Roissy:Long term Relationships,bring out the worst in couples

[Scaramouche]

Chateau Hartiste,though not the comfortable refuge that this site offers,does have some good Posts....looking at the above Post I would draw your attention to this little Tit Bit...

"Science has something to say about the deleterious effects of marriage on the female body:
•Women in their teens and early 20s who continued to date but didn’t cohabitate gained an average of 15 pounds over five years; their male counterparts added about 24 pounds.
•Newly married women in that age group packed on 24 pounds in five years; newly married men gained 30 pounds.

That degree of gain wasn’t seen in couples who were living together but not married. Women gained 3 pounds more than their single peers — 18 pounds — and men gained 24 pounds."....

So there you are,Scientific proof,if you needed it,of the value in not letting them move in....Whilst the Women feel a certain insecurity in lacking the involvement of the State in their Relationship,they keep on their toes and are not as likely to pack on as much weight....Svexier too I would say.

 

[MikeBrown30]

I never read that post, thanks for making a topic about it. And on behalf of myself and 99% of other members here that read your posts Scaramouche, THANK YOU for discovering the Return/Enter button

 

[zekko]

That degree of gain wasn’t seen in couples who were living together but not married

Woo hoo! :rockon:

So there you are,Scientific proof,if you needed it,of the value in not letting them move in.

Nah, it sounds like it offers proof of the value of not getting married.
In cohabitating couples, the woman only gained an extra three pounds. Three pounds should be pretty much indiscernable, unless you're hyper obsessive.
The male gained no extra weight at all.

 

[speed dawg]

Or, you could get married, stay on top of your sh1t, keep yourself in shape, and the woman would likely follow suit.

I guess that's just too much work though.

All you Roissy die-hards are going to end up alone and depressed in your old age. Keep on thinking that there's no benefit to marriage. Don't get me wrong the guy's got some solid advice, but most of his stats are from people who haven't applied the advice he preaches, or similar. Some of his crap is over the top.

 

[lifeislearning]

Unfortunately there are confounding variables (ie: things that say the conclusion: cohabitation is healthier than marriage, may not be right) here fellas.

From a research perspective the relationship between marital status and weight gain is correlational NOT causeational. That means as couples marry, statistically they may be MORE LIKELY to gain weight, one DOES NOT cause the other. A similar correlational study links increasing years of marriage to male baldness. Does that mean longer marriages lead to male baldness?!!

No. That study shows baldness and lengthy marriages have one other thing in common also: old age. And unfortunately like the study mentioned in this post we can conclude that the results are purely due to the aging process. Older couples are MORE LIKELY to marry than cohabitate, and older people are also MORE LIKELY to weigh more than they did in their 20-30's, ie: their single years.

There is actually a huge collection of credible and fallacy free scientific research that clearly explains many phenomena we witness in the dating world. Most of it falls under the branch of Evolutionary Psychology, and most research in the field today deals with why we choose the mates (yes mates, not only marriage partners) we do. Check out the American Psychological Association's website, some really cool stuff on there
http://www.apa.org/index.aspx

 

[Tazman]

All you Roissy die-hards are going to end up alone and depressed in your old age. Keep on thinking that there's no benefit to marriage.

I like the site because it seems people get to the point a lot faster and there isn't a lot of PCness getting in the way. Anyone who gets easily offended would get eaten alive over there, lol, but I like that about it. You get some real thinkers who post there from time to time.

I've witnessed first hand in my own family, the fruits of marriage, and I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. If it means I end up alone, so be it (although I don't believe it will).

 

[Warrior74]

Or, you could get married, stay on top of your sh1t, keep yourself in shape, and the woman would likely follow suit.
I guess that's just too much work though.

Or, you could stay on top of your shi1t, keep yourself in shape, and not get married? Is that an option for life sir? Or is marriage the only option?

All you Roissy die-hards are going to end up alone and depressed in your old age. Keep on thinking that there's no benefit to marriage. Don't get me wrong the guy's got some solid advice, but most of his stats are from people who haven't applied the advice he preaches, or similar. Some of his crap is over the top.

LOL. Alone and depressed huh? Classic shaming is classic. Plenty of married and depressed guys out there. Plenty of divorced and depressed guys out there. Marriage doesn't cure what ails ya, but it can cause it if you let it.

There are benefits to everything, as well as drawbacks. Depends on the person doesn't it? Although I do agree, much of it is over the top, sometimes exaggeration makes for illumination.

Horses for courses, but shame on you for shaming people, marriage is not the only option. Cohabitation and dating are options. Celibacy is an option. Late life marriage is an option. It's a reason STDs are on the rise amongst the elderly...you know why? CAUSE THEY STILL HAVE SEX.

 

[Colossus]

Lifeislearning had a great take. The aforementioned "studies" dont show anything of novel value. Saying "Look! people who marry gain more weight! And those who dont gain less weight! Marriage makes women fat!" is a lot like saying people who eat hot dogs get cancer, but people who dont eat hot dogs get less cancer. Therefore, hot dogs must cause cancer.

It's a logical fallacy. I hate to be redundant, but correlation does NOT imply causation. You could make the correlation of marriage and unhappiness and "conclude" marriage causes unhappiness; not taking into account a hundred tangible and intangible variables.

Trying to stuff marriage into the binary equation of marriage= X is another logical fallacy. DECISIONS = X. Marriage is a big decision. It's an expensive decision that can be very hard to correct. It can result in some bad outcomes. But so can being single, buying a car, playing poker, or crossing the street.

 

[zekko]

Not a single woman with whom I ever carried an "extended relationship" IMPROVED her physical appearance.

Be fair though, Espi. How many women look better after a ten year period, married or not?

It's a logical fallacy. I hate to be redundant, but correlation does NOT imply causation.

I would say it like this: Marriage is a risk factor for weight gain.

I can see why it happens. You get content, you get comfortable, you eat out a lot, you get distracted with building a life together.
Compare that to the guy who has just been rejected for the fifth straight time. He's all "Dammit, I'm fed up, I'm hitting the gym hard now".

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Collossus,
"but correlation does NOT imply causation.".....Quite so,I agree with you.....

However,"Marriage is a big decision. It's an expensive decision that can be very hard to correct. It can result in some bad outcomes. But so can being single, buying a car, playing poker, or crossing the street."Here you are drawing a very long bow Collossus...all these analogies,involve the individuals own ability to protect himself,and Yes this occurs in selecting a Partner too,but buying a Car except in the very broadest context,doesn't involve the heavy hand of the State...

When a couple are young they are malleable,their ways are more flexible,one will bend to the will of the other...Work is a big deal,building a little nest and filling it with children is very important...as one ages,one changes,at my stage of life,the last thing I want is a Woman getting under my feet...

People raise the lonely Old Man Scenario....Yeah can be...One of my Sons is an interesting case in point....Boor little Bvugger got AML (Leukemia) usually that is good night Nurse....Thanks to the Providential intervention of some Christians who seemed able,it seems to dip into some mysterious conduit of healing out there,he defied the Doctors prognoses and is going very well after eight years....Unfortunately he received Chemotherapy that has now destroyed his Thyroid gland....Soo the artful dodger has latched himself onto a rich Family and is marrying the daughter...I don't blame him...

One of your Native Sons,Benjamin Franklin,wrote something very interesting about Old Age....Seems he thought all you can rely on,is a kind Old Woman,an old dog AND CASH AT THE BANK.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Roissy is too dark -- almost a psychopath in the way he views things -- I would wonder if this man has any real friends at all or just people he selfishly uses for his own entertainment.

Not EVERYTHING he writes is garbage -- and I have digested some of his information...there are subtle truths beneath some of it : but be careful of any prophet who claims to be the ultimate knower of anything...because life comes in many flavors and varieties...as do people and their emotional responses.

 

[speed dawg]

Horses for courses, but shame on you for shaming people, marriage is not the only option. Cohabitation and dating are options. Celibacy is an option. Late life marriage is an option. It's a reason STDs are on the rise amongst the elderly...you know why? CAUSE THEY STILL HAVE SEX.

I did not say that marriage was the only option, and I certainly did not aim to shame. I may not be the best with words, but my intent was to show that some of you may miss out on something very fulfilling because a hardened opinion due to reading too much Roissy or something. It's no secret that this board is largely against marriage. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

 

[speed dawg]

Hey Colossus all of the things you mention above involve risk, but marraige involves a 50% chance of failure--and you've already mentioned that marriage is expensive. So is divorce!

I don't think marraige is a wise investment for any man. For women, yes.

Honestly, 50% divorce rate in our culture probably isn't all that bad, seeing all the cuckolds I encounter daily. I myself used to be one. The basic information we seek on this site isn't mainstream, as you know. With all the advertising, etc. out there, it's amazing that men have held up 50% of the time.

I'm guessing if you educated all the men out there with what we know, and unplugged them from the matrix, that divorce rate would drop significantly. It's all due to MEN letting it happen. We still have the power here.

 

[zekko]

Honestly, 50% divorce rate in our culture probably isn't all that bad, seeing all the cuckolds I encounter daily. I myself used to be one. The basic information we seek on this site isn't mainstream, as you know. With all the advertising, etc. out there, it's amazing that men have held up 50% of the time.

I'm guessing if you educated all the men out there with what we know, and unplugged them from the matrix, that divorce rate would drop significantly. It's all due to MEN letting it happen. We still have the power here.

It's very, very common knowledge that the divorce rate is around 50%.
It's very, very common knowledge that men often get screwed when it comes time to divorce.
These are no deep, dark secrets that are part of some imaginary "matrix" that only the people on this forum are privy to know.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Going back to the debate about weight...

I mean look at American society -- I'm not sure everything about weight gain has to do with women letting themselves go, or men for that matter, but rather the sedentary nature of our society...people's metabolisms slow down...a lot of people DO NOT adopt a regular fitness plan...they were inherently thin, probably didn't monitor what they ate too heavily...these things can catchup to a person in their thirties or forties...but by no means do I believe all of those who get married are destined for the fatty mcfat train and McDonald's diets...it's all about choices.

Yes women whom go through pregnancy wear their bodies heavily in the process -- they have to ingest calories for two....and they get crazy hormonal cravings...it is not uncommon for there to be extra baggage while pregnant...but I really think a woman who values her body and her fitness will shed the baby weight...I don't think every woman who gets married believes it's okay to stop the elliptical and start eating cupcakes...

At least I know damn sure I'm going to keep my @ss in shape as long as I can...even if I'm some old 70 year old guy in the gym, fvck it. I hope my lady whomever she may be will share the same enthusiasm...and I hope to ingrain healthy eating into my future family (if this occurs) anyhow...

But I also think some on this forum can be so g0ddamned harsh at times -- I mean people fluctuate and struggle -- if you really love your woman and she treats you well, I don't think an extra 10lbs should kick her to the curb...if anything that is a great opportunity to take up an exercise regime and be a leader in the home...encourage her to join you.

Another thing you have to ask: what is that you ultimately value in the woman you are choosing? Is it ONLY the shape of her @ss? Would you still love her if she lost a finger?

I wonder sometimes how when people are selecting partners, if they are in essence, going through the same rationalizations when picking out a car....ooh this one is shinier and has more things...but in some ways that is so entirely superficial and fails to ever look at the internal landscape of a person or the shades of their heart and mind....and there are some truly amazing human beings out there inside and out.

This is what I am trying to become.

ps--you know I've seen a lot of studies where they show healthy LTRs actually bring out the best in people...they perform better at work...have greater self-confidence, etc...companionship I think is a fundamental human need.

 

[women haze]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Buddha_Mind again.


Thanks man everything you post is gold...!