Retention

[anonymous12345]

It’s often focused on bagging fast. However I currently have a challenge with retention: The girls after one or two lays ghosts, despite suggestions from me of meeting up for non-sex activities.

The great cold approacher and seducer Pancakemouse writes:

I treat Game as a true “Game”. I’m in this way more for the fun and self-development than for the sex and true enjoyment of women. I find it hard to authentically connect with women (e.g. little retention, never had a crush on a girl in school, never been in a relationship). This perceived inauthenticity hinders my results with comfort girls and hurts my retention with most women, even when they are just looking for sex.

With good game you can essentially land girls quick(er), but then comes the problem of retention.

Some girls have said to me in IRL and in TV shows about delaying sex to “lengthening the arc” — to get a longer relationship. There might be a point to that. Might. On the other hand I confirm Iron Rule of Tomassi #3:

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

Here are my tips for better retention:

• Aftercare
• Be attractive to her
• Be great in bed
• Well, have chemistry
• Build comfort so she doesn’t get “slut guilt”. This can misfire, you’re pampering like a puppy.

Feel free to chip in. I’m especially curious on good follow ups.

 

[Solomon]

OP the list at the bottom is fantastic. Do fun activities especially since currently as I'm typing this it's summertime, yes it's great to have cuddle nights and watch old Marvel movies but women get bored fast especially hot women(women have the attention span of cats lol). Let me be clear it's not your job to entertain her but there is nothing wrong with having fun. In the past 2 months (since summer started), I have done these activities with a plate(s)

• Gone Ax Throwing
• Gone bowling (with 3 different women)
• Watched a couple of movies at the theatre
• Go to a decent restaurant
• Go to the art gallery

These activities are very economical. I remember when I was younger a woman would be damn near clingy to you if she liked you and would turn needy if she had sex with you. These days you can meet a woman on an app and a few hours later she could be in your bed. Hookup culture has made it easy for SOME women to act on their carnal desires however do you think a woman who comes in your house to smash within a couple of hours would be great GF material? I treat them the way I would treat meeting a girl at a club/bar who decided to come home with you.

I would say Communication is the greatest, if you're able to banter with a woman or flirt it makes it easier, everyone is different but for me I find that communication in fun, bantering ways work. Sometimes you can meet a hot woman in the communication can feel forced or off. It may not even be your fault. I've noticed that communication depends also on the effort both sides are willing to give a lot of women now a days are talking to so many different men (especially on swipe apps) that something with potential can easily fizzle out remember it's not always your fault

Being great in Bed is also important personally for me, I prefer to have an emotional connection, having sex just to have sex can be fun but afterwards than what? I enjoy elements of the hunt and not going to lie I lose interest in the change. I think the key to retention is if the woman likes you more than you like her however if she likes you more eventually she will want to progress to the next level (girlfriend) that's not a bad thing just make sure yall on the same page

 

[Clockwerk50]

If you are having issues with retention, some of the things below might be happening:

• If you treat them as plates they will eventually will break.
• Another guy came into the picture.
• You still have to be in your A game. You became too needy/boring/doormat/stingy/emotional/clingy/talked to much/suffocating.
• She doesn't buy what you are selling and she might think your future is bleak

 

[BackInTheGame78]

They don't enjoy the sex

 

[Solomon]

They don't enjoy the sex

This isn't talked about enough, but man when you really put it down on a woman watch how some of them become smitten with you, for guys who wonder why women stay in bad relationships or deal with a bad boy is cause that bad boy is tearing it out the frame in the bedroom lol

 

[parabellum]

It’s often focused on bagging fast. However I currently have a challenge with retention: The girls after one or two lays ghosts, despite suggestions from me of meeting up for non-sex activities.

The great cold approacher and seducer Pancakemouse writes:



With good game you can essentially land girls quick(er), but then comes the problem of retention.

Some girls have said to me in IRL and in TV shows about delaying sex to “lengthening the arc” — to get a longer relationship. There might be a point to that. Might. On the other hand I confirm Iron Rule of Tomassi #3:



Here are my tips for better retention:

• Aftercare
• Be attractive to her
• Be great in bed
• Well, have chemistry
• Build comfort so she doesn’t get “slut guilt”. This can misfire, you’re pampering like a puppy.

Feel free to chip in. I’m especially curious on good follow ups.

How short of a time are we talking here?

edit: sorry, you have said one or two lays.

you might be caring to much?

She should be the one thinking about bagging you and not viceversa. Nothing really should change in the way you operate just because you had sex once or two times. My two cents.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I am currently facing the same issue as well.

I can secure the lay quite fast but usually after 1 or 2 lays, they eventually vanish.

If you are having issues with retention, some of the things below might be happening:

• If you treat them as plates they will eventually will break.

This raises an interesting point.

I personally don't believe in leading the plates that I am not eyeing for a LTR with on; so I try to keep things casual. In other words, I don't do BF & GF stuff (such as deep connection dating, etc.) that they would be confused that I am moving into the territory of LTR. I think it is more troublesome to create these expectations in women and scorning them if you don't want the same things. (Even though they may get scorned by their own expectations any way).

I suspect this is why a lot of my plates break. They probably end up feeling some form of ASD from our lays and perhaps they want a LTR and feel I cannot/do not provide it to them or just feel I am a player, so they back off.

It is not that I am incapable of LTR but I feel LTR has to be earned and the criteria is quite high. To really give exclusivity to a girl, they have to be very special but most girls want exclusivity outright and impatiently. I always felt there is an imbalance of gender dynamics here; men rush to have sex; women rush to have the relationship. Like a thread I started recently, I feel like the objectives are so different and pulling at polar opposites. See my thread here: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-conflicting-intentions-of-men-women.282315/

My point is: I do think if you "gave in" and did more LTR/relational stuff (walks at the park, watching movies, cooking dinners) you could definitely retain them for longer but it creates a false expectation in them as well if that is not something you are looking for. And I found even if you think these things are platonic, girls have a weird way of interpreting things.

Ultimately, I have the same issue, I do not know how to retain plates that I just want to see as plates. It seems to me that plates inevitably break. Since I've joined SS until now, all the plates I've met have inevitably broken at some point. The ones that outlast the rest have been girls that I have had a more serious/exclusive thing with over the years.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Still don't completely understand the psychology behind it but for some reason women on the whole respond better to negative emotional spikes compared to positive ones

There seems to be very very little upside to giving her princess / priority treatment because all that happens is she raises the bar higher and higher until nothing you do is good enough and this is how men end up being cucked

it only ever works out if you are a higher SMV than her and it needs to be by a good 2 points which is kind of defeating the objective

Conversely if you already have a few women on the scene your automatically not as attentive to her she picks up on this and starts working harder to please you and seems to set her own needs aside

This actually seems to make them calmer and more satisfied with you

Women really really do not like being the sole priority in a mans life

 

[BaronOfHair]

There seems to be very very little upside to giving her princess / priority treatment because all that happens is she raises the bar higher and higher until nothing you do is good enough and this is how men end up being cucked

 

[Bokanovsky]

It’s often focused on bagging fast. However I currently have a challenge with retention: The girls after one or two lays ghosts, despite suggestions from me of meeting up for non-sex activities.

The great cold approacher and seducer Pancakemouse writes:



With good game you can essentially land girls quick(er), but then comes the problem of retention.

Some girls have said to me in IRL and in TV shows about delaying sex to “lengthening the arc” — to get a longer relationship. There might be a point to that. Might. On the other hand I confirm Iron Rule of Tomassi #3:



Here are my tips for better retention:

• Aftercare
• Be attractive to her
• Be great in bed
• Well, have chemistry
• Build comfort so she doesn’t get “slut guilt”. This can misfire, you’re pampering like a puppy.

Feel free to chip in. I’m especially curious on good follow ups.

When you say "retention", what kind of time frame are you talking about? Short, medium or long-term?

1. Assuming that there is a strong initial attraction, short-term retention (0-3 months) is pretty easy. Assuming that sex is not terrible and you don't do anything extremely stupid, you're good.

2. Medium-term retention (3-12 months) is mostly a product of compatibility and ability to compromise. If you personalities are not compatible, you will rarely make it past the 12 month mark.

3. Long-term retention involves shared goals and willingness to work toward them (usually that means starting a family).

 

[anonymous12345]

When you say "retention", what kind of time frame are you talking about? Short, medium or long-term?

"Longer", which means longer than 2-3 lays. If the sex is acceptable, I would say until you hit the "we're not a match for an LTR and that's the only thing I want now."

 

[anonymous12345]

it only ever works out if you are a higher SMV than her and it needs to be by a good 2 points which is kind of defeating the objective

Confirmed. I've matched with two on Tinder this year and they're both obese. I get often complimented on my looks by peers, lift 3 times a week, got pro photos, amongst other from a film festival and social dancing. That's Tinder for me. Conclusively 1) hypergamy is real; and 2) I'm not (that) attractive. I'm short, 170 cm/5'7", and got poor hair despite Statham-cut. I'm also old.

Average girls don't get near me generally. I got a US girl who stops by Sweden to pretty much sleep with me/date, but it is indeed the 2 points difference: she's fat. But the hypergamy works. Beyond looks she's good, a low exposure girl, submitting and feminine.

Fatties are not my preference, and matching and trying to hold convo with them is literally pain. I force myself, "maybe one can learn something."

So why do it?

What do instead?

It is a really good question. Of course one can hit the gym to levitate the pain, but with what purpose if it only gives these grumpy fatties? It is a kind of MGTOW-ish reasoning. I find it just as justifiable to "hit the opium pipe"/vape, as a compliment. Why be strong, that's the question.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Confirmed. I've matched with two on Tinder this year and they're both obese. I get often complimented on my looks by peers, lift 3 times a week, got pro photos, amongst other from a film festival and social dancing. That's Tinder for me. Conclusively 1) hypergamy is real; and 2) I'm not (that) attractive. I'm short, 170 cm/5'7", and got poor hair despite Statham-cut. I'm also old.

Average girls don't get near me generally. I got a US girl who stops by Sweden to pretty much sleep with me/date, but it is indeed the 2 points difference: she's fat. But the hypergamy works. Beyond looks she's good, a low exposure girl, submitting and feminine.

Fatties are not my preference, and matching and trying to hold convo with them is literally pain. I force myself, "maybe one can learn something."

So why do it?

What do instead?

It is a really good question. Of course one can hit the gym to levitate the pain, but with what purpose if it only gives these grumpy fatties? It is a kind of MGTOW-ish reasoning. I find it just as justifiable to "hit the opium pipe"/vape, as a compliment. Why be strong, that's the question.

You sound totally defeated so theres you first problem

Women are mirrors they reflect back at you what you see in yourself

Put the swipe apps and social media rhetoric aside...... it's not THAT BAD out there ....

The biggest issue is finding somewhere where theres a constant volume of women you can interact with

Good news it society is starting to figure that life on the internet isn't all it cracked up to be and more IRL events are starting to form

Theres 3 singles events on in my city tonight catering to a range of ages , ALL of them are sold out for both male and female tickets

Run clubs are blowing up , games nights

Throw yourself into all of these eventually by law of averages you'll meet women you like and whom like you