Responding to playful insults?

[MoreThanSmooth]

I'd say my verbal game and capacity to kid about and have fun is pretty top notch when I'm comfortable with a girl.

I get on really well with intelligent, feisty girls who like to give as good as they get when chatting s**t. I find it's a real turn on when a woman's got some zinging comebacks for my silly banter, sometimes when you have verbal back and forth with a girl it builds this incredible sexual tension you can almost feel in the air between the two of you.

However, with direct insults (which are like mini s**t-tests, I guess), I'm not so good at coming back with something funny, playful or clever. Usually because I'm worried I'll be too harsh and cause real offence.

Example: I've had a few girls thump me on the chest and say something like "Tsk, you big idiot!" or text me a response to a joke aimed at them with something like "You b*tch!"

What do you normally respond with in that situation? Because simply responding with a direct playful insult can be far too offensive and kill the mood, but at the same time if you just ignore it you just come across as insanely boring.

 

[guru1000]

I'd say my verbal game and capacity to kid about and have fun is pretty top notch when I'm comfortable with a girl.

I get on really well with intelligent, feisty girls who like to give as good as they get when chatting s**t. I find it's a real turn on when a woman's got some zinging comebacks for my silly banter, sometimes when you have verbal back and forth with a girl it builds this incredible sexual tension you can almost feel in the air between the two of you.

However, with direct insults (which are like mini s**t-tests, I guess), I'm not so good at coming back with something funny, playful or clever. Usually because I'm worried I'll be too harsh and cause real offence.

Example: I've had a few girls thump me on the chest and say something like "Tsk, you big idiot!" or text me a response to a joke aimed at them with something like "You b*tch!"

What do you normally respond with in that situation? Because simply responding with a direct playful insult can be far too offensive and kill the mood, but at the same time if you just ignore it you just come across as insanely boring.

I don't take kind to playful insults, nor do I further enable by "playing along."

Whether it may be immaturity, unfitting wit, or their personality, that type of girl doesn't get my time.

I expect class and respect. Staying on the right side of the bifurcated line between fun and impropriety is what class and respect direct. Have fun, yes, but know whom you are talking to.

 

[sazc]

I don't take kind to playful insults, nor do I further enable by "playing along."

Whether it may be immaturity, unfitting wit, or their personality, that type of girl doesn't get my time.

I expect class and respect. Staying on the right side of the bifurcated line between fun and impropriety is what class and respect direct. Have fun, yes, but know whom you are talking to.

I'll add to this. My experience in life has taught me that, people who even playfully tease hold a level of disrespect for you. That's never a good dynamic between two people, even if it's just plates.

Further, as you mentioned murk, at some point, someone IS going to cross a line with the other person. They may mean it as a playful insult, but the other person gets offended. Then what? Its simply not a good dynamic, IMO. As guru said, respect is the only way to go.

Beware.

 

[Serenity]

I'll add to this. My experience in life has taught me that, people who even playfully tease hold a level of disrespect for you. That's never a good dynamic between two people, even if it's just plates.

Further, as you mentioned murk, at some point, someone IS going to cross a line with the other person. They may mean it as a playful insult, but the other person gets offended. Then what? Its simply not a good dynamic, IMO. As guru said, respect is the only way to go.

Beware.

I disagree, playful teasing holds a bit of truth, but at the same time shows acceptance of it. Like I tease my girlfriend, I know there's some truth to it and she knows there's some truth to it, we both accept the truth with a light heart.

We may have crossed some lines, but none of us mean any harm. We both know this, it's not a problem. There's no "then what?" for me, there's no uncomfortable tension building. What's the big deal? We're humans, sometimes we take things too far to test the boundaries. At least then we know the lines we should respect with that individual.

I cannot find any way to respect a person more than that. Lines must be crossed in order to know where they are and to know what to respect.

Respect isn't a universal rule, it's individual. We should not fear crossing boundaries, we should learn where they are by testing them.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I'll add to this. My experience in life has taught me that, people who even playfully tease hold a level of disrespect for you. That's never a good dynamic between two people, even if it's just plates.

Further, as you mentioned murk, at some point, someone IS going to cross a line with the other person. They may mean it as a playful insult, but the other person gets offended. Then what? Its simply not a good dynamic, IMO. As guru said, respect is the only way to go.

Beware.

You've said several smart comments to me since I've been on this forum.

Please tell me why you have a level of disrespect for me. Let's take an attempt to pry into the delusional hamster brain as if it is actually a functioning organ.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

but know whom you are talking to.

And who are you exactly?

 

[sosousage]

i think some girls are more into teasing-flirting (i find it annoying) than other.i probably tease other girls on my own without realising it but i do it on smaller level

 

[guru1000]

And who are you exactly?

I’m Guru1000.

 

[guru1000]

Unless MoreThanSmooth and Murk are the same individual, you have unwittingly displayed what can be considered "a level of disrespect" by not showing enough care to correctly address the person you are talking to. Should MoreThanSmooth withdraw his attention and disregard your advice entirely due to this level of disrespect and the bad dynamic it creates?

I'm teasing, of course. But my response can be seen as a good example of idealism overriding realism. Obviously it was unintentional. Surely you did not set out with an intent to disrespect MoreThanSmooth. Ideally, you should be held accountable. Zero tolerance policy!!! But realistically, no one up to this point had even commented on it, or noticed for that matter, let alone made an issue of it to such an extent that the value of your entire post should be rendered disrespectful and unworthy of consideration.

Now obviously, if you were sleeping with MoreThanSmooth and cried out Murk during sex, this conversation would be completely different and I don't believe any of us would disagree with the consensus opinion.

My point being, we all apply the same standards to differing degrees as we see fit for ourselves and the situations we are in, the things we like, the things we care or don't care about and to what degree and so on.

By some standards, you would not be listened to again for such disrespect. Others might handle it differently....

 

[sazc]

I remember being younger and being "playfully insulting"

Lol, it's such a modeled behavior. Most people don't realize this. They think because that's their familial norm, that's what all people do. Or ot could be a method of reducing anxiety, or method of feeling in control of the relationship dynamic (having the upper hand, even if only for a moment). These beliefs couldn't be more erroneous.

I saw sarcasm as I was growing up. I thought that's what you did when you cared about people, you playfully teased then. I also saw tears because if the playful sarcasm. And then I saw dismissing the other person's feelings, and invalidating them as being weak because they "couldn't take it". Sounds like bullying, eh?

Then I got into the real world and dealt with people who didn't grow up in my house. Some of these people feel disrespected by my ''playful teasing". Some of these people actually labeled me in a derogatory manner for being so cold and uncaring as to tease them.

I was floored until I realized that people have different experiences and expectations than what I was modeled by my family and, in order to demonstrate respect, and communicate that I was a safe person, I needed to take care with my words. Knowing this has served me well.

 

[guru1000]

Men, demand to be treated by all and by life in any manner that YOU deem fit. Too many or too little boundaries are entirely subjective.

Just know that those with fewer boundaries and fewer demands are more tolerant of certain behaviors which could be misconstrued as a “lower price tag.” And outside observers will treat you accordingly as well.

When in doubt, ask yourself, “would my best self be accepting of such behavior.”

 

[Trump]

Example: I've had a few girls thump me on the chest and say something like "Tsk, you big idiot!" or text me a response to a joke aimed at them with something like "You b*tch!"

What do you normally respond with in that situation?

I wouldn’t accept it. Call your brother an idiot. Call your friend idiot. Call your employer an idiot. Don’t call me names. I expect respect.

You can’t waste time with playful insults. You are not teenagers anymore. She has to treat you like a King, a man authority, someone of higher class. If she doesn’t, next.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I have always found that "banter", as it's sometimes called, is pretty much a male-to-male thing. You can trigger off a woman at the drop of a hat with that.

However, playful teasing is always a good idea. The difference is that teasing is more sporadic and softened up a bit for the female nature.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Unless MoreThanSmooth and Murk are the same individual, you have unwittingly displayed what can be considered "a level of disrespect" by not showing enough care to correctly address the person you are talking to. Should MoreThanSmooth withdraw his attention and disregard your advice entirely due to this level of disrespect and the bad dynamic it creates?

Well, I think I speak for reason and logic when I say that the only way we can settle this like men is katanas drawn in anger at dawn. The real Murkserious can be the referee

I'm with Amante on this one personally. Okay, yeah, there's an aspect of power struggle in any relationship and you need to have a strong frame that you maintain to command respect.

But that doesn't mean you have to be a humourless tyrant who never flinches and walks around like The Terminator.

Having a joke with a girl or bantering back and forth doesn't mean that within a couple of weeks she's going to be cheating on you and pegging you. It's just a bit of fun and it can be really rewarding.

Some of the sexiest flirting I've had is when a girl's been joking around and winding me up and I've said something back like "If you keep up this feisty attitude, I'm going to have to *insert filthy innuendo here*".

It also genuinely makes me feel fantastic when a girl makes a joke that literally makes me laugh out loud. My ex was very attractive to me sexually, but actually the one thing I miss the most about her was her ability to make me laugh pretty much any time we talked. That, for me, is one of the best bits of any relationship (whether she is a "main" gf or a plate or whatever).