PersistenceIsKey
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2012
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-Sorry for the length of this post, but I think it's necessary. I desperately need someone more experienced to diagnose my social life. I really need a mentor in my life.
I have a really hard time accepting and reciprocating warmth and receptiveness from other people, especially women. I come across as weird/an a55hole/uptight/arrogant nearly every time I meet someone new. Even when I'm really not any of those things (ok, maybe weird, but I'm actually nice. I just don't know how to handle myself in these interactions!)
I'm not someone who is super unrealistically pessimistic and down on myself. I'm actually really logical. I like to be realistic. With that being said, I am so socially retarded that I manage to fail repeatedly (with quality women, at least) despite the fact that I have money, look at least average, dress well, and am decently established in a top fraternity.
I'm great on paper, and a successful dude who's great at what he does, but when I open my mouth it's good game... you can tell from this post that I'm better at communicating through written rather than oral means. Mostly because I can reflect, revise, and change things before I publish them. It's a more comfortable medium to me.
I am in the perfect situation for meeting women, and I can't even FRIENDZONE myself. I come across so badly that I can't even get the "lets just be friends" speech. The girls I'm friends with I can count on one hand, and I'm not close to at all.
I just came back from a college party (my fraternity's party) and reflected upon my limited interactions with the women there. They were either weird or I severed rapport with the girl(s), even when they were showing me IOIs/being friendly/nice/open.
Examples of the kind of ****ed up interactions I have:
-Very cute Asian girl I meet very briefly out in the front of the house is with her friend who seems to like me. My buddy who's friends with them is there as well, so I'm in literally THE perfect situation to game this girl. All I can think of to ask is "so are you in [Sorority Y] or [Sorority X?] Which really isnt that bad. She responds with "I'm not in either, I'm not in one". I say something like "Oh, I see. It makes sense. You guys are all Asian, and when Asian girls are together at parties they're usually unaffiliated. Or in an Asian sorority". Whatever the **** I said, she did not like it.
During this interaction, two attractive girls I know (they have boyfriends, one is a 8-9 and one is a 6-7) even walked up to me, one touched my ass and the other touched my stomach then ran off laughing. So that should have been a DHV for sure. But instead of saying something witty or saying hey, I just said "damn it..." like I was mad (not really mad, but just annoyed). Definitely not the appropriate reaction.
She starts to lose interest and my friend seems to be miles ahead of me with this girl, since he knows her already and isn't being weird. So I decide to leave. Later I find them playing beer pong in the garage and the hot one yells "[Aleeeeeeeex!!!] like shes really excited to see me. What do I do? I just kind of make a face, mumble "hey" in a kind of half hearted muted unenthusiastic/even NEGATIVE manner then ignore her and proceed to face one of my "kind of friends" that I don't even really talk to. What the **** was that? Jesus, why didn't I just reciprocate and get laid? I don't understand myself. Later I see her sitting next to him on the couch, and just pray he gets laid because at least then someone could **** her. She was so obviously DTF, it was ridiculous.
In an attempt to salvage this situation, I walk up to them and say, you guys are so tall... I say this in a manner where it's not clear I'm sarcastic, so it actually confuses her. My delivery was bad, so she didn't even fully hear it. She ends up being somewhat offended.
-This alumni's wife/fiance/girlfriend (I dont know) keeps looking at me and smiling the entire night and I'm sure it's nothing. Her man is being super AFC/weird based on what I've observed and I can just tell his princess is going to end up in another castle one day. She's cute but obviously taken so I just ignore her. Every time I'm near her she smiles and listens to my conversations and seems to react to what I'm saying even though I'm not talking to her. But on the dance floor I'm walking through and she taps me. I turn around confused and say "oh, whats up?" She grabs my arm and pulls me in and tells me (lingering touch for more than like ten seconds, it was just A LOT of kino for a complete stranger) to watch out for this spot where someone threw up. But that spot was like five feet away and it just made no sense that she'd even warn me about it. She sure as **** wasn't telling anyone else walking by. The entire time I'm just saying "where is it???" and end up leaving. (I feel really uncomfortable hitting on women that have husbands or whatever, especially when that guy is right there at the party!) By the way, please tell me if I'm just imagining all of this and she had zero/little interest. Because I do that all the time apparently.
-During the party, I was one of "those guys" that's walking from place to place, but you can just tell that I am doing it for no reason. Like I'll walk from the living room to the beer pong game in the garage, but you can just tell that I'm not going to meet my friend or to get a drink, because I'm CONSTANTLY doing it. I think I used the restroom like ten times as an escape. When I manage to lock in, my interactions tend to not last that long because they get weird/awkward/I get bored really fast. I saw a girl doing this exact same thing, but she was doing it because she DIDNT KNOW ANYONE. I knew EVERYONE. I'm just not that close to anybody except a few close friends. So I'll walk up to people and they'll welcome me but we'll have very little to talk about.
-I had no ****ing clue how to talk to the new sorority girls. They were absolutely everywhere. Some were REALLY attractive and I REALLY wanted to meet them. (Most of them weren't, but whatever) But since i'm not tight with any of the existing sorority girls, I had nobody to introduce me to them. It's a self perpetuating cycle of having a bad/neutral/no reputation with all of them. They generally don't respond well to cold approach (I'd imagine they are thinking: why does this guy have to walk up to me, why aren't my sisters introducing me instead?)
-I walked outside where everyone was chatting and smoking and this girl I'm not attracted to and have known for a while invites me to sit down. (She's just not hot, but I like her as a person) There are no seats and she invites me to sit on her. I say no, she then says she can sit in my lap. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REJECT WOMEN. I end up taking one of the pledge's chairs because he offers it to me. It was just awkward, I don't know what else I could have said besides "naw, I'm good". I stayed and talked to her and one of my brothers for like 10 minutes just to soften the "rejection". I don't want to sever rapport with this girl like I have with so many others.
-I also really suck at choosing appropriate conversation topics. There was this one girl I previously knew from class who walked up to me and I had no idea what to say, so I defaulted to the only thing I knew about her: that she just joined a sorority but doesn't want to stick with it (she wanted to be in other sororities but ended up getting her last choice, which is surprising because she's decently hot) so she's quitting. Obviously that was an awkward/negative topic for her and I brought it up. She gave me a legitimate chance and I just absolutely owned myself.
-At the start of one of the parties at my house, this girl I know from classes and a brief interaction at a dinner mixer walks right up to me where I'm sitting and shakes my hand, smiles, and introduces herself to me. I say "oh, yeah, [insert girl's name] right? I remember you from when I was a pledge... at that dinner" and I don't know what the **** else I said but she did not like it and ended up walking away. She doesn't say hello to me and avoids eye contact in class. She went out on a limb to meet me and I somehow made her feel bad for doing so. This seems to be a recurring thing.
-I just don't get in a fun party mood very easily. I literally HAVE to drink to get in that mood. And I don't like drinking. I have a hard time smiling and displaying warmth/positivity in general. My body language, tonality, and facial expressions constantly communicate to the world that I'm rejecting them/don't like them. I have two modes: that defensive pessimistic arrogant state, or the one where I TRY to be friendly/social and end up coming across as WEIRD.
-This girl I am interested in (I've shown direct interest and she has been receptive) shows up in the kitchen where I've been talking to my friend, and my friend asks the girls if they want to do shots. She says fine and complains about how long it's taking to pour them and I tease her for being demanding. She obviously wants to talk because she teases me back about how I accidentally walked into her class like a week or two ago. Me and my bros then do this obnoxious thing where we recite this mantra really loudly before taking our shots and she rolls her eyes. I tease her again "you don't like it? I guess you don't like anything that's obnoxious and ****y do you..." she's responding well to this. I then mention how my friend is ****y, so she must hate him. RIGHT THEN my friend that's ****y walks up and hears the tail end of that statement and it's just an awkward moment. He ends up kinoing her/talking with really high energy and (unintentionally perhaps) ****blocking the **** out of me and slowly pushing me out of the interaction (another girl jumped in and saved me by saying hey and initiating conversation at that exact moment so it wasn't weird)
Ok guys, what the **** do I do with myself. HOW DO I IMPROVE. HOW DO I FIX THIS? Thank you.
I have a really hard time accepting and reciprocating warmth and receptiveness from other people, especially women. I come across as weird/an a55hole/uptight/arrogant nearly every time I meet someone new. Even when I'm really not any of those things (ok, maybe weird, but I'm actually nice. I just don't know how to handle myself in these interactions!)
I'm not someone who is super unrealistically pessimistic and down on myself. I'm actually really logical. I like to be realistic. With that being said, I am so socially retarded that I manage to fail repeatedly (with quality women, at least) despite the fact that I have money, look at least average, dress well, and am decently established in a top fraternity.
I'm great on paper, and a successful dude who's great at what he does, but when I open my mouth it's good game... you can tell from this post that I'm better at communicating through written rather than oral means. Mostly because I can reflect, revise, and change things before I publish them. It's a more comfortable medium to me.
I am in the perfect situation for meeting women, and I can't even FRIENDZONE myself. I come across so badly that I can't even get the "lets just be friends" speech. The girls I'm friends with I can count on one hand, and I'm not close to at all.
I just came back from a college party (my fraternity's party) and reflected upon my limited interactions with the women there. They were either weird or I severed rapport with the girl(s), even when they were showing me IOIs/being friendly/nice/open.
Examples of the kind of ****ed up interactions I have:
-Very cute Asian girl I meet very briefly out in the front of the house is with her friend who seems to like me. My buddy who's friends with them is there as well, so I'm in literally THE perfect situation to game this girl. All I can think of to ask is "so are you in [Sorority Y] or [Sorority X?] Which really isnt that bad. She responds with "I'm not in either, I'm not in one". I say something like "Oh, I see. It makes sense. You guys are all Asian, and when Asian girls are together at parties they're usually unaffiliated. Or in an Asian sorority". Whatever the **** I said, she did not like it.
During this interaction, two attractive girls I know (they have boyfriends, one is a 8-9 and one is a 6-7) even walked up to me, one touched my ass and the other touched my stomach then ran off laughing. So that should have been a DHV for sure. But instead of saying something witty or saying hey, I just said "damn it..." like I was mad (not really mad, but just annoyed). Definitely not the appropriate reaction.
She starts to lose interest and my friend seems to be miles ahead of me with this girl, since he knows her already and isn't being weird. So I decide to leave. Later I find them playing beer pong in the garage and the hot one yells "[Aleeeeeeeex!!!] like shes really excited to see me. What do I do? I just kind of make a face, mumble "hey" in a kind of half hearted muted unenthusiastic/even NEGATIVE manner then ignore her and proceed to face one of my "kind of friends" that I don't even really talk to. What the **** was that? Jesus, why didn't I just reciprocate and get laid? I don't understand myself. Later I see her sitting next to him on the couch, and just pray he gets laid because at least then someone could **** her. She was so obviously DTF, it was ridiculous.
In an attempt to salvage this situation, I walk up to them and say, you guys are so tall... I say this in a manner where it's not clear I'm sarcastic, so it actually confuses her. My delivery was bad, so she didn't even fully hear it. She ends up being somewhat offended.
-This alumni's wife/fiance/girlfriend (I dont know) keeps looking at me and smiling the entire night and I'm sure it's nothing. Her man is being super AFC/weird based on what I've observed and I can just tell his princess is going to end up in another castle one day. She's cute but obviously taken so I just ignore her. Every time I'm near her she smiles and listens to my conversations and seems to react to what I'm saying even though I'm not talking to her. But on the dance floor I'm walking through and she taps me. I turn around confused and say "oh, whats up?" She grabs my arm and pulls me in and tells me (lingering touch for more than like ten seconds, it was just A LOT of kino for a complete stranger) to watch out for this spot where someone threw up. But that spot was like five feet away and it just made no sense that she'd even warn me about it. She sure as **** wasn't telling anyone else walking by. The entire time I'm just saying "where is it???" and end up leaving. (I feel really uncomfortable hitting on women that have husbands or whatever, especially when that guy is right there at the party!) By the way, please tell me if I'm just imagining all of this and she had zero/little interest. Because I do that all the time apparently.
-During the party, I was one of "those guys" that's walking from place to place, but you can just tell that I am doing it for no reason. Like I'll walk from the living room to the beer pong game in the garage, but you can just tell that I'm not going to meet my friend or to get a drink, because I'm CONSTANTLY doing it. I think I used the restroom like ten times as an escape. When I manage to lock in, my interactions tend to not last that long because they get weird/awkward/I get bored really fast. I saw a girl doing this exact same thing, but she was doing it because she DIDNT KNOW ANYONE. I knew EVERYONE. I'm just not that close to anybody except a few close friends. So I'll walk up to people and they'll welcome me but we'll have very little to talk about.
-I had no ****ing clue how to talk to the new sorority girls. They were absolutely everywhere. Some were REALLY attractive and I REALLY wanted to meet them. (Most of them weren't, but whatever) But since i'm not tight with any of the existing sorority girls, I had nobody to introduce me to them. It's a self perpetuating cycle of having a bad/neutral/no reputation with all of them. They generally don't respond well to cold approach (I'd imagine they are thinking: why does this guy have to walk up to me, why aren't my sisters introducing me instead?)
-I walked outside where everyone was chatting and smoking and this girl I'm not attracted to and have known for a while invites me to sit down. (She's just not hot, but I like her as a person) There are no seats and she invites me to sit on her. I say no, she then says she can sit in my lap. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REJECT WOMEN. I end up taking one of the pledge's chairs because he offers it to me. It was just awkward, I don't know what else I could have said besides "naw, I'm good". I stayed and talked to her and one of my brothers for like 10 minutes just to soften the "rejection". I don't want to sever rapport with this girl like I have with so many others.
-I also really suck at choosing appropriate conversation topics. There was this one girl I previously knew from class who walked up to me and I had no idea what to say, so I defaulted to the only thing I knew about her: that she just joined a sorority but doesn't want to stick with it (she wanted to be in other sororities but ended up getting her last choice, which is surprising because she's decently hot) so she's quitting. Obviously that was an awkward/negative topic for her and I brought it up. She gave me a legitimate chance and I just absolutely owned myself.
-At the start of one of the parties at my house, this girl I know from classes and a brief interaction at a dinner mixer walks right up to me where I'm sitting and shakes my hand, smiles, and introduces herself to me. I say "oh, yeah, [insert girl's name] right? I remember you from when I was a pledge... at that dinner" and I don't know what the **** else I said but she did not like it and ended up walking away. She doesn't say hello to me and avoids eye contact in class. She went out on a limb to meet me and I somehow made her feel bad for doing so. This seems to be a recurring thing.
-I just don't get in a fun party mood very easily. I literally HAVE to drink to get in that mood. And I don't like drinking. I have a hard time smiling and displaying warmth/positivity in general. My body language, tonality, and facial expressions constantly communicate to the world that I'm rejecting them/don't like them. I have two modes: that defensive pessimistic arrogant state, or the one where I TRY to be friendly/social and end up coming across as WEIRD.
-This girl I am interested in (I've shown direct interest and she has been receptive) shows up in the kitchen where I've been talking to my friend, and my friend asks the girls if they want to do shots. She says fine and complains about how long it's taking to pour them and I tease her for being demanding. She obviously wants to talk because she teases me back about how I accidentally walked into her class like a week or two ago. Me and my bros then do this obnoxious thing where we recite this mantra really loudly before taking our shots and she rolls her eyes. I tease her again "you don't like it? I guess you don't like anything that's obnoxious and ****y do you..." she's responding well to this. I then mention how my friend is ****y, so she must hate him. RIGHT THEN my friend that's ****y walks up and hears the tail end of that statement and it's just an awkward moment. He ends up kinoing her/talking with really high energy and (unintentionally perhaps) ****blocking the **** out of me and slowly pushing me out of the interaction (another girl jumped in and saved me by saying hey and initiating conversation at that exact moment so it wasn't weird)
Ok guys, what the **** do I do with myself. HOW DO I IMPROVE. HOW DO I FIX THIS? Thank you.
