' and 'honey' to my sentences when talking to female clerks and strangers.

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot, I made my first approach on Wednesday. I was eating at a burger joint, saw a fine lady and approached. I was rough, but I got the number. (1/1!!!)

Here's a funny story from today entitled, "I got c*ckblocked by my senior-citizen mother". I took my mom out to buy some stuff but stopped by the bookstore to get my Wayne Dyer on. As I was looking, a fine lady walks up, grabs a book and lingers right next to me. Right as I'm thinking getting these ladies is like shooting fish in a barrel, I hear a familiar voice from behind. My senior citizen mom, who I'd thought was at the front of the store comes up and asks me a bunch of questions. The lady saw it and still waited, but then her friend came up and talked to her. They then left. I guess we both got c*ckblocked. Oh mom!!!
(Trim forfeits approach, 1/2 now batting .500)

I know my approach numbers are low, but it is my first week. Hell, I'm still breaking down sometimes over the breakup, but I have to say I'm proud of myself for trying to get back on my feet.

Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway. John Wayne

 

[joekerr31]

hahaha.

dude you know hte saying "living well is the best revenge" - that's you soon!

You da Man!

we're born into this world alone, and we die alone. Being a man is about seeing the gritty reality of life and finding the strenght to get through it from within. Women are for company, for fun, for lots of things, but they can't give you what you need to be a man.

you got good times coming man, cuz you realize that this is YOUR world and YOUR life and you DO NOT need some woman to give you a reason to be a warrior.

congrats!
J

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Called back girl from burger joint. Got answering machine with different name than she told me. But whoever it was called back and said she was the girl I'd met. She could barely talk from the laughter. Clearly it wasn't her, maybe a friend or some sh*t.

Tough skin. Gotta have tough skin!

Made another approach yesterday at an outdoor store. I looked for a few minutes but didn't see anyone with her. Rough approach again. Shot down. But after my approach, her boyfriend came up. Luckily he didn't see me! I bet he had a rough night last night.

 

[Gipper]

TrimReaper,

Wow, I think we're on some kind of parallel time path or something. My situation is so close to yours that it's scary.

Yes, getting back in the saddle is a little nerve-racking, but I'm looking forward to it very much. Good luck, and congrats on the digits!

Gipper

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Hey Gipper,
I remember your posts on here from before I met this last one. 2002?
You were a big help back then. Maybe we can help each other out again this time around....

 

[hithard]

wow must be that time of the year for breakups.In a very similar position to you guys only it was 5 years and add a kid.Bit pi$$ed off at starting all over again.But hey at least I can get it right this time

 

[Gipper]

TrimReaper,

I look forward to it.

If fact, I've got a strange feeling of determination mixed with nervousness about getting back into the game. I went through my closet last night, picking out my most stylish threads (which had collected some dust, I'm ashamed to say), and reviewing some posts here.

I think I'll stick with the "Mature Man" forum; all those young kids with their baggy pants and Ipods things just confuse me! Just kidding, I really want my own Ipod, but I need to figure out which is the best. Something for the "Anything Else" forum, I suppose...

Anyway, glad to be back and ready to learn more and give advice if I can.

"Dusty Threads" Gipper

 

[TheTrimReaper]

I don't know how long it has been since you guys had your breakups, but for me, the breakup happened last month. However! She didn't finish getting her stuff out of my place until the weekend. I know, she took her sweet time. Well, that's who she is 'now'. In fact, the last note she left for me, she actually asked me to throw out the trash. (I wasn't there when she was getting her stuff and she left a bunch of trash) Sweet woman. And yes, I had loved that same person, or should I say the person she used to be.

Although I should consider myself lucky, I'm having a rough time of it emotionally.

I had been feeling pretty bad last month, but I calmed myself down by saying, "Oh well...I can't change what has happened...it's over." My emotions were out of control, but not enough that I couldn't do everyday things and the things that made me happy.

Then she finished her moving job. And now that all her stuff is gone, it's like somebody let off a bomb in my veins. My nerves are roaring like a freight train. Can't eat much. Can't really sleep. I'm a waste of space at work. I've spent years improving myself and this is still the most challenging thing I've ever faced. I know I will come out on top, but I would be a liar if I didn't admit I was suffering.

Sadly, sex is the last thing on my mind right now. So it may be a while before I can share war stories with you guys.

I need to do what I can and start feeling better. Life is too short to go through it the way I am now.

 

[hithard]

About 2 months since my break up.I know what your going through.I was a bit of a mess the first 2 weeks(couldnt eat,waking up at weird hours and being stuck at work was driving me nuts).I had to consciously work towards getting on track.Wether through reading posts.Talking to women and even got out of town to party etc.It does take time.But dont think sitting on your butts going to help.Because at this stage a lot of guys cant handle their new found freedom.And crawl back to hand their balls to their Ex.
Theres a lot of guys here in the same boat.Which is good for support.Just enjoy your pain.That pain is just too much freedom for you too know what to do with yet.Your already getting out there and doing stuff.Dont stop now.

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Hithard, thanks for your support. I wish I could go out and enjoy something, anything, right now. I've been trying and nothing seems to be making me feel better at this point. Things are getting worse each day.

It is frightening how poorly she behaved towards me in the end. And the hardest thing is finding that I don't have enough control to get my life going again the way I want to.

It's as if she is still doing all of the hurtful things she was doing in the end even though I haven't had contact with her in a month.

And the one thing that I keep obsessing about is that she didn't give me the ring back. She had her father do it. To me, that is the ultimate rejection, and she didn't have the heart or sympathy to handle things the way most people would have expected. She didn't want to talk to me, nor did her father when he came over. The way it ended allowed me to see just how brutal a person can be. Ouch.

 

[Gipper]

Wow, I must be doing something wrong; I feel actually relieved and freer than I have been in a long time. Everybody reacts differently, I guess.

Give it time, man, your mood will improve.

Gipper

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Thanks Gipper,
I'm sure I'll be where you are at some point. Intellectually, I know she betrayed me, decieved me, and just didn't respect me. But my emotions are different. There is a definite gap between the two. The negative energy will subside and I'll get back to living right.

 

[hithard]

Dont worry Trim it aint you.Girlfriends turn into different ppl at the end of a relationship.Couple of months down the track I think they realize what they have done.But by then its too late.Lots of guys go through what you are going through.No need to replay things over in your head.Of course easier said then done.takes a bit of time.Just remember theres a long stretch of life left.This moment is just a speck of it

 

[joekerr31]

totally agree on the different person.

we all have two people inside of us. we have the person we are when everythign is going great. and we have the person we are when things are going horribly and the stresses in life push us beyond our coping limits.

those who have acheived enlightenment manage to consile the two into a single state of being. but hardly anyone does this.

hence, women, towards the end of a relationship, show their worst colors. They become completely self centered, aggressive and paranoid - she's convinced herself of "some" truth and is determined to act on it.

yes, a few months later they usually realize that they went mental and had it all wrong. unless of course the guy goes nuts during the break up, then they figure they had it right.

this is why it is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS best to rise above it all. go out like a gentleman and never EVER look back.

J

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Joe
You are totally right. I'm trying my best not to look back. A few weeks after everything ended, I started dating another girl, and looking for others. I wasn't feeling any pain then but I was only putting my issues on 'pause'.

I've been going through a lot of pain since she moved her stuff.

It seems like no matter what I do, I feel pain. When I try to get over the denial that things have ended, I hurt. When I think "AFC", I get the urge to call her. Then I realize that getting back together with her would make my life pure hell and I hurt.

I've started reading a book, called "Rebuilding: after a relationship ends". It seems to be helping. And it made it pretty clear that I should not be DJing- hanging out with girls- until I get over this, which is gonna take a while.

It's starting to become clear to me that I was in love with the person she was before she pulled away. And that person is gone.
Further complicating what happened, I met her when she was 21 and now she's almost 25. I'm not sure if things ended because her personality changed but it seems like her maturity regressed as the years passed.

And another thing...Her mom is a completely neurotic lesbian who still lives with her husband (my ex's dad). The guy is the biggest chump. He has a good job, goes to work, buys and cooks the food, cleans the house...while she just stays in bed and takes psych meds and eats...a lot. The thing is, my ex used to always say how she never wanted to have a life like her parents'. But lately, she kept telling me about relationship advice her mom taught her growing up. Scary. And every time I called her on her BS, which only really happened in the last six months, she couldn't take it and broke up (a couple times).

I'm starting to think she's looking for a chump like her dad, something she always denied. Sucks for me right now, but saves me from a potential life of misery.

In the end, my ex kept telling me how she wasn't happy. (******** translation: not happy with me) She said she hadn't been happy for a couple years, which was odd because she stopped taking her psych meds around that time. Yeah, I gave her support, helped her believe in herself, and was proud she could cope without them. Now I'm afraid that I might have been wrong.

Either way, things are over. That's the bottom line. I've been analyzing all the details lately as you can see, but there is no turning back to be with her. I've learned to pay more attention to a woman's actions than her words and to run if a woman has a monster for a mom.

 

[TheTrimReaper]

OK, I went out tonight. It was hard getting ready and finally leaving. This was my first time sarging since I met my ex. To be honest, I felt terrible leaving home. I didn't want to go, but in the back of my mind, I remembered how much I needed to move on. It's something that has to be done. I thought about everything all of you guys have told me for motivation.

It's Friday, and I had a costume, so I went to some bars with it on.

First Place: It was funny because I was the only one with a costume in the first place I went to. Several girls approached me! The death row chumps were just staring. Immediately, I start chatting with a girl. I'm chatting with her, when a hot, Polish chick walks up on the other side of her. They say a few things, I think they are friends, so I introduce myself to her. She starts chatting away, and the girl in the middle raises her hands up in protest. I stop chatting with the Pole, who, by the way, was there with her supermodel team, and get back to work on the first one. After about 45 min., I attempted a f*ck close, but only got a kiss close. When I'm leaving, a good looking woman got my attention, I started my system, but after a minute her boyfriend showed up. Oh well.

Sidewalk: Walking from that place, I approached two women on the sidewalk.
Me:"How are you pretty ladies doing tonight? Hey wait, I've seen you before. Don't you work in ******?" (As I'm thinking of where I had seen her, I realize that she is the female who totally snubbed my eye contact a week ago at the market. Whoops, I don't really want to be talking to you right now.)
Me again: "So what's your name?"
Her: "It's *****
Me: Cool ******. I might see you around ****** sometime.

Third Place: Bar. I'm the only one in costume. I go in. A nice looking blonde, my favorite by the way, approaches me and says something funny I can't remember. It's awkward where I'm standing, so I sit down and act like I'm doing something because dudes are circling around her, and I don't know if she's there with someone. She looks at me a few times while dudes are in the way, but I can't get to her. Then she just turns her back away from me and stops looking. I get a bad vibe from it and leave.

Fourth Place: Finally a place where others are wearing costumes. I go in and there's a good looking chick dressed like Cleopatra. I approach.
Me: Hey, you look great. You should be walking around with King Tut over there.
Her: I know. I don't know him but our costumes go well together.
Me: What's your name?
Her: It's *******
Me: That's a beautiful name. Where's it from?
Her: It's Indian.
(This is when her male friend ****blocks.)

I'm glad I went out even though I was still thinking about my ex. It feels so f*cked that I'm making moves on women and thinking about her, but I'm gonna have to get over it at somepoint right? . I had a panic attack on the way home, which was pretty scary. But just getting out there again and going through the moves gives me hope.

I'm going to some different places tomorrow night, so I'll report then.

 

[decades]

Hey trim,

don't be afraid to take some alone time. I know that doesn't sound like what the Masf guys would say but I went through what you are going through about a month or two ago. And I can tell you my emotions ran the gamut. At first you're turned upside down and feel like you need to get some validation Right Away. SO I sought it out. But it wasn't the right thing for me at the time. And I wasn't my best self anyway. I was hurting and that comes through in an interaction.

Instead, I put the chasing aside and ended up going into heavy duty self analysis mode to try and learn from this really tough experience I was going through. Went for Massive self improvement. And I am glad I am taking that route. I told myself there will be a time for women, but right now I am going to make time for me. Its about healing first.

So just wanted to say I feel for you and realize that you don't have to go out and do things you just don't have the heart for. In fact it may be like papering over your heartache. All the best

regards

 

[TheTrimReaper]

I

At first you're turned upside down

Persistant, You hit it on the head. I have been saying all along that it feels like someone took the bowl known as my belief system and just dumped it out. Thanks for your advice. It sounds like I'm going through just what you went through.

It's funny because my ex dumped me on a Monday. My ego took a hottie from work out to lunch on Tuesday. My ego dated her three times before I went kind of crazy, said a few really wrong things, and freaked her out. It's sad because she had nothing to do with what I was saying. They were the things I wanted to say to my ex. Damn, I don't know what I was thinking. But you know, taking her out probably helped because I had the urge that first week to go back for more abuse from my ex.(I know it doesn't make sense. Abuse is weird.) And when I wasn't balling at home, I was sucking it up taking her out. But, it only postponed the grief.

Actually, I think I freaked out that day because it was the same day my ex finished moving her stuff out. Well, at least she's not working at my office anymore, poor girl.

I'm starting therapy this week. I'm looking forward to it. I really need to get some things untangled. I'm running in circles quite often and panicking a few times a day.

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Here's my report for the day:

After this morning's freak outs, I did some much needed studying at home. The first time I got back to it in weeks.

Then I went shoe shopping. I got a new pair of shiny, black shoes. Scoped out the people. No worthy women. Flirted with the cashier. I told her how I wore a pair of shoes for three years, which were two different sizes. The right shoe was an 8.5 and the left was an 11. (I wear a 9.5) She didn't believe me. (but it's true, I swear)

Walked to the bookstore next door. Met a sweet girl sitting on the floor reading a book. Chatted her up. Got her number.

Went to a bar tonight in costume. I was all over the place. I haven't touched that much azz in a long time! I tried to talk to girls but it was way too crowded and chaotic.

BUT before the place got really busy, I met a fine chick. South African. Best looking woman I've seen in a really long time. Here's the blow by blow:
Me: Hey, who are you?
Her: I'm *******
Me: Hey, *******. I'm Trim
Her: Nice to meet you.
Me: Where are you from?
Her: South Africa
Me: Well *******. You are the most beautiful woman in this place. And I mean that.
Her: Well, everyone tells me that, but I'm always single.
Me: Why? Do your feet stink or something?
Her: (confused)

We chat a few seconds more. I start to walk away. And she asks for my number. :yes: (we exchange of course) I don't generally neg hit, but the hottest ones beg for it. This worked out quite well.

After initial success, I started working on three or four babes. Hype them up then leave, Pavlov style. The 80's tennis pro was my favorite. But then I started panicking and had to eject. Damn! I started feeling better once I got outside, but there was no going back in because the line was around the block.

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Got in touch with the South African girl, she's gonna be out of town this weekend, so we set up a date for next Friday. Far in advance, hence the high flake factor. But we are supposed to meet at a pretty central place. If she doesn't show up, that will just be more motivation to get out of my daze and sarge. This is great because I didn't really want to see her this weekend anyway. By next week, I might be feeling better.

Called the bookstore girl back. She was snappy. Sorry Babe. Next.

I might email the girl I kiss closed, but email is a pain in the azz.