Round 2, making sure I don't F up again!

[Pimp-sicle]

There is good advice here, but one thing I want to point out and make you realize is NEVER EVER think there are RULES when it comes to the game and dating.

The only rule I follow is: There are no rules!

Now its important to understand that all of what you read here and incorporate into your game is meant to be a guideline to help your transformation from clueless noob to Don Juan.

If someone says "don't text between dates because XYZ happened last time and it messed up the attraction;" that doesn't mean texting between dates is ALWAYS a no-no. Instead look at it as this; "MY texting between dates sucks right now. Something I'm saying or indirectly communicating is killing the attraction, this is a new skill I need to learn."

Or the kissing question you had when you see her. You have to learn to look at each situation as its own unique animal.

Since you met this girl @ a party and were basically all over her, it would be good game strategy to try and get to know her on the date you go on. This will help her to feel more comfortable around you and since I'm guessing you guys aren't going to be drunk like you were at the party, its fitting for the dynamic you are in.

The reason everyone here suggested NOT kissing her right off the bat is you want to make the girl wonder about you. Yes she knows your interested, but girls are so unsure, that they over-analyze everything when they are into someone.

If it were me, I'd def make sure I kiss her @ some point on the date, but I wouldn't do it right off the bat or wait til the end of the date. I'd do it somewhere in the middle, this will make her more comfortable and if she enjoyed it, could lead to much more later that night or the next time you two hang out.

Your doing fine, she's interested, she called to let you know she can't make it. She counter offered (and very generously said any other day this week, because she has high interest) and that's all you need to know.

If she's hanging out with another dude, who cares. You should be hanging out with other girls.


Your good, have fun and don't over-think.









PIMP

 

[spiegel549]

My date is texting my buddy..what to make of it?

Pimp-sicle Could use your guidance brother, or anyone else please!

So our date is set up for tomorrow.

All of a sudden at 8pm I get a phone call from this broad...I answer and it sounds like she is "butt dialing" me.

I text and say "Hey you called me, whats up?" She responds 2 hours later and says "Sorry I am horrible with this phone, butt dial "

I didn't respond I was almost asleep....now my buddy JUST calls me...and goes dude that girl your taking on a date tomorrow has been hitting me up all day....I said tell me more?

Basically he got her number 2 weeks ago. (No physical contact or anything ever happened) and randomly today she texts him and asks for a ride to school, sending smiley faces etc.

He responds with "I can't I am already in class etc"

She sends some other text that he couldn't understand (because she is spanish and is not very good with english) so he goes "huh what did you say lol." Now she responds to him a little after butt dialing me telling him she is not very good with english and needed a ride, and asked what he is doing? and he said to her "Nicole are you flirting with me?" (knowing she has a date with me tomorrow)

and she responds with "Maybe. I will leave that for you to figure out."


Now fellow brothers.....I know she isn't my GF...we had a make out session, a little tit grabbing, and she seems highly interested in me if you read the previous posts..but whats up with the texting my friends??? I know she has every right to text any guy she wants because I am a nobody to her right now, but why is it bothering me lol??

Why do you think she is hitting my buddy up?

Advice please!

 

[cordoncordon]

Date was set up for tonight. and I got a 9am call from her while driving to work. I answered..

Me: Hola Nicole como estas? (hello how are you)
Her: Hola Tom muy bien y tu?
Me: I'm great but thats all the spanish I know so don't ask me anything else in spanish.
Her: haha okay, you are very good at it!
Me: So whats up?
Her: You are going to hate me....but I can't go out with you tonight...
Me: Okay no problem, why whats up?
Her: My friend that was suppose to come over he...err she was suppose to come in on the train last night but she is coming tonight instead..
Me: Okay maybe another time (about ready to end the call)
Her: But! any other day this week pick a day and I will come see you!
Me: Well I am really busy the rest of the week...I have a lot of plans, but hmmm...the only day I can do is Thursday, are you free?
Her: Thursday I usually go out with my girlfriends but I want to go out with you instead!
Me: Okay what time are you out of class?
Her: 330.....
Me: Okay ill pick you up at 430..
Her: Okay great! I am really looking forward to this!
Me: Yeah we will have fun, have a good time with your friend, see you tomorrow at 430.
Her: Ok Tom have a great day!
Me: You too, bye.


1.) When she canceled I could of SWORN she said her friend HE and then briefly corrected to SHE...I know I heard HE at first...now maybe he/she is a legit friend, she isn't my girl in anyway so who cares right? So some other guy is laying pipe with her maybe...she isn't my girl, but what do you think?

2.) She canceled but then counter offered...what do you think of how I handled the overall situation??

**I was smooth as silk while talking, calm, cool, and when she canceled really played off that I might not be able to see her until next week, but I threw thursday out there.

Odds are high she cancels for this date as well. Odds are also high the "he" she is referring to is another guy she is seeing/dating.

 

[cordoncordon]

Pimp-sicle Could use your guidance brother, or anyone else please!

So our date is set up for tomorrow.

All of a sudden at 8pm I get a phone call from this broad...I answer and it sounds like she is "butt dialing" me.

I text and say "Hey you called me, whats up?" She responds 2 hours later and says "Sorry I am horrible with this phone, butt dial "

I didn't respond I was almost asleep....now my buddy JUST calls me...and goes dude that girl your taking on a date tomorrow has been hitting me up all day....I said tell me more?

Basically he got her number 2 weeks ago. (No physical contact or anything ever happened) and randomly today she texts him and asks for a ride to school, sending smiley faces etc.

He responds with "I can't I am already in class etc"

She sends some other text that he couldn't understand (because she is spanish and is not very good with english) so he goes "huh what did you say lol." Now she responds to him a little after butt dialing me telling him she is not very good with english and needed a ride, and asked what he is doing? and he said to her "Nicole are you flirting with me?" (knowing she has a date with me tomorrow)

and she responds with "Maybe. I will leave that for you to figure out."


Now fellow brothers.....I know she isn't my GF...we had a make out session, a little tit grabbing, and she seems highly interested in me if you read the previous posts..but whats up with the texting my friends??? I know she has every right to text any guy she wants because I am a nobody to her right now, but why is it bothering me lol??

Why do you think she is hitting my buddy up?

Advice please!

Oh wait I didn't even realize this was you. I just responded to your other thread.

Yes, I think she is hitting up your buddy. Yes I think she is seeing other guys.

Should any of this matter to you? Only if she knows that you and your buddy are friends. If not? Then she can date whomever she wants, whenever she wants, as long as she is not exclusive.

Now, I would not try to go out of my way to date this girl. If she wants to go out, let her contact you from now on. And you could even play a game with your buddy on who gets to bang her first. But as far as anything long term or bf/gf? Forget about it. She is not gf material. Just have fun with her and move on.

 

[spiegel549]

Man I am torn up tonight please set me straight...

My fellow brothers....I experienced something tonight that was not too fun lol...please set me straight and tell me what I need to do to man the **** up and deal with this situation...

I go to pick up my date for tonight....she texts me "Ill cya tonight." I show up at her house around 5pm....she calls me and says "I am on my way down give me 5 minutes." Literally 15 minutes go by....I call, no answer......10 more minutes...I call...no answer....she ****ing texts me saying...

"Tom I am so so so so sorry but I ran into my ex at my door...I know this is the 2nd time I am bailing on you please don't hate me!"

I was ****ing FLOORED....but I wrote back and said "If you have problems with your ex you need to handle it, its too bad I had a great night planned for us, maybe another time."

She responds "I knoww I am so so sorry I have never had something like this happen to me before...can i call you later? I just need to cool down a bit."

By then I called by buddies and they invited me to a bar so I wrote back "lol I am glad you have things under control but I am going to bar with some friends I'll call you later."

Later that night I got seriously HAMMERED...I called her...no answer...

Guys set me straight here....I was literally sitting outside her ****ing apartment..she said OMW down...then pulls this ex popped up at her door ****??? WTF!? Her ex lives next door to her?? What are the chances lol...How to handle this ****??

Say I just want to **** her from here on out..should I reach out again??

 

[flashpoint]

"Tom I am so so so so sorry but I ran into my ex at my door...I know this is the 2nd time I am bailing on you please don't hate me!"

I was ****ing FLOORED....but I wrote back and said "If you have problems with your ex you need to handle it, its too bad I had a great night planned for us, maybe another time."

why you being nice?

i think this is similar to the other story where you forgot to make a move. seems like you rather do not want to upset them and they start to walk over you(r interests). and the biggest issue i think is when you are bothered to act like you werent. i know i know they say you cant let them see that they got to you, but that is BS because OF COURSE she will assume that you are angry and you trying to hide that fact makes you look weak. or you were just feeling hurt, well then you should know that you are attaching too much importance to her and you should start looking for some action elsewhere.

anyways, whatever comes next has to come from her. and you really need to have them work for your appreciation, just because she has a vagina with a nice face/butt/set of boobs going with it doesnt give her the right to waste your time or play with your feelings.

 

[cordoncordon]

You don't "handle" anything. You delete her number and never talk to her again.

Period.

IF you do talk to her again? You are a spineless, bonerless, pitiful little man who deserves everything you get in regards to being played by women.

Show some respect for yourself man. You were already too nice to her about the situation.

 

[Igetit!]

You don't "handle" anything. You delete her number and never talk to her again.

Period.

IF you do talk to her again? You are a spineless, bonerless, pitiful little man who deserves everything you get in regards to being played by women.

Show some respect for yourself man. You were already too nice to her about the situation.

+1 rep.

If you're still trying to date this girl after all the sh1t she's pulled,you need more help than this forum can provide.

 

[NewAndImproved]

It's interesting, spiegel, that you sound angrier in this post than you did in person at the time. At least you're saying things like "she @$()%ing texted me" in this post, realizing what a blatant sign of disrespect this was.

In person, in real time, you actually responded to her texts messages...


And then on top of that when she said "can I call you later?" you instead for some reason put the onus back on yourself and said "lol I am glad you have things under control but I am going to bar with some friends I'll call you later."

Why???

The only response to all of this should have been silence.

I don't think you're a "nice guy." No one is really. You can be a "good guy." A "nice guy" is just someone who's afraid of conflict and expressing his opinion in the moment, only to feel bitter, frustrated and confused later.

Like here.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey, congratulations on the rejection, friend!

I know, I know, you're thinking to yourself, "WTF?!? Congratulations?? This guy's out of his mind!"

But no, really - just because things didn't go your way with this girl doesn't mean you should see it as a failure. Anytime you go through something that allows you to learn something, you should be grateful for the lessons it teaches you - especially since you'll now be able to look out for certain things in the future.

Here's a few things you should have caught during this time:

1. ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCT. When she said "he... err, she," and you thought it may mean she was cancelling on you to see another guy, YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOURSELF. This goes for just about anything involving a girl - if you feel she may be lying to you; if you think she might be cheating; if you think she's not really having a good time on a date - 9 times out of 10, that first thought you have is usually the correct one.

2. IF SHE CANCELS FOR ANY REASON OTHER THAN A DEATH, SHE'S USUALLY NOT INTERESTED. Even if her "friend coming into town a day late" excuse was valid, an interested girl would have still managed to find a way to see you. She could have said "my friend's coming in late, so let's go out earlier or later."

3. WEAK COUNTER-OFFERS = NO INTEREST. Again, if she really wanted to go out with you, she would have said "I can't make Wednesday, how about Friday?" Not "pick a day, any day!" That's her basically saying "pick any day you want, and I'm still going to cancel." No bueno.

4. HER FLIRTING WITH OTHER GUYS = NO INTEREST, OR POSSIBLY ATTENTION WH0RE. In either case, once your friend told you she was flirting with him, it was a WRAP. I know guys on here talk about girl also trying to spin plates, but in reality they're not built like us. Guys, by nature of the fact that we're the ones who insert into them, have the build where we can freely screw a bunch of girls with little emotional attachment. Girls, because they have to "invite" a guy inside of them, don't have this luxury. They may TEASE a bunch of guys, but when they find one they're interested in they're not trying to spread their interest out in divided ways. (Note: this is in reference to clinically sane girls - yes, there are slvts out there but they're not relationship material.)

5. UNTIL YOU'VE GONE OUT WITH A GIRL AT LEAST 10 TIMES, DON'T GET EMOTIONALLY INVESTED. Think about it: you're broken up over a girl you made out with at a party and didn't even get to take out?? Dude, you don't even really know her! You could have gone on the date with her and she could've been a total a-hole the whole time! You don't know - and that's the point: you don't know her, so there's no reason to be all upset. Yes, be mad that she cancelled, but don't be mad 'cause you're not someone you haven't gotten to know yet!

6. Lastly - and this is very important - LEARN TO READ THE TELL-TALE SIGNS EARLY ON THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE HIGH INTEREST. I've been in this game a while so I read these things early. In reading your story, had it been me and I had gone in for the kiss and she turned her head that first time, I'd know I was dead in the water. That was sign number 1. Sign number 2 was when she had to take her friends home and didn't inquire if she could come over later, or if you wanted to follow her so you two could hang out after she got them home. Yes, girls that are interested WILL do something like this.

But hey, you don't learn these things until you actually go through them, which is why I'm congratulating you. Now that you've experienced all this stuff, you'll know to look out for it next time!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I completely agree with the others.

When she canceled the first time, it seemed legit since she called on her own, counter offered and seemed to be genuinely interested in seeing you.

However, this time.... this time she crossed the line. Who does that???

This girl, like many other girls is a people pleaser. She doesn't know how to say no. She's too concerned with what other people think of her, so rather than being up front and honest, she tries to say yes to everyone so they all think she's great. Its a flawed strategy because in the end she will always end up disappointing someone.

In this case you messed up twice.

1) You let her off the hook so easily when she bailed on you. I don't think you should've yelled at her or anything like that; but you shouldn't have been so understanding and accommodating.

The best thing to do would have been to not reply when she canceled.


2) No drunk dials bro! This makes you look weak in this situation. Esp because all you did was have a drunk make out grope sesh with her @ a party.

Remember making out with a girl in general is not a big deal; making out with a drunk chick is something that shouldn't even be thought of as a strong IOI because its so common.

Your problem here is you got emotional before you closed the deal with this girl.

You were being understanding because you want to see her again, but what you lost sight of was your self-respect. She's walking all over you now and you shouldn't tolerate it.

Cut her now, don't answer any of her texts period. She might hit you up if you stop calling/texting her trying to set something up, or she might not.

You need to take a page out of her book and start meeting more girls.









PIMP

 

[spiegel549]

Great advice from all of you!

My brothers, I thank you for rattling me out of my beta moment. I agree with everything you all said. Harry, New & Improved, Igetit!, cordoncordon, flashpoint, pimp, thank you for smacking my beta ass out of it.

I am glad I experienced this crap so next time around I can handle myself more appropriately as an Alpha male, not a beta *****.

Bottom line I was excited, you know new hot chick to take out, possibly some fun sex, but then I turned beta on my ass and she ends up slapping me with that horse **** excuse when I arrive at her pad.

You know deep down my FIRST instinct, was to write to her "You are a horrible person to make someone drive to your home and then pull this ****." delete her number, never talk to her again.

Instead I had a ***** moment were I realized I am going to run into this girl multiple times in the future at parties, and didn't want it to be awkward. I started weighing out what to say, and ended up being the "good guy."

I understand I should of picked up these signs and went with my instincts like Harry said, but I moved forward and got kicked in the nuts.

So for the future, if I am ever in a situation were a woman is playing games like this, and I will have to see her at future events, is there anything wrong with putting her in her place and moving on? Or should I handle it more with the "don't respond, move on." course of action?

Thanks guys!

EDIT

Just to add guys, getting re introduced to this college scene has been mind ****ing me. Going from talking up 25-28 year old women at the bar and going to 18-21 year old college girls has thrown me off course. I see all my college buddies with these hot little girls chasing them down because they don't take theses girls on dates, they aren't overly nice to them, they just PARTY with them and thats it. They don't give a **** and these college girls line up to sleep with them. Is this something to consider? Really not to take any girl out until she has really proven herself to be worth it? Just party with them, **** them, and not get attached?

 

[\O/]

Just accept that flaking is a huge part of the dating game. Girls will cancel dates more often than not in my experience.

I just dated a girl for 5 weeks and thought everything went well. I called and set up a new date for last saturday. She texted me on friday and cancelled without counter offering. I replied with a simple ok and cut my losses. I started to like this girl on an emotional level, but i will never contact her again. She blew it.

Last saturday i took home a beautiful girl i met in a bar. We had a ons and had a great time. I called her up on wednesday to set up a date for today. She was laughing and in a god mood on the phone and accepted the date. Today around noon, i got a text from her. When the phone vibrated in my pocket, i knew instantly that it was her cancelling. She told me that her parents was visiting her this weekend, but that they were supposed to come on saturday. Now they had decided to come today instead. A pretty decent excuse, but no counteroffer was made. So, in my head i've already pretty much nexted this girl as well.

I replied with" no problem. Good excuse, so i'll give you one last chance Some other time. Have fun with your parents."

I'll call her again next week to try to set up a new date, but at this point i'm indifferent. Don't give girls too many chances. Protect yourself and like Harry W. said, don't get emotionally involved before you get to know the girl.

Even after you have successfully set up a date, you are not home free. Probably over 50% of the time will she cancel on you. Girls are afraid of giving you a clear no, so they accept and get out of it later. Same way that they give out their numbers just to ignore you later on.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Just accept that flaking is a huge part of the dating game. Girls will cancel dates more often than not in my experience... Even after you have successfully set up a date, you are not home free. Probably over 50% of the time will she cancel on you. Girls are afraid of giving you a clear no, so they accept and get out of it later. Same way that they give out their numbers just to ignore you later on.

Exactly. I'm going to do a longer post about this, but in short: girls are not in the habit of saying "no" directly, for a plethora of reasons I'll get into when I do my post.

At any rate, although it feels like it when they do it, it's really no big deal. You thought she was interested, and she wasn't - saves you time, and makes you available to find someone else.

What I have found is, there's really no need to address it. Especially if you only contacted them a couple of times, when you run into them again there's no need to make a big stink about it. I find it actually f--ks with their head more when you do NOT bring it up - it's like something goes off in their heads like "hey, how is he not upset that I cancelled on him? I'm ME - he should still be sulking about it!"

Ironically, this usually ends up making them want to set something up with me, or say "hey, we should do something sometime, hit me up!" Sometimes I do, most times I don't - and if I do hit them up, it's with the understanding that, should they flake on me, it's not a surprise and I usually have something else planned to do so it won't affect me either way.

Basically, it boils down to not taking girls so personally. The more you become willing to accept the fact that (a) not all girls are going to like you, even if you think they do, and (b) that the ones that flake on you aren't worth your time in the first place, the easier it is to laugh off when they cancel and move on.

Plus, again, you're saving time AND money by NOT taking out a girl who's not that into you - if anything, you should be THANKING these women when they run into you. At least they're not using you for your money or faking to like you just for the sake of saying they're getting taken out!

 

[omega05]

You are NOT gonna "put her in her place" the next time you run into her. You're gonna go about your business and be the new found man that you are

 

[spiegel549]

You are NOT gonna "put her in her place" the next time you run into her. You're gonna go about your business and be the new found man that you are

I have seen the light. Spiegel is going to have a 180 transformation and start acting like the ****ing Alpha Male that he is.

Brothers I thank you for waking my ass up. DONE.

 

[spiegel549]

This broad begs me to forgive her

Brothers. I have been re born into a DJ don't give a flying **** ****ing machine. You all opened my eyes to really not giving a **** about worrying over 1 woman because there are SOOO many broads out there why dwell on just one...but a very unexpected event happened tonight...

So you remember I drove to this *****es house, she pulls some horse **** excuse and flakes as I am sitting in my car waiting for her to come down. Since that I deleted her number, stopped giving a ****, and started banging other girls. (2 this weekend) EPIC recovery for my personal record!

So tonight I get a phone call....I recognized the number..(that flakey chick) I ignored it and an hour later I said....WTF let me call her back JUST FOR KICKS! Because seriously I don't give a **** now.

I answer: Not word for word but summed up

Me: Hello
Her: Hi Tom...before you say anything I just wanted to say I am so sorry for what happened last time...that is not me, and I was dealing with my ex and long story short I want to make it up to you.
Me: Oh yeah, you wanna make it up to me? How you going to do that?
Her: Tom I am being really honest with you...it was all bad timing, I have a lot going on and I want to see you..please let me take you out.
Me: Hmmm...I don't know if I MAYBE say yes...are you going to tell me a plane crashed into your apartment 10 minutes before we get together?
Her: haha no! I am serious please let me make it up to you!
Me: I will tell you what. IF I say yes to this, YOU are picking me up, YOU are taking me to dinner and paying.
Her: How about I come over your place and I make you dinner and we can put on some music and we can dance like when we first met..
Me: Ok. Fine. But I promise you this. If you give me any bull**** excuse, anything at all. I will keep your number deleted, and you will never hear from me again.
Her: Deal.....so yes?
Me: Fine, wednesday 8pm you come to my place, ill send you directions.
Her: Ok Tom! Thank you! Wednesday it is...



Ok so heres were I am at. I don't give a **** if she shows or doesn't. I already have other plates spinning. I already have other dates for other women set up. I figure IF and such a HUGE HUGE ****ing IF she comes over...I think it is safe to say that I am going to **** the **** out of her until she can't walk for a month...

What do you think about her reaching out and doing this? Keep in mind I understand I can never date this girl, but gaining another **** buddy would be grand.

Opinions please!

 

[Trump]

Me: Hello
Her: Hi Tom...before you say anything I just wanted to say I am so sorry for what happened last time...that is not me, and I was dealing with my ex and long story short I want to make it up to you.
Me: Oh yeah, you wanna make it up to me? How you going to do that?
Her: Tom I am being really honest with you...it was all bad timing, I have a lot going on and I want to see you..please let me take you out.
Me: Hmmm...I don't know if I MAYBE say yes...are you going to tell me a plane crashed into your apartment 10 minutes before we get together?
Her: haha no! I am serious please let me make it up to you!
Me: I will tell you what. IF I say yes to this, YOU are picking me up, YOU are taking me to dinner and paying.
Her: How about I come over your place and I make you dinner and we can put on some music and we can dance like when we first met..
Me: Ok. Fine. But I promise you this. If you give me any bull**** excuse, anything at all. I will keep your number deleted, and you will never hear from me again.
Her: Deal.....so yes?
Me: Fine, wednesday 8pm you come to my place, ill send you directions.
Her: Ok Tom! Thank you! Wednesday it is...

What do you think about her reaching out and doing this? Keep in mind I understand I can never date this girl, but gaining another **** buddy would be grand.

Opinions please!

The message seems right but your tone is angry. If she pulls any bs on you, you will delete her number? Shows you are emotionally involved with her which is what she wants. Also doesn't affect her if you delete her number.

She only cares about 1) her ego, and 2) that you aren't getting action from someone who is not her. If you hit her on any of these two, she'll wake up. So if she is coming to your place, make sure you get some action, dance and dinner wont cut it.

 

[flashpoint]

Me: Hmmm...I don't know if I MAYBE say yes...are you going to tell me a plane crashed into your apartment 10 minutes before we get together?
Her: haha no! I am serious please let me make it up to you!
Me: I will tell you what. IF I say yes to this, YOU are picking me up, YOU are taking me to dinner and paying.
Her: How about I come over your place and I make you dinner and we can put on some music and we can dance like when we first met..

i for one like the angry tone. and judging from the part above it worked pretty well. if you make an offer and she counters with a better one, you must be doing something right.

good 4 u! keep it real. (i mean that)

 

[spiegel549]

i for one like the angry tone. and judging from the part above it worked pretty well. if you make an offer and she counters with a better one, you must be doing something right.

good 4 u! keep it real. (i mean that)

I agree. I know reading the text it sounds like I was this angry jerk that was so bothered by what she did but I wasn't. I was more blunt & just REAL, with a sarcastic tone.

I spoke like I didn't care, which I don't now lol. In my mind she already failed the "girl to date" tests, but if she really wants to "make it up to me" and this isn't going to be another flake. She can drive to me, she can do all the work and I will try to sleep with her and thats it.

You know at the end of the day I understand the mindset of the DJ is really not giving a ****. Not letting 1 woman get under your skin, being REAL and being yourself. I called her out on her **** and her reaction numerous times was "please let me make it up to you."

She is determined to do that for whatever reasons EGO or making sure I'm not sleeping with other girls (too late) haha. but lets see what happens..