Returning after many years. Here's what I've learned!

bugsquish

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When I first came here about 8 years ago I was a serial monogamist, in unhappy relationships with the wrong girls, unsatisfied with my life and generally feeling trapped in everything I did.

These days, I'm a single guy, happy to be so, and I've got my life well on track. I feel free like the world is my oyster and I'm not even stressed about the fact that I'm soon gonna turn 32. I generally always have somewhere between 3-8 girls I can booty call at any one time. In fact I usually cut them off if they start to get too attached.

I just want to come back and share some of the core values that help me sustain this lifestyle. Many of these are concepts and tips that I read on here some 8 years ago, but it's hard to realy internalise these things unless you've had a chance to live them out. I just want to confirm that yes: they work. These are my 5 keys to success.

1) The state of your life is more important than whether or not you have a woman in it.

Or to put it another way, having a beautiful girlfriend will not make you happy if your life is a mess. Whatever it takes, if you have no life, career, education, passions, skills, friends then put your pursuit of women to the side and sort this stuff out first. Women just get in the way. If you do manage to score a hottie first (I did, several times) then you will have no power in the relationship and she will walk all over you. However, if you have a real sense of your own value and direction in life then you will be more inclined to stick up for yourself, and even walk away if necessary. This is the kind of person that women want to please.

2) Presentation is everything.

It doesn't really matter if you're the smoothest talker in the land. She'll put you in the 'yes' or 'no' category immediately. There IS a small grey area between the 2 that is based on your conversation, and crap chat can get you dropped from 'yes' into 'no' if you're not careful. It doesn't work the other way. But your looks are less important than your general health and grooming. Too fat? Sort it out. Too scruffy? Sort it out, unless you want to attract a certain kind of girl. Honestly, HEALTH AND GROOMING are the keys here. Eat well, excercise, wear sexy clothes and accessories, shave and get a haircut.

3) Pick the ones who are interested.

This seems like an obvious no brainer, but people think it takes some skill to spot this. It doesn't really, just some awareness. If a girl likes you she will give subtle cues IMMEDIATELY. Once you train yourself to look for this you can tell within a few seconds whether a girl likes you or not. And it may be the one next to the girl you're wasting your time with. Very simple people: the first eye contact is maintained? Check. She smiles or smiles back? Check. She says hi first or otherwise starts a conversation? Check. She asks your name? Check (I always ask hers and dont offer mine unless she asks). She touches you? Check. She reciprocates when you touch her? Check. (Make sure you do this!!!! Touch her hands etc..) She stays talking to you longer than she 'needs' to? Check. To be honest any one of these cues is enough for me to go for a kiss or a number or a dance, or all of the above, or just take her home.

4) There's no need whatsoever to play games.

How many days should I wait to call? Who cares, call when you have time. You do have other stuff going on in your life right. You can be pretty blatant about what you're looking for. In my case I just invite them to my place for dinner and wine. Why bother going on dates? I'm not necessarily interested in anything other than sex and this invitation makes that pretty obvious. If they are looking for more they will probably suggest something more date-like. If I'm interested in that kind of scenario, I may meet them elsewhere. If they come round, I generally talk about my commitment issues before the sex just so everyone is clear on the matter. If they really aren't interested in no-strings sex, then I might start to evaluate their LTR value. But be a gentleman, there's no need to lie.

5) Women are infinite.

For me, it's a numbers game. Why would you waste your time on a particular woman when there's 10 more hotter, more intelligent, exciting, educated women round the corner waiting for you? I guess this depends on where you live. I live in Glasgow (pop. half a million) but I'm planning to relocate to London (pop. over 7 million) since I have a 100% success rate when I visit there compared to around 70% where I live. This also has a lot to do with the diversity of people in London compared to Glasgow, and a high quantity of young, single, female immigrants from all over the world. If you're having trouble scoring and you live in a small town, get yourself somewhere where there are more opportunities!

--

Hope this helps someone, despite being rather obvious :)
 
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imarockstar

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god i love these kinds of posts! when a member leaves for a while, gets their life and priorities straight, then comes back to tell their story. awesome.

i rarely get on this site anymore, if i do its for about 5 minutes, in hopes i will see a positive post like this. ive learned so much in the past 2 or 3 years of being single. taking breaks from this site really helped as well.

i have changed immensely since the first time i stumbled upon this site. but it was through experience and putting my knowledge into action that was the key.

good for you bugsquish
 

Blues

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4) There's no need whatsoever to play games.
This is something i've defintely been doing as i got older. Thinking back when i was 25 and doing all those routines i did get girls but it just didnt feel natural.

At the age of 35, i just rely on charm, wit and humor to attract the women i'm in interested in.

I guess being more centered with myself helps
 

PrettyBoyAJ

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Great post brother.
 

typical

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imarockstar said:
god i love these kinds of posts! when a member leaves for a while, gets their life and priorities straight, then comes back to tell their story. awesome.

i rarely get on this site anymore, if i do its for about 5 minutes, in hopes i will see a positive post like this. ive learned so much in the past 2 or 3 years of being single. taking breaks from this site really helped as well.

i have changed immensely since the first time i stumbled upon this site. but it was through experience and putting my knowledge into action that was the key.

good for you bugsquish
Indeed mate I came here cause I messed up with this one girl and wondered what I done wrong, I went away got my life on track then again last year made some stupid stupid mistakes which have forced me back here, I'm hoping I can readjust myself pickup where I went wrong and recreate what I nearly had and waht the OP has achieved :)
 

Solomon

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Blues said:
This is something i've defintely been doing as i got older. Thinking back when i was 25 and doing all those routines i did get girls but it just didnt feel natural.

At the age of 35, i just rely on charm, wit and humor to attract the women i'm in interested in.

I guess being more centered with myself helps

Yup that's what being a natural is a bout conveying your personality in a positive manner, once guys figure that out they realize a lot of the "techniques" are pointless because once your centered or natural confident in yourself its radiant and women can tell (as can men)
 

bugsquish

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Thanks guys.

Yep, that's why I never really went into detail about any techniques that I use. I don't follow any particular method, I do as Blues said, just rely on my natural personality with some help from my appearance (ie. health and grooming). Charm, wit and humor are essential things that you just pick up over time, but it all starts with the self confidence that comes from having your own life in order and knowing you look good. Having that confidence puts you consistently in a position to master your personality. The key fact here is that it takes time! I think a lot of people come on here expecting a magic pill but it just doesn't work like that.

Social intuition is another thing that you just learn over time and just internalise it. It helps you quickly work out the dynamic between groups you encounter, and spot opportunities or pitfalls, and know when to make your move. This is also how I can tell if a girl likes me (or if I'm making her uncomfortable). I listed some broad points above, things to watch out for that are pretty blatant. But once you start to notice these things you will see even more subtle cues like the way she stands or they way she looks at you or talks to you that I can't really describe, because after a while they are so internal that they don't really register. The only thing that registers is that she wants you (or wants to get away from you). You can just tell. I'm bracketing negative observations here because these help too, sometimes you need to know when to stop wasting time and move on. Or, even better, start talking to her friend who actually is showing signs of being interested!
 

SHECHAFESMYFIGS

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Well said sir. One might also add that once you get your life in a zen-like productive state, women will crawl out of the woodwork to be the one to f*ck it up or take credit for it. I think it is important that a man always leave a women with more than he came with, ans send the b*tch packing with less than she came with.
 

bugsquish

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SHECHAFESMYFIGS said:
Well said sir. One might also add that once you get your life in a zen-like productive state, women will crawl out of the woodwork to be the one to f*ck it up or take credit for it. I think it is important that a man always leave a women with more than he came with, ans send the b*tch packing with less than she came with.
Thanks, but... I don't have any resentment towards women. These days I'm all about honesty and mutual respect!
 

comic_relief

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bugsquish said:
4) There's no need whatsoever to play games.

How many days should I wait to call? Who cares, call when you have time. You do have other stuff going on in your life right. You can be pretty blatant about what you're looking for. In my case I just invite them to my place for dinner and wine. Why bother going on dates? I'm not necessarily interested in anything other than sex and this invitation makes that pretty obvious. If they are looking for more they will probably suggest something more date-like. If I'm interested in that kind of scenario, I may meet them elsewhere. If they come round, I generally talk about my commitment issues before the sex just so everyone is clear on the matter. If they really aren't interested in no-strings sex, then I might start to evaluate their LTR value. But be a gentleman, there's no need to lie.
Great post, I am very impressed. Congrats bro, that lesson was one of the most important lessons that i learned in the last year or so. NO MENTAL GAMES. As long as your life is interesting, than you should be good to go.

Interesting life = busy life = healthy life = Great guy :)

- comic_relief
 

Hermes

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"the genius is the one who nails the basics every time."

I like the simplicity and natural feel of what you said. Great stuff !
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

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