Robert and Sally

[RKTek]

What will the outcome of this be?

Robert was from England, 24, and working in the US with a 6-month work visa when he happened to meet Sally, age 19 one summer. Sally was beautiful and elgantly hotttt, and could have posed for Playboy. They dated a few times and then saw each other exclusively for the next 6 months. Robert had to go back to England while Sally began college in the U.S. and they kept up a long distance relationship for the next 4 years. Occasionally Robert would fly to see Sally in the US, or he'd arrange for her to visit him there and spent one summer with him touring Europe.

Although they casually dated others during the 4 years, everyone felt they were truly in love. Especially Robert. But just before graduating from college, Sally wrote an email then later telephone Robert to tell him that she'd met someone else, that Robert was a 'nice guy', but that she found this new guy "Jimmy" to be more exciting. Everyone that met Jimmy thought he was a loud, aggressive, low-class jerk with a shady past, who rode a Harley.

As soon as he heard Sally's attempt at break-up, Robert hopped on the first available flight to the U.S., confronted Sally and begged her to reconsider. He was able to talk her into staying with him and they were married a few months later.

They've been married for 8 years. However, reports are that Sally does not really respect Robert, and that she's threatened to divorce him several times but they generally work it out. She's occasionally gone on extended holidays without him, once going to other countries and visiting old friends and family for 8 weeks, with Robert catching up to her and joining on the holiday later when he could get off of work.

I met this couple through a mutual friend this past weekend while I was on holiday at a beach near here. Their friend told me of their relationship and how it got started.

Any comments on what you think is going on in this relationship and a possible outcome?

 

[Bungo Pony]

If she isn't already, she's probably going to cheat on Robert with another "Jimmy". It sounds to me like Sally married Robert out of pity. This just goes to show that if you're pathetic enough, a chick will go for an AFC if she feels sorry enough for him.

 

[ShortTimer]

I think Robert will be ok in the marriage if he accepts that his wife will be taking it in the pvssy from other men.

Originally posted by RKTek
Although they casually dated others during the 4 years, everyone felt they were truly in love. Especially Robert.

I think what really happened here is that Sally slept around and Robert had to pretend he was doing the same so he could have some pride.

But just before graduating from college, Sally wrote an email then later telephone Robert to tell him that she'd met someone else, that Robert was a 'nice guy', but that she found this new guy "Jimmy" to be more exciting. Everyone that met Jimmy thought he was a loud, aggressive, low-class jerk with a shady past, who rode a Harley.

No suprise there.

As soon as he heard Sally's attempt at break-up, Robert hopped on the first available flight to the U.S., confronted Sally and begged her to reconsider. He was able to talk her into staying with him and they were married a few months later.

The biggest mistake of Robert's life was right here, it being followed by the second biggest mistake of him even trying for a LDR with her. Besides, we know what really happened is that Jimmy dumped Sally's ass.

They've been married for 8 years.

Maybe it'll be ok, I mean I heard that in England it's more socially acceptable for other men to fvck your wife.

However, reports are that Sally does not really respect Robert,

Oh big suprise there.

She's occasionally gone on extended holidays without him, once going to other countries and visiting old friends and family for 8 weeks,

And fvcking strange men who's language she could not speak.

Any comments on what you think is going on in this relationship and a possible outcome?

I think the outcome is that you should introduce us all to this chick so we can pass around a playboy model. Everyone at sosuave can practice on her.

 

[Reto]

Yes! She will and probably has cheated on him.

I know a girl who married a guy out of pity and she has cheated on him at least twice that I know of. And they have only been married 3 years...

 

[ds28]

That’s an odd story…although maybe its just because it reads that way because its brief - you’ve crammed 13 years worth of relationship into 4 short paragraphs. Whether or not the marriage is going to last is going to depend on alot of factors – not least their respective personalities, their backgrounds, and the degree of (genuine) compatibility between them. The lack of respect which she has for him is going to be something which is going eat away at the relationship unless it’s resolved because lack of respect can quickly turn in to resentment which is a toxic death for any sort of relationship. Mutual respect and affection is the pretty much essential for any fulfilling relationship, as are healthy communication patterns. I read somewhere that 30%-40% of marriages end in divorce, another 30%-40% were generally unhappy marriages and only about 25% of all marriages were happy, nurturing fulfilling marriages. Not sure what sort of period of time those figures were assessed from though. The circumstances under which this couple got married seem unusual – its almost as if she married because of duty, emotional need or wanting the ‘2 kids and dog’ and not really thinking about whether this Robert guy was the most appropriate long term partner. Some women marry because they realise that they’re reaching a certain age, that their friends have married and that they’re being left behind etc Some do it because of emotional / financial needs, wanting security, emotional hunger etc etc A lot of problems in long term relationships and marriages go on ‘beneath the suface’ – on the outside everything looks great, but what actually goes on in these peoples’ heads – past experiences, relationship with parents, past programming, can often be the cause of the difficulties. It's interesting that you say that shes threatend divorce on several occasions but never gone through with it. The mere mention of divorce suggests there are big problems in their marriage (unless she's got some sort of histrionic personality disorder) and its also interesting that she doesn't go through with. Sometimes people will stay in unhappy marriages because they see the alternative - starting out all over again - as even worse.

Difficult to speculate on the future of this couple with so little information about them personally, but I think if they do stay together (and the odds aren’t great), it’s going to be rocky relationship and an unfulfilling one, with or without marriage counselling.

 

[ds28]

Incidentally, are you the guy that's getting married soon? Or am I thinking of someone else?

 

[Starman]

My theory on relationships is based on patterns of destructiveness.

Sally has threatened divorce a few times(pattern) and Robert has always been supplicating.

The thought of Divorce has crossed Sally's mind several occasions. So either she knows she has the leverage in the relationship and using this leverage and threat of divorce to get what she wants out of her spineless hubby,

or most likely..she wants a divorce..

The outcome..

They will get divorced in the next 2 years.

but many break-ups will follow in that time frame..with Sally Being the threatning one..while Rob becomes the supplicator.

ROb will eventually sick of this pattern and cave in..or he will be bitterly heartbroken but move on.

Yes, of course she will cheat on him.

 

[RKTek]

We all spent a long weekend sharing a large condo in Destin, Florida with several other of Sally and Robert's friends, all from the U.S. I was invited by one of Sally's friends from high school, and the two of us mainly went to the beach and clubs on our own, but still managed to interact with almost everyone. By Sunday most everyone else had to return home for one reason or another, so it was just the four of us and we hit a few clubs and the beach together.

Sally is gorgeous and wherever we went, either clubs or the beach, she attracted at least some attention. Robert is a handsome guy too and they had this kind of Ken and Barbie attractiveness about them. Sally's friend mentioned the part about Robert flying back to the U.S. to beg Sally to marry him, and she thought it was SO SWEET AND ROMANTIC at the same time, she COULD NOT UNDERSTAND why Sally even threatened to divorce such a NICE DECENT GUY.

The moment she told ME that however, I liked to barfed. Suddenly it became clear to me. Robert should have seen through Sally's little power-play threat and said "Yeah, okay, marry Jimmy. See-ya" and hung up. I even started to mention this to Sally's friend, but she looked at me like I was completely nuts, so I immediately shut up. Even other women have no clue how a desperate guy, even a handsome and successful guy with a British accent is really a turn-off.

Amazing, eh?

 

[RKTek]

Originally posted by ds28
Incidentally, are you the guy that's getting married soon?

NO!

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by RKTek
We all spent a long weekend sharing a large condo in Destin, Florida with several other of Sally and Robert's friends, all from the U.S. I was invited by one of Sally's friends from high school, and the two of us mainly went to the beach and clubs on our own, but still managed to interact with almost everyone. By Sunday most everyone else had to return home for one reason or another, so it was just the four of us and we hit a few clubs and the beach together.

Sally is gorgeous and wherever we went, either clubs or the beach, she attracted at least some attention. Robert is a handsome guy too and they had this kind of Ken and Barbie attractiveness about them. Sally's friend mentioned the part about Robert flying back to the U.S. to beg Sally to marry him, and she thought it was SO SWEET AND ROMANTIC at the same time, she COULD NOT UNDERSTAND why Sally even threatened to divorce such a NICE DECENT GUY.

The moment she told ME that however, I liked to barfed. Suddenly it became clear to me. Robert should have seen through Sally's little power-play threat and said "Yeah, okay, marry Jimmy. See-ya" and hung up. I even started to mention this to Sally's friend, but she looked at me like I was completely nuts, so I immediately shut up. Even other women have no clue how a desperate guy, even a handsome and successful guy with a British accent is really a turn-off.

Amazing, eh?

I guess the real question to ask is, is Robert happy?

One thing I've learned (thanks in part to this site) is that if you are not getting what you want out of a relationship then it's best to just cut it. If he's happy being a supplicating little wussy just to have a bombshell on his arm well then more power to him.
I myself have finally reached a point where I know I would not allow that. I don't care if she's a perfect 10 looks wise, if I'm going to constantly have to jump through hoops to maintain the relationship, it's just not worth it.

 

[ds28]

Originally posted by RKTek


Sally is gorgeous and wherever we went, either clubs or the beach, she attracted at least some attention. Robert is a handsome guy too and they had this kind of Ken and Barbie attractiveness about them. Sally's friend mentioned the part about Robert flying back to the U.S. to beg Sally to marry him, and she thought it was SO SWEET AND ROMANTIC at the same time, she COULD NOT UNDERSTAND why Sally even threatened to divorce such a NICE DECENT GUY.

The moment she told ME that however, I liked to barfed. Suddenly it became clear to me. Robert should have seen through Sally's little power-play threat and said "Yeah, okay, marry Jimmy. See-ya" and hung up. I even started to mention this to Sally's friend, but she looked at me like I was completely nuts, so I immediately shut up. Even other women have no clue how a desperate guy, even a handsome and successful guy with a British accent is really a turn-off.

Amazing, eh?

Why did she marry him? She seems a bit flakey.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by ds28
Incidentally, are you the guy that's getting married soon? Or am I thinking of someone else?

Nice to know you've been thinking about me, but I'm taken

 

[ds28]

Hey do your C+F on a woman - I'm not that way inclined! Since it was a thread about marriage, I thought it was RkTek getting married!

 

[Paul Owen]

Its so ****ing annoying that her friend thought him flying back to the U.S was 'sweet and romantic'. The reason she looked at you like you were nuts is because a lot of women seem conditioned to expect you to have to 'fight' for them. I think what this translates into is that they basically want to see if they can make you demean yourself and betray all of your principles in an attempt to tap that ass. Then in an ironic twist if you DO sink to those heinous depths they will either tell you to LJBF you or, realising the power now truly lies with them, turn you into a supplicating wussy half man fag.

 

[STR8UP]

It's doomed.

I've been in a similar situation. My g/f had a major catastrophe happen in her life and decided she wanted to move out of the area, leaving me behind. With my words I told her she should do whatever she feels is best but my actions laid the guilt trip on her. I should have let her go...it was a downward spiral from that point on.

This chick wasn't ready to settle down with him and his chump actions made her lose respect. I wouldn't give it too much longer.

 

[ShortTimer]

Sally is gorgeous and wherever we went, either clubs or the beach, she attracted at least some attention. Robert is a handsome guy too and they had this kind of Ken and Barbie attractiveness about them. Sally's friend mentioned the part about Robert flying back to the U.S. to beg Sally to marry him, and she thought it was SO SWEET AND ROMANTIC at the same time, she COULD NOT UNDERSTAND why Sally even threatened to divorce such a NICE DECENT GUY.

Maybe good 'ole Robert can pull it out of the fire -- he needs to bang her friend (all of Sally's friends for that matter) to show her what a great catch he is and she'll come running back.

 

[es_mer8]

I got money on the table saying that they will divorce because Robert finds out Sally is bouncing on some other man's ****. Then he will be shocked when he should have known that all along. What it seems to me is that Robert wanted a trophy wife; a girl to show off to his boys. He is whipped because he feels its probably his only opportunity to get such a hot wife. I doubt he is very happy either.

 

[bp1974]

Maybe it'll be ok, I mean I heard that in England it's more socially acceptable for other men to fvck your wife.

LOL!! Yeah, it's kind of the norm here. On our marriage certificates there's spaces for the woman's name, the husband's name, and the names of the six other dudes she'll be banging in the first year..

bp1974

 

[Sojourner]

Jimmy the "jerk" was exciting because he could bone Sally like no man before could and Jimmy was man enough to kick her to the curb when he was through using her. Fvck them and leave them is the M.O. of jerks.

 

[Sojourner]

A sizzling hot "Playboy model type" babe wants a "man" whom she can respect, a man who's unpredictable, independent, a challenge, takes no BS from anybody including her, great in bed (into fantasies, role playing), is goal oriented, AND who'll walk out of her life at the snap of his fingers if she did anything that goes against his main principles.