(Part three in my ongoing series of near pointless ramblings about my infatuation with one of my roommates.)
At this point I can't tell if she's being a ****tease, or thinks she's ugly. She started taking antidepressants a week and a half ago. I asked why, and she eventually told me it was because she doesn't like herself. Thinks she's fat and old (she's only 26), she's a college dropout, and she doesn't like her job. She said something about being single too.
Friday night we were watching something on TV, and when the other roommate went over to her boyfriend's house, this girl started acting sort of strangely. I don't know if she was hinting that she wanted to go ****, or if she was reacting to the pills. I just sat on the couch and watched TV as she said she was going to bed. Had to get up early. Then she kept coming back out into the living room, where I was. At one point she just stood there, and awkwardly asked me if I liked living here. I think she stayed up for another like 2 hours watching TV in her room.
Last night was just depressing. We went over to a friend's house, and even though they were telling us it was cool if we crashed there, she whispered to me that she wanted to go home. Kept talking about how comfortable her bed is. So we get back here, hung out in the kitchen for a while trying to have a conversation, but it was mostly just awkward silence, broken up with her sighing. Then she said she had to go to bed. Pretty much a repeat of last saturday night. I heard her TV go on, and I think she was fingering herself.
She keeps staring at me. We'll be watching TV, and I see her out of the corner of my eye looking at me, then when I turn towards her she quick looks away. And the other night she asked me how long I thought it would be before I got bored of living with her.
I feel stuck. In spite of her recent instability, I still want to hit it hard. But I know how stong the potential is for things to spiral out of control later. So I've been trying to play it cool. Also, I have to wonder if things might be ok, but the only way to find out is to do something, soon.
At this point I can't tell if she's being a ****tease, or thinks she's ugly. She started taking antidepressants a week and a half ago. I asked why, and she eventually told me it was because she doesn't like herself. Thinks she's fat and old (she's only 26), she's a college dropout, and she doesn't like her job. She said something about being single too.
Friday night we were watching something on TV, and when the other roommate went over to her boyfriend's house, this girl started acting sort of strangely. I don't know if she was hinting that she wanted to go ****, or if she was reacting to the pills. I just sat on the couch and watched TV as she said she was going to bed. Had to get up early. Then she kept coming back out into the living room, where I was. At one point she just stood there, and awkwardly asked me if I liked living here. I think she stayed up for another like 2 hours watching TV in her room.
Last night was just depressing. We went over to a friend's house, and even though they were telling us it was cool if we crashed there, she whispered to me that she wanted to go home. Kept talking about how comfortable her bed is. So we get back here, hung out in the kitchen for a while trying to have a conversation, but it was mostly just awkward silence, broken up with her sighing. Then she said she had to go to bed. Pretty much a repeat of last saturday night. I heard her TV go on, and I think she was fingering herself.
She keeps staring at me. We'll be watching TV, and I see her out of the corner of my eye looking at me, then when I turn towards her she quick looks away. And the other night she asked me how long I thought it would be before I got bored of living with her.
I feel stuck. In spite of her recent instability, I still want to hit it hard. But I know how stong the potential is for things to spiral out of control later. So I've been trying to play it cool. Also, I have to wonder if things might be ok, but the only way to find out is to do something, soon.
