Rules of Relationship

[ANIRBAN]

HI DJs,

When all of you are in a relatonship do you and your girlfriend have ground rules that both should not break ? Such as :

1) No male friends (unless boyfriend of her girlfried) can call her and have a personal/private conversation. Same applies to the DJs.

2) She has to cut off her crushes/previous dates after she enters into a relationship with you.

3) She can only go with her girlfriends if she is not going out with you. Or she can go out with only other couples..not with any "friend" whom might hit on her when you are not around.

4) How much transparency is required in the relationship? Does she has to share her day's experience how she got hit on by the Bank manager and how she finds him attractive..same applies to you..

I had a great relationship for the last three years and she followed all these ground rules. Should I expect them to be followed by the other girls with whom I will have future relationships?

 

[carbani]

I believe that rules like that show a lack of confidence. If you're confident then you're not afraid of male competition. In my relationship I'd never set rules like that, and I don't think that a girl of my type would agree to those groundrules.
However - It's your choice. You found one girl that was ok with that rules, you'll find another one.

Regards,
Carbani

 

[Oscar Wilde]

I'm amazed by this - you actually set out these rules before you started going out with her?

 

[tiburon]

RULES RULES RULES

MAn my best advice from a guy who is really really tough on women is this applies for serious relationships.)

To never impose rules.....
Only say things ONCE
Say what you like and what you dont like as soon as it come up , but only say it once.....
Clarify likes and dislike early on.
No means NO and there shouldnt be reasons behind a NO you need to explain
Pick Your arguments
Never Show Jelousy.
Never discuss you problems with your GIRL( thats what friends and parents are for.)
Never show weakness.
Never let yourself be doubted..
Dont believe because you are a man you can be accused of a possible cheater and she being a woman is less likely(double standars...)
Alwasy be a Challenge
Alwasy find time for yourself and friends and be busy
Never talk about her family and dont let her make a comment about yours in a bad way.
No males eneter her home unless family if you arent there.( or if you are married your home)
Dont tell her everything, keep the mistery...
Be loyal

I know is off topic but they lead to succes tought it might be helpful about your rules..you should never have to impose rules but she should agree that if you are serious with a person....

1-)No need to be talking for more than 3 minute with any male friend..(not even if they have gf that are her friends)...

2-)No talking about exes or seen them every now and then...

3-)No going to clubs without you..or going out with other man alone or in groups...

4-)Unless you want to ruin the relationship..somethings are best never told...No need to say she got hit on and rub it in your face or how she finds a guy cute or talking about any other man and getting you jealous..it creates recentment...Really bad
Also you shouldnt try to find out everything that goes on in her life ..it will consume you and the relationship.

If she doesnt show whith her ACTIONS to understand this commonsense conditions that come with a relationship..then move on and get someone who does because she never will. This things are learned since you are young by the morals your parents have tought you and the family of the individual..VERY IMPORTANT THE FAMILY.

Finally ...tell her when you dont like something right of the bat dont wait until the next day and dont repeat it again..if she doesnt get it thats her problem...In relationships you are going to have to give in a bid so choose the things you are willing to give in so that the important ones stand strong forever..

Sincerely

Tiburon..

p.s you had your mindset kind of right..hope this help..but i think if you are this strict you are eventually going to find a great woman..just dont get blinded and read the BIBLE

 

[tiburon]

OSCAR WILDE

that was very smart of him...but he shouldnt have set rules but jsut discuss common likes and dislikes and if an agreement was reached then you proceed with the relationship if not move on find someone else...This is how you beging a great relationship..just like in the old days...dont assume stuff etc and just watch each others actions..

The day you think the girl you are talking about might be even the woman of your dreams and you plan to marry her discuss way earlier the way you would like to have a family and raise the children..It might be tough but if you dont agree you are better off braking it....Everything should be clarify in the begining so no one has an excuse for fvcking up or saying..OH i didnt know...

Tiburon

 

[Oscar Wilde]

I dunno about all this... maybe it applies to the younger people moreso than myself and my gf, but I have no problem talking to her about my ex's, and her doing the same. We've both had a few LTRs and there's no point in hiding large amounts of personal history. E.g. I'm talking about having been in some city in Europe - she asks when it was, so I say it was when I was going out with X. No problems there.

Common likes and dislikes? That comes up naturally in the course of a relationship, and whilst it may be talked about very early, it's not necessarily a "lets sit down and discuss X" kinda thing.

Forget the rules and just go with your intuitition - if something is wrong you'll notice quick enough. Let the relationship happen.

Oscar.

 

[tiburon]

different aproaches

Yeah and then one day she tells you after 3 years she wants to never spend time with the kids because of her job ..you guys disagree and all those 3 years for nothing...Compromising is part of a relationship....but something are too important to compromise..like kids..

Now this is something you would have to find out while still meeting her....this is the time to ask questions..people just ask stupid crap like would you ever bungee jump instead of finding out what type of person she is...You need to get each other well enough in the begining and set likes and dislikes not rules..so that there are not "OHH I didnt know " and does "ooh ididnt know" can destroy everything. You dont need to impose rules when you state your likes and dislikes and the things you dont tolerate, you must be willing to hear hers aswell, and discussing family plans could be done in a very mature way without having to assume you are planning to marry her one day.IT IS JUST GETTING TO KNOW HER. I always say if you take a big step into a committed relationship make sure you both agreed upon likes and dislikes and things you wouldnt want to be done towards you that will lead to a brake up. The opposite of this would be like taking a ride together in a car to Mexico but never checked if you had enough money for gas to make it there.

Tiburon

P>S NEVER IMPOSE RULES THOUGH

Tiburon

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by ANIRBAN
HI DJs,

When all of you are in a relatonship do you and your girlfriend have ground rules that both should not break ? Such as :

1) No male friends (unless boyfriend of her girlfried) can call her and have a personal/private conversation. Same applies to the DJs.

2) She has to cut off her crushes/previous dates after she enters into a relationship with you.

3) She can only go with her girlfriends if she is not going out with you. Or she can go out with only other couples..not with any "friend" whom might hit on her when you are not around.

4) How much transparency is required in the relationship? Does she has to share her day's experience how she got hit on by the Bank manager and how she finds him attractive..same applies to you..

I had a great relationship for the last three years and she followed all these ground rules. Should I expect them to be followed by the other girls with whom I will have future relationships?

If she LIKES you, she'll follow these "ground rules" anyway, without you having to explicitly spell them out. If you have to spell them out, it's because you're insecure with yourself. It sounds like you feel that any man this woman sees will instantly steal her away from you. Depending on the woman, this may actually make her MORE likely to flirt/mess with other guys, just because she knows she can manipulate your emotions by doing so.

Rules are boring and predictable. If she does something you don't like, just pull your attention away and make sure she knows why you're doing it. She'll get the idea and either stop doing what you don't like her to do, or find another man who will let her do it...which is HER loss, not YOURS.

You're trying to set rules for her...really, the rules should be for YOU. Example, instead of, "She can't flirt with other guys," something like, "If I see her getting too flirty with a guy friend, I will withhold attention/leave/NEXT her/flirt with other girls." You can't control her actions. She can decide to obey or disobey your rules, even if you sit there and make them all day. All you control is yourself.

This is the 21st century...men don't OWN women any more and they can't legislate for them. A woman will do what she wants...you just have to make sure what she WANTS is YOU.

 

[tiburon]

good point

Excellent point why you shouldnt impose rules.! Great squirrel

Tiburon

 

[Longview]

heres a good tip for ya, print out like 25 copies of those rules and hand them out in pubs/clubs.

See how many numbers you get after that.

 

[NewMan]

Rules?

I agree - those rules are ridiculous. What quality woman in her right mind is going to except this kind of thing in a LTR?

We are DJ's - that means we are confident and have a high self esteem - we don't need to be laying down ground rules such as:

No male friends....

Are you serious?

If she's a quality woman, she won't be placing you in an uncomfortable situation. You can't expect her to not have a past - or to one day drop any friends she has just because she's dating you. Now, if someone is hitting on her, I agree thats different. But unless thats happening, you should give her the respect and space she deserves.

If you don't like the way she's acting - you can get out. Rules like these would never work, they will build resentment in the relationship - and it's only going to make things worse. Tell someone they can't do XYZ, and they are going to do it.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Ridiculous is right

Yep, the more I read this, the more crazy I think it is. Seriously guys, how insecure are you?

*sigh*

Oscar.

 

[NewMan]

Ex boyfriends.

My advice on this is not to be OK with your GF seeing an ex.

If a guy has fvcked a girl previously, generally they think they have a ticket to fvck her again. There's nothing to be gained by having her see her ex - so it's not something I'd give my thumbs up to.

Exception.... My Ex GF saw her ex on a number of occasions, and this was fine by me. The reason, was that her was such a AFC. Plus he was one stupid son of a *****. My ex would tell me stories about him - and I just would not believe my ears. He would come around to her work, just to show her a car he had bought (it was a piece of **** - this is the kind of guy who purchased a car at sticker price and I'm talking about a mercury). I really had no problems with this, because I new there was no way that my Ex would ever let him come near her again.

So, there are always exceptions.

 

[John11276]

Having To State Rules Is BS Man. Paronaid, Low-Self Esteem, Depressed, Psycho are all the traits that people I know that have rules posses. If you feel you have to set up rules then you are not meant for that person and you are actually locking yourself into some more stress. You sound like one of those "bich where's my dinner" kind of freaks.

 

[Oxide]

i agree with oscar, the poster sounded like he was really afraid of his girl cheating.


I guess my rule is : do a dumbass thing and ill call you on it, be a whiny attention ***** and ill call you on it, start thinking you are better than me and im gone.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

I have rules similar to the ones that you people are discussing, however they don't come up unless the girl breaks one.

If I only had a nickle for every time I heard about a woman who broke up with her man only to start dating her male "friend" who she knew for months or years, but insisted that she didn't like him in that way.

I caught my gf chatting w/ my buddy for 1 hour (!) on my cell phone (they didn't know that I could tell how many minutes they chatted). I called him on it and he said that they only talked for 5 minutes. I almost lost a friend over it, so they no longer chat.

As for girlfriends who go to bars and get drunk w/ their girlfriends - fuggedabouit. They hook up just as often as guys. Almost guaranteed. Sure, you have your exceptions, but more women than you think do that **** - I know b/c my buddy hooks up with married women and women w/ bf's all the time at bars.

Cheers!

 

[NewMan]

Chewy,

Not all women are alike... Not all women who go out to have fun with their GF's are going to cheat on you. You got to find the right one.

That's why I say, don't even think about getting into a LTR unless your at least 25. Anything younger is asking for trouble.

 

[ANIRBAN]

eASY on me gUYS

Hello there,

One point I want to clear is that I have never laid out or discussed any such rules with any of the ladies that I had a LTR. It was just that one fine women was really dedicated to me and had followed all these guidelines voluntarily and maybe kind of spoiled me.

I dont have a low self esteem ..just that I wanted to compare whether your LTR has similar characteristics or not. Thanks for all your inputs...

Cheers