S.O.S. SamePendo got bit by the oneitis bug! HELP!!!

[SamePendo]

Oh boy. Where to start. I'll really appreciate if it if you read the whole thing. For those seasoned posters, you know that I've tried to help out a lot of guys out. I'm needing help right now.

This year I've practically stopped dating. The few women I dated first part of the year were as a result of what I did last year. Why did I stop? Work. It's comission based, with lots of future, great people, job-wise I seem to be in a perfect place, right people right time, everything. I stopped looking. And I stopped working out. The gym, as some seasoned readers/posters might know, is my area of expertice.

FYI, I've never been the guy that parties, goes to clubs, etc. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't drug myself. I'm young. I used to have a really good body, great but by the way. I've gone to give elder people some company, time. I work a lot. But, I'm not the warcraft player, startrek fan, scrawny, shy, with really twisted sexual desires, that guys like these normally are. I'm tall, not very good looking, but I could say, humbly, that I am good looking, and stand easily out in the croud, but I insist, I'm no adonis and nothing close to it. I had a very well kept body (remember, I stopped working out). I'm outgoing, I can talk to anyone, anywhere. But, I'm not into groups. I don't enjoy talking to groups unless they are people very close to me and with whom I feel really good. I have a lot of sex drive. But, I don't believe in having sex with someone if you really love them. Make love, not sex, you dig? And if you really love them, well, get married and wait for it, just to make it more special.

As I said, I work really hard. I have high expectations in life, with my self. I have goals. Like for instance, this year I have the fixed goal of buying my mom a van, leather seats, etc, a nice van. Even my goals show the way I am. Next year I plan on buying my first property.

I am a very good hunter women-wise. I can get a date as easily as I can . . . I don't know, as something else which is easy.


Well, on with how I got infected:

I suddenly came to the conclusion that I wanted a girlfriend. Company, affection, someone hot to call my own hehe. Dating just for fun wasn't fun at all anymore.

I had begun with this process last year. I wanted to well, go towards the gf lane. The more work I got, the more I got into this chain of thought. Besides, I had seen that almost all women that were with me, well, they really just wanted to get laid. The moment I start getting frisky with a woman, that's the moment I lose respect for her and think "this girl is easy, she probably has done a lot of guys before me", you know. So all desire for a ltr vanishes. And so do they, once they see I'm not for that.

Well, this year I can only remember one person who I met this same year and asked her out. She worked where I worked, a no-no, but she had an enormous butt!!! Goddamn. Anyways, she turned me off bigtime, she wanted to get laid, and had a bf in another city.

Noww... last month.

A new chick came to work. Not bad looking, not ugly, but not beautiful either, you know, a 6, just enough to not be a 5 and fail the "i could bang you" exam.

I flirted little by little, and by the... second, week, I am pretty sure I was in. First she covered her cleavage, now she showed it, she went to say bye with a hug. Damn, now that I remember, when we chatted on messenger, she even flirted too.

Then came her sister.

One afternoon I saw she was talking outside to a hot girl. So, I wandered out. I didn't even look at them, I just pretended to be out for some air and get rid of stress. She introduced me to her. She's very very very good looking. Very. Nice face with nice facial structure, big boobs, in good shape, long hair, femenine, tall,... everything. Besides being very attractive to the normal man, she is very much my type. Very attractive, guys.

I didn't want to make it akward asking her out because maybe she had a bf, normally it wouldn't be a problem, but with her sister, anyways, I asked her sister, the one i work with by msn if she was single, and she said yes, I asked if it was ok if I asked her out, and she said yes.

But she had left, so I asked her sister if she could call her, transfer me the call and I'd ask her out. We agreed on seeing each other to go to the movies for tomorrow. Tomorrow came, she came with her sister's bf, we chatted for a bit, I was fun, she later admitted that she wanted to see if I was cool. So, after a while, we set off.

Really nice girl, in the sense of attitude. Feminine, but without oozing sex. You know how there are women that ooze sex? Well, she didn't, and that's something I like. Fun, and very easy to talk to. She felt very well with me, she opened up a lot, so did I, we had lots and lots in common. I didn't cry and tell her all my sorrows, but yes I loosened up very much, and so did she.

She lives in a nother city. She told me she teaches older people elementary school, that type of thing. Which is a very noble thing to do. Nurses, women like that, have normally one step inside my door. She likes to be at home, she lives with her fathers. She's 29. She said her family is very important to her. She had been single for over a year (i think more that two, but can't be sure). She said she doesn't like to go out every day to the clubs etc. In one point I asked what her newyears goals were, and she said that one of them was to be less trusting and have a bit more evil inside of her because she is (nahive) and stuff like that. She's very much like me, like, in paper, really great! And, she is hot. The type that you're walking with her and guys not only see her, turn their heads, but turn their bodies.

At the end I was asking her what she was holding back. Because guys, I mean, it was a perfect match! I have dated a lot, and never had I encountered this. I asked her to tell me if she was a drug addict, or stuff like that. She said that when people disrespect her she gets *****y, but only if they are rude and aggressive. But that's about it.

I walked her home, we talked about how we saw ourselves in 5 years... you know, but, without loosing that date vibe. There was kino, no dry humping, but, light kino. Oh, she said that she saw herself married. She'd like to have at least one kid, but if she's with someone who can afford it, more than one.

I was really impressed. Very.

We hung out the next day. Yeah you should wait some time bla, bla. She was leaving in like four days so, ha - ha! The next days we were inseparable. Unsplitable. Just because I had a job to do, but we saw each other like 4 times in the day, stayed up till am hours. With kino, I insist.

And she all the way mentioned about the connection with me too.

Now, like the third day we went to a bar. We played some "you ask me something, I'll answer the truth, then i go". She asked like "what are you willing to do for me?" Type of questions, not in a demanding manner, in a sweet manner. In one point she said "You know SamePendo, I value you a lot, and I don't ever want to lose your friendship" I sensed a sh!t test, probably unvoluntary one. I distanced myself, laughed, and said "I'm not interested in being your friend". I even told her my age, which I never do. She promised it wouldn't change anything, and, at least those days, it didn't.

That was a recurring subject. That, and that she lives in another city. But those were like itches, something that comes out but fastly goes out. She talked about missing me, made initial plans for christmas, for the next time she came. Not in a freaky, demanding way, we were in that wave. I also tell you this so that you don't think that I was building bridges out of air. I followed the lead somewhat. One day we went to another bar, with her sister and boyfriend, she held my leg by the way... she got a phone call, went out to get it, she said it was a friend she hadn't seen for a while. She later confessed it was an ex bf.

Saturday was the last day I saw her. She was leaving on Sunday. She refused to see me because she said that she didn't want to get more attached to me, so if she didn't see me she'd be better of. I thought she was joking and went about my buissiness in the day. We texted a lot, we saw eachother every day lots of times as I said, but when we were apart we texted. It all felt very natural and flowing. Like you've been dating for a long long while. So she texted and said bye, that's when I saw she wasn't just kidding. I did get kind of upset and confused. She sent texts with her kissing me and saying how much she wants me/cares about me/likes me (different language, different meanings, something by those lines). Next day I she left me a greeting card saying "I can't describe how I feel" etc. I asked her sister why she did it, and she said that she was sensitive and didn't want to miss me even more.

I talked to her on the phone with her those days. She told me that she had told her mother about me, how much she missed me, not to forget me. And she asked for an exclusive relationship. It felt right, so I said yes. We talked on the phone, she said nice things, etc.

 

[SamePendo]

Now, at first she told me that she basically had like 5 friends. One best friend who is a she. Two other shes, and two hes. And asked if it was allright if she saw those two hes. I said ofcourse, I mean, I'm not the jealous type. And I'm not guys. If you're with a woman you have to trust her. The first days I remember she told me that a guy had asked her out to the movies but she said no because of us.

So anyways. I'll fastforward a bit. Sometimes her text messages didn't get to me. Proved. So anyways, by the end of the week before the one that just passedthe text messages from her became very intermitent. She talked about feeling down, not good at all. Part of it was that she was reaching her 30's. Slight problems at work, slight problems with parents, and with friends. I decided to give in a bit, give her some time at first.

Lately, finances have not gone good for me. So, one day on the phone I asked her if it was ok with her to be in this with someone who doesn't even have money to go and see her. 2 things emerged:
1) She said there was no relationship between us. I asked her, well, is it just me or did we make a commitment? She said I'm right etc. I never talked about a relationship, I talked about a commitment. But what jumped at me was that she said that there was nothing to end because there never was something to begin with. Which is in some way true, but she like said it out of nowhere.
2) Said that it was a problem, and at the same time wasn't. She wants stability etc. But, that, well, it wasn't really a problem.

I had asked her that just to see what she would say. Kind of passed. I said that because I had money and could be there that weekend. She said no. !!!. Because she was feeling down, and that she didn't want me to see her like that, since we don't see each other that much, to see each other at our best. I didn't ask, but she said that there was no other guy, that that was absolutely not the deal. So I said, well, ok... kind of made sense, since, well, I did the same one of the days she was here in town, I wasn't feeling well, and wanted her to see me on my 100%. Now, by now she refered to me as something by the lines of "my (diminutive) love" and "my life". I haven't referred to her as "my life".

She stopped calling me because she said her parents got angry because of the phone bill, it was unpayed for for a week. No problem, I call.

Ok, went on. But this got colder. And she kind of was feeling even more down. So I decided to send her a greeting card. I thought, this will make her feel good. I also wrote a nice letter. Nothing remarkable. Poetical.

I called at night and they said she hand't come home yet.

Now, I don't remember the day, but one of those days, I called her house, she wasn't there, so I called her cellphone, I hadn't talked to her, so, well, I wanted to talk to her, nothing wrong.

She didn't answer. I sent a message asking if everything was ok because she wasn't at home and didn't answer. She answered that she was with a (guy) friend at a bar, she hadn't heard the phone ring. All things in her life had gone worse, and that they were at a bar". I received the message and like 10 minutes later called her again, SHE DIDN'T ANSWER.

Red flag.

But, I trust(ed) her. I did feel very upset. We talked like the next day or the next from that, and she said that she was in the bar and well we wouldn't be able to talk properly. Said I was the only one, etc. Honestly convinced me, allthough I was, uncomfortable.

I had to trust her. "Relationships are based on trust" And we're aren't in one yet, so, no trust = no relationship.

Sometimes in her conversations she talked about her ex-bfs. She's been with older guys, the oldest like 47 I think. She's also been with really loaded guys. Sometimes a she talked a tidbit too much about them, imo.

Fast forward a bit.

I hadn't talked to her. So, one day I call her. She says she's coming here one weekend because she has "things to do" in a city nearby, she'll come her just to talk to me and then return. I ask, talk as in good news? And she said "all things in life are for good". And kind of interrupted and said "but I have company right now, can we talk later?"

She used to leave the phone ringing when someone called and she was on the phone with me. That got me paranoid and upset. I had one-itis. Classic effects.

I talked to her this saturday. I asked what's up. She said she was going with this friend of his to this nearby city. This friend is the 47 yo bestfriend, he invited her, he's a politician, and will work in the morning, so they'll hand out in the afternoon. *(while writing this I get upset and want to hit something)*. She's coming over to talk to me, see her sister a bit, and go back. I ask her why not just stay here, and she says because this guy will take her to some places she doesn't know.

Thinking back , I don't know why I didn't confront her on this b.s. She insisted that he is a friend, and that is a great thing that his exbf left her, the friendship of this guy. But man, he's a friend, lives in the same city, I'm the bf tobe, and live in another city. Well, she said that yes, she was coming here to break things of. That we aren't in the same wavelenght...That she wants to get married some day, not today, but in a near future. Now guys, I have a goal from several years back, to have a kid, and have a deadline of 2 1/2 years now. But I didn't tell her that before because that's something I dont say because it will obviously scare chicks.

She also said that she felt that I went ahead in the relationship a lot. In the steps of a relationship from 1 to 10, she was in 2, and she felt as if I felt in a 7. And that she also looked for financial stability. She also said that I talked about basicaly being a saint, when I wasn'nt, because I lied. *Note that we promised to always tell the truth* Why had I lied? Because I said I was a hard worker and she asked her sister, and she said that I wasn't. I was changing jobs, and this is a comission thing, so, it's useless to to work for other guys to come and cash up on without no work, I worked on the new thing.

Ok, I didn't say the kid thing, but I did say that if we had talked about that, she would know for a fact that I was in a very similar wave. I also destroyed the lying thing. And said that SHE was the one who asked to be in a exclusive relationship, and that that wasn't something I did every sunday for kicks, and that for me it is something serious. She agreed, and we agreed to continue this, and to talk this weekend. Oh, I did conftont her on the friend on the bar, how come she answered to the exbf, and didn't answer me. She didn't really answer.

 

[SamePendo]

Now guys, I thought about this last night. She has taken the lead on everything. SHE talked about getting a special cellphone plan so we could talk all we wanted, SHE asked for the exclusive relationship, SHE asked me how was I kissing, in bed *I didn't return the question*, SHE talked about coming to live here, SHE talked about bringing some traditional stuff from where she lives, that if you take it and kiss the person you're with, you never leave that person, SHE referred to my mom as mother in law, and her dog as my son in law. To some of these things, after she brought them up, I complied, but with many I didn't. SHE, SHE, SHE.

A very disturbing thing she said was, once we were talking after agreeing to see each other. We were talking about diets etc. She said that she had this very loaded friend, that said that he would pay her a given surgery, but if she was her woman. And that she told him no, because he was in a relationship. WTF?!?! He is wanting to buy her and she tells it like eating a sandwich!! She's either too naive, or is rotten. I'm thinking of the latter.

Now, something or someone, happened.

Now, I have very bad signs of oneitis guys. This sunday I went to poop, while pooping I realized that I didn't remember going to the bathroom the last 4 days! I havent slept well. The only way I can sleep is wacking myself, that kind of calms me. Last night it took two!!!
At times I feel depressed, at some times I feel just ok. And I'm a happy guy, when everyone is sad I'm the one who lifts spirits. For me ok is what for a lot of people "very well", but, not for me. And I'm "ok" for a little part of the day.

I'm pressured with work. I have TONS of things to learn, TONS. I will be given a high rank in this new thing. Which I haven't talked to her about, I don't want my job title, or what I can win influence her right now. But I CANT FVCKING CONCENTRATE!!! All my worries and frustrations come to light because of this sh!t. I'm feeling down because I think I won't be able to come up with the money for my moms van, and the things I want to do... The only good thing is that I started to work out last week, and since I'm spending a lot of time home I can eat perfectly.

But I'm stressed like hell guys.
She's coming this saturday. We'll talk.
Now, I think I have two ways to do this:
1)When talking to her, be totally aloof. Positive, but aloof.
2)Pasively aggresively. Not yell and kick, but like when a coach CALMLY tells his student why did things wrong. And let her know that if she's looking for someone that pays for stuff etc, she's basically a prostitute. At least get some of my frustration and disapointment out, if she turns out like she's turning up now.

At first I was quite happy. I didn't play any power game, nothing.

Either of those two I can handle. I'm in sales, I know how to treat people etc. My problem isn't that much there, allthough feedback is appreciated on what to do... What further contact to have... I last called her today in the morning (didn't answer, she's a sleeper, proven), then sent a message asking exactly at what time she'd be here so I could program my week. I don't want to call her again because I don't want to appear needy.

Now, my problem is the following:

HOW CAN I CONCENTRATE?!?! HOW CAN I SLEEP?!?! HOW CAN I HAVE JOY IN MY LIFE?!?!

I really don't have joy in my life right now guys.

I get angry, depressed, and dissapointed. Disapointed in her and in women. If she, who is in paper such a noble person etc, is going for the money, etc, how will "normal" women be? I know how they are because they don't even care about the money a lot, they care for the sex and that's it.

Whenever I had opportunities with married women, I got dissapointed with women. Right now I can't even watch tv, I can't watch rap videos because I get dissapointed with women, I can't watch tv series because everyone cheats and are superficial. You could say I'm bitter. Angry, explosive.
I can't listen to music that talks about love, about having uncaring sex. I can only stand either nature sounds music when I'm "ok", or aggressive hiphop or rock when I'm in what now is normal mood for me. I can't listen to rap or rock that talks badly about women, being ho's and that either. Just about shooting, killing, robbing, you know hehe.


I've also stopped seeing friends. Right now I could really use a friend to go to a bar to and get drunk, but three of them are with their gfs right now, I've stopped seeing them too because of the job.

I feel like the stress is going to make me bald by next week.

1) What do you think I should do from here till saturday? With the chick? No more contact? I really want to know at what time she'll be here, because I DO need to organize my day. Fortunately I DO have things to do, allthough, as I said, I can't stop thinking about her. Day and night.
2) HOW CAN I GET HER OFF MY HEAD?!?! I need to concentrate, I need to get on the job. I do have things to do, but I can't do them. All day, all day I think of her, day and night.

If necessary, sh!t's gonna have to hit the fan this weekend with her. For the good of the "relationship" or for the bad, either way, it has to go well for me, because I'll get closure from the "relationship", or get things clear. But until then. . .
In either case, I feel I must get the oneitis shot, because whatever happens on saturday, it won't solve the problem, completely, because the oneitis has spread too much.

I can't sleep. I sometimes feel like vomiting. I've never felt an urge to get high, drugged, or something, and I feel it now, I just want my mind to get away. A good thing is that at times my gift for music returns . . I've had this.. gift, of out of nowhere, melodies start forming in my mind, really musical, catchy, melodies. Being an artists would really pay off right now: depressed, I'd drug myself, and make kickass music.

WHAT DO I DO?!

Obviously there are more details here and there. Although it doesn't seem, I tried to make this short. I will really appreciate from the bottom of my heart all advice.

 

[SamePendo]

As of magic, I stumbled on fifteen lessons, by pook, I'm only on lesson 4, but its hitting, not all points, but some. Please please help.

Now, my plan is all or nothing. If she wants the friend card, no way. Now, is "taking things slow" an option? Like, stop the commitment, but continue? I don't like the idea at all, it sounds like it dooms to ... doom. Only way to go is for her to change her ways, completely, and us continue.

Oh, and what is exactly her problem?

 

[manonfire]

wanna try summarizing it? its longer thenmost of my readings for class.