Roommate Driving Me Nuts!

[Pimp-sicle]

Hey all,

Okay so here's the situation. I OWN a very nice 2 bedroom condo. I lucked out and put an ad on Craigslist and found a great roommate right away and he's been living with me for over a year and a half now.

We get a long great, he's a pretty cool guy and as far as a person goes, he's a good guy. HOWEVER, he is starting to drive me up the wall with the little things he does around the place and I want to get your opinion on it to make sure I'm not over-reacting.

Keep in mind everything inside the place is mine, furniture, dishware etc. Here is a list of things he does that drives me insane!

-Eats and drinks at the coffee table (no big deal), but he ALWAYS puts his wet glass directly on the furniture when I've got coasters sitting RIGHT THERE!

-He's very rough with everything, he slams cabinets, the fridge, microwave etc. In fact he slams cabinets so loud that it wakes me up EVERY MORNING! What's even more ironic is he has asked me to try and be a little more quiet at night because the cabinets wake him up!!! Ever since he said that I'm extra quiet early in the morning or late at night. However he keeps on slamming $hit. You would think he would realize that since he even brought it up, or maybe he doesn't care? His gf was over one night and even mentioned to him to be a little more gentle with the cabinets.

-Rinses pots and pans and puts them back in the cabinets SOAKING WET! I've asked him nicely to please dry them off before he puts them away and he said "oh I didn't even realize." Yet he continues to do so.

-Throws the lint from the dryer on the side of the dryer instead of in the trash, which is two feet away! I asked not to do this a while ago and he said "oh I thought it just dissolved naturally once it hit the ground" LOL


-I'm 99% certain he broke the hinge on the cabinet that has the trash. Reason being it was working fine yesterday, I wake up this morning and see that he is home from work since apparently he got sick last night. Tells me he was up all night puking.. and now suddenly the hinge is loose? His explaination was "its been like that for a while."


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So I realize that I can't tell him every little thing because then it becomes over-bearing, but today was interesting, which is why I'm posting this thread.

He comes home from work and is in the kitchen and nicely asks me if I can start putting the blender top on the blender once I'm done using it (my blender recently broke and we use his). I said "no problem." I noticed last week that he had started throwing the lint on the side of the dryer AGAIN after being good about it for the past couple months. So I said:

"Hey bro, no more throwing lint on the side of the dryer." He got all defensive and goes "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, RELAX!" I stay calm and go, "it was an accident? I'm not trying to make this a big deal, just please don't do that anymore."

He gets all quiet, finishes cooking his dinner and then goes to his room and closes the door, like a little girl. I was going to go talk to him about it, but realized that I need to stand my ground.

Everything's cool as of now, but I don't feel like he is respecting my property. He has a great deal on rent and always pays on time, but I can't understand why he consistently does little $hit like this that anyone could see is just wrong.

Now to be fair, the only thing I've ever brought up is the dryer lint, rinsing your dish before you put it in the washer and not putting wet dishes in the cabinets. And maybe he doesn't realize that the other things piss me off, but a lot of this is common sense, unless I'm from a different planet.

How should I approach him about these issues? Put it this way, there's an old lady that lives on the first floor and she consistently gets upset with my roommate since he runs up the stairs heavy footed, its extremely loud and wakes her up. We are on the 3rd floor and I can hear him coming two floors below...

I have another friend that recently started inquiring about moving in and I'm tempted to let my current roommate know that if this doesn't improve then I'm going to look for a new roommate.


Any thoughts for those who have been in my shoes???



Thanks,



PIMP

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Pimpsicle,
I have never laughed so much since my Auntie Ada caught her Tvits in the clothes wringer.....look Mate I have lived with dozens of guys in group situations and I think you are just too close to each other,it is inevitable and not a big deal...anyway the Ladies you live with are worse and you lose half your assets if you show them the door....Familiarity breeds contempt,if you accept the inevitable knowing that the next guy you get could be worse then my advice is look at each of the little eccenticities that annoy and see if you can cut down on their effects...Ear Plugs,stick on cupboard bumpers,a cloth on the Table,a little container for the lint...the lint problem is interesting as is cleaning the Clothes Dryer inlet fan...I have not had a tenant in many years who can get the hang of it...At the end of the Day best do these little things yourself,and be thankful he pays the Rent....living with a Woman you will find it is the other way round,she will pick on your domestic standards.Good luck with Sharing it is the best option.

 

[ssj4halo]

lol. you might be overreacting. I was thinking more like you would say "He is always messy, he comes in house leaves his socks on the ground jacket on the coach, etc." He doesn't wash dishes at all and it piles up. He doesn't take the trash out, etc.

I think you are overreacting...especially with the coffee coasters. I would go mad if you constantly told me to make those small changes. However, if it really bothers you that much, deal with it. Tell him straight up. If he doesn't listen to you even though he is trying, then ditch him. I consider myself pretty clean, but coasters is a little too clean for me.

Anywho, if you got another friend waiting to move in and you know he is clean, switch that shiz up. It IS your property anyways. If you can make the small effort about the blender for him, he SHOULD do those small things back to you. Its only fair.

 

[Desert Fox]

I've never been in the exact same situation, but when I am 100% in control and someone is making my life hard, I will get rid of whatever is making my life difficult. I do not want a difficult life. So I will eliminate what is causing me unnecessary stress.

For example, some d1ck wad was using my bathroom in the building I live in. Two people share a bathroom and I know its not the other person I live with since they always flush for the past 2 years. Suddenly this D1ck wad starts using it and there's urine in there sometimes. Why is he using it? Because he says his neighbor is a woman who takes a long time and he can be late for work.

Ok that's reasonable and I would want someoen to help me if that were true for me. So I give him permission to use it and this crap starts happening.

3 strikes later I tell him he can't use our bathroom anymore and I take away our suite key from the *******.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Dear Pimpsicle,
I have never laughed so much since my Auntie Ada caught her Tvits in the clothes wringer.....look Mate I have lived with dozens of guys in group situations and I think you are just too close to each other,it is inevitable and not a big deal...anyway the Ladies you live with are worse and you lose half your assets if you show them the door....Familiarity breeds contempt,if you accept the inevitable knowing that the next guy you get could be worse then my advice is look at each of the little eccenticities that annoy and see if you can cut down on their effects...Ear Plugs,stick on cupboard bumpers,a cloth on the Table,a little container for the lint...the lint problem is interesting as is cleaning the Clothes Dryer inlet fan...I have not had a tenant in many years who can get the hang of it...At the end of the Day best do these little things yourself,and be thankful he pays the Rent....living with a Woman you will find it is the other way round,she will pick on your domestic standards.Good luck with Sharing it is the best option.

Glad I gave you some comic relief!! hahaha You bring up good points and since I have to fix the drawer I know he busted...lol, I'll get the rest of the $hit this weekend.

He is a good guy, but he admits to having a short fuse and over-reacting to little things. I think I've been pretty accomdating, but he is a good guy overall and I appreciate the heads up.



PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

lol. you might be overreacting. I was thinking more like you would say "He is always messy, he comes in house leaves his socks on the ground jacket on the coach, etc." He doesn't wash dishes at all and it piles up. He doesn't take the trash out, etc.

I think you are overreacting...especially with the coffee coasters. I would go mad if you constantly told me to make those small changes. However, if it really bothers you that much, deal with it. Tell him straight up. If he doesn't listen to you even though he is trying, then ditch him. I consider myself pretty clean, but coasters is a little too clean for me.

Anywho, if you got another friend waiting to move in and you know he is clean, switch that shiz up. It IS your property anyways. If you can make the small effort about the blender for him, he SHOULD do those small things back to you. Its only fair.

Actually he never takes out the trash, but I don't think that's a big deal.... LOL

I don't think I'm over-reacting with the coasters at all, the wet glass ruins the furniture if it happens a lot. If it didn't mess with the furniture I wouldn't give a fuvk...

I don't want to have to find another roommate and it isn't even close to the point at this moment where I'd actively go look for another roommate, but if this continues then yeah, he's on the outs.


Thanks for the input, I think if I take care of some of the things with a little visit to Home Depot this weekend, then a lot of it will be better.




PIMP

 

[Warrior74]

Compared to you I'm a complete dyck to my ex roommates who stayed in my apartment. I just told them what to do. I didn't whine, I ordered. "around here we don't do xyz, we do abc, just FYI bro." Pissed some of my friends right off, but I've had a family before and realized that if I didn't do that, things would just fall apart. I think you have a classic power struggle going on. Assume command. Someone always leads, someone always follows. Of course I could just be a dyck.

 

[Colossus]

PIMP-

Listen, if you own the place, you automatically have the upper hand. You have the power to kick him out at your discretion. In my opinion, he reacted a bit childishly. Granted the things that are annoying you are petty, but I've lived with roommates for over a decade and I know how little things add up. It can build so much resentment that stupid stuff like wet glasses on the table can make the tension at home unbearable. There is always a power struggle between two male roommates, until a pact is established or someone comes out dominant. It is possible to coexist as equals, more or less, but both guys have to be willing to check their ego.

I would advise you TELL him directly about the stuff he is doing, but don't be a d!ck about it. Just say, "hey man, I know you don't always realize, but can you do _____ from now on? I just don't want this to blow up into something bigger." If he gets all offended, cite that you have changed a few things for him. If he STILL acts offended, politely remind him that you own the house. That should be all you need to say.

I rent from my roommate who owns the apartment. We've had tiffs like this in the past, always over stupid petty cleaning sh!t. For a while I rebelled, but then I just accepted that I rent from this guy, and he has the power to boot me out without notice. Since I don't particularly want to move, I just suck it up and do the little cleaning sh!t he likes. In turn he is respectful about everything house-related.

Now don't get me wrong, if he was being a d!ck I would stand up to him, eviction or not. With roommates you just have to pick your battles. EVERYBODY I have ever lived with does some things that annoy me, and I'm sure I annoy them. Be respectful, but don't let them get away with disrespect because once they perceive they have dominance they will walk all over you.

 

[jophil28]

..found a great roommate right away and he's been living with me for over a year and a half now.

We get a long great, he's a pretty cool guy and as far as a person goes, he's a good guy. HOWEVER, he is starting to drive me up the wall with the little things he does around the place and I want to get your opinion on it to make sure I'm not over-reacting.

I don't think that you are overreacting at all.
You are entitled to have things to your liking in your own place.

This situation reminds me of several difficult people whom I have shared houses with over the years.

There are two levels of difficulty here.

The first is the irritation and the resentment that you feel when the other person acts carelessly and thoughtlessly or even damages your belongings, and he continues to do so..

The second is the annoyance (and even anger) that you feel when the other person ignores your requests to them not to continue with the offending behavior. This is where disrepect and devaluing of you and your wishes enters the picture, and this is where the real drama starts to take place.
You feel that your requests are fair and just, but the other person stubbornly continues to repeat the offending behavior, perhaps even in spite of their promises to mend their ways.
It is as if they have no regard for your wishes, no respect for your property, and no desire to make any effort to change their behavior which is causing you problems.

At this stage your repeated requests are usually met with sneers, contempt, ridicule and defensive accusations of nitpicking .
BY now your resentment is rising to a dangerously high level and you may start withdrawing from them, or avoiding them or only talking to them when you have to.

PIMP, your grievances are perfectly reasonable (as are your requests of him) and your annoyance is palpable.
Your resentment will not go away and your property will not be treated any better without some action of your part because the causes are still operating.

There are times when an ultimatum is required and this is one of them. You need to take your power back here and an ultimatum is the way. Either he complies or he ejects. Either way your control will be returned to you..
I think that you need to tell your boarder in no uncertain terms that you have reached the limits of your tolerance and that unless he shows respect for your wishes and carries them out consistenly that you will be renting his room.

Good luck with this, man.

 

[Von_S]

Reading the OP, I think you could copy and paste it to some Mom-blog about her sons and sloppy husband. If you own a place why have a roommate? Isn't the point of ownership having the ability to do what you want on your terms? If he's bothering you that much get rid of him.