Returned to the board

[Krankshaft]

Hey guys I found this site in 2001 when me and my girlfriend of 5 years split. I am now 28 and have been dating my current girlfriend for 3 and a half years. I am starting to have some problems and am looking for some guidance. Her father passed away about a month ago and since then she has been upset and very moody, which I can understand. I was there for her through the entire process. Yesterday we got into somewhat of a fight on her way to work on the phone. Last night chirstmas eve I work until 10pm and she would not answer her phone until about 10 pm, she then berated me and told me she just wants everyone to leave her alone.... she just wants to be left alone... So today Christmas day I have to work and not one single call from her... we had planned to go to her Grandparents when I was done work, so i send her a text after im dont eating with my family and she skipped out to her grandparents without me. I have never lost a parent and I understand how stressful it can be but whats your guys take on it? Please be patient with me I have not been on the board in years.

 

[Interceptor]

She's just not dealing with this well, and is getting moody and irritable, and unfortunately, taking it out on you.
Best thing to do is give her her space.

If she asks to be left alone, do so.

You need to take care of yourself too.

 

[horaholic]

Christmas is a really hard time. I had a breakup due to almost the same circumstances as you, and to this day, xmas sucks. Like stated above, let her do her thing. If you try to be there for her too much right now, she might start associating you with negativity, but at the same time, she needs to know that you are her 'rock.' Its a VERY delicate balance. Keep your eyes open for her hanging out with other guy 'friends' instead of you right now, though. This is the vulnerable time of year, indeed. Good luck. It didnt end well for me, when I was in your shoes several years back. Hopefully, you will do better.

 

[STR8UP]

I started dating a girl who had lost her father a year or two prior to us getting together. She seemed to have adjusted to it well enough, but it turns out that her 18 yr old sister was diagnosed with a type of leukemia, and died just months after we started dating.

All I can say is that this seemed to be the turning point in our relationship. I don't know that I necessarily did anything WRONG, but maybe she associated negative feelings with me after that....I dunno.

I think all you can do is walk away. If she comes back around, great. If not, it was doomed anyway. You can't talk someone into wanting to be with you.

 

[thedeparted]

If you put up with it she'll lose interest and respect. So you have to say, look, we need some time apart. It doesn't matter what the reason is, it's a shlt test all the same. You are thinking she is hurting and can't help it. The psychologist in me says otherwise. More likely, without her father, you are now The Man. She now has a higher standard for you. So she throws the moody shlt tests at you. If you fail, you are done. You gotta do what Daddy would do and put her in her place. It's not logical or intuitive, but it is how women are. Good luck!

 

[decades]

give her space. stop trying to be her shoulder to cry on. if she needs you, let her be the one to ask for support. keep an eye on this. she may just be an unhappy person and you are seeing the real her. You don't have to be with someone who is a downer. See if she snaps out of it in time. if not it's time to take care of yourself.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

KRANK, if you want to this thread to remain in the Mature forum you're going to have to post your age in your profile.

 

[Paradox]

bump for poster

 

[alphamailman]

KRANK, if you want to this thread to remain in the Mature forum you're going to have to post your age in your profile.

I think he's 28. He sound mature anyways.

 

[Colossus]

I have lost a parent. When a parent dies, especially a girl's father or a boy's mother at a relatively young age, it leaves a massive hole in the heart. Everyone deals with it differently, but most people are not the same, nor will they ever be after that. Understand this and do not force yourself into her life. Be there for her if she needs you...but understand this is a huge rift in her life and that there is little you can do other than give her plenty of space to grieve.