Return of the "X"

[Solomon]

So here is the deal
I recently started seeing this chick nothing serious.
Today before work she IM's me saying that "something serious has happened concerning me" (don't you love it when chicks try to be dramatic
anyway come to find out some X from a few months ago who dropped of at the face of the earth has contacted her. They were serious and what not, I mean talking about marriage and moving in together then all of a sudden he stopped talking to her etc.

Now I asked her how it "concerns me" because she claims she is over him (which she isn't) and also how he is "cut off". But how she still loves him and blah blah.

I'm ready to say next.....

thoughts?

 

[Slickster]

Nothing much to think about here.

Stop calling and forget about her.

If she continues to contact you, fine. First mention of the ex and you're gone.

 

[Slickster]

double

 

[jophil28]

Let's you and him fight....over me!

The best way to "win" here is to just walk away. I have seen this sort of thing WAY too many times.

^^THis is exactly what she is doing. ^^
IF this woman really valued her relationship with you, she would NOT have mentioned the contact from her ex. It did not need to be pushed your way, or said to you at all. She could have dealt with his reapproach privately. She did it (as Danger said ) to create a competition between you and the ex for her affection.She is trying to set herself up as some kind of Prize to be fought over.
However, she may be trying to amp up your interest in her too, but is this a productive way to do that ?

Women create drama for myriad reasons, but know this, every one of those reasons are to serve HER interests, every one of those reasons are implemented without consideration for the problems that can follow, and every one of those reasons usually turns into a really sour bigger problem.
However, they keep on doing it, don't they ?

 

[Solomon]

^^THis is exactly what she is doing. ^^
IF this woman really valued her relationship with you, she would NOT have mentioned the contact from her ex. It did not need to be pushed your way, or said to you at all. She could have dealt with his reapproach privately. She did it (as Danger said ) to create a competition between you and the ex for her affection.She is trying to set herself up as some kind of Prize to be fought over.
However, she may be trying to amp up your interest in her too, but is this a productive way to do that ?

Women create drama for myriad reasons, but know this, every one of those reasons are to serve HER interests, every one of those reasons are implemented without consideration for the problems that can follow, and every one of those reasons usually turns into a really sour bigger problem.
However, they keep on doing it, don't they ?

Jophil I feel ya, she intially didn't wanna tell me but "I can't lie to you.."
man I wish you could hear the VM she left me....saying she couldn't lie to me and he is in the past blah blah

I gotta think Criticially here though

 

[Von_S]

Solomon, I respect you and I know you got this squared away, but to the young bucks out there take note; this is a good example of why every DJ needs a lineup of women. When one starts getting out of line or throwing up the drama or wanting to get serious, she's benched or cut from the team.

 

[jophil28]

Jophil I feel ya, she intially didn't wanna tell me but "I can't lie to you.."
man I wish you could hear the VM she left me....saying she couldn't lie to me and he is in the past blah blah

I gotta think Criticially here though

"i can't lie to you..". You gotta love their attempts to relabel their beloved drama creation as a virtuous act.
If he really were in the past, or she wanted him to stay in the past, she could have ended his phone call in ten flat seconds by telling him that she never wanted to hear from him again...CLICK. Perhaps just five seconds was enough to do so.
The fact is that she has re-opened the door to him by talking to him and NOT telling him to get lost permanently, but of course, she would deny that.

I just laugh when i hear women whine about how this guy or that is "stalking me" but she still meets him for some coffee, or has two hour phone convos with the dude.

Man, I feel for you. I had a BPD crazy back in 2006 who frequently played this same "other guy" card. She always had a story about some guy from her past who wanted to get back with her.

IF I were you I would just go to radio silence. When she calls you, I would explain that I do not get in triangles, even with " ex" b/fs because if you and she were ever to become exclusive he would probably be a problem.

The idea is not to get hissy or jealous here . And never TELL her to get rid of him either. That is playing into her need to be chased and to see you upset.
The idea is to let her know, subtly but firmly, that her actions in keeping in contact with her ex will PREVENT you becoming committed to her in an exclusive relationship.
SO you place the the onus back on her to lose this dude or risk losing you as a potential B/f.

I wish I had counseled myself back then in 2006 ! Ha !

 

[Solomon]

"i can't lie to you..". You gotta love their attempts to relabel their beloved drama creation as a viruous act.
If he really were in the past, she could have ended his phone call in ten flat seconds by telling him that she never wanted to hear from him again...
CLICK. Perhaps just five seconds was enough.
The fact is that she has re-opened the door to him by talking to him and NOT telling him to get lost permanently, but of course, she would deny that.

I just laugh when i hear women whine about how this guy or that is "stalking me" but she still meets him for some coffee, or has two hour phone convos with the dude.

Man, I feel for you. I had a BPD crazy back in 2006 who frequently played this same "other guy" card. She always had a story about some guy from her past who wanted to get back with her.

IF I were you I would just go to radio silence. When she calls you, I would explain that I do not get in triangles, even with " ex" b/fs because if you and she were ever to become exclusive he would probably be a problem.

The idea is not to get hissy or jealous here . And never TELL her to get rid of him either. That is playing into her need to be chased and to see you upset.
The idea is to let her know, subtly but firmly, that her actions in keeping in contact with her ex will PREVENT you becoming committed to her in an exclusive relationship.
SO you place the the onus back on her to lose this dude or risk losing you as a B/f.

I wish I had counseled myself back in 2006 ! Ha !

Actually Jophill, he send her an email "like nothing has happened", she left a voicemail saying how she responded back saying she wants nothing to dow ith him

anyway I'm over it, I think my problem like VOn's been saying is lack of "plates", but right now I could give a fuccless, I rather go to the gym work out and get shin plates, then run around the bar chasing tail........and yes I'm being serious

Thanks all for the advice, apperciate it...

Sometimes it's hard to think critically when feelings is involved or your dicck....

 

[jophil28]

Actually Jophill, he send her an email "like nothing has happened", she left a voicemail saying how she responded back saying she wants nothing to dow ith him

anyway I'm over it, I think my problem like VOn's been saying is lack of "plates", but right now I could give a fuccless, I rather go to the gym work out and get shin plates, then run around the bar chasing tail........and yes I'm being serious

Thanks all for the advice, apperciate it...

Sometimes it's hard to think critically when feelings is involved or your dicck....

Yep, way to go. However you still need to decide whether she is on your team, on the bench or taking a walk.
She WILL be back.

 

[squirrels]

Don't create problems in your life, and don't deal with people who create problems in theirs.

 

[sodbuster]

IF a woman isn't smart enough to recognize what you are, she isn't smart enough to be the mother of your children.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

IF a woman isn't smart enough to recognize what you are, she isn't smart enough to be the mother of your children.

Awesome! Can I use that on my signature? Well, I am using it. Well said.

 

[jophil28]

And that is exactly what these girls become. If you entertain the option of this triangle, she will at some point "have coffee" with the ex to "put things in the past", or to have "closure", or pick whatever phrase that is best accepted by the latest AFC standards.

Your value in her eyes will drop like a stone.

Yes, indeed your value will drop like a stone right after her she drops her panties while she is out with her ex seeking "closure"..

 

[Jitterbug]

I almost had this exact conversation with a chick I've been seeing last week. I told her to give him a call, ask him how he's going, which she could barely hide her excitement about. Then I got up to get myself a drink (we were out at a bar) and chatted up another girl. I NEXTed her on the spot, just like I did with 3 others before her. I don't want to be the Rebound Guy, although banging 3 out of 4 as Rebound Guy ain't too shabby! 8)

A girl who's still having serious emotional hang-ups with an ex is unworthy even as a casual (let alone a serious relationship). To me, she's not fun to be around.

I didn't bother asking how it concerns me. Those chicks made it clear that I was placed far lower on their ladder, emotionally, than those guys, even though I was at the time the guy fvcking them. Why should I give a sh!t?

 

[jophil28]

I NEXTed her on the spot, just like I did with 3 others before her. I don't want to be the Rebound Guy, although banging 3 out of 4 as Rebound Guy ain't too shabby! 8)

From the words of someone from some old movie," The screwing I'm getting is not worth the screwing I'm getting."

Jitter, sometimes it is like looking for a diamond in a dogpile.