Deadly_Ripped
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2003
- Messages
- 626
- Reaction score
- 26
Hey everyone,
I am almost 30 and I have been coming to this site on and off for the past 15 years. I broke down my experiences during that time into a series of phases, each with a starting points, a series of lessons learned, and then a description of the transformations undergone. I hope you enjoy reading about this journey as much as I enjoyed experiencing it.
Phase I: The First 3 years - Extreme transformation
Premise:
I started using this site about 15 years ago when I was still in high school. Before I visited this site, I had never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, and had no female friends. I had one male friend. I didn't know the phrase social anxiety, but I sure did know the feeling.
Key Lessons/Topics:
1) Study socially-successful people and imitate their behaviors. I did this, to an extreme, with my only male friend.
2) Do stuff - anything. It will make you a more interesting person and you'll be happier than you were before you started doing stuff.
3) Fitness is a high priority. Athleticism and aesthetics make it easier to talk to people.
4) Ask people questions to get them talking. People love talking.
5) Stories are REALLY important for effective balanced conversation. People love good stories and hate bad stories.
Results:
A few fat chicks tried to date me. I had my first girlfriend and my first kiss (no she was not one of the fat chicks). I even got laid by the end of high school, and I ascribe this entirely to my athletic body and my ability to hold a basic converation.
Phase II: The next 3 years - College Progress
Premise:
I could talk to a woman and struggled to ask questions. I had become aware of a bunch of social rules by this point to help me understand WHY I was socially awkward, making it possible for me to troubleshoot and experiment. I still didn't seek out social situations and didn't really know how to "date."
Key Lessons/Topics:
1) Conversation is more than just words. Use your body and your mouth.
2) Be sexual - women enjoy a guy who they can be comfortable being sexual around.
3) Basic grooming is way more important than natural looks, and even more important than having a hot body. If you don't shave regularly, have wax in your ears, and don't keep your hair cut properly, women will look at you and assume that you are a low quality person. This is especially true if you're smelly. Check your smell. Ask random strangers if you have to.
4) Telling stories is about evoking emotion and painting a picture, without cluttering the scene with unnecessary details. Story telling truly is one of the msot important features of conversation.
Results:
I developed more confidence, I started to find myself, and I learned to spend more of my time asking questions and making conversation. I got a BJ from an HB9 and dated 4 other women - of increasing quality throughout these years. My work on becoming a Don Juan was having a drastic impact on my broader social skills. One of these women was so attractive that I had to, for the first time, deal with an acquaintance trying to break up my relationship so that they could date this girl. That experience was terrible, but it felt really good to be with a woman of sufficient quality that other men wanted to date her. I found friends who would become friends for life. Interestingly, my awareness of my own social behavior caused me to become more insecure about my social skills. I would reflect intensely on my nights and days, finding areas where I had clearly missed an opportunity ask an excellent question to keep her talking, or where I had jumped in and totally killed someone else's conversation. I was still uncomfortable at parties, but I showed up anyway. I wasn't the life of the party, but I had fun anyway. I was still nervous as heck cold-approaching, but I did it anyway. This was a period of intense struggle, with moderate success.
Phase III: The next 3 years - College and post-college
Premise:
I graduated college and worked for a few years in a large academic center setting. I didn't have much confidence, but I knew that I had the guts to put myself in uncomfortable situations and to live with the consequences. I was single, in a new town, and had goals. I also learned about free online dating websites, which vastly expanded my pool of available women to meet.
Lessons Learned:
1) Focus on being interested before trying to be interesting. Being interested is more important than being interesting (even if you're a super interesting person).
2) Be scarce until you are ready to date someone. Don't hang around a girl and increase contact if either you or she isn't available. This will get you friend-zoned.
3) Being alpha and demonstrating value are important, but not everything.
4) Don't beat around the bush. If you want to date a girl, don't settle for continuing friend-type 'dates.' Either she and you escalate contact or you leave to find someone who wants you in that way. Do not linger, because she will respect you less for it, which will feed-forward to work against you. If she loses respect for you, there is no chance in hell that she'll want to sleep with you.
5) Do everything in your power to avoid being desperate.
6) Talking about sex is a great way to get women to think about sex with you. Choose your specific topics wisely.
7) Looks are more than just grooming. Your clothing should fit you. Baggy is out - don't wear baggy clothing. even if you're fat, baggy clothing will just make you look like lazy. Wear clothing that fits you well. Find a friend to go with you and ask for help. Take their advice. If you don't have friends interested in this, ask for help at the store. Those people are around clothing all day and be genuine in asking for their help.
Results:
This was my personal Englightening/Rennaissance. I enjoyed parties. I enjoyed meeting new people. I began to genuinely enjoy the conversational process as it unfolded, and became fascinated by the conversational styles of others. At this point, my confidence had increased to the point where I had defeated the inner voice that says, "she won't want to talk with you," or, "they've already judged you based on how you look." This voice would never leave me, but I had mastered the ability to talk back to it, and put it in its place alongside my other insecurities - in the back next to the old, dusty boxes. I realized how important basic grooming was, and started to experiment with facial hair and haircuts. Rather than SURVIVE conversations, I wanted to THRIVE in conversations. I had a bunch of success during these years. I was able to find some kinky freaks on dating websites. I found some older, very attractive women, who wanted to F-K my brains out (and they did). I had a few relatively short, healthy relationships. I picked up a girl at a bar for the first time and we went on 4 dates, sleeping together on the 2nd. I still occasionally dropped into the AFC mindset when I met someone super hot or whom I got along with really, really well. I am not perfect. None of us are.
One more post coming - had to split due to length.
-Deadly_Ripped
I am almost 30 and I have been coming to this site on and off for the past 15 years. I broke down my experiences during that time into a series of phases, each with a starting points, a series of lessons learned, and then a description of the transformations undergone. I hope you enjoy reading about this journey as much as I enjoyed experiencing it.
Phase I: The First 3 years - Extreme transformation
Premise:
I started using this site about 15 years ago when I was still in high school. Before I visited this site, I had never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, and had no female friends. I had one male friend. I didn't know the phrase social anxiety, but I sure did know the feeling.
Key Lessons/Topics:
1) Study socially-successful people and imitate their behaviors. I did this, to an extreme, with my only male friend.
2) Do stuff - anything. It will make you a more interesting person and you'll be happier than you were before you started doing stuff.
3) Fitness is a high priority. Athleticism and aesthetics make it easier to talk to people.
4) Ask people questions to get them talking. People love talking.
5) Stories are REALLY important for effective balanced conversation. People love good stories and hate bad stories.
Results:
A few fat chicks tried to date me. I had my first girlfriend and my first kiss (no she was not one of the fat chicks). I even got laid by the end of high school, and I ascribe this entirely to my athletic body and my ability to hold a basic converation.
Phase II: The next 3 years - College Progress
Premise:
I could talk to a woman and struggled to ask questions. I had become aware of a bunch of social rules by this point to help me understand WHY I was socially awkward, making it possible for me to troubleshoot and experiment. I still didn't seek out social situations and didn't really know how to "date."
Key Lessons/Topics:
1) Conversation is more than just words. Use your body and your mouth.
2) Be sexual - women enjoy a guy who they can be comfortable being sexual around.
3) Basic grooming is way more important than natural looks, and even more important than having a hot body. If you don't shave regularly, have wax in your ears, and don't keep your hair cut properly, women will look at you and assume that you are a low quality person. This is especially true if you're smelly. Check your smell. Ask random strangers if you have to.
4) Telling stories is about evoking emotion and painting a picture, without cluttering the scene with unnecessary details. Story telling truly is one of the msot important features of conversation.
Results:
I developed more confidence, I started to find myself, and I learned to spend more of my time asking questions and making conversation. I got a BJ from an HB9 and dated 4 other women - of increasing quality throughout these years. My work on becoming a Don Juan was having a drastic impact on my broader social skills. One of these women was so attractive that I had to, for the first time, deal with an acquaintance trying to break up my relationship so that they could date this girl. That experience was terrible, but it felt really good to be with a woman of sufficient quality that other men wanted to date her. I found friends who would become friends for life. Interestingly, my awareness of my own social behavior caused me to become more insecure about my social skills. I would reflect intensely on my nights and days, finding areas where I had clearly missed an opportunity ask an excellent question to keep her talking, or where I had jumped in and totally killed someone else's conversation. I was still uncomfortable at parties, but I showed up anyway. I wasn't the life of the party, but I had fun anyway. I was still nervous as heck cold-approaching, but I did it anyway. This was a period of intense struggle, with moderate success.
Phase III: The next 3 years - College and post-college
Premise:
I graduated college and worked for a few years in a large academic center setting. I didn't have much confidence, but I knew that I had the guts to put myself in uncomfortable situations and to live with the consequences. I was single, in a new town, and had goals. I also learned about free online dating websites, which vastly expanded my pool of available women to meet.
Lessons Learned:
1) Focus on being interested before trying to be interesting. Being interested is more important than being interesting (even if you're a super interesting person).
2) Be scarce until you are ready to date someone. Don't hang around a girl and increase contact if either you or she isn't available. This will get you friend-zoned.
3) Being alpha and demonstrating value are important, but not everything.
4) Don't beat around the bush. If you want to date a girl, don't settle for continuing friend-type 'dates.' Either she and you escalate contact or you leave to find someone who wants you in that way. Do not linger, because she will respect you less for it, which will feed-forward to work against you. If she loses respect for you, there is no chance in hell that she'll want to sleep with you.
5) Do everything in your power to avoid being desperate.
6) Talking about sex is a great way to get women to think about sex with you. Choose your specific topics wisely.
7) Looks are more than just grooming. Your clothing should fit you. Baggy is out - don't wear baggy clothing. even if you're fat, baggy clothing will just make you look like lazy. Wear clothing that fits you well. Find a friend to go with you and ask for help. Take their advice. If you don't have friends interested in this, ask for help at the store. Those people are around clothing all day and be genuine in asking for their help.
Results:
This was my personal Englightening/Rennaissance. I enjoyed parties. I enjoyed meeting new people. I began to genuinely enjoy the conversational process as it unfolded, and became fascinated by the conversational styles of others. At this point, my confidence had increased to the point where I had defeated the inner voice that says, "she won't want to talk with you," or, "they've already judged you based on how you look." This voice would never leave me, but I had mastered the ability to talk back to it, and put it in its place alongside my other insecurities - in the back next to the old, dusty boxes. I realized how important basic grooming was, and started to experiment with facial hair and haircuts. Rather than SURVIVE conversations, I wanted to THRIVE in conversations. I had a bunch of success during these years. I was able to find some kinky freaks on dating websites. I found some older, very attractive women, who wanted to F-K my brains out (and they did). I had a few relatively short, healthy relationships. I picked up a girl at a bar for the first time and we went on 4 dates, sleeping together on the 2nd. I still occasionally dropped into the AFC mindset when I met someone super hot or whom I got along with really, really well. I am not perfect. None of us are.
One more post coming - had to split due to length.
-Deadly_Ripped
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