Rewiring my brain, Step by step YOUR HELP IS NEEDED

[Infinity.]

This is going to be a long post, so please bare with me.

I'm only 21 and I already feel like I ****ed up my life for good.
My brain is hardwired to bad patterns which make me behave in a very socially negative ways.

Some good things about me:
* I've got above average looks, and on some rare days I even get called "hot", but that definitely doesn't help me with my cr@ppy personality.
* I have high technical knowledge and understanding. I'm fascinated about how and why things work, the human body, technology and psychology.
* I have a large interest range. I'm an athlete, ex dancer, love extremes, nature, I cook and I have lots of general knowledge as well.
* Great hygiene, always smell good, good posture, I walk around always looking confident.

The bad:
* I am very needy. I don't know why I became so needy, but it pushes people away from me. I sometimes try and force myself on people.
* I sometimes have extreme changes in the perception of a person. If he does something good then he's my friend, once he ****s up he's my enemy.
* I get bored easily and lose interest quickly. I barely finished high-school because of that.
* Sometimes I feel the need to overcompensate on my shortcomings, as in showing how I'm better than someone - lack of self esteem and confidence.
* I take most things really personally. When someone tells or does somethings disrespectful I get really hurt and I start hating that person, on rare occasions I even begin to cry so I just turn around while talking or go to the bathroom.
* I get pissed off easily. It gets to a point where it seems like I enjoy doing that and I look for reasons to get mad and upset.
* I resent a lot of people. I think I hate most of the people I know (or knew).
* I try to show confidence and in many cases people think I'm arrogant.
* I have a great family, I always considered my dad as a role model BUT I just found out lots of **** my mom did which made me doubt my dad is a total AFC. It's not a bad thing, but he can't be my role model anymore...
* Lots of people hate me and it really bothers me.
* Most importantly - I have no real friends. The people I call "friends" only call me when they want something from me or as last resort when they're bored.

I try to make friends and meet new people but it just doesn't seem to work very well. I always end up as being the initiator, it seems they are not interested in me at all.

I talked to a friend of mine who is also into Self Improvement, I asked him why people avoid talking to me - he said that it's because I make people feel obligated to talk to me, as in I invest too much in the conversation and that's why people try not to talk to me.

I've only slept with one girl in my life, she was my girlfriend for a few years. I think she emasculated me a lot because I used to be happy as a teen and had lots of friends, now I'm left with nothing (and also, she left me of course) while in the meantime it seems like everyone around me is getting laid and having the time of their life while I struggle to even have someone to talk to, oh and I bet my ex left her panties at home ever since we broke up so there you go, more salt on my wounds.

This cannot go on. I can't continue living like this. I feel like I start resenting everyone around me for not archiving what I want in life. I start being angry and hateful towards women. I feel like I'm suffocating and drowning, my sanity is going down by the day. I don't want to end up like Elliot Rodger. Please, sosuave, help me.

I need a step-by-step plan to get rid of the old me and rewire my brain. I want to have an awesome lifestyle. I want to have lots of friends. I want to sleep with many women.

I want to live life to the fullest. I am ready and to step out of my comfort zone and do everything this community tells me to, and I will keep this thread updated with my progress.

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Update 21/06/2014

Workout: I will be working out 3 times a week, and doing cardio for 20 minutes 5 times a week (during workout days as well).
Diet: I need to lose the excess fat. Starting from today, 6 meals, 1900kcal daily which consists of 150gr protein, 200gr carbs and 55gr fat.
Weight loss shakes, supplements (omega 3, creatine, L-carnitine, schizandra, multivitamin), plenty of water, NO sodas, NO junk food or snacks, sugar only from natural sources (dried dates etc).
Organization: After going to sleep everyday at 2:30-3:00AM, and waking up at 10:00-11:00AM I'll go to sleep at 11:30PM and wake up at 7:30AM. I will organize my room tomorrow to make is squeaky clean.
Other stuff: I will create a list of personal goals, a Wishlist and...STOP MASTURBATING. (Only once a week is allowed)

 

[cordoncordon]

Sounds to me as if you are one of the rare cases of MALE Borderline Personality Disorder. I would make an appt to see a psychiatrist and see if they can offer any therapy and/or medication. Look up the traits of BPD. You are a classic example.

 

[VikingKing]

You need to lighten up. Just don't take people so seriously, and stop putting people on a pedestil, if you do that what they say won't matter as much to you.

You don't hate women. Every one here, whether they admit it or not, feel a bit bitter towards women to one extent to another. It can be disappointing the amount of bvllsh!t involved in dealing with a woman, and frustrating at times.

You just sound like your frustrated with life in general. Every one experiences this, but remember how you feel right now ill change. You will never feel one way all the time.

In my opinion, I would stay away from "medications" they are a bandaid and don't work half the time. You just need to change your perception.

 

[ArcBound]

I had that feeling at some point in my life too. It was bad enough that I wanted to kill myself at times.

At some point I learned to laugh at myself. At how ****ty a situation I was in and how terrible I was. Then I decided these were problems other people couldn't solve for me alone. I started to rebuild my life from the fundamentals. Learning how to live alone. Just trying to get the basics done pat. Waking up on time, eating properly, keeping my surroundings relatively clean, and being organized in the work I had to do. Nothing more, because I didn't have the motivation for it yet. While I was still mostly depressed there were decent days, and I was stable for the most part.

Then I figured out what I really wanted from life and I tried to work towards those. Simple easy stuff. Maybe workout 30 minutes a day 3 days a week. Stop masturbating. Learn a skill or two. Sometimes I failed in my goals but I still laughed, after all that's all you really have.

Then slowly I started socializing with those in my IMMEDIATE surroundings. Not in bars, clubs, or even approaching during the day. When I interacted with my family, I made sure it was a good interaction. With my roommate the same. Co-workers the same, study partners the same. I was still depressed, but this added another layer of stability, and at least a hint of normalcy. Hey I didn't talk to any girls that wanted to date my yet, but at least I was socializing like a normal human being.

Now, what helps to find the overarching purpose in your life. What defines YOU: what makes Infinity, Infinity? It can be a grand thing, it can be a very very tiny thing, but it needs to be something that you take pride in and respect, and that nobody can take away from you. A value that you can strive to carry with you when everything else is already gone to sh!t. No one else can tell you what that is. Nobody online can tell you (including me, I cannot tell you what you truly desire). But for me that thing was God.

When you find that thing, you might still be depressed. But at least you get up every day trying to strive to further that thing. Things still suck, but you can at least start seeing the good things in your life. Then a lot of time passes by. Some days are harder than others, but you find days are going by easier. Some days are even enjoyable. These days are rare, but over time you find the time between the good days decrease.

This fuels you even more. You go back to all the simple things you were working on like working out or studying well or doing your work well. You find you have a little bit more energy to do more, to do better, a little more motivation to keep going in spite of bad things. You are still realistic. You are not a body builder, the smartest person out there, the best looking person out there, or the most charismatic person out there, but you see yourself changing, and for the better.

Those people you were talking to earlier? Now your relationship has developed and they know more about you and vice versa. The social circle might even expand as you start being introduced to their friends too. You have a small but decent group of friends. They may not all have the same interests as you, but you learned to tolerate, no, to enjoy the time you spend with them.

And then you start thriving. Suddenly, you have more good days then bad. You still feel bad at times, but it goes away quickly. You still gets bout of depression but it is quickly lifted by one of your activities or one of your friends. Your confidence grows even more. You are not afraid of going even outside of your own social circle, and talking to girls you considered hot. You are still realistic, you are not a rock star, you are not Brad Pitt, but you are getting tangible results, concrete success and this inspires you all the more. Your habits have developed into something greater. Your studying and work turned into good grades or jobs. All your talking and socializing made you more charismatic and fun to be around. Learning to discipline yourself via sleep, organizing your living space, and feeding yourself has made you have peace of mind in your house. All the way that "thing" continues to drive you to greater places.

People love being around me now, a lot more than they used to. Men and women. They say I have an optimistic viewpoint and I find the humor even in the bleakest situations. I learned to laugh at myself when I was in the ****ters, so I can't help but keep laughing as life moving on, keeps proving me wrong in all my old ways and thoughts. You just laugh at how life keeps turning out and learn to be content in all situations. Don't be an Elliot Rodger and off yourself. Stick around longer, and you might find something to laugh about my friend.

 

[Infinity.]

Thank you for your input guys.

First off, I will NOT be limited by some personality disorder. I tried to go to therapy but it was too expensive, and it looks like I can fix it with my own hands.

Thank you for writing down your own experience, ArcBound, I will take this to consideration, starting from now - I will go out for a run and a small Street Workout.


Guys. I need a step-by-step plan to change me to a socially healthy person. Telling me to go to a therapist basically diminishes the purpose of the self-improvement community.
I'm not asking for everything on a silver platter, just some sort of guidance, a plan I can follow, a mentor!

 

[VikingKing]

Thank you for your input guys.

First off, I will NOT be limited by some personality disorder. I tried to go to therapy but it was too expensive, and it looks like I can fix it with my own hands.

Thank you for writing down your own experience, ArcBound, I will take this to consideration, starting from now - I will go out for a run and a small Street Workout.


Guys. I need a step-by-step plan to change me to a socially healthy person. Telling me to go to a therapist basically diminishes the purpose of the self-improvement community.
I'm not asking for everything on a silver platter, just some sort of guidance, a plan I can follow, a mentor!

Well good thing we have access to this http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

But with women, just remember not to take them very seriously. They are not logical creatures. They are easily mislead, there judgment is constantly clouded by emotions. try to start looking at them how you view children, this will help you deal with what ever bitterness you have towards them.

I've dated some well educated women. Even the chinese one who is a phd now : dumb as fvck when it comes to many, many things. But she can memorize information. Also, and Indian woman who makes like 85 k a year, she joined a marxist communist group on facebook, she is clueless about human nature and the differences between genders, no common sense, but i'm sure she is a good software engineer (for a woman).

It kind of doesnt matter when it comes to women, they are all the same in a sense. You just have to understand they will always lack in many ways, they cant help it.

Your best bet it the dj bible, and arcbounds post is gravy as fvck.

its going to be ok, man.

 

[Infinity.]

^ I understand that. I kind of "taken then red pill" short time after my ex girlfriend broke up with me, and to be honest, it kind of freaked me out that women cannot be trusted.

Just came home from the workout. It helped me release some stress and come up with a workout routine and a diet plan. I have updated the original post.

 

[VikingKing]

^ I understand that. I kind of "taken then red pill" short time after my ex girlfriend broke up with me, and to be honest, it kind of freaked me out that women cannot be trusted.

Just came home from the workout. It helped me release some stress and come up with a workout routine and a diet plan. I have updated the original post.

You will get over it. Once you do that, you have only good things to look forward to. :rockon:

 

[El Payaso]

There's a lot you have said but the only thing I can say is don't take life and people too seriously. Realize that we're just on one big, giant ball hurling around an even bigger glowing ball of gas.

 

[ArcBound]

^ I understand that. I kind of "taken then red pill" short time after my ex girlfriend broke up with me, and to be honest, it kind of freaked me out that women cannot be trusted.

Just came home from the workout. It helped me release some stress and come up with a workout routine and a diet plan. I have updated the original post.

In my opinion the analogy of "red pill" is limited. It is more like a surgery than a pill. It takes a lot of time, effort, and habit changing to be fully normalized. It is good that you went out for a workout and you are starting to organize things. Don't beat yourself up if you don't live up to the goals completely but still aim for them.

 

[Skyline]

First off, you do not have a "Personality Disorder." You just have a very low self-esteem and place as a man. However you are at rock bottom, you described yourself as probably the lowest person I've ever witnessed on SS and maybe even in real life. But that's okay because you've listed your flaws and you're here now seeking help, meaning you're ready to learn- so therefore the master(s) will appear. I'm only taking the time out of my day because you wish to learn, do not resist truth from me or any other members from here. Obviously decide if it's "correct" in your terms, but still take it into consideration. Just because something sounds wrong/horrible doesn't mean it isn't true.

It's time to traverse the route of the journey of a Don Juan.

The bad:
* I am very needy. I don't know why I became so needy, but it pushes people away from me. I sometimes try and force myself on people.

Simple. You're very needy because you have no one there for you. You try and force yourself onto people simply because you want their gratification and approval for your egotistical mind. You're not genuine when you're out to meet new people, you just want their reassurance. They can feel this, which is why you push them away.

* I sometimes have extreme changes in the perception of a person. If he does something good then he's my friend, once he ****s up he's my enemy.

Purely egotistical, to the point it's almost bi-polar. This is incredibly bad. It's all in your head from high expectations and not having anyone there for you to begin with. You trusted this person and you placed all your value and expectations onto them and the second they mess up, you feel betrayed and begin to hate them. This is unacceptable because people will sometimes fail you- no one is perfect. Your burdens should be yours not anyone else's and you should not be relying on the soul faith of other people. Don Juan's rely on themselves; even if no one is there for them they have themselves. It may sound sad, but that sadness is all in your head. This self reliance draws people in anyway.

* I get bored easily and lose interest quickly. I barely finished high-school because of that.

No you don't have a short attention span. You don't know what you want, how you want it, when you want it, or when to get it. You just don't know what to do with your life which is why your attention jumps around rapidly. This is also contributing to your low self-esteem. Find out what you enjoy in your life and make time for it, create a schedule if it's a lot of things so you can do them all at once. If you don't know, explore. Join community centers, I think there's some friendly activity programs you can join as well, buy some sports equipment(cheap ones), maybe try your hand at painting or something mechanical. Even if you really do have just a short attention span, do all of the above anyway.

* Sometimes I feel the need to overcompensate on my shortcomings, as in showing how I'm better than someone - lack of self esteem and confidence.

"lack of self-esteem and confidence." Exactly. If you don't meet your own or someone else's expectations, own up to it. Admit that you simply just didn't make it this time but next time you will go above and beyond. Failure is a learning process for an opportunity to excel. And if they're an a*sshole about it, just tell them you can't force perfection- because you really can't. When someone "one up's you" just simply nod in agreement and stay modest. Don't try and be all "Alpha 1up GoML" on him, just realize he/she has talent and move on. Don't dwell on other's success, instead focus on your own even if you're not quite there. The point is, if you keep at it, you will be there.

* I take most things really personally. When someone tells or does somethings disrespectful I get really hurt and I start hating that person, on rare occasions I even begin to cry so I just turn around while talking or go to the bathroom.

Low self-esteem/confidence. You hate them because they stated, probably a fact, towards you and since you're not comfortable with yourself you take it personally. You didn't meet your own requirement to qualify for their gratification. This is 100% egotistical- which is your prime enemy at the moment. You begin to cry because your ego didn't validate yourself toward them. Your ego is very high, thus fragile, right now. That "hurtful" comment is like the cherry on the cake. You need to learn to embrace criticism and laugh at yourself sometimes. Obviously if someone is blatantly disrespecting you, you need to lay down the law. You don't need the self reliance of others, being a Don Juan is all about caring about yourself- in a healthy-non-NPD way.

* I get pissed off easily. It gets to a point where it seems like I enjoy doing that and I look for reasons to get mad and upset.

Anger is an emotion. Attraction is an emotion. Sadness is an emotion. Happiness is an emotion. Emotions are all in your head, some you can control and some you can't, but since yours is backed with egotism- it becomes almost a habit of dynamics. Typically when people are angry, they draw in attention- this is also something you're missing from your life. You want that attention along with the grace of being able to feel something other than "emptiness." Anger is an undesirable trait. You CAN control anger and be able to feel something else at the same time- other than sadness/emptiness. Every time you feel like you're getting angry, think positively. Think about something funny or just smile and try and brush it off. Maybe go somewhere private and just let it all out. The point is, come out of it in a positive manner. NOT a negative one.

* I resent a lot of people. I think I hate most of the people I know (or knew).

You resent them because your ego is 100% mighty. You envy their way of living because yours sucks. Again, realize their success and then focus on your own. Stop being dependent on others approval.

* I try to show confidence and in many cases people think I'm arrogant.

They are right. Arrogance is egotistical, you are egotistical, therefore that "confidence" is fake- which means you are acting fake and people pick up on this. Confidence is being able to evaluate yourself or the situation and think in a realistic, but positive, manner toward the situations outcome. For example, you're a sh*tty person at the moment. But after a few weeks/months, depending how hard you work at it, you will be a completely new better person. That is confidence. Confidence is positive realization, which equates to being able to poke fun at your flaws/weaknesses.

* I have a great family, I always considered my dad as a role model BUT I just found out lots of **** my mom did which made me doubt my dad is a total AFC. It's not a bad thing, but he can't be my role model anymore...

There's only one thing I can say to this. My dad was a veteran and had passed away when I was 5. Even though your dad is an AFC, don't push him aside.

* Lots of people hate me and it really bothers me.
* Most importantly - I have no real friends. The people I call "friends" only call me when they want something from me or as last resort when they're bored.

Nobody likes someone who is egotistical and weak. They realize this so they now resort to you as their "last resort." Or they could actually be your real friends but your ego just isn't satisfied. Either way, you need to focus on yourself. Getting rid of your ego is step one. Every time a situation arises from which you feel resentful/angry/hurt/the need to "1 up that person," just think if you're actually doing it because YOU want to. Not for that person, your ego, inside your head. Your ego is everyone else's negative mind inside of yours, and you're trying to win a game that cannot be won. The only person you should be trying to impress is yourself. Overcoming your ego can only be accomplished if you do things for YOURSELF and no one else.

I try to make friends and meet new people but it just doesn't seem to work very well. I always end up as being the initiator, it seems they are not interested in me at all.

This could just be people in general. But you're egotistical- which makes you infamous. People pick up on your energy and can feel that you aren't really genuine in really getting to know them. They feel that you want something else, in fact it's not even you who wants something. It's your ego that wants that validation. Work on yourself before touching/going near anyone else. Isolation can be a time for either pain or great improvement. Choose the second one.

I talked to a friend of mine who is also into Self Improvement, I asked him why people avoid talking to me - he said that it's because I make people feel obligated to talk to me, as in I invest too much in the conversation and that's why people try not to talk to me.

Yes he's right. Your ego wants their validation, you do not truly want to get to know them. Be friendly and don't try and "1 up" the person. Stay humble and polite. Ask them about them instead of talking about yourself. This same principle applies to dating as well.

 

[Skyline]

[continued]

I've only slept with one girl in my life, she was my girlfriend for a few years. I think she emasculated me a lot because I used to be happy as a teen and had lots of friends, now I'm left with nothing (and also, she left me of course) while in the meantime it seems like everyone around me is getting laid and having the time of their life while I struggle to even have someone to talk to, oh and I bet my ex left her panties at home ever since we broke up so there you go, more salt on my wounds.

Women cannot bring you TRUE happiness but they CAN bring you pain- if you let them. You're letting your past effect you, this is contributing to your low self-esteem and high ego. You need to let it all go and embrace either the future or NOW. You envy everyone's else's life, but what you don't realize that in envying them so much, you're ruining yours. Your ego is ruling your life, not you. Like I said, your ego is everyone else's negative minds in your own. Regain control by doing and thinking about things for yourself- not for the "satisfaction" of others so you feel validated. Do not become selfish, if you become selfish then you have not learned true confidence. Confidence is zen, Don Juan'ism is the point that every man should strive for the best possible life.

This cannot go on. I can't continue living like this. I feel like I start resenting everyone around me for not archiving what I want in life. I start being angry and hateful towards women. I feel like I'm suffocating and drowning, my sanity is going down by the day. I don't want to end up like Elliot Rodger. Please, sosuave, help me.

"I feel like I start resenting everyone around me for not archiving what I want in life." You are correct. Your ego is ruling your life and it's about to completely take over, when it does, you will do stupid/violent things toward yourself and or others. You need to dominate your ego by simply doing things for yourself. Which can either be learning a new skill, getting a new wardrobe that suits your style, find new hobbies, anything for yourself that is positive. Do not get into "medication" or drugs, it is VERY dangerous for you right now.

I need a step-by-step plan to get rid of the old me and rewire my brain. I want to have an awesome lifestyle. I want to have lots of friends. I want to sleep with many women.

I want to live life to the fullest. I am ready and to step out of my comfort zone and do everything this community tells me to, and I will keep this thread updated with my progress.[/B]

You need to tackle your mind first. "The Book of Pook" will help you with this. Do what you feel is best for YOU, no one else.

The Book of Pook
http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf

Read all of these.
http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

Brad's guide to becoming a Don Juan.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=197705

Coach Corey Wayne. He has a very positive outlook on women and life, he is a true Don Juan in my opinion.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQTAVxA4dNBCoPdHhX9nnoQ

Embrace all of this with an open positive mind. Once you solve your enemy, which is your ego, everything will pretty much fall in place. It may have given you some uppercuts and beat you down a few times, but don't let it win bro.



EDIT:
I just looked up "Elliot Rodgers." My heart literally stopped after reading that article by Nick Allen. His mindset is very similar to yours... Only his ego has COMPLETELY won him over, he basically became a monster. I also checked out his youtube... That content just makes me uneasy, in a way that I feel so bad for him because he basically lost the battle. Then the comments... Man some of those were really rough to read. If you ever feel that way or in dire need of help, just get on SS as soon as possible.

 

[Infinity.]

First off, I'd like to thank you for your time and effort, as well as laying some hard truth on me. As much as I'd hate to admit it, most of what you said is true.

I do envy everyone around me for having a better life than me, but I now realize it's not their fault. It's my own fault solely, and realizing that should help me stop resenting people.

I do agree I must get rid of my ego. Although I can't see it, I'm sure I am very egoistic and everyone around me can feel it.
By getting rid of my ego, I would definitely solve many problems that I currently have and it would be a huge leap forward.

I am not going to use any drugs nor abuse alcohol, it's an attempt to escape reality. What I have been doing for years now is being addicted to the computer and the internet, especially gaming. My DOTA 2 profile has logged over 650 hours of gaming...I must take it under control.

I will go through the Book of Pook today, but in the meanwhile, what is the first step in getting rid of your ego?

(Wow..there are quite a lot of "I"'s in my messages, ego much? heh)

 

[Skyline]

First off, I'd like to thank you for your time and effort, as well as laying some hard truth on me. As much as I'd hate to admit it, most of what you said is true.

I do envy everyone around me for having a better life than me, but I now realize it's not their fault. It's my own fault solely, and realizing that should help me stop resenting people.

I do agree I must get rid of my ego. Although I can't see it, I'm sure I am very egoistic and everyone around me can feel it.
By getting rid of my ego, I would definitely solve many problems that I currently have and it would be a huge leap forward.

I am not going to use any drugs nor abuse alcohol, it's an attempt to escape reality. What I have been doing for years now is being addicted to the computer and the internet, especially gaming. My DOTA 2 profile has logged over 650 hours of gaming...I must take it under control.

I will go through the Book of Pook today, but in the meanwhile, what is the first step in getting rid of your ego?

Read the "Book of Pook" and Brad's guide to becoming a Don Juan. These posters/ex-poster amplify the steps and processes very thoroughly. Even though they don't directly say "Ego" they are talking about it pretty much all the time. Being a Don Juan is conquering yourself, a.k.a your ego.

It's okay to game to pass the time, but it's when you use it as an escape is it when it becomes an issue. When I was frustrated my Freshman, Sophomore, and even Junior year of High-school I sunk a lot of time into gaming. I used it as an escape. But now, I play about 1-2 hours max- compared to my countless 3+ hours or so. And it's not because I'm restricting myself I just simply loose interest now. Depending if I'm playing with real life friends. 650 hours is about 27 days too... That's probably all of my playtime in the past year. Take a break from that, I would advise you to use the internet for only self improvement right now.

Focus on real life. Then decide if you're still interested in playing those types of games. Real life is real. I forgot to mention that your ego plays a very good job on hiding itself by tricking you into thinking you're you. It sounds complex, because it is, so just follow/read those articles on how to fix it and you'll be fine.

(Wow..there are quite a lot of "I"'s in my messages, ego much? heh)

 

[Don-Kong]

infinity, you seem really cool bro. I respect you for you bravery in opening up on such a forum.

As a therapist, I deal with Bipolar clients and clients who have personality issues. It seems to me you are completely normal displaying very normal ways of thinking, albeit unhelpful. You are like many, many guys your age experiencing very similar issues maturing as a young man.

Also if you believe what people here and elsewhere are telling you that may feed a problem that does not really exist. So I invite you to become aware of how that influences how you see yourself.

I'd love to set-up a step by step plan to help you and was thinking about offering you free therapy consultation sessions but I'm super busy as it is. But I am interested to see how you get on. Feel free to PM me anytime tho.

Good luck.

 

[Infinity.]

I am unable to send PMs, most likely because I don't have enough posts.

Today is the second day of my routine, I couldn't fall sleep at 11:30pm because I did my work out too late (hyper energized after workout), I stuck to my diet, cleaned my room and played the computer for only one hour, bought Hydrogen Peroxide to bleach my teeth twice a day.

I've interacted with a few young (apparently too young) girls on the bus, with the sole intention of having a small talk.

Don't know why but my "friends" kept texting me yesterday, maybe they feel my vibe is changing

 

[MountainSlide]

Happiness is a state of mind and can only be contributed to externally but must be created from within. Emotions that you are suffering from release hormones into your body and it becomes a cycle of negativity. The cycle can be difficult to break free from.

Don't just create plans because you have to start with the end in mind. A goal. You must have a clear goal and it is a good idea to write it down. Once you know what your goal is then you devise your plans in order to achieve your goal. Maybe it is a simple goal like being happy. You could even set a date for when you would like to be happy by. Remember that it won't always be easy but getting there will be well worth it. Another recommendation is to have a clear goal and then stepping stones in order to achieve your goal. Where you'd like to be in a week, a month, a year.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Thank you for your input guys.

First off, I will NOT be limited by some personality disorder. I tried to go to therapy but it was too expensive, and it looks like I can fix it with my own hands.

Thank you for writing down your own experience, ArcBound, I will take this to consideration, starting from now - I will go out for a run and a small Street Workout.


Guys. I need a step-by-step plan to change me to a socially healthy person. Telling me to go to a therapist basically diminishes the purpose of the self-improvement community.
I'm not asking for everything on a silver platter, just some sort of guidance, a plan I can follow, a mentor!

You get free therapy here sunshine!

But obviously take all advice with a pinch of salt. You are your own person and that is the most important thing to remember in all you do.

Start with the DJ Bible. It has a lot of useful material.

 

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Seems like I can't update my main post.

Update
The past few days I didn't do everything as planned:
-Went to sleep at 12:00-01:00 instead of 11:30 and woke up at 08:00-09:00 as a result of that
-Ate a bit more than I need, maybe 400-500 calories more than I planned, but I'm still on caloric deficit
-Decreased my gaming only by 20%~
-I lasted only a single day without masturbating, but I definitely decreased the sessions to 1-2 times a day instead of 3-4

On the contrary, workouts and cardio were preformed as planned, I am a bit happier, met a friend from elementary school today!
Too bad she has a boyfriend of 4 years, she's hot. Got her phone #, told her she should bring her boyfriend and another female friend and we should date..we'll see how it rolls.

I've been studying the map of interaction for few days now, I want to try it out so I'm going to hit the bars tomorrow.

 

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I am having a big belief system crysis (I guess you can call it that way).

I can't believe that women can be THAT slutty and shallow!
Ever since I was little I was raised to respect women, treat them nicely, make them feel good and honor them. All of the movies and shows always showed the woman as the center of the universe and man is always the one chasing her and everything is in it's place.

Unfortunately it's not how the world works. I just got slapped in the face by reality - I found out that ALL girls sleep around, even good ones and the nicest ones will lie, cheat and use a man without thinking twice beforehand.

All that time that my ex has been messing with my emotions it's because she met someone else and now they are officially in a relationship like what we've had was nothing...all girls do that !!! It's a tough pill to swallow!

Some guy was telling me he used to work as a stripper and he was amazed by what he saw - women acting worse than the horniest men! Brides grinding their bare pvssy on his chest and ass, tons of brides, married women and girls in a relationship blowing him off and lots of brides actually paying extra to have sex with him after the show.

He's a tanned and muscular guy and but I wouldn't define his as "hot".

I want to break out of my belief system, I've been thinking of becoming a male stripper for a while in order to break free of my "blue pill" mentality. What do you guys say? I look good and know how to dance so why the hell not?