Rusty: what could/ should I have done better?

[Leaf]

Hey guys, lurker here whose finally manned up enough to post on here. Would like some feedback because I seem to be getting no where. Hopefully you can give me insight into myself and one day I can return the favor.

When I stumbled upon this forum eons ago, I followed down the path of every noobie here. Took a couple things here and there I liked to hear and did not commit myself to it all. Didn't work so last summer I threw myself really into change. Internalized everything, became less available as I went about redesigning myself into the better me 2.0. Unfortunately I neglected the social side of things.

Now I've always been the 'ladies man' kind of guy; garnering attention from woman, talking to woman, hanging around woman. I've now realised how wrong this is especially after reading 'No More Mister Nice Guy' and how the psychologist author picks everything apart. My biggest flaw; dropping the lads in the presence of woman.

So with the year now starting I've made a conscious effort to follow the old mantra 'bro's before hoes' as I should of eons ago. First major event of the year and life has a funny way of turning itself around. I went to this party with no intentions but to spend time with the lads, to build up that circle again. Didn't say I would ignore woman but I would not place them high on the list. Things were going really good until a HB I've had a thing for turned up. Now previously there was nothing to it but my recent unavailability and change in persona (working hard at uni vs. lazing around) had really increased her IL. It was not long after always catching her glancing at me that she came over and started heavily kino'ing me.

Thing is, one of the boys of this social group essentially her orbiter and friendzoned crush was whom I was talking to and I could tell I was feeling unease at what to do. I could tell he was ignoring me as she went about her way. Essentially I turned her down by walking away and chatting to others I think. Later I overheard her talking with her girls about me and why I'd done that.

It kind of hit me hard me that from then on, she became the centre of attention from all the guys out that night. Ironically enough every guy had to approach her vs. her coming up to me. She was cold for the rest of the night towards me. We hit the clubs and ended up dancing together but she kept her distance and I lost interest and ended up leaving.

Now I've woken up with a racing hang over, recalling the night and kicking myself. I'm torn. At one hand I'm pretty proud that I wasn't the 'hanging around ladys' as I usually am and had a good time with the lads. On the other, I've probably closed the door on this HB.

So here I am writing this before I hit the gym. Thoughts? Blast me a new one if you feel I need it! I just want to make sure that with each stuff up, I promise to myself I never make the same mistake.

 

[logicallefty]

Welcome to our forums Sir.

I see no problem with how your handled your situation. From reading your post where you called yourself a "ladies man" but then said it was wrong, I am assuming you are a fairly good looking guy who HBs naturally came to at first, but then you (initially) made some mistakes in your interactions with them?

If so, sounds like you also realized you had made some mistakes, and are open to and working on fixing them.

I also like how you walked way and refused to be a planet in her orbit. Let the orbiters have her time in a social situation, and be the man who isn't orbiting and make her wonder why..

I think your mind is in the right direction. Just keep doing what you are doing. Go talk to other women and make sure the HB you want sees you do that. Don't think about any women you interact with as your next GF (or God forbid wife). Talk to women who are below your preference in looks to get practice and confidence. And keep reading here and following the advice you get on our forum, and come back to us with what you have learned and help others if possible. Again, welcome.

 

[Leaf]

Thanks Logical Lefty. I would not consider myself good looking - more likely on the other end of the spectrum. But I was raised by woman (dad was never around) so what I loss I guess in a masculine role model, I picked up skills on how to talk to and relate to woman. Looking back and cringing, even in primary school I was the guy who'd sit and hangout with all the girls.

Yes that is probably my biggest flaw in I'll picture the next 10 years of our lives when I chat up a new HB :crackup:

But thank you for the guidance. I felt very torn and guilty that night but this helps shed light on few more things. Forgive me for my inexperience in friendships and bro-codes.