just a post about what happened to me , nothing i need input on just need to write it down to get some insight by myself i guess.
backstory :
Chinese girl moves in with me from march , has a boyfriend of 5 months but he left her behind in january to go travel around the world for 6 months.We kinda flirt here and there , i tell her she looks sexy she tells me i look handsome etc etc. we spend alot of time together. she makes me dinenr and lunch every day. i touch ehr alot give her backrubs just hold her in the chair etc when watchign movie. etc etc
So yesterday i took my roommate out for a birthday party of my friend , we both got really wasted , i flirted with like 5 different girls infront of her , girls were coming up to me and dancing with me wsitting on my lap etc etc. she was impressed with that.O..o?
but we decided to bail because i didnt like any of em. So on the walk back home she was holding my arm , and i asked her what if she didnt have a boyfriend would she want to go out with me. then she said i dont know and kept smiling . so i stopped her right there on the street and told her look at me , and just kissed her and we were making out for like a minute , then she hears some cars move by and then she says no theyl know that im drunk , i have a boyfriend i cant , so we keep walking back home. we sit on a bench and i ask her a second time if she didnt have a boyfriend would she feel something more for me ? and i kissed her again , she started giving me tounge. but again she says no i have a boyfriend i cant , lets just go back home.
after walking for ten minutes i got somewhat sober and i felt bad for kissing her because she has a boyfriend she loves and is my roommate so i said sorry for kissing her , and she was like noo we didnt kiss , and i tell her yeah i kissed you , and she says oh really ? dont think about it. lets just get back home.
when we walkign back home she asks me from when did i start liking her I tell her that ive had feelings for her for some time now , i know its wrong i know its a mistake but i cant help feel the way i feel. i told her how i wanted to treat her right that i wanted to travel around with her by my side etc etc not leave her behind. She started crying saying that she is sorry but she in love with her boyfriend. that im a great guy , im attractive im fun im handsome etc etc. but she just cant change her feelings for her boyfriend.
we get back home and we sit and talk for like 3 hours about what to do next. she asked if she should move out , but since i like her so much not as a girl but as a roommate i told her il get over her after some time , and i know its gonna be wierd for some days between us but il move on after some time. she starts saying she doesnt want ot move out she loves living with me , shes never had a better roommate before.
and she starts crying again saying she is cruel to me and hurts me and wants to make me happy but she cant do it , dont know how to do it.
I tell her its not her fault , its just how i feel about you right now , i just needed to know that i didnt have a chance so that i could move on. and i will move on itl take some days or weeks but il move on.
she says she not that pretty and shes silly that shes noone special. i tell her to never think that way about herself , i told her that she is beutiful and she is cute and sexy , and i love her legs and ass , and the greatest thing about her is her big heart , that she has a deep soul , she starts to cry again , saying shes sorry , shes is being so cruel to me etc etc.
i start to feel worse now , and i tell her sorry for kissing her that im a selfish bad person. she starts crying again saying no your not, your a great guy and your handsome and fun and attractive and you have a big heart etc etc .but i cant change my feelings for my boyfriend , and i know im being cruel to you. i know you would treat me better but i just love him now.im sorry etc etc.
we were there just hugging each other for like 3 hours and we went to our own bedrooms to go to sleep.
this morning it was a little wierd , she come out of her bedrrom im lying on the couch and she just asks me are you ok and then she starts crying again asking if she should move out. i start laughing and tell her il be fine, il feel worse if she moves out so she better just stay here and il learn to move on after some time.
guess thats it .... i feel stupid about telling her how i felt , but also i feel good that i can move on, now that i know for 100% that i dont have a chance .
backstory :
Chinese girl moves in with me from march , has a boyfriend of 5 months but he left her behind in january to go travel around the world for 6 months.We kinda flirt here and there , i tell her she looks sexy she tells me i look handsome etc etc. we spend alot of time together. she makes me dinenr and lunch every day. i touch ehr alot give her backrubs just hold her in the chair etc when watchign movie. etc etc
So yesterday i took my roommate out for a birthday party of my friend , we both got really wasted , i flirted with like 5 different girls infront of her , girls were coming up to me and dancing with me wsitting on my lap etc etc. she was impressed with that.O..o?
but we decided to bail because i didnt like any of em. So on the walk back home she was holding my arm , and i asked her what if she didnt have a boyfriend would she want to go out with me. then she said i dont know and kept smiling . so i stopped her right there on the street and told her look at me , and just kissed her and we were making out for like a minute , then she hears some cars move by and then she says no theyl know that im drunk , i have a boyfriend i cant , so we keep walking back home. we sit on a bench and i ask her a second time if she didnt have a boyfriend would she feel something more for me ? and i kissed her again , she started giving me tounge. but again she says no i have a boyfriend i cant , lets just go back home.
after walking for ten minutes i got somewhat sober and i felt bad for kissing her because she has a boyfriend she loves and is my roommate so i said sorry for kissing her , and she was like noo we didnt kiss , and i tell her yeah i kissed you , and she says oh really ? dont think about it. lets just get back home.
when we walkign back home she asks me from when did i start liking her I tell her that ive had feelings for her for some time now , i know its wrong i know its a mistake but i cant help feel the way i feel. i told her how i wanted to treat her right that i wanted to travel around with her by my side etc etc not leave her behind. She started crying saying that she is sorry but she in love with her boyfriend. that im a great guy , im attractive im fun im handsome etc etc. but she just cant change her feelings for her boyfriend.
we get back home and we sit and talk for like 3 hours about what to do next. she asked if she should move out , but since i like her so much not as a girl but as a roommate i told her il get over her after some time , and i know its gonna be wierd for some days between us but il move on after some time. she starts saying she doesnt want ot move out she loves living with me , shes never had a better roommate before.
and she starts crying again saying she is cruel to me and hurts me and wants to make me happy but she cant do it , dont know how to do it.
I tell her its not her fault , its just how i feel about you right now , i just needed to know that i didnt have a chance so that i could move on. and i will move on itl take some days or weeks but il move on.
she says she not that pretty and shes silly that shes noone special. i tell her to never think that way about herself , i told her that she is beutiful and she is cute and sexy , and i love her legs and ass , and the greatest thing about her is her big heart , that she has a deep soul , she starts to cry again , saying shes sorry , shes is being so cruel to me etc etc.
i start to feel worse now , and i tell her sorry for kissing her that im a selfish bad person. she starts crying again saying no your not, your a great guy and your handsome and fun and attractive and you have a big heart etc etc .but i cant change my feelings for my boyfriend , and i know im being cruel to you. i know you would treat me better but i just love him now.im sorry etc etc.
we were there just hugging each other for like 3 hours and we went to our own bedrooms to go to sleep.
this morning it was a little wierd , she come out of her bedrrom im lying on the couch and she just asks me are you ok and then she starts crying again asking if she should move out. i start laughing and tell her il be fine, il feel worse if she moves out so she better just stay here and il learn to move on after some time.
guess thats it .... i feel stupid about telling her how i felt , but also i feel good that i can move on, now that i know for 100% that i dont have a chance .