Wow what an interesting few weeks it has been on this journey
First off, I injured myself at the gym. Well that is part of the issue. Whether it will require surgery or not depends on what the doctor says, in fact I'm feeling better, but between that and poor diet I've been forced to slow down.
And what an incredible thing that has been.
First it was the Bhagavad Ghita, then Styles book, also the Inner Game of Work and Tennis, and now Serge Kings book and again the NLP the New Technology of Achievement and it's exercises.
What a paradigm shift though to learn that my inner voice that was so critical of me was also so critical of others.
I mean I would go out and thinking i'm the prize I would look at others and all types of negative thoughts would come up. Undoubtedly this changed my state to negative
Thoughts like
"Look at that AFC with that girl"
"Look at that fat chick why is she wearing a thong"
"Look at that *******, etc"
" I work so much harder than them"
were also coming from the inner voice that was so critical of myself.
Mindreading what others think and getting pissed in advance. Getting angry at what I think my boss is thinking.
Sending out bad thoughts about others was no doubt bad for my karma but definitely for my state as well.
And at the risk of sounding like a new age hippy, having this inner drill seargent was really hurting my health, from pushing way too hard at the gym, to working too hard, skipping sleep at night and drinking too much I was on an endless parade of negative behaviors.
I realize that I can set goals without pushing myself to death, I can be happy without wondering what others think, I can be happy for others without being jealous and more so these things can only help me.
You see, I can eliminate negative behaviors in myself and improve in a way that is positive for others. I don't have to revel in anothers defeat or make myself feel better because I'm better than someone else at a certain thing.
I pushed competitiveness to the limit.
I have received some great advice. Even got to talk to a few really cool people. An email advisor from an NLP site really gives great advice. Got to talk to Style even, he is a hell of a nice guy and genuinely good, as well as being a damn good PUA. You have to like that guy!
I'm regaining my spirituality and seeing how it all ties in. I think Christianity and other religions are misunderstood because many times they are delivered by someone with way too critical of a voice.
Even these boards are being overrun by critical people and people who give harmful advice.
The thing is we realize by human nature certain psychological tenets will hold true. Now that we know them we can apply them in a manner that is win win for everyone.
I used to hate going into crowds. My inner voice that's critical of others would go off like a Geiger counter at Chernobyl. I want to change this. I know it won't be overnight. I'm sending positive energy to all of you know who have been reading this.
I realize everyone has free will. We all make choices that are the best of us based on our options at the moment and who we are on this path.
I want to continue to set goals, I had a hard time with the Bhagavad Ghita because it said to be detached from your outcomes, that is so eastern. But there is another way to interpret this. Do it all with a bit more love. Set your goals, do your best to achieve them. Strive to help others. If you fall a bit short, learn and adapt quickly but don't beat yourself up over it and certainly don't degrade others. This is what I want to do.
I don't want to give advice, I'm still learning. Is this the beginning of a big change for me, or just a few day thing? Only time will tell.
I won't feel hate anymore for my ex. I loved her and hated her at the same time. Now I feel neutral. I do send her love, but it is her free will. I have learned to accept (both her choice, my choice and the situation as it is now). I have learned to forgive (myself and not to blame myself, and her and not to blame her). I have learned to relax, that life, dreams and goals can be set without unneeded stress and anxiety. I am not competing against you, your neighbor, your friends, or your parents or the government or the other countries of the world. I am competing with myself and who I can become. If I can help others in this quest so be it. I don't need to conquer the world, only my mind. Good things will come from this.
Something about being sick gave me a wake up call. I want to learn from this. I want to heal, both mind and body.
I will continue to write about this journey. I love music, life, family God and all of you. We are all connected whether you realize it now or later. There is some deeper reason we are all here. There is no need to criticize, we are all learning in this process.
Life to me is like a signal to noise ratio. The bad will always be there like hiss in the background but it can be lowered until it is inaudible. I don't want you to hear my hiss, i won't send my record to you with that noise. Instead I will send beautiful music. Whether through seducing you, befriending you or working alongside you the time has come to realize that you can achieve and set goals without it being a struggle a war or a competition.
And competition and wealth alone aren't bad. As long as you can compete in your mind and not harbor evil intent, we can all compete and improve each other.
Now i have few activities i will do. I need to finish some items in NLP: The New Technology of Achievement. I am but at the beginning of a journey for the rest of my life.
Best wishes and this isn't goodbye by any means this is hello. I will write what i learn.
