Rusty Return to the Game!

[BigT]

Gentlemen!

It's been a loooong time since I've been in the game!

I'm recently out a 2 year relationship. I was in love with this girl, or so I thought, but things just didn't work out. I went through a period where I was not going out at all for months, but I just to the urge to go out and check out the scene this weekend.

I was just overwhelmed. It was so loud, and my jaw just dropped at all of the pretty girls everywhere. I just froze and didn't do anything. I think I needed the time just to process everything I was seeing just to let it soak in.

In retrospect however, there were several opportunities I could've dug into but didn't realize they were there until it was too late.

There were two gorgeous bartenders there. Yeah yeah, I know--they are supposed to be nice so they can get tips! However, these girls were very flirty in the sense that they would just stare at me for prolonged periods even while they were serving other customers.

When I returned for more drinks, they would go out of their way to serve me first, even though I only ordered water! So yeah, I could tell they were feeling me.


On the dance floor, I noticed several girls would gradually move closer and closer, and basically started grinding their asses into my crotch or very close to it. Another girl simply grabbed me very hard around the waist. Unfortunately, she ran off after I turned around!

So yeah, there were definitely some chicks feeling me. But how do I work the bartenders? They are very busy, and quite frankly, there's not much opportunity to talk, much less dance. How can I make their acquaintance so to speak?

I suppose I could go on slower nights but I really don't want to go out more than a couple of nights a week. I would really prefer going out on weekends.

Any suggestions welcome.

 

[drellum]

Gentlemen!

It's been a loooong time since I've been in the game!

I'm recently out a 2 year relationship. I was in love with this girl, or so I thought, but things just didn't work out. I went through a period where I was not going out at all for months, but I just to the urge to go out and check out the scene this weekend.

I was just overwhelmed. It was so loud, and my jaw just dropped at all of the pretty girls everywhere. I just froze and didn't do anything. I think I needed the time just to process everything I was seeing just to let it soak in.

In retrospect however, there were several opportunities I could've dug into but didn't realize they were there until it was too late.

There were two gorgeous bartenders there. Yeah yeah, I know--they are supposed to be nice so they can get tips! However, these girls were very flirty in the sense that they would just stare at me for prolonged periods even while they were serving other customers.

When I returned for more drinks, they would go out of their way to serve me first, even though I only ordered water! So yeah, I could tell they were feeling me.


On the dance floor, I noticed several girls would gradually move closer and closer, and basically started grinding their asses into my crotch or very close to it. Another girl simply grabbed me very hard around the waist. Unfortunately, she ran off after I turned around!

So yeah, there were definitely some chicks feeling me. But how do I work the bartenders? They are very busy, and quite frankly, there's not much opportunity to talk, much less dance. How can I make their acquaintance so to speak?

I suppose I could go on slower nights but I really don't want to go out more than a couple of nights a week. I would really prefer going out on weekends.

Any suggestions welcome.

Yep. similar to you. Came out of a LTR....had to pick up the pieces and work out how to join the game again....scary.

I live in a foreign country so don't know too many people....through this I've worked out I prefer being out there on my own when out and about. I was caught like a rabbit in the headlights when I first went out. I took it steady and just observed for at first. After a while I goy chatting to people and then bingo the dates started to flow. My issue is with the follow up....see my thread.

I've picked up a bit of bravado and that helps.

Wear a hat - Thats a great ice breaker - everybody wants to wear it....especially girls.

I've also found that making new friends that are girls helps....Go out with work colleagues (girls).

Take your time and work out what you are looking for....I have no probs with the pick up, it's just I'm ultimately disappointed with the follow up

 

[Greasy Pig]

You're right about bartenders being paid to be nice, and I'm a cynical b@stard and I'm going to say that they're just looking at you to see if you're being served.
I may be wrong but I've thought barmaids were checking me out but they were just making sure I wasn't wanting to order something. :-(

 

[BigT]

Yep. similar to you. Came out of a LTR....had to pick up the pieces and work out how to join the game again....scary.

I live in a foreign country so don't know too many people....through this I've worked out I prefer being out there on my own when out and about. I was caught like a rabbit in the headlights when I first went out. I took it steady and just observed for at first. After a while I goy chatting to people and then bingo the dates started to flow. My issue is with the follow up....see my thread.

I've picked up a bit of bravado and that helps.

Wear a hat - Thats a great ice breaker - everybody wants to wear it....especially girls.

I've also found that making new friends that are girls helps....Go out with work colleagues (girls).

Take your time and work out what you are looking for....I have no probs with the pick up, it's just I'm ultimately disappointed with the follow up

So how long did it take for you to start feeling comfortable going out again? Also, what country are you in?

 

[drellum]

So how long did it take for you to start feeling comfortable going out again? Also, what country are you in?

I made myself go out there. Feels a bit weird at first...especially alone. Just figured that I had to put myself in the zone. After a while it feels fairly comfortable and it's easy to cover a few places when alone. I noticed there was a few regular faces that were doing the same as me...and you often bump into people anyway.

D

 

[BigT]

Awesome! You make things sound so simple, so I guess it is!

I made myself go out there. Feels a bit weird at first...especially alone. Just figured that I had to put myself in the zone. After a while it feels fairly comfortable and it's easy to cover a few places when alone. I noticed there was a few regular faces that were doing the same as me...and you often bump into people anyway.

D

 

[drellum]

Awesome! You make things sound so simple, so I guess it is!

It really is.

You will soon realise that when you break out of the norm, all sorts of new opportunities, friends and acquaintances present themselves. If i can do it anybody can!

Good luck mate! You might surprise yourself!

D

 

[betheman]

It really is.

You will soon realise that when you break out of the norm, all sorts of new opportunities, friends and acquaintances present themselves. If i can do it anybody can!

Good luck mate! You might surprise yourself!

D

why was it so hard for you? care to give us a rundown? Im always eager to hear how guys turned it around, we can all learn from it

 

[drellum]

why was it so hard for you? care to give us a rundown? Im always eager to hear how guys turned it around, we can all learn from it

Came out of a 5-6 year relationship. We had mutual friends who I also had to distance myself from. Wasn't much of a gap between the last relationship and the one before that (marriage 10 years), so to say I was rusty was an understatement....That and being mid 40's and you can see the probs.

Luckily I had kept myself in good shape so it wasn't difficult to make a noticeable transformation.

It really did feel like a bind having to get back into this way of thinking but I'm starting to enjoy myself and have no intention of getting back into a LTR.....But then, I've said that before.

Just started reading lots of NLP stuff, The game etc and that helped a lot.....A couple of little tips makes all of the difference.....mainly confidence to be honest.

 

[BigT]

I have a large number of platonic female friends. It can get a little irritating at times, as these girls are all average looking or a bit below--I'm not interested in them, and they keep making advances. They can get very catty and act as ****blocks when I go out to meet girls, so, not ideal.

Part of my "rustiness" I realize, is that I'm not used to doing a lot or having to "game" to meet girls. I'm used to girls doing most of the work, and I've gotten pretty lazy. When I was out, I was thinking "I have to approach them?!? That's too much work!!"

 

[BigT]

Came out of a 5-6 year relationship. We had mutual friends who I also had to distance myself from. Wasn't much of a gap between the last relationship and the one before that (marriage 10 years), so to say I was rusty was an understatement....That and being mid 40's and you can see the probs.

Luckily I had kept myself in good shape so it wasn't difficult to make a noticeable transformation.

It really did feel like a bind having to get back into this way of thinking but I'm starting to enjoy myself and have no intention of getting back into a LTR.....But then, I've said that before.

Just started reading lots of NLP stuff, The game etc and that helped a lot.....A couple of little tips makes all of the difference.....mainly confidence to be honest.

And what country are you in dude? The reason I ask is because it seems like you have a mellow vibe and that it fits in well with your surrounds.

I'm guessing you're not dealing with a lot of meatheads, douchebags and sausage fests in your area?

 

[drellum]

And what country are you in dude? The reason I ask is because it seems like you have a mellow vibe and that it fits in well with your surrounds.

I'm guessing you're not dealing with a lot of meatheads, douchebags and sausage fests in your area?

Middle East!

 

[BigT]

Awesome-Israel I take it? Or dubai? You are the mystery man for sure!

Anyway, another thing I overlooked when I went out: there was this tall, hot drunk chick who repeatedly ran into me, grabbed me, pushed me, maybe a half dozen times over a short period of time. An opportunity for a makeout at the very least. Being rusty sucks.

 

[BigT]

As per the suggestion, I ran some solo game. For the first hour or so, it feels a bit uncomfortable. After that, you realize there are so many people out and about, it's a total non-issue. You can talk to whoever you want, no big deal.

I wasn't feeling it at the first place, so quickly bounced. The second place was a lot more fun. There are two or three girls staring at me openly before I even go in. I was approached quickly by four girls inside the bar, all of them in a bachelorette party. One clumsily steps on my feet. "Ooooh, I'm so sorry!!!"
Her girlfriends start chatting me up, too, not sure what about. Finally the bachelorette shows up, spots me and waves and says "hi!" like she knows me or something.

She seems really, really friendly. I decide to reward her with some hugs. No resistance as I try this repeatedly. She finally asks me if I have a condom. Her girlfriends had asked me that as well.

I game these girls for a few min. but "run out of stuff to talk about..." I chat with a few other patrons, and decide to check out a few more spots.

--

I return to the first bar. The girls who had been staring at me approaches me at the bar. One is a trashy blonde. She keeps rubbing against me repeatedly, but never says a word.

The second girl who approaches me is a latina who is basically wearing a bra and underwear. She moseys up to me and rubs against me shoulder to shoulder. I ask her what she's drinking and she offers me some of her drink.

I get way too drunk and nearly fall asleep at the bar.

By this time, it's full on sausage fest desperation mode, as each somewhat attractive girl is surrounded by 6-10 guys. Terrible. I bail. I had fun, and will return.

I basically spent a lot of time observing my surroundings and just getting used to getting back out there. It was definitely fun and I got a little bit of momentum going with a half dozen girls either kino opening or approaching me.

 

[BigT]

One more thing I wanted to add: girls are scopin' hard just like the guys. I caught a handful of girls doing this. Many of them will simply smile and say 'hi!' They WANT you to know that they are checking you out!

Another girl just kept staring and simply lifted her eyebrows, lol.

Anyway, if there's a girl you want to talk to, just look at her. Chances are, she will look back, eyes will meet, then go from there...

 

[BigT]

Went out again on Thursday, this time with "community" wings. There were a half dozen of us out, and I had mixed feelings about it. These guys were much more pro-active in terms of approaches, but also very socially awkward and ignorant. Basically social robots and approach machines. They mean well, but so socially ignorant and clumsy and heavy-handed, it was infuriating at times being around them.

I had to separate myself from them and felt 10X more relaxed and happier without them. I was approached again by several hot girls.

One was a liz taylor look-a-like: jet black hair and blue eyes. Definitely one of the prettiest girls there. Her blonde friend scopes me out and I start chatting to her. Then LT girl walks up behind me and starts shouting to interrupt our conversation. We chat a little bit, but blondie seems totally uninterested.

LT finds me at the bar later. She 'claws' me putting her arm around me, and I know it's on. She says she overheard her girlfriend and says she was lying to me. She's approached me twice now, so I know that I can do just about anything. But I am really reluctant to physically escalate. I know this is a sticking point and so I have to work on it.

--

The second girl approaching me is the hottest girl in the bar. A 6' tall blonde, honey tan. A standard issue 10. She bumps into someone in front of me and causes a commotion. She then walks up to me (I'm 5 feet away), points to me and says "You did it!" She then stands there, I guess waiting for me to counter her teasing.

Hate to say it, but I was too intimidated to approach her earlier, and I'm a little taken aback that she is actually approaching me. After a few seconds of waiting, she is gone.

--

So, a couple of fantastic opportunities gone. I did work on my physical escalation earlier but only worked my way up to hugs. I've got a ways to go. These girls are ready for same night sex, so I want to be ready.

 

[BigT]

Still very tired from Thursday night out, I went out anyway. I figured, how difficult could it be to stand and drink a beer? lol, so despite being on low on energy, I went for it. Kinda, sorta.

I went out locally again, and it was BRUTAL. I did maybe one approach. Very timidly. She was married. With her husband as it turns out. No dice.

The scene doesn't pick up until around 11:30/midnight. The male/female ratio is horrendous. It was approaching 90/10 m/f, and most every female was occupied by guys they knew from social circles, or were with boyfriends or husbands.

There was a tiny trickle of 'single girls' who were quickly snatched up by friends who had been waiting for them or vice versa.

Anyway, I may have to start driving out of town and saving up some scratch for gas money. Man, horrendous, horrendous night.

 

[drellum]

BigT... Glad to see you are out there - solo.

I think it's great fun and waaaaayy easier than being with guys - where I never really had success.

Had another little adventure Friday....see my thread "Girl Dilemma"

What I am realising is that I am going to need to spread the net a bit rather than fishing the same areas.

D

 

[BigT]

BigT... Glad to see you are out there - solo.

I think it's great fun and waaaaayy easier than being with guys - where I never really had success.

Had another little adventure Friday....see my thread "Girl Dilemma"

What I am realising is that I am going to need to spread the net a bit rather than fishing the same areas.

D

Thanks man! I completely agree that it's a good idea to fish in a different pond every now and again. The pickings are just too slim in my local neck of the woods to hang there every single weekend.

How often do you approach? I'd say I'm approaching relatively rarely in my case. For now, anyway.

 

[drellum]

Thanks man! I completely agree that it's a good idea to fish in a different pond every now and again. The pickings are just too slim in my local neck of the woods to hang there every single weekend.

How often do you approach? I'd say I'm approaching relatively rarely in my case. For now, anyway.

I don't approach too much.
I tend to mingle a bit but not go for staged approaches as such.
I find that YOU are much more approachable if you are alone and it doesn't take too much to strike up some conversation. I find that a smile and a bit of eye contact is usually enough.

Over the past few months I have adjusted a couple of things....

I Don't go out too early. Prefer to join the party 10.30-11ish
I always try to dress slightly smarter than the crowd that I am mingling in (depending on where I'm going)
I've made a big effort with the smile.....whether I feel like it or not.

Going to try new places next week